


Privilege of the broken ones

by vendettafrank



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Ferard, Frerard, M/M, MCR, Romance, my chemical romance - Freeform, mychemical romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-05-12 11:11:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 99,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5664022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vendettafrank/pseuds/vendettafrank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Photographs are for people who lose their memories. I for sure didn't lose them, but that doesn't mean that i don't like them." </p>
<p>Frank Iero is a seventeen year old who sturggles through life and is sent to group therapy by his homophobic religious parents. Frank meets a mysterious boy who will bring colours to his life again. The question now is: Will the world let them make colours together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking silence

"All things end."

This was not a pessimistic point of view. This is just how things worked in the world. Everybody else who denied the existence of death were wrong. Realism was taken for pesimism.

Frank liked to live his life in a certain way,where he didn't even wanted to live.

His name is Frank Iero. He is seventeen years old. He lives in a shitty town and he lives with a shitty family. His life consists of waiting certain events that will make him slightly happy and even those things don't make him happy anymore.

He was born in a catholic family and he was being raised in a catholic family. Wait, wrong. He still is being raised in a catholic family. He doesn't even want to talk about the Iero family. They are just a bunch of hateful people who like to bang their head into the altar every Sunday,and after going to church they like to gossip everyone around them. Yes i know,very christian of them.

Now,Frank waited to get out. He was surronded by white chairs and moisty white walls. It's early in the morning and Frank is sitting in his black jeans and a white shirt. Needless to say,Frank doesn't belong here or at least that's what he thought.

The door opened and a voice called out for Frank.

"Mister Iero?" The voice was strong and belonged to a tall female in a white sweater and black trousers.

She invited him inside.  
They sat down and the first thing she asked was the question Frank hoped she was going to avoid.

"How are we feeling today,Mister Iero?"

The question was a cliché itself and if Frank hated something that was on his top ten. Just some things were too mainstream for Frank and he fucking hated it.

Her name was Marlyn Jackson and she was a doctor. Well,not a doctor actually. She was a psychiatrist and Frank was damned to be there every single friday.

Frank's dearest parents sent him there because they wondered what was wrong with him.

They didn't know half of it. They thought that religion wasn't an answer for him so they decided to send Frank here and hopefully after Frank became his "old self" he would return being a polite christian just like them. Frank's refusing didn't help much though. It actually made it worse.

They were really stubborn when it came to bringing their son to the right path. They needed to make sure Frank got to heaven,because goddammit,if their lives sucked when they were alive,they needed to live their eternity peacefully.

Frank called bullshit on that.

Frank didn't know how to respond to that question so he just murmured a quiet 'okay',he started to touch his short hair,pulling a few strands together out of anxiety. She didn't give two fucks about him.

The room was so sterile,if Frank wanted to describe depression with sterile colors that would be it.

The room was big,too big for just one person. You could bring a whole dance crew and they could make back flips without any trouble.

The materials that were around were expensive and Frank figured that she had enough money to cover all her expenses.

The frickin walls were covered with children drawings and it scared the living shit out of him because they looked like a horror movie only on a drawing. There was supposed to be a human being on a drawing but it turned out to be a godzilla,clown from It and the twins from The Shining all together.

Holy shit.

"So,Frank. Can i call you Frank? Would you tell me the reason why you are here?"She told that question with such tiredness in her voice.

Frank knew that she was tired of advising stupid little children on how to lead their miserable lives. And besides she knew why he was here,his parents must of had told her.

Frank tried to gather all the courage he had to respond to this stupid ass question. He started to gather his thoughts before he could speak while he was scanning the room,hoping to find an easy escape.

"Well" Frank's voices shaked. "My mum and dad sent me here because i am having certain issues. I mean,at least to them."

She shot me with a 'I am a doctor,you don't know shit' look.

"Listen,Frank you don't need to say anything you don't want to. A lot of people take their time to tell their stories,but remember i am here to help."

No.Wrong,your job is to help other people. Frank thought if he had to listen more of this bullshit he would most certanly throw up.

With an exasperated sigh she said:  
"The best thing at your age is to go to a group therapy"

Great.

"Listening to people your age is a great way to recovery" she continued.

This was exactly what Frank needed. More kids who are going to talk about their shit ass problems and how their life sucks and how everything blows because the love of their life abandoned them with a text message.

His personal opinion on love in teenage years was probably different then from what others thought. Frank doesn't believe in love.

She was looking him in the eyes with a look that he couldn't hold on to because he couldn't look people in the eyes,especially when Frank was in a situation as awkward as this one was.

She gathered her things on her table. There was a pile of files with patients records. The patient record held their personal info,their birth date,full name and probably a percantage of how fucked they were. Franks was right there in front of her,the record of how fucked up he was,still wasn't filled with anything.

Frank guessed that that will be filled during group therapy. He only thought about how they are not going to get much of him. If he doesn't speak much maybe they will just forget about him.

She wasn't going to bother herself with him anymore. She said the day of group therapy and the time. Frank had to come there even on Saturdays. That means he had to come there tommorow.

Shit.

After she practicly kicked Frank out of her office, he started to walk down the hall which sickened Frank because everything was so white and clean.

It was something that he didn't consider normal. Everything was unclean. People always wanted to make everything clean. People always had a desire to make everything symetrical and pure,something without mistake.

Nothing about Frank was clean,not his body,not his skin.

He had trouble but he was never going to address them. Considering all the shitty stuff happening in the world he considered himself kinda lucky. He had clothes and he had a roof above his head. Even though his head was clouded and it was constantly raining.

Sometimes he didn't even know what was wrong and how he has gotten himself in this situation.

His cloud of thoughts were dispersed by a thing that didn't belong in that long hall.

It was a boy sitting on that goddamn white chair just like Frank had only an hour ago. His legs were long and spread out on the hallway. His hair was black and messy and he was wearing a long black coat which was weird because it was spring and Frank was wearing only a light jacket.

He was skinny. Not in a healthy way,he was skinny in a "i was deadly sick and almost died,but i am fine now" way.

His head tilted in Franks way when he tried to jump over his long legs. He didn't even move. Frank couldn't coprehend if this was amusing to him.

Frank was pissed but Frank understood. He wasn't happy where he was but a bit of politness wouldn't hurt him.

Frank was shooting him with almost a death glare when he suddently interrupted with his "i just woke up " voice.

"Nice to meet you,Frank." He cocked his eyebrow like he was asking Frank a question,even though he wasn't.

Frank gasped a bit and his mouth made a weird unrecognizable sound. Not only that Frank was terrified,he was also in a situation where he didn't know anything about this boy. He was terrified and that was the understatemnt of the year.

His fear was bigger than he expected which was weird because this kinda stuff happened around grown-up people and not even this much.

The clouds were getting more grey with every second Frank stood there.

He was looking at Frank with his dialated pupils,which caused his heart to beat faster then it was allowed to.

Franks hands started to tremble and he had no fricking control of his body. He was avoiding his stare for as long as he could.

They were looking at each other for what seemed like centuries,until he broke the silence.

"By the way,my name is Gerard."


	2. Troubled thoughts

Rain started to fall and the raindrops were the only sound around Frank. The boy, Gerard was looking at him with his dark eyes expecting an answer or at least a comment on what he just said.

Franks mind was jumping to conclusions. Raindrops started to fall harder on the window which made Frank realize he wasn't breathing properly. Something about this boy wasn't normal. Fuck it, Frank wasn't normal,he was just disturbing to look at. His voice once again woke Frank up from his coma induced state.

"Cat got your tongue?" He was already smirking at Frank.

"What?" Frank said. His thoughts were like a rollercoster. He thought he was going to throw up.

"I said..." He started to repeat.

"I know what you said." Frank responded quickly.

His mind was clouding with dark clouds and fog. He wasn't in advantage here. His anxiety was starting to grow. It didn't take long. Frank couldn't talk to people on a normal basis.

Words that usually came out of his mouth were answers like "Yes,no,maybe,i don't know,i don't care,okay,whatever." Anxiety wasn't his only problem. He had tons of other. And yet again he interuppted Franks thoughts.

"Wow,i never thought i would have this kind of impression on another person."

He said it with such cockiness. Frank couldn't believe it. He didn't look like an arrogant person. But,Frank has been wrong about so many other things before, he thought he could easily be wrong about this one too.

"How do you know my name?" Frank asked like a scared kitten. He was ashamed how his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence and how weak he sounded. He started to shift from his right to his left foot.

His eyes locked with Franks and he slighly nodded like he was having his own monologue inside his head where he was deciding what to say.

"I bet this was the first time someone asked you something just because they could."

What? What was that supposed to mean? Was this guy on some drugs?

Frank had his mouth open a little the whole time. He thought going to a asylum was too much for him, but this just crossed the line.

He hasn't had any answer so he decided to run away. Frank looked him straight in the eye and just said

"Charming aren't you?"

Frank saw it took the mysterious boy by suprise. He was happy because of that and still a little anxious while he was getting in the elevator.

The elevator door were closing and Frank saw his head clearly know. The light was directly shining his eyes. There was something confusing about them. Just about when the door were completely closed,he turned to Frank and made a little smirk out of his face.

The way home was horrible,not only that Frank was surrounded with a bunch of people who smelled like they came from the sewer but the bus was literally falling in every hole there was in the ground.

But that wasn't as much as worrying as his mind was. Somewhere between thinking about Gerard (or whatever his real name was) and what the hell did he want, Frank was worried about what shit he is going to lie to his parents about todays session with Miss Jackson. He could say these five things.

1\. The session was great,she is lovely. I am cured and ready to have a wife and kids and to live miserably till the rest or my life just like you.

2\. I am ready to live my life cured but i am gonna need more time.

3\. I killed Miss Jackson. I AM A MURDERER,YOUR WORRYING IS JUSTIFIED.

4\. I need to go to group terapy.

5\. I met a boy who confused me and i practically ran away,the session sucked balls and i want to kill you for making me go there.

Number three would be dramatic he admited. Frank decided that number four was the only acceptable one.

Frank lived in a street where everyone had a dog. That was probably the only good thing about his neibourghood. .

He crawled his way back to his house. The house he lived in was old and his dear parents haven't painted the walls for a long time now.

They lived in a place where every single house looked better than theirs. That was probably because they had money and Franks family didn't.

He unlocked the doors and went in. There was only silence. Frank adored silence but at this moment with his troubled thoughts he was feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Nobody was at home. His parents probably went somewhere without telling him or atleast warning him about it.

Typical.

It was getting dark outiside and Frank wasn't felling okay. Frank made his way to the bed. The sheets were clean and smelled like flowers.

He remembered that he changed them just a day ago. The smell of flowers suddently woke Frank up completely. He smelled like flowers. Gerard smelled like flowers. Frank caught himself thinking about the strange boy.

It was getting late and Frank fell asleep with a picture of a strange dark-haired boy in his mind.


	3. Therapy

Frank woke up with a slight headache. His room was dark just like on a cold winter day. He crawled out of his bed,his feet touching the cold wooden floor.

As he was waking up his mind was clearing and remembering everything that happened yesterday. Flashbacks of the boy who almost caused a relapse of his,sterile walls of a nut house he had to go to.

Frank put on some clothes. It was not unusual for Frank to take black jeans even though he wasn't going anywhere. (It was an unwritten rule of his family,they didn't wear clothes for school or work at home.)

Frank was scanning his wardrobe for a black t-shirt. He was feeling like wearing everything black today. Frank's mother would get especially mad at him when he wore all black. She said that people will think that he's depressed or something.

Well,they weren't far from it. Frank didn't want to diagnose himself because then he would have to admit that he's not sane. That was not an option. Never was and never will.

Frank opened his window and let the sun go into the room. Fresh air was starting to fill the stale air that gathered throughout the night.

The sun would peek its nose every once in a while. The clouds were still present, probably the aftermath of yesterday. Frank went downstairs to grab something to eat and to run away from his house.

Frank's mother was standing in the kitchen making her coffee. She glanced at Frank when he made a sound with his jeans going against each other.

Dark circles were visible under her eyes. Frank didn't know the reason,but it's been like that for weeks now. Probably one of the reason was him.

He knew she thought he was a disappointmant. She finally realized that when he started going to elementary school.

Frank wasn't good at school,his concertation was on a level of a gold fish,sports and him were two different subjects. People around him showed no interest in Frank and he didn't show any interest in them.

He had a friend though,her name was Joanna. When they were younger they used to play around.

A lot of boys his age called him a faggot for playing with a girl. They only did that because they were jelaous because Frank actually hanged out with someone who didn't have a frickin dick.

Joanna started to back away from him when they got into high school. Frank thought that she was ashamed of him and she started to get different every day. She was growing up. It was known that girls were more serious than boys at that age.

She spoke to Frankie,as she liked to call him,only when she needed something and when she needed something,it were the most bizarre things.

She once asked Frank how do guys know where to put it when people have sex.

Frank was only eleven years old back then. He didn't even know what she meant by putting something somewhere. He thought her hormones were a little bit out of hand.

After he didn't know what to answer she just left,dissapointed in her guy friend who knew less about those things then her.

Soon after she realized Frank was for no good,she kinda stopped talking to him. She would come back every once in a while to talk about meningless things,but that was about it.

Still,she had a habit of saying that she is Franks friend. He doesn't know why. He thinks she just liked the feeling of having some power over someone,she wasn't just letting Frank go. She was keeping him like a spare player on a bench in that stupid sport called football.

He was just a spare,so if she decided to abandon her stupid friends,she would just jump back to Frank. It wouldn't be the first time she would that. She has already done that before.

But this time he was ready. He was not going to let her control him,not this time. Frank needed to stop thinking about that stupid bitch.

His mother offered him coffee,but she knew Frank didn't drink it. Frank refused politely because that was the only way of getting his mom off of his back.

She was really stubborn about getting Frank into an addiction. Coffee in a way was a drug. It made you more awake. Frank sat down and glanced around to see if Satan was there.

Frank was reffering to his father. He had a temper especially in the morning. Sometimes it only took a wrong expression on your face. Frank wouldn't call him abusive but it was still there. It would break his surface every once in awhile.

Frank ate his peabut butter and jelly as fast as he could. He tried to avoid every question she asked. Moments before his leaving she asked Frank where was he going. He thought that he shound lie where he was going but there was no reason for that.

"I am going to group therapy. The doc said it was the best way to get throught this."

She smiled with a sigh. She came close to Frank and wrapped her arms around him and touched his shoulder with care. She then whispered:

"That's great,sweetie. Never forget that what ever you need i am here to help."

Frank was getting sick and tired of people giving him their "support". It was fake and they didn't even try to hide it.

Frank rushed to get ready for group therapy. The group therapy was in two hours. He woke up way earlier.

Shit.

He sweared to much in the course of this year. Swearing wasn't a sin to Frank if you were swearing yourself for fucking up or when you just said in the air just for the kick of it.

He decided to pack all of his things that he needed for group therapy. He didn't actually need anything.

Miss Jackson hasn't given him any tips for therapy,she just said that he needed to show up. That's all.

Frank made his bed earlier than when he did it normally. He always made his bed in about eight in the afternoon. He didn't know why. It just turned into a habit. Some habits are hard to let go.

Satan just opened the front door. Frank was far enough to hear him stumble. The fucker was drunk.

Lovely.

He probably had an all-night party with his work friends.

What a life!

He decided to have fun because he didn't have that in his young days. Sometimes you got to admire this man's spirit. Old as fuck,but still living the life.

Frank heard him taking off his shoes and collapsing on the floor. Suddently,he felt very afraid. His mother was downstairs. Who knows what he was going to do to her?

Hearing him mumble was a thing that he couldn't stand. When he was extremely drunk,he would become violent.

Violence to his father was just a thing that existed and should be used if you are the "head of the house".

Head of the house,my ass.

He was just a figure that needed fear to survive. Needing fear to survive was pathetic,the only time he felt important was when he caused fear. Unfortunately,he was good at it. That's why he felt important.

Distant banging and slamming was heard from the kitchen. Frank's fear increased with every bang. He was really hoping he was banging his head in a wall,realizing all the shit he's done in his petty little life.

It was not only wrong that Frank needed to walk on his fingers around him. It was also exhausting.

Franks fingers traced along his bedroom wall just to make sure he was still here. He was.

Dammit.

He knew he needed to get down and go,but fear was stronger than him at the moment . He would literally rather jump through his balcony then be forced to see his fathers face and to be asked questions from him.

While he was taking his stuff he was also picking his bravery of the floor.

The moment was coming.

With the first step he took, blood in his veins already froze when he heard his name.

"Frank? Come down,please."

Why was his father talking like he was in a bloody comercial? What the hell? Were there any secret cameras so that his father needed to behave? Or was social security stading in the kitchen checking if Frank was still alive?

Frank was getting pretty good at freezing in place when suddently,yet again a pleasant voice belonging to his father called Frank to come down.

It was disturbing and not fucking normal. Frank got his pansy ass down,practicly shivering from the fear he felt.

Franks father was standing in the middle of the kitchen,his mother next to him with a small smile on her face, on her unharmed face.

Well,this smelled wrong. In every single way. Frank had a feeling they were going to torcher him or more simple just kill him in cold blood.

Jesus Christ,this was not the time to get religious. What came next was probably unexpected. His mother and father were standing there still. Frank's mother spoke first.

"Frankie,we just needed to tell you that we will do anything to help you get better."

Wow. So nice of you,mum.

His dearest daddy nodded his head while his mom was giving Frank a speach of love and happiness.

Frank was holding a chuckle. This was so funny. His dad gave him a talk about how after he get better he could start working for him,after high school,of course.

Education first. Gotta learn shapes and shit. Kill people with the power of the triangle.

Frank needed to get out of the house before he started bursting laughing. Shit,Frank needed to calm down. Ugh,this was taking too long. They finally let him go.

Jesus,it took too long.

He was on his way to therapy. Frank still had an hour and a half before that shit started. He decided to settle in a foggy park near the hospital.

Frank was hoping that the rain wouldn't start but it was highly unlikely because the thick clouds were spreading in all directions.

His bag was filled with papers and pencils and even some fucking crayons,how the hell did crayons end up in here?

Frank started to write about everything that surronded him.

Nobody was in the park and that made Frank sad a bit. When he was a little kid children were constantly in the park making sand castles and girls playing princesses and boys fighting and hurting girls which he never wanted to be a part of.

The sound of distant honking made him go back to the place he was in.

Frank stared at the sky and wished it was night. He also wished it was a night summer sky. Summer night skies were the best to him. There was this part of the summer when commets would fall night after night.

It was beautiful.

The sky that was above his head made him feel numb for days. Melancholy and monotony would descend onto him in these kind of moments.

Frank heard footsteps behind him which made the back of his head shiver with the unknown danger that was approaching.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made Frank jump a little.

Franks head turned and then he saw what he knew will make his heart bleed with enormous pain.

A tall figure was standing above him. Shaggy dark hair. Frickin long ass coat.

Gerard.

A lot of mixed feelings went through Franks head. Gerard was standing there. Frank was about to flip his shit and run because he has already started to firmly belive that this boy is stalking him.

Yet again,that was impossible because who would ever decide to stalk Frank. Frank was not one of those people worth stalking.

But then again,there was Gerard standing above him and very,very near.

Gerard started to get down next to him. On the moisty ground,sitting next to him.

Gerard looked at him with a strange expression on his face.

"Do you ever come to this place or are you just stealing my place?"

What the actual fuck?

"Sorry." Frank already started to get up and leave,picking his stuff up. Picking crayons up.

Oh my god. Fucking crayons. Nice job,Frank.

"I didn't say you need to leave. This property belongs to the state. It's not actually mine. Why don't you seat here with me?"

Frank made a terrified look while Gerard wasn't looking at him. Fuck,Frank didn't know what to do.

"Oh,c'mon Frank. Why not?"

Frank made his way to the floor,waiting him to speak first.

The wind was getting stronger and made the chains on swingsets clang with noises.

"So-" he started speaking. "I couldn't help but to notice that you have crayons over here. Having flashbacks on the beautiful childhood you had?"

Franks cheeks started to grow hotter with every second. Gerard had no right to spit on his decisions and just for the fucking record it was rude.

Frank snapped. "Okay,will you shut the fuck up?"

Gerard just smiled because of Franks outbreak of anger.

"I knew there was something burying inside of you."

Franks wanted to pull his hair out of his head. "First of all,what do you want from me?"

Gerard leaned in closer and Frank decided it was better not to breathe. Gerard looked up and Frank could see his wide eyes that had small wrinkles.

They were fucking beautiful.

"The thing is that i don't really know what i am doing."

For the first time Gerard actually looked like he was hurting. It was visible that he was only better at hiding it.

"Why are you so assertive?" Frank asked him in a low voice.

Gerard made some space between them and looked at his long fingers.

"I think the problem is that i've been silent for far too long. So i like to make an impression."

Great. A guy who likes to stand out because he never got the chance.

Frank just thought about how different they are. Gerard is a person who likes to revenge the things he never had the chance to do before. Frank on the other hand buried his feelings deeper and deeper until he forgot about them.

"How do you do that?" Frank asked in a cracked voice.

"Do what?" Gerard asked while raising his eyebrows at the question.

"How do you make an impression?" Frank asked while touching his sleeves where his wrists should be.

"Well,look at you. You are talking to a complete stranger who you dissed very well in the hospital. I thought i was the only one here who was charming."

Charming.

That's what Frank said to him yesterday. Gerard knew his name. Frank started to sweat because he realized that this could turn into something bad.

Frank started to pick his stuff up with rush which made Gerard stumble upon his words. Frank practicly ran out of the park and crossed the road without looking which almost got him killed by a car. As Frank was getting in the hospital,he could hear distant swearing of the driver and the confused shouts of Gerard the fucking creeper.

Frank ran to group therapy even though he was still thirty minutes early.

Frank's panting started to slow down as he was walking through the halls. He knew that Gerard would show up one day,somewhere.

Honestly,Gerard was creeping Frank out. Gerard compromised Franks safe spot and knew about him.

He knew his name.

If that wasn't a reason to freak out,he didn't know what was.

Frank wandered the white halls. He then saw a group of young teenagers and people in their early tweenties.

Group therapy was held in a big room and just like in those movies,there were chairs that were positioned in a circle.

Another cliché.

Young,fucked up people started to take their chairs. Everybody sitting to someone they know. The room filled with all sorts of people. There were preps,there were junkies,there were people that Frank couldn't even put in a group.

And he didn't even want to. People always put Frank in a certain basket.  
He was marked as the basket case,as the shy kid in class and the failure.

There were two chairs left and he decided to take the one next a blonde kid who was about his age. The dude nodded and continued to wander around,looking at the walls.

Frank tried to play music in his head but at this moment it wasn't possible. Usually,music was playing inside his head all the time. Sometimes the music didn't let him sleep. It was usually song lyrics. But sometimes,just screams.

There was a young woman sitting with a bunch of teenagers. She has a long black coat which made Frank jelaous because it looked frickin awesome. Frank had to squeeze his eyes a bit when he saw she had a name tag. It said Cassie.

Cassie,welcome to the frick house. Today's special are fucked up teenagers. Hope you'll like it.

Cassie was about to start talking when the whole group heard talking outside and then the sound of entering in the room.

Cassie looked suprised and said. " Glad you made it."

There was just a snorting sound behind him,which made Frank realize it was just another cocky teenager.

And then,Frank probably stopped breathing.

Freakin Gerard sat on the chair that's opposite to him. They were looking at each other. Gerard made a concerned look on his face,which made Frank sweat with anxiety.

"Now that we are all here. We can start the group therapy." Cassie said with a small smile.

"There are a few rules before we start. First,that doors that you just entered,they are under a lock."

Great,Prison Break time.

"Second,when you go home or wherever you go,you are not allowed to talk about the things you heard fron the people around you. Third,there is no dating among each other while you are in group therapy. We had a few incidents with that kind of stuff,we are not allowing that to happen again."

Cassie made a satisfying noise when she was done. Cassie's talking totally made Frank forget about the dude that's scaring him to death.

How did he get into group therapy? Was he in group therapy? Why the hell was he following Frank?

There were so many questions that were in Frank's head. The sound of music was replaced with horrible screams.

Cassie started to go around the circle. People were telling their stories and some were crying. Which made Frank even sadder. Group therapy,a place where you should recover and people were crying on other's stories.

Cassie coughed a bit. Frank glanced to see what's going on. The whole group was staring at him. Cassie smiled and said.

"This is Frank's first time at group therapy." The whole group said 'Hi Frank' except Gerard who was looking at him the whole time.

"Now Frank,you can talk about the things that concern you or you can just listen to what other people say until you are comfortable enough to talk about your problems."

This was actually great. That meant that he could just not talk and all wilk be great.

"So, I can skip this one?" Frank asked with his eyebrows frowned.

"Yes,sure." Cassie responded.

They went on with the circle. There were so many people that had huge issues. Two girls and a boy with bulimia and anorexia,four of them with depression,three of them with self-harm issues,five of them with high anxiety issues,two of them with drugs,one of them talked about violence in his family.

There were another one that Frank didn't know what his problems were. Gerard sat there with his legs crossed,looking at Frank constantly. Time came for Gerard to speak.

Cassie made a huge grin when she looked at Gerard. She probably liked him or something. . Maybe he stalked her too.

"Gerard, how are you feeling today,are you going to share something with the group? "

There was a lot of hope in Cassie's eyes. Gerard smirked a bit.

"Well,y'know that i don't like to talk much but there is something i would like to share with the group."

How the hell is this gonna end?

Cassie made a concerned face. " Is it about your drug addiction or something else?"

Drug addiction? Holy shit. Frank thought he was on drugs when they first met. Shit. Now Frank felt guilty. It still didn't excuse Gerard for behaving the way he did.

Frank's thoughts were interrupted with Gerard.

"So,today i ran in this kid."

No,no,no,no and fuck no.

"He was sitting at the spot i usually came. And we started talking,he seemed a little bit anxious. I think i said something wrong because the next thing i saw was the same kid running in full galop away from me. Honestly,i've never seen someone run that fast but yeah,it happened. Now, i want advice how to approach that guy again without freaking him out because i am hundred percent sure he is freaking our right now."

Frank thought he was going to pass out. He started to hold onto his chair because he felt like he was going to collapse on the floor every second.

The blondeheaded dude next to him started to notice Frank slipping out of existence. Frank just nooded his head to show the dude that he was okay.

Everyone in the group was thinking about Gerard's case and how to help him. The fucker was just looking at Frank all the time.

The amount of advices were extremely large. People were trying to actually help. A lot of people asked how the person looked like,but Gerard only rolled his eyes at those comments.

Frank could feel Gerard's look on him the whole time. It was unbereable. He managed to look up and his feeling was right. Gerard was looking at him,but not just into his eyes. He was scanning his whole body which made this moment even more awkward for Frank.

The room went silent. Frank didn't know he was going to speak,he just did,without thinking which was dangerous.

"Maybe that person doesn't trust you."

Everybody looked at Frank with suspicion. These were first actual words that came from Frank.

Everyone just made a noise with agreement and silent mumbling.

Gerard gave Frank a smirk and for the first time looked at the floor. Everyone was suprised. One girl even had her eyes widely open in excitment. Frank guessed that stuff like this didn't happen often in group therapy.

Gerard made eye contact with Frank again,his eyes dark.

"Charming,aren't you?"


	4. The embrace

"Loving shouldn't cause pain."

The therapy continued. There was a lunch break between the sessions. People could really talk a lot when they knew nobody's going to judge them. After Gerard said his last words,the room went dead silent and Cassie laughed nervously and continued talking to other people.

Frank thought about the fact that even Cassie looked a little fucked. Which was impossible because she was supposed to be the one "fixing" them.

Why was everything always about fixing people?

People need to sort out their priorities and figure out how to function on their own.

Frank believed that no one was normal. Every single human being was sick in one way or another.

There are two types of people. The one that understand that they are sick and the ones that don't.

Frank was sitting at the green table which looked like it was going to collapse every second. Huge hospital with a lot of money doesn't want to give a little money to the part of hospital that was specialized in mental illness.

That actually said a lot about people.

People didn't believe that mental illnesses even exist.

The phrase 'It's all just in your head' was a stupid one.

Like you know,mental illnesses were in your head.

Fuckers.

Sometimes people just needed to shut the hell up about the things they didn't know anything about.

Frank was sitting at the table,just staring at the walls,eating nothing because he totally forgot about lunch when he ran out of his house.

But the important thing is that he had crayons in his bag. Frank still didn't know how that ended up in his bag.

A tall,red headed girl approached him and sat down opposite to him.

Frank didn't want to look up because he knew he will need to talk. The girl was sitting and looking at him without blinking.

She coughed and started talking. "So where do you know Gerard from?"

He didn't want to answer anything or to look up because he could feel himself blushing on the mention of Gerard's name.

Frank cleared his throat. "I don't know him."

"You sure about that?" She asked with her hand on her neck. "Because it sure didn't look like it."

"What do you want?" Frank gathered the courage to say that without blushing.

"I want to know the story."

"Which story?"

"About you too lovebirds."

Frank almost started to laugh.

Lovebirds? For fuck's sake. This one was on crack. Well not literally,because just half an hour ago she talked about bulimia.

He thought that people here were introverts but that apparently didn't apply to everyone.

"There's nothing to say."

The girl had a hard time believing that. She snorted and walked away. What was the point of this,anyway?

Group therapy is split into two parts,the first one ended for Frank and the other kids. This lunch break was in the middle of the two part adventure called group therapy. Second part came after lunch.

There was a huge clock in the room. It ticked so loud when everyone was silent and it caused Frank to jump a little out of his chair everytime it was too loud.

Frank didn't expect to find so many diverse people here.

People always thought that people with mental illnesses are the ones that are not accepted in society.

The group had many athletes. Which was weird. There was a soccer player with self-harm issues. It wasn't very logical,but Frank guessed that the certain dude didn't really want to play soccer.

Inside Frank's head there were a lot of questions,but he didn't really needed them to be answered.

Everything was starting to make more sense. The people around him were sitting on these awful green chairs on the horrid green tables. Everyone had a group of friends or someone who they liked to share time.

Frank sat alone. The worst time was like this when he sat alone. It made him realize how lonely he really is.

True,he liked silence,but sometimes it would get overwhelming.

He liked to be alone,but he didn't want to be lonely.

It was trully a fucked up state to be.

The clock ticked louder as people talked less. Frank scanned the room to find the person who made him really question everything.

Frank figured it was because he payed attention to him. Nothing was worse than realizing that this was the first time someone wanted to talk to him just because they wanted to.

He sighed with relief when he didn't see Gerard. The chair next to him was empty.

Wrong.

Gerard sat next to him while putting his cigarettes on the table producing sound that wasn't there just seconds ago.

"So,I see. Maya has done an intervention on you already." Gerard threw him a playful glare.

"She's done it pretty quickly this time. She only does it that quickly with people she likes."

Gerard smelled like a different type of flowers today but the scent was mixed with cigarettes.

The clock ticked as Gerard watched straight into Frank's eyes. It was unfortunate to be in Frank's position. Gerard looked really beautiful and him staring right in his eyes wasn't helping Frank at all.

"So this girl-Maya you said." Frank stoped. "How quick did you get an intervention?"

Gerard laughed,throwing his head back.

This wasn't funny to Frank at all and Gerard was drawing way too much attention.

"She has never done it with me." He looked behind Frank.

"But it's nice that you think that people like me."

Frank jerked off a bit. "I don't like you. You-"

"It is incredibly adorable to see you try to convince yourself." Gerard smirked. " Are you even a bit curious?"

Shit.

Frank was curious. He wanted to know more about Gerard,but then at the same time Gerard practicly threatened his personal space. For normal people this wasn't violating personal space but this is Frank we're talking about.

Gerard started to whistle an unknown tune. Frank wanted to escape but the doors are locked and the windows are sealed and also if there was an exit through the window they would end up dead. They were on a higher ground.

"I don't want to know." Frank lied.

It was better to stay in the dark than to step inside an unknown area.

"Okay, I won't force you to do anything. But,you know where to find me if you change your mind." Gerard winked at him and started exiting the room,leaving Frank to think.

It didn 't take long.

Frank stood up and started running to Gerard. Gerard started walking faster,practicly teasing Frank.

"Gerard!" Frank shouted.

Gerard stoped and turned around with a smirk. Frank thought how that smirk never came off of his face,making him look cocky and really attractive.

"Where do you wanna start?" Gerard said.

"First off,how did you know my name?" Frank asked while making a hand gesture and not looking straight into Gerard's eyes.

"Oh my,we can't talk about that here,someone might see us." Gerard joked.

Frank was getting annoyed. "Why are you talking like we are about to have sex or something?"

Gerard looked at Frank with his mouth open,looking suprised. "Well i mean. You never know." He said that with the biggest grin Frank has seen on Gerard yet.

What the ever loving fuck??

"Oh,don't look so shocked. Even fucked up people have sex." Gerard proclaimed.

Frank really needed to choose words better.

"No,but really. We ain't gonna talk about it here. After group therapy,maybe?" He said still smiling.

"Oh-okay" Frank mumbled.

-

The smell of teenagers would spread every once in a while throughout the whole room. It seemed that even fucked up boys had fuckboy complex.

That wasn't really something that Frank approved or liked. Fuckboys were something that wasn't specified and Frank didn't even know the word fuckboy. He just knew about those kind of boys. Violent,assertive and those kind of guys were currently filling the room.

It sure as hell was the only thing that Frank tried to avoid. He would literally kill himself if he figured that he became one of those guys.

The lunch break was long over and addictive teenagers and young adults started to fill the room once again for the last therapy of the day.

The contrast between the day and the atmosphere in the group therapy was astounding. Everbody was frowning and waiting for this hell to come to an end.

Cassie reappeared with a new sweater which was confusing only to Frank because it seemed like he was the only one who noticed. The name tag was still there but the sweater was different. Frank looked around to see if anyone has seen what he has seen. Nobody made any movement whatsoever. The whole group had their heads up high. Maybe it was prayer time or something Frank had no clue about.

Gerard looked at his hands and twisted them,making sound with his wrists while completely staring at them. It looked like he was in another world.

He did look weird while zoning off. In his own world,his eyes would get blurry and it looked like tears would fall out of them any second. His black scruffy hair fell over his eyebrows and a few of his strands made their way into his eyes but he didn't seem to mind.

Frank was staring at Gerard for a good few minutes before Cassie started speaking again.

Gerard smiled while looking down. He knew Frank was watching him and he knew he got him on his bait. It was just a matter of time now.

"We knew that i'd happen eventually."

Teenagers shot their heads up on the mention of someone's words. The blond-headed dude spoke for some reason. He was now sitting on the other side of the room,far away from Frank.

"Um, Reggie? Is there something you want to tell us?" Cassie brushed off nervously. She was far too nervous for a person who should be fixing and helping people.

"I mean,that one day this will all come to an end." Reggie's hands shaked.

"There is no point." The guy was talking like he was in a dark place. Which wasn't really weird because they all were.

"Would you care to explain?" Cassie said louder with a 'Everything's gonna be alright' smile.

Reggie looked at every single person there was in the room. He looked like he was about to cry,but no actual tears were coming down his face. His expression was dull and it didn't look like he was about to say something clever.

The next thing Reggie said really hit Frank.  
"Loving shouldn't cause pain."

The colors started to drip from the walls and from the chairs and from the things that had colour on them. It all became black and white,making everything look so monotone. Melancholy was creeping inside Frank and he couldn't help but shiver under the influence.

Colours dripped and circled in the centre of the room and then they left the room through the window where they belong.

Something was standing out in the whole picture because even though the colours have left something was extremely bright in the room.

Frank looked for the source of the light and after a long time and a long reassuring himself tjat he isn't on some heavy trip or some other drugs,he finally saw it.

The source of the light were Gerard's eyes. The hazel colour beaming like a streak in a dark stormy night.

These things never happened before. Usually he had this thing when he would zone off and everything would turn into a noir movie. It confused Frank at the same time as it excited him.

It must have been the words that Reggie said. It probably triggered him to zone off into a Tim Burton like scene.

It made him start to think. Loving and hating very actually pretty similar. You were putting a lot of energy on a person or people. However you look at it,you had to spend a lot of energy on the action itself.

Cassie tried to provide Reggie with advices but Reggie barely nodded his head on her remarks.

The next thing he could feel was a hand on his arm which was leading his out of the room.

Fuck,while Frank was zoning off,the therapy fucking ended.

Gerard took him by his hand and led him into the nearest empty room. The room number 5B was empty and Gerard made his way to the window so he could shut it. Frank felt afraid and most of all terrified of what's coming next.

"So,Frankie? Where do you wanna start?" Gerard proclaimed.

Stuttering was all that came out of his mouth.

"Frank,come sit next to me. I wanna be closer to you." He said that with such ease in his voice while patting the place next to him.

The place was soon taken by Frank,making him realize that their knees and thighs were touching. Not too much,but still enough to make Frank blush.

"How-how do you know my name?" Frank started.

"I have an idea. Let's play a game where you answer a question and you have to be completely honest and then i am obligated to anwer too."

Frank rolled his eyes. This was getting annoying." Okay,go."

"Frank,why are you here?" Gerard asked.

"Because my parents sent me here." Frank replied by only telling the half-true answer.

"My turn. How did you know my name?"

"Wow,Frank pushy much."  
Frank rolled his eyes on the comment because it was exactly the opposite.

"It was easy actually. Y'know,i was at Miss Jackson earlier that day and i saw your chart,your name and your picture. You looked cute,so i thought i should remeber it for every case if i get lucky."

Frank? Cute? What?

Was this even real life? A good looking boy was practicly hitting on him. Besides the fact that he was creepy,everything else was fine.

"Do you define yourself by any sexuality?" Gerard raised an eyebrow.

Frank's head was exploding.

"I,uh don't care what people are. I mean what sexuality they are. I guess, i judge based of on personality mostly."

"That's good. So yeah,i know this may sound weird but i wanna do something with you."

Oh,shit.

Gerard continued. "Can i just like wrap my hands around you?"

What the fuck?

"I know we only met but i just want someone to hold me close and tight."

Frank always believed that if he lets himself be happy for a second,life will turn around and slap him across his fucking face.

"I don't know,man."

"Please,Frank."

"Why do you even want to?"

"I crave touch,Frank."

Gerard sat with his legs crossed and started to get closer to him every moment. Frank lifted his arm which felt like they weighted a fucking ton. Gerard'a scruffy hair was touching his face which caused heavy breathing and shivers moving down Frank's back. Gerard started to touch his back and pulling him closer into an embrace. Frank moved his right hand and touched the back of Gerard's hair. Their bodies were conected and Gerard's lips were resting on Frank's collarbone.

It feels so surreal and yet here Frank was,clutching onto a creepy boy with the hazel eyes that radiated because they were the only light there was. Gerard breathed in sharply and so did Frank,consuming all the scentes they had.

Gerard hands and body left Frank in an internal war wheather he deserved this or not.

Also,internal war of happiness and eternal misery brought a question while Frank was holding this peculiar boy.

What now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys,if like this shit please vote or comment. I love you all so much for reading this shit of mine. It's 1 am and i am hungry ugh. Please if there is any mistake let me know in the comments or make a smoke signal that will be seen to the country were i live in. Lmao love you guys xx


	5. Boom,clap,the sound of my heart breaking

"What fuels the world? 'Love.' What fuels the world? 'Hate.' What fuels the world the most? 'Love and hate,life and death.'"

-

"Why do you crave touch?" Frank clutched out of the hug,going straightly to the matter. The hug was so intimate,it made Frank feel like he knew Gerard for so long. Or as if he was his long lost lover,which wasn't the case in any matter.

"I sometimes get this awful feeling like,some shivers and craving. It mixes together and creates this melancholy that i can't get rid of. Do you get me?"

Gerard asked with a bunch of question marks that were floating above his head.

He thought that Frank didn't know the feeling but it was actually quite the controary. Shivers moved down Frank's body as the boy whose eyes lit up when all the light went out talked about his problems and his worries.

Frank shook his head in disbelief even though there was none. "Gerard,please. Can you- can you tell me the real reason why you hugged me?" He asked him while glancing at his hands whose nervousness caused figeting.

"I think that's actually up to you." Gerars proclaimed.

Frank's eyebrows frowned. "I don't get what you want to say."

"The thing is,you can take this in any way you want. I hugged you because i needed it,because i needed you or just simply because i'm a creeper that scares the living shit out of you." His smirked grew larger as he spoke. Frank started to get tired of these deep thoughts Gerard was having. The ultimate question here was- Was this a hug for Gerard or from Gerard. There was no mention of these stuff when Frank was alone. Being alone was great in a way because you could never fail another person. The only person you could fail was yourself.

And that made Frank sad a lot.

Frank figured it was time to get to know Gerard a little bit more. Gerard was currently in advantage because he knew more about Frank than he knew about him. He also knew that there was no point in discovering personal stuff about Gerard on his own,so he figured it would be better if he just asked.

"What's your name?" Frank spurted out sweating because he didn't know his whole name.

"The name is Gerard Way."

My name is Gerard,by the way.

Frank wanted to smack himself or Gerard because this fucker that was sitting right next to him,made a fucking pun out of his name the first time they met.

Gerard started to giggle and it made flowers grow inside Frank's stomach. Even though Frank should've been scared or something but he wasn't feeling like running away from Gerard anymore. He's done it already two times,he was not going to do it again. Especially not now,when Gerard started to talk.

"You made a fricking pun when we met. You fuck. Not only that,you actually told me your name." Frank closed his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at him. Frank was trying to stop a smile but he was failing miserably.

"Another fun fact: I am a sneaky fuck."

A handsome sneaky fuck were Frank's thoughts that he shook quickly while blushing.

Gerard's eyes were stil vibrant. The hazel colour sparkled brighter than anything in the room. Most likely, brighter than anything in the world. There was just something about them that drew Frank closer to this peculiar boy.

Gerard sighed and started to touch certain strands that sticked out and smoothed them to his head. To Frank those strands didn't stick out. They looked perfect. He looked perfect. Frank understood that this kind of thinking will get him nowhere. Gerard probably didn't care about Frank at all. Probably not even the slightest. Or that's at least what Frank thought.

"Tell me what you're thinking about?" Gerard spurted out while he catched Frank staring at him,wide eyeded.

Frank was caught a bit of guard. He was too busy trying to figure out the meaning behind the colour that Gerard's hazel eyes had. It sparkled and had a great sense of comfort. Frank felt safe while looking at them and with these thinking he sat closer to Gerard,their hands touching,Frank's palm over Gerard's fingers. His palm was touching his fingers and Frank didn't even feel it. The only thing he was interested in the moment were those hazel eyes and nothing was stopping Frank from staring at him.

At that moment he felt like nothing could touch him. He felt invincible. Staring at those eyes just made an effect on Frank that couldn't be described in words. Maybe it could be described with a tune,a melody or a painting. But words? No,words didn't cut it this time.

"I am thinking about your eyes." Frank admited,realizing that lying was not the option. He really sucked at having normal conversations with people.

Gerard closed his eyes,making Frank look away. "What is so special about them? What made you think about them?" Gerard said with his eyes closed and a small smirk on his lips.

"Why aren't you thinking about other parts of my body? I am quite sure that i have some other things interesting besides my fucking eyes?" Frank didn't know what Gerard was implaying here, but it looked like Gerard was having so much fun.

"I-I am not. What? No- i just." Frank tangled himself in words because of the awkwardness and the only thing he wanted now was to launch himself to space and to find another habitable planet so that nobody knows him there. But even if that was possible, Frank was pretty sure he would fuck up that place somehow pretty soon.

"No,seriously. You can look at me as long as you like. I think it would be a privilege to be observed by you." This darhaired boy admitted while pulling his fingers underneath Frank's palm.

"Oh,okay." Were the only words Frank managed to get out of him.

"It's getting really late and i have somewhere to be,but before i go,can i give you something?" Those last words made Frank jump a little because he had bravery like a chicken leg and not only that,he was also paranoid as fuck. According to his manic thoughts, Gerard could possibly give him a granade, a flippin spider,the secret whether aliens exist or not or maybe just maybe...

Gerard started to get closer to Frank and Frank was already freaking out and was sat in the same position without moving. It was as if he was frozen in place. Gerard took Frank's hands and intertwined their fingers. Frank couldn't stop blushing and as Gerard was getting closer each second, Frank was thinking about running away but that wasn't an option because he was too curious on what the hell is going to happen when their faces touch.

Gerard put his hands on the left side of Frank's face,hovering his cheekbone.

Gerard placed a kiss on Frank's right side of the face, a little bit too near to his mouth,which made Frank to cause a quiet gasp. Gerard's lips were soft and held onto Frank's skin for far too long than expected. The odor of flowers filled Frank's nostrils. Gerard detached himself out of their clutch.

He started to get up and leave,still holding his hand on Frank's body. He then again whispered to Frank who believed he was going to get another kiss.

Gerard just softly whispered. "Don't worry,you'll get more in the future."

Frank stared at Gerard's back,wondering about what the hell is he gonna do and thinking thoughts that were not allowed in his catholic family or school. He knew that when he came home,he will be forced to think sweet memories of the pecualiar boy while doing things that were extremely forbidden in his catholic surrounding.

-

Gerard sat in his room,sitting and thinking about what the hell should he do next?

Will he just ruin this boy's life for the sake of his pleasure or will he leave him be in excange of his misery and regret?

He didn't wanna let Frank go. He was too goddamn interesting to let go. But then again,there were far more serious stuff that came along if you got involved with Gerard Way. Gerard Way believed he destroyed evertthing in his awaken. He destroyed every single relationship he had. His parents and family just didn't care. The only thing he got left was his stupid little brother who knew him just all to well.

Gerard got rid of his "friends" easily but his brother wasn't leaving his side because they made a pact when they were younger. The pact was made after a stupid fight of who will eat the last cookie from Christmas or something. They agreed to never fight again. Their parents had brothers and sisters and none of them talked to their relatives. Mikey,his brother and Gerard just wanted to prove the fuckers on how wrong they were. Their 'perfect' family always told them how they will lose the fight and become just like them. Shortly after,in a matter of revenge,Gerard and Mikey decided to defy them. So,the pact was made and it was holding on strongly for already six years. Gerard hoped it would last like that forever. The pact wasn't perfect,they did fight a lot but they didn't show that to other people.

Even though,he couldn't get rid of his brother,he sure as hell got rid of every single person that cared about him.

There was a time in his life when he just started with drogs. He really got on the edge and his beloved friends tried to stop him. And they did. Gerard got sober for awhile and then he realized how big of a fuck up he is. Then he started to think about ending his life. Life didn't really make much sense,especially when you are that young and you already fucked up everything you could.  
He pushed away his friends so that when he made that jump to the unknown nobody would feel sorry for him and nobody would cry. But then one morning he saw his younger brother sleeping on the floor next to his bed,clutching on to his hand. He then realized that at least he could try to stay alive for him,for Mikey,the only person that never failed him. Sometimes,brotherly love was bigger than any other.

Gerard did not stay alive just for Mikey. He also stayed alive for the sky that gets dark in a matter of seconds,for the wind that blows before rain starts to fall,for the grey sky that reminded him of the good childhood he had.

He was also hoping that he could add something else to the list,maybe another person. Maybe someone who's presence made his heart beat faster. Someone who makes him think about what to say next.

Maybe,just maybe.

-

Walls of Frank's room looked like they needed to be painted. It practicly looked like someone threw up on them. I guess that's what you get when your parents don't even have the money to pay off bills regulary. He did not blame them for it. He blamed the goverment and the economy for it. He also knew that he was too young to think about bills and taxes but he also knew that there will be a time when he will need to start thinking about that. If only time could stop itself so that he doesn't need to worry about that ever. Sometimes he thought about how easier it was to live back in the days when bills didn't even exist. The unfortunate thing about the past was the thing that they would die young. Probably killed by an animal or something.

The next thing he didn't really need was his mother knocking on the door. His exact thoughts were mum please go away. Can't you see i am having an existencial crisis over here? Jesus,mum.

His mother entered the door and as she entered,the smell of freshly baked cookies came with her. Those fucking cookies were not for the Iero family,they were for the church sale. Sometimes Frank thought about the fact that his mother likes homeless people and other people that church provided with "money and important stuff" more than him.

"Honey."

Honey,are you kidding me?  
Since when we are on honey?

The expression that Frank made made his mother worried because he opened his eyes widely in desbelief.

"Um,how did you spend your time in hospital?"

Apperantly group therapy was a sensitive word in his house and should be avoided in case of questioning yourself if you're crazy.

Frank didn't think what he'll say. He just did. "Mom,I'm not allowed to say what happened."

"Wait,why?" His mother was nervous and wanted to know if that was a general rule or if Frank was more fucked up than she thought.

"Don't worry,ma. It's just a thing they have there. It's because they don't know who knows who and they don't want any consequances and just y'know general stuff. They don't want any trouble."

Frank thoroughly explained while staring everywhere but his mothers eyes. He could not look into eyes of other human beings. It was unbereable and the only person who he could look without any problem was Gerard Way.

Goddammit,Gerard Way.

He was blushing in front of his mom and nothing could stop the redness of his face. His mom looked at him like he was insane and he knew he was not far from it.

"Do you want to eat something? I am making something special today." His mother offered Frank a crooked smile.

"What are we having?" Frank raised his eyebrows.

"I made some vegetables."

Yes.

"And meat."

No.

"Uh,i think i am gonna skip."

Frank decided that it's better to avoid eating something that was mixed with meat in it. His mum wasn't taking a no for an answer if Frank said that he doesn't wanna eat meat. His parents didn't want his son to be different.

God knows what would happen if someone accidentely sticked out?

God forbid.

-

Mikey Way was a strange plant as some people liked to call him. Not only was he extremely tall,his height was not actually that impresing. His long legs gave him and others the impression of being even taller than he actually was.

Every single other person and himself,indeed liked to make height jokes about his brother. Most of the time,people liked to compare the height difference which sometimes made his brother angry. He got over it,though.

Even though,he was taller than his brother,people always knew that his brother was older. Three years difference was a big one but it only bothered them when they were younger,now it didn't really matter. Mikey being eightteen and his brother twenty one. They get along even more now that Mikey is not a minor in Europe and Gerard was not a minor in the whole world. It was fun to think like that.

Mikey always took care of his brother,even though he was younger. One time,Gerard even complained when he was getting him out of some wrecked crack house he was overdosing in. A person would think that an overdosed person would be thankful or at least angry or something,but no,Gerard complanied because Mikey was doing his job.

Mikey Way wasn't one of those people that would give up on the people he loved. He made that promise to himself the first time Gee wrecked himself.

He was not the perfect brother,though. He had his troubles,but at the moment Gerard had bigger ones. So he took that as a priority.

Mikey Way didn't need this shit,but he was gonna survive this. Or that was at least what he believed.

"Mikey?" Gerard called out. His head sticking out of the door that he just opened.

"Yeah?" Responding was the best thing to do to Gerard because that boy really got scared when his brother wasn't responding.

"I really need advice." Gerard sighed while he took a safe step entering Mikey's room. Gerard knew that he was going to want more information than he was willing to give him but he really needed advice and it wasn't like Gerard had someone else to speak to.

Mikey moved his hair out of his face so that he can see his brother more clearly. Gerard looked concerned and it made Mikey scared because seeing his brother concerned either meant he was scared to fall under the influence of drugs. Mikey didn't want him to and Gerard didn't want that because of Mikey.

"I am listening." Mikey said with a 'i am smiling but actually i am really scared for you' face.

Gerard made eye contact with his brother,looking straight in his eyes. "Listen Mikey,there's this one person..."

Mikey just twiched at the word 'person'. Gerard was blushing like hell itself only by thinking of Frank which made him feel like he was fifteen again. Mikey squinted his eyes and made a straight line out of his mouth looking all sceptical and shit.

Gerard started to look at the ceiling which made Mikey giggle out of the knowledge that Gerard was nervous about this 'certain' person.

The staring at the ceiling brought Mikey back into past when they still lived with their parents,only then Gee was looking at the ceiling after their parents found out that Gerard had a male company that was more than a friend. And Gerard was holding tears in his eyes as his father molested him verbally. His brain was already a mess back then,but that verbal violence his father was such a fan of only made it worse.

Soon after the way down to hell began.

Mikey giggled because this was a good situation and Mikey smiled with the biggest smile ever which was weird because Mikey was not one of those people who smiled often.

"Yeah,okay. What about this person?" Mikey taped around the area carefully just in case Gerard didn't wanna tell him. Mikey wanted to know about this person and he was going to find out.

Gerard looked at him in a weird way before he started to talk. "So listen, i've been in a group therapy..."

"Wait,you were? I thought you didn't wanna go? That it was boring and it,i will quote you 'killed your inspiration.'" Mikey protested.

"Just shut up and listen to me,you nerd."

"Look,whose saying,nerd."

"Ugh,there is this boy." Gerard started to explain.

"A boy? Where?" Mikey's eyes widened in excitement.

"Shut up! I need advice and i am going to leave unless you let me talk. So shut up and don't interrupt me." Gerard put his finger to his lips in order to make his brother to shut up.

"Okay." Gerard sat on his brothers bed next to his brother.

"So,he's probably a little bit scared of me."

Mikey started to laugh because this was Gerard and he was awkward next to anyone he ever liked. Gerard was always special in fucking things up with people.

Gerard sent him a evil glare that caused Mikey to stop.

"I met him in the hospital when i was waiting for the doctor to get me prescription for my meds. He was walking down the hall and my legs were spread out on the hallway and he could easily jump over them but he didn't and he was staring at me and i started to talk and i said his name and he got scared and um,ran away."

Mikey was confused. "Why would he run away only by you knowing his name?"

"Well it's because he never introduced himself and i was at doctor Jackson and i saw his chart and i remebered his name and..."

"Gerard,you fucking creeper. You don't do that to people you just met."

"He was,y'know cute and i couldn't help it."

Mikey raises his eyebrows. "So we are already at the cute stage. He must be special."

Gerard sighed deeply because his brother was getting way too much fun out of this. Brotherly love was so weird. They hated each other sometimes as much as they loved each other.

It was weird and it made no sense but that was the only kind of love Gerard knew.

Mikey understood it was time to provide his brother with advices. He had none and he was making them by the way. God knew that he did everything this way. Making things by the way,but doing it brilliantly.

"First off,don't be a fucking creeper. You ain't gonna get anything out of him...Why the fuck are you smiling?"

Gerard was smiling at the getting something part because he already did,even though it was small as it was.

"I kinda got a hug and a kiss."

"You what?" Mikey screamed in excitement,wide-eyeded.

"A kiss in the cheek,don't worry." Gerard explained.

Mikey furrowed his eyebrows and Gerard knew there was a question coming up. Mikey Way sometimes really made a dead serious face. "What are your intentions with this boy?"

"I have a houndred wishes and that boy is included in every single one."

-

Gerard looked at his brother laughing his ass off. It was making him amused and angry at the same time.

Immature was all that Gerard could think of when describing his brother. Eightteen was not an age that Gerard considered as being and adult or even being an adult. He knew that all too well because he was twenty one and he acted like a child sometimes. Frank on the other hand was matture for his age. When Gerard saw his medical chart he saw that Frank was only seventeen and Gerard already knew that he was playing with fire. Playing with fire was worth getting your fingers burnt because of people like Frank. Gerard smiled at the thought of Frank. He was acting like a girl from a teenage movie.

Mikey was calming himself down so he could talk. Apperantly,Mikey find it really amusing that Gerard has wishes and that he is going to include Frank in every single one.

The thing that his brother didn't know was the fact that Gerard had a list of wishes. They were written inside his head and the wishes went from a kissing a boy he likes in the morning sun to standing naked at the top of the mountain (if it's possible with a boy he likes,in this case that was Frank).

And in that moment Gee knew he was fucked. He admited to himself that he has a thing for Frank.

Love was sometimes a strange thing for Gerard and the only kind of love he knew was the one he felt for his brother.

Stupid Frank caused feelings to gather in his stomach and he wanted the world to know all the colours of flowers and butterflies Frank Iero put in his stomach.

He wanted to lay down at his bed,arms around Frank while he touched his hair which would lead to some other activities.

Gerard needed to stop himself before his brother noticed that he was gonna get a boner just by thinking about this fluffy headed fuck.

As he managed to stop thinking about anything that involved Frank,his brother was looking at him straight in his eyes.

"I hope you get what you want out of that guy." Mikey said as he exhaled.

"I'll try." Gerard said with his vision blurry,not because he was crying,but because he saw his brother laugh for good five minutes.

Another reason to stay alive. Hearing his brother laugh.

-

Frank was laying on his bedroom floor. Thinking about Gerard really didn't help his situation at all. All he could think about was that scruffy black hair of his and the strands that Gerard smoothed to his head,even though he didn't need to. Frank knew that he should be afraid of him but he just couldn't force himself into doing that. When he saw Gerard's hazel eyes as the only colour in the room,he knew that running would not help him.  
The situation he had with him was rather confusing. Frank did not believe in love. Frank has seen mothers that love their children and vice versa,he's seen people that love the work they do,he's seen people that love music and believe in it,even though it wasn't giving them any profit. But love between couples,never. He saw his mum and dad and the only thing he saw was obligation. Maybe,they were in love when they were younger,or maybe when they got married it was just a bunch of hormones that caused them to do what was expected of every single catholic individual. Get married,have kids,go to church and die.

He didn't blame his parents,though. They were programmed to work like that and to think that they were free.

The love in romance novels didn't exist in real life and he knew that all too well.

And that was the reason he didn't know where he standed with Gerard Way. It scared the shit out of him when he started to think about them as a couple. But he couldn't really list him under his friends list. Everybody knew that Frank'a list was goddamn empty,so Frank didn't even know how it was to have a friend. Was Gerard a friend? Friend? Do friends give each other kiss on the cheek? Well,they do. But that intimate? Frank didn't believe it. Girls could do that stuff because they had no 'no homo' complex and Frank sometimes admired them for that.

All of a sudden Frank froze and every cell in his body stopped as he came to the acknowledgment. Was he gay? Did he like like Gerard fucking Way? He was still going to a catholic school and if anyone found out he would be crucified in the main hallway.  
Frank's body started to shake that he actually liked a guy in that way. He didn't really know anything about affection because he was never in love with a girl and it was hard to think about romance of sorts when the only thing you wanted was to die constantly.  
But Gerard,Gerard god dammit-

"Honey,but you really need to eat something. Please,stop sitting on the floor,you'll get a cold."

Frank didn't even notice his mother coming in. His inner thoughts were exploding under the pressure.  
His mum was stubborn and demanded from Frank to come down. Frank was all like 'dear mom,can't you see that i am trying to figure out who i am? Sincerely,your maybe gay son Frank.'

In two minutes he was sitting at the kitchen table,avoiding meat as much as it is possible. His mum and Satan were having small talk. Nothing important as always. That was probably part of the program. Talking about weather and gossiping about the people that lived next door.

Frank was sick and tired and as he managed to somehow return meat in to the bowl,feeling all succesfull because he managed to do that without his parents noticing,his father interrupted his thoughts.

"So Frank,how was school today?" His father asked totally oblivious to the point that it was Saturday.

"Dad,it's um,Saturday. There is no school today." He answered politely as he could but he couldn't do that without at least a little scowling. His dad,pardon Satan was good when it came to realizing which day it was. Was it because he was drunk or because he worked in shifts and every day just blended into one other he may never know.

His dad aka Satan was looking at his plate,putting his fork down with a determined face. Frank felt like a question was gonna come and he was right as always.

"Frank,have you thought about your future?" His dad said with a straight line of his lips that his face made.

"Hon,not now." His mother interrupted with a stern look on her face.

"No,i am going to ask now because i have every right too. I am the head of the house and the importance goes like this- God,me and then all of you."

Good for you.

The fact that he compared his importance to some sort of a saint was beyond non-catholic. But that was just how Satan acted and Frank and his mother got used to it a long time before.

Frank figured it was better to lie than to say that he genuinly didn't know what to do regarding his future. It was hard because Frank saw no future. There was just this black hole that represented what was gonna come next. He lived day by day in hope that he's not gonna kill himself in the process. Sometimes he was goddamn close to that. Lying seemed like the only option and Frank was trying to figure out what to say.

"And?" His father was pushing him to say something and causing pressure that made Frank to shut his mouth even more. But not this time. He was a coward but he also wanted to take his father of his back.

"I want-I want to do something in the field of,uhm art." Frank coughed as he said art because he knew what his father is going to say on that.

"Art? Frank,you know you can't live out of art. Be sensible." His father was keen on doing the 'no art,no individuality' thing way too often and Frank really wanted to know what would Gerard think about Frank's plans for the future. All of a sudden,Frank found himself thinking about Gerard and his black hair and those fucking strands,God,he had an unhealthy obsession with his hair. And those fucking legs. There was nothing special about them,but they were longer than Frank's and to be real,everybody had longer legs than Frank,Frank was fucking short. As his father was talking about the importance of his academic life and all,Frank's blood was rushing not only in his head,if you know what i mean. He knew that he needed to get away to the bathroom or his room before the state gets too critical.

"Yeah dad,i just-umm. I think I'll probably get a scholarship because i have good grades and excelent behaviour,so that will help out". Frank explained as he started to get away from the table,taking a fricking tissue from the table to hide the little hump that his pants now had.

"Are you okay,sweetie?" His mum yelled from the kitchen table.

Frank muttered in response the only thing he could come up with. "I am fine,mum."

-

Frank ran to his room so he could take those fucking skinny jeans off so he could jerk off in silence. Before he even started,he made sure that he closed the goddamn door and lock them before he even took any action. He collapsed on the bed and his hand wandered below his stomach to the place that was now already hard.

It was then that the realization hit him. He was going to jerk off because of Gerard fucking Way. If that wasn't like a big neon sign that said 'YOU'RE FUCKING GAY,DEAL WITH IT!' than Frank didn't know what was.

He figured he was going to do that without any fucking regret. I mean,that's what people do? Jerk off to people they like?

But this was Gerard we were talking about. Gerard wasn't just a person you liked. He was fucking special and Frank was certain that Gerard didn't even know that,which probably made him special even more. Gerard was also completely unconventional and it made Frank feel weird. Frank felt all sorts of stuff towards him. Once he even felt frightened. All those emotios made Frank realize that there was definitely some affection.

Frank was done thinking and his hand rested on his lower stomach for far too long.

The world could literally end but he would still be jerking off to the though of fucking Gerard with no regrets.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucking chapter took to lomg to write. I am sorry but hey we've got bit of smutty stuff. Hella! Next chapter will come when i fucking write it. Which i hope will be soon. If you liked this chapter please give some votes comments and of course if there was something you didn't like also comment it. I love ya all!! ♥♥


	6. You can't kiss boys in catholic schools

"Gerard!" Mikey shouted while laughing. His brother was officially of the rails. Not only was he of the rails,he was out of his fucking mind.

"You can't break into schools that your crush is attending." Mikey proclaimed with a snort which came unexpectedly and it sounded like he was mocking his brother,but he really wasn't and his brother knew that.

Gerard was walking up and down Mikey's room making not only Mikey nervous but probably the spiders that lived in the corner of Mikey's bedroom.

There was even this one occasion when Mikey decided to spare the life of a spider that was crawling up his band posters on his wall. He didn't even know why,he wasn't really a fan of spiders but he decided to prolong this particular spiders life. He even named the spider. He named him Pete.

Gerard saw that Mikey was no longer listening to his crazy plan,so he started snaping his fingers in front of his brothers face so that he could continue with his plan.

"Mikey,listen up! I need some of your clothes so i could fit in the school hype,y'know." Gerard said while making hand gestures like he was making an invisible ball.

"School hype? Dude,you're twenty one. You're not that fuckin old and for fuck's sake,go in your own clothes. It's not like anyone will be looking at you." Mikey said with a smirk because he knew this will only warm up Gerard into one of his confidence boosts which was great because Gerard felt like garbage most of the time.

"Oh,really? Look at me. Please,be objective. Look at fucking me. I look fucking superb and by the way my ass looks great in this skinny jeans." He said that while shaking his little ass in those jeans. Gerard was weird,but sometimes he was of the scale weird.

"I firmly believe that you won't fit in that school that you'll break into." Mikey continued with his persuasion. "I belive that you just don't look like-"

"Like what?" Gerard protested.

"Like a catholic type of guy." Mikey frowned his face while saying this particular sentence.

"Mikey,for real. I could pass as a completely catholic straight dude. Or wouldn't I?" Gerard said smirking and fixing his hair that looked perfect to anyone else but him.

"Dude no,you look like the guy that's gonna break into a school to get some attention from a teenage boy,who by the way I haven't met yet,so you can get laid because we all know you haven't gotten any in a long time now..."

"Mikey,please don't go there." Gerard said with his vision blurry because tears were about to show up if they continued to talk about this.

"Sorry,Gee. Didn't mean to." Mikey apologized in a matter of seconds.

"But you're completely right. I am totally getting something out of that boy and it sure as hell is not getting laid because we are taking it slow." Gerard explained in a simple matter.

"Does he know you are taking it slow?" Mikey said with a giggle.

"Oh,will you shut up? I am just going for a kiss or something. But if he turns me down and i maybe misunderstood his actions than i am going to back away and never talk to him again. I know how to take a no for an answer. Unlike some other people."

Gerard frowned at the thought of all the people that were assertive or even worse the ones that raped. He's unfortunately seen people acting that way,he's never seen someone rape someone else and he hoped that he never will. He did 't undetstand how people took pleasure in molesting another person and he presumed he never will.

Consent was not only fucking romantic,it was fucking needed.

Mikey saw his brother in the reflection of the mirror that Gerard was standing in front of. Mikey decided to make a joke out of this because it really took a dark turn. "Gerard Way,the catholic boys hunter. Watch out kids because he's coming for you." Mikey started to giggle in the middle of the sentence because it sounded even dumber in his head.

That sentence caused a flying blue pillow that smacked Mikey righy across his face.

Gerard took a lot of fun while doing that. His black coat and black outfit really did not suit the catholic school he was going to 'invade'. Mikey giggled because there was about houndred percent chance they wore uniforms. Gerard wouldn't even pass as a proffesor. Mikey figured it would be suitable to share that information with his brother.

"You know,they probably wear uniforms." Mikey laughed under his breath.

"Oh shit." Gerard proclaimed.

Mikey nodded like he solved every problem there is on this earth.

Gerard turned around to face his brother,all wide-eyed. "I need to get one." He said with a huge grin.

"You're crazy." Mikey finally concluded.

Gerard smiled while smoothing those goddamn stranda that 'sticked out'.

"You could say crazy in love."

That was the point where his brother was choking out of laughter.

-

Frank.

Frank felt like someone has been pressing his chest for the whole night and it was really hard to find a way to breathe. Besides the fact that his breathing problems were not okay,he had a wicked ass dream last night and that was a major problem because the only dreams he remembered were nightmares and they were never nice. Not even remotely. He after many nights of having only nightmares finally figured that he really can't remember any nice dreams. Not even the wacky ones were you are dressed as a stay at home puffy marshmallow man in a pink city made of cotton. He didn't know where he heard that one,probably on a Tv show or something.

The dream was even weirder than usual.

The atmosphere was dark and it seemed like it was about to rain any second now. There was no one in the streets,yet again it felt like he wasn't alone. Frank possesed no body,he was practicly floating in the air. He presumed that everything is possible in dreams. The shady atmosphere hinted that something horrible was about to happen,but Frank was clueless to what it was. As he walked or floated down the alley,he started to see a house at the end of the street. It looked extremely peculiar but at the same time completely normal. At some point in time Frank found himself inside the front yard of the house. He was walking through the bushes that scrached his body. The ground was rough and it looked like no one took care of it in a long time. As he was approaching the door that were the entrance to the inner garden that the house held,he noticed that the house had an extremely weird sigil on the front door. His now visible hand shakingly opened the door only to witness the cruelness of the owner of the house.

There were kids shackled in a shallow poll that was full of muddy water. The water was completely unclean and full of feces. Every single kid looked like they haven't eaten in days.

Frank felt like a third person in the whole situation. He wanted to help them but he couldn't move from the spot that he was standing in.

After a while of looking at the children,one of the kids,a little brown headed girl,Frank assumed she had brown hair but it was hard to see cause they were all so dirty,got loose.

She started to quietly tap around with her little feet and soon after she started to run,if that even looked like running.

He concluded that after so many time of being shackled,it was logical that the little girl couldn't possibly run fast,but she was giving her best. Frank could never run that fast,not even if his life was at stake.

The only logical solution was to follow the girl,so he did. The girl was running through those to Frank unknown streets like she knew where she was going. At one point they were standing at the top of the street where the only was to go was down,so she did and so did Frank.

They were running and Frank had a feeling like there was someone behind them all a long and he knew that the girl felt that too. Scared and under the pressure of not breathing was all that Frank felt. The girl took a sharp turn to the left,where there wasn't a street,there were green doors and she left them open and Frank ran inside.

The next thing he knew was the feeling in his bones. They were heavy and it felt like they were about to snap any second. He felt like coughing his loungs out. His skin was dirty and he wanted to rip it out of him how sickening it made him feel.

He finally understood. He wasn't Frank anymore. He was the girl or he was combined with the girl.

He or the girl was stopped by someone. Someone was blocking them to prevent them from going inside that house,from going into safety.

It was Gerard. His face was dark and the hazel eyes were gone. There was no light in them. Only darkness. He couldn't force himself into looking at those eyes. He looked in fact like a demon.

Gerard,even if that was Gerard,was wearing some old fashioned clothes and his hands were tightened into his fists and that made Frank scared. It made the girl scared too. His black eyes were staring at him and he couldn't get rid of the feeling that-

That was the moment Frank woke up. He was inhaleing and exhaleing sharply. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was in fact not in the dream,but in his room.

His room was empty and that made Frank breathe with some sort of security. It made him feel safe that no one was in his room.  
Even if it was impossible,he was still glad that no one was there.

He knew that dreams were your reflection of what happened in your previous days,so that would explain Gerard.  
It wouldn't really explain the Freuds theory that dreams showed something that we wanted unconsciounsly. He didn't want children to be shackled in their own dirt,he didn't want the constant feeling of having someone behind your back or just having fear of someone chasing you.

And that was not the worst part. He didn't want to be stopped by Gerard. That house represented safety and Gerard was standing right in front of it,blocking the way to safety.

He also knew why he in one point,found himself in the body of the girl. It was not because she was weak or because she was a girl ( being weak and being a girl really did not cover the fact. Girls were fucking strong.). It was the fact of feeling smaller and not being in advantage when it came to Gerard. Gerard was supposed to be a person he could trust and this dream was only showing his inner paranoia.

Frank decided that this dream meant nothing. He decided to push it all away. It wasn't like he felt threatened by Gerard,not at all. Gerard made him feel all fuzzy and weird inside. They were pass the stage of being weird with each other. Frank decided that the best thing he could do was to not question Gerard in his ways anymore,no pun intended.

His thoughts were scattered and he needed time to pick them up.  
His legs needed streching and his whole body was protesting against getting up. His spine was cracking and it felt like it was going to detach itself from his body which he guessed would be painful.

He stood up with the best intentions and then he rememberd it was Monday and that he needed to go back to school.

That made him collapse back on the bed.

-

Mikey felt like Gerard was trying to hard.  
It wasn't really the fact that Gerard had a crush on a boy that was a year younger than him,it was just simply the fact of how interested he got into this dude.

Mikey couldn't really count on his fingers how many times he's seen his brother like this,because he's never seen him like this. It made him feel happy and stressed out all at once. It was great in one hand because all that Gerard ever considered a relationship were just a bunch of addicts that used him to get drugs or used him in other ways so Gerard could get drugs. It was not healthy and Mikey didn't like it. So seeing his brother all frustrated about what he's going to wear to impress a boy was beyond cute.

Mikey didn't like to adress his problems to anyone because he considered that everyone was having bigger problems than him.

He recalled that one time when Gerard got sober for like five minutes and all that he could mumble through was the thing Mikey thought no one was ever going to mention. He told him that he was the best person ever. He told him that he was selfless. Mikey didn't really believe it because he considered himself to be the worst person on this planet. He would often get his head in the clouds,thinking about all the things he could have done and all the things he shouldn't have done. Regret was one of Mikey's favourite places to be. If there was a town from where Mikey originally was born,it would be called Regret and not New Jersey,Belleville.

Gerard was jumping in his room and trying out Mikey's clothes. It was funny to see his brother who was also three years older than him,looking all careless and free.

Free.

The time has come that Mikey finally recognized the fact that Gerard was finally free. It looked like nothing would stop them. It was beautiful and painful at the same time.

Mikey remembered all the times their parents shut them down,especially Gerard. He was always the first to blame and Mikey knew that was the thing that got himself into his mess at the first place. Mikey was beyond glad that he got to live with his brother since he was eighteen.

There was this constant feeling of falling back into the black abyss. He was scared constantly for his brother. He never blamed him for that,even though it was a little unfair because he was the younger one. He never blaimed him because his brother never blaimed him for being the 'perfect' son. Their parents had a habit of calling Mikey like that while Gerard and Mikey knew that wasn't true. Gerard never took it for a grudge. Other kids that had brothers and sisters would take it for a grudge and while they grew up they would learn how to hate each other,instead of hating their parents for teaching them that.

Mikey was beyond grateful for having Gee for his brother. He loved him immensely. Nothing could take their love out of them and that was the reason behind his evident happiness.

-

Gerard saw his brother smiling like the biggest doofus ever. If there was a good camera around them,he would at least take a photo of him or even better a video. It would be great to have a video of happiness to watch when he falls into the hands of blackness once again. But he wasn't going to think about that now.

Think happy thoughts.

He was getting ready to suprise his whatever the hell Frank was to him and nothing was stopping him.

The day looked like it was going to be awful just to exist. The moist in the air and the constant wetness that everybody in New Jersey felt was just contributing to the fact how weather can make things feel shitty. Gerard wasn't going to be under the influence of the weather,he was feeling way too hype for that.

He presumed Frank was going to be happy or at least suprised to see him. It was Monday and school is shitty and Gerard really hoped that Frank won't be too scared of him showing up at his school. He could only hope and... pray. He was going to a catholic school after all.

"Mikey,is this dress too tacky?" Gerard said with a british accent.

"Nice try. You know they would crucify you if you actually showed up in a dress." Mikey responded with his eyes closed and his arm up in the air. He was making shadows on the wall with his hands but he wasn't looking at them. He already knew what they looked like so he didn't feel the need to.

Gerard sighed because he knew so many gay,trans and asexual kids from catholic schools. It pained him because the irony was strong. "I sometimes really hate catholics." Complaining about the injustice those people brought to the world was even a pain in the ass for Gerard himself.

"No,you don't hate catholics." Mikey resisted upon Gerard's statement because he knew he wasn't right. Gerard hated people who hate but that also made him a hateful person and he hated himself for that.  
"Gerard,you do not hate catholics,in a matter of a fact,you're actually crushing on a one. You hate resentful people and you hate homophobes,transphobes and probably everybody that has -phobes in it." Mikey laughed it out.

"Since when did you get so smart?" Gerard smirked at his smug ass brother. The wind outside made Gerard shiver. It wasn't suppose to be this cold.

"I am not smart. I just talk a lot of gibberish so it seems that i actually know something while in real life i don't know what a mitohondria is." Mikey stood up from the bed and streched while his spine cracked too loudly. Gerard turned around and Mikey knew that his brother will laugh at this.

"So Mikey,what's a mitochondria?" Gerard said laughing because he knew how much Mikey had to study so he could pass fucking biology and he knew Mikey will always remeber certain stuff from it.

"Powerhouse of the fuckin cell,you fuck." Mikey said while exiting the room,leaving his brother to get ready even though he was already late to 'school'.

-

Being surronded by pricks was a joy every day and Frank was really enjoying his stay in high school. He was sick of the things that his collegues did and it made him jump of joy because he will get to see them all today.

As he was passing by the entrance of his high school,there was a little wall where every kid had his group and the groups were divided by sterotypical characterization. There were the popular ones,they were preps mostly. There were nerds,the ones that tryed really hard to get into collage and if you looked at it that way,Frank was one of them too,but not entirely because he didn't hang out with them and most of the people didn't even know he actually had good grades. He just blended in with the surroundings.

Invisibility was Frank's best aset and he used that so he could pass high school without anyone paying much attention to him.

In his school there were no groups such as goths or emos because most of the people there were die-hard catholics that went to church,so being something like that was off the chart. It wasn't like Frank hated people that went to church,he just mostly didn't like them and if they found out that he's been lying to them for all this years about how he just goes to another church,so they don't see him much,he could just consider himself dead.

Also,groups of sporty people and groups of those who acted a bit like whores and his favourite, fuckboys.

The fuckboys were so stubborn in their mission that it was funny to watch but after certain amount of time,it just becomes painful.

Once,last year,as summer was approaching,guys or the famous fuckboys as you know them started wearing shorts to school. The principle stricktly ordered to wear decent clothes aka not shorts,only long pants or jeans and that's all. But as we see,the fuckboys needed to preserve their heterosexuality so they continued doing so which only caused sending them home so they could change.

Dress code man. In this case they really didn't need shorts,it wasn't that hot after all.

Fucking fuckboys and their shorts.

Frank cleared his mind because he needed to concentrate,he had important stuff to do and lately it seemed like everything deserved his attention. From scruffy black hair to the touch of someone's soft lips on his skin. It made his skin crawl,but from excitement and it made him shiver,but it was also not from fear of the unknown.

The bell was about to ring and he needed to hurry to get to his locker because if the bell rang while he's still on the hall,there is a high posibility he'll be deaf till the end of the day.  
Someone from the proffesors or whoever does that stuff made the bell ring with a such high pitched ring,it literally made you feel like you were in prison.

He run to his locker,seeing nobody around which made him feel reliefed. His locker had this greenish colour that was mixed with a grey colour.

The combination on his locker clicked and he started taking his books out,he looked at the stupid quote his mother made him put there.

Smile! It's a bad day,not a bad life.

The quote was given by his mother and she bought it like in a supermarket for a dollar,maybe less. It made him vomit for ages but he kept it there. He had a feeling that if he took it down,she would somehow find out.

Monday,first period,maths. Frank felt like shooting himself on spot but then the ladies that cleaned the school would have more work than what they usually have.

He rushed to the classroom and the bell rang as he entered the room,he saved himself from a future headache. His maths proffesor was standing there by the board,not looking even slitely interested and not paying attention to who was walking into his class. Literally,anyone could walk in and pretend that they went to this class. But then again which idiot would come to maths class by his own free will?

No one,that's right,not a single soul.

The desk that belonged to Frank or the one that he usually took was waiting for him with his arms open. Not really with his arms because desks and chairs didn't have arms ans it would be totally freaky if they did. Frank felt the urge to throw himself out of the second floor. But he would probably break his foot.

The class filled with his collagues and not his friends because he really didn't have any. Joanna,his 'ex-best' friend sat across the room and Frank's staring was interrupted by no other than Ray Toro.

Ray Toro was one of those people that if he killed someone no one would trust that because he was just simply too kind. Toro never bothered Frank with stupid questions and that's why Frank respected him like heaven on earth. You could even say that he liked the dude.

Ray sent him a smile and Frank concluded that that would be all that he will have from human interaction today.

He was definitely wrong.

The black and white clock that ticked maybe too quietly showed Frank that the first part of his misery ends in ten seconds.  
Nine. Someone caughs.  
Eight. The proffesor starts saying the homework.  
Seven. Nobody is listening.  
Six. Five. People already start taking their stuff.  
Four. Three. Professor yelling how the class isn't over.  
Two,one.  
Zero. So long,proffesor.

Frank ran to his locker so he could avoid further socializing.  
Halls were overcrowded with students and it was hard to get through.

There was a person leaning on Frank's locker and the only thing Frank was thinking about was the fact that he'll need to say something to that person so that he,she,it moves,he was also considering waiting that person to move but he really didn't have the time.

Approaching the locker made him feel anxious.  
This person had the same black hair as Gerard.  
"Hey could you-" Frank gasped. "G-Gerard?"

Gerard must of have liked his gasp because he was smiling from his ear to ear.

"Oh,did you miss me?"

-

Extremely suprised. That's how Frank looked like and maybe a little petrified. Gerard figured it would be for the best if he smiled because Frank looked like he's about to faint. All the students around them just passed by,not looking at Frank,but looking at Gerard cause he was the 'new guy'. People probably assumed that he transfered or that his parents moved from another country or something else reasonable.

Gerard was particulary proud of himself because he looked like he actually went to high school and that was one of the reason he was smiling from his ear to ear,but probably the biggest reason was standing in front of him,looking all tired and wide-eyed.

"Did you hear a word i said?" Gerard continued,leaning his head against Frank's locker which made Frank blush because he found it extremely cute.

"I-i did." Frank answered quickly while his blood boiled and he felt like he's under a fricking lamp. Pro tip: if you try to stop your blushing,you will only make it worse and the person that's causing it will notice it.

"And?" Gerard continued while moving his head of the locker,slightly pouting to Frank while still having a huge grin plastered all over his face. "You're blushing and it seems like you're about to faint. Walk with me somewhere."

Frank opened his eyes quickly. What the hell,Gerard? Why? What? Why know? How? Frank's head was about to get a massive headache. "Um,where-where to?" He calmed himself to ask this simple question.

"The bathroom,lets go to the bathroom."

"The bathroom? Gerard,what are you doing?"

"Just trust me,okay?" Gerard said while grabing Frank's hand so that he can lead him to the room that Frank knew all to well. He was the one going to this hell hole and not Gerard,so this situation was fricking ridicilous to Frank. Nobody was in the hall and that prevented Frank from blushing or something worse because Gerard took him by his hand. His hand in hand with the person he loved,no he liked him. Loving was too extreme and Frank didn't believe in love,right?

Gerard pushed the bathroom doors while draging Frank along with him,it was hard to drag him because it felt like Frank was stopping in place every once in a while.

They came inside and Gerard checked if anyone was present. While he did so,Frank realized that Gerard was wearing his school uniform,how the hell did Gerard find a school uniform? That wasn't even the important question,the important question was what the hell were they doing in the school bathroom.  
Gerard also smoothed his hair and he looked like a polite catholic highschool boy. He really did look like a catholic person.  
Catholic.  
God dammit.

"Okay,i know you're confused,but i wanted to be spontanauos,so i just came here." Gerard started to explain while standing too far from where Frank wanted him to be.

Frank was confused and he really didn't know what to do,so he just started talking. "What do you want from me? I asked you that once before and you didn't give me an answer. I would really like an anwer now." Frank tryed to be all tough but he turned out be quite puppy like and he hated himself for that.

"Okay. I will tell you everything. But first you need to tell me what do you have next period?" Gerard stepped closer to Frank which made Frank shiver.

"Nothing." Gerard cocked an eyebrow. "I have a free period."

"Marvelous!" Gerard proclaimed while clapping. His eyebrows furrowed at once. "Then why were you in a such rush?"

Frank looked down because he was embarassed. He figured it would be better to just come clean. "Uh,i wanted to study for next period."

Gerard smirked and started intentionly caughing. "Nerd."

"That's not even an insult to me."

"I know. I love nerds. Nerds are cute. Especially the short ones that make your heart race faster and the ones that run away frequently." Gerard's face looked even paler in the light that was coming through the window.  
He was waiting for some sort of a reaction to what he just said because Gerard was sure he described Frank in details. Frank's face wasn't blushing at the moment,but there was some redness that was just the aftermath of the previous one. He actually looked pretty mad.

"I am not short." Frank said with his fingers tightened in his fists.

"Okay. Whatever you say."  
There was awkward silence between them,but Gerard didn't find it awkward at all. He was just thinking of his next step. Frank on the other hand was doing everything to avoid Gerard's stare but Gerard wasn't letting him just slide.

Gerard took all the bravery he had,he practicly scraped it of the bottom of his soul because he wasn't really known as the brave type of a guy. He took a step closer to Frank, his eyes diverted to him the second he made movement. Frank stared at Gerard in sort of a way that he knew he wasn't allowed to. His attention was distracted by the thing he wanted to feel on his skin once again,he wanted to feel it across his neck,he wanted to run his fingers across them. Gerard's lips were dangerously close to Frank and Frank found it hard to swallow at the moment.

Gerard raised his arm and put it behind Frank,Frank's back was touching the cold probably dirty wall of the male bathroom of his stupid catholic school. Gerard was leaning closer to Frank's body and Frank could feel Gerard's knee bumping into his leg,that's how close they were.

Gerard glanced across Frank's body and he stopped at his eyes and he opened his mouth a bit. "So,Frank. Don't get me wrong,but i don't want to do anything to you,with you without asking first because i could be wrong."  
Frank nodded so that he continues.

"I mean,what i am trying to say is that you let me hug and kiss you,on the cheek and i am not sure if you are-you know..."

Frank just nodded. He couldn't do much,he was jammed and if he tryed to do any movement he would end up touching Gerard and he didn't want that,not yet.

"I-i mean. I don't think that any catholic boy would let another boy to kiss him or something similiar to that." Gerard continued to prove his point.

Frank figured it was time to come clean and if he needed to listen to Gerard's raspy voice any longer he would be forced to jerk off like a hormonal teenager in front of his fucking crush in a catholic school.

"Just listen to me." Frank started. "I have no idea what the hell i am and i don't care. I figured it was time to cut all the bullshit. I want you to kiss me hard,like really hard so i can remember it as something fucking good because we both know there isn't much good stuff in my life. So just do whatever and however the hell you meant to do it." Frank gasped out and it seemed like he was panting while talking and that wasn't really good for Gerard because it was turning him on. He looked frightened by what was to come next and his hands shaked as Gerards pupils dialated.

Gerard stuttered on the beggining of the sentence cause he couldn't really believe that this was actually happening to him. "So can i kiss you now?"

Frank gasped loudly. "No!" All wide-eyed in confusion and stress.

"Wait you just said..."

"Not here,you idiot. I don't wanna be kissed by a hot guy for the first time in a bathroom of a catholic school." Frank admited to Gerard.

"First time? You've never been kissed by someone,not even by a girl?" Gerard asked in evident excitement.

"No, i haven't,so you better take me somewhere nice,literally anywhere because i don't wanna do it here." Frank frowned at the mention of this hell that he was forced to attend.

"I know just the place." Excitement and the feeling of success was boiling in his blood and he couldn't wait to tell Mikey all about this,but not before he showed Frank everything.

-

The place that Gerard took Frank was so quiet and Frank didn't know that place existed,even though he lived here for seventeen years.

Gerard had Frank's hand in his own the whole way while they were walking and Frank's palm was getting sweaty but it seemed that Gerard didn't mind. They walked two blocks away from his school and Frank found it oddly relaxing seeing his school in the distance,the only pain he could feel was the one when he realized that he will need to go back for the next period,but he wasn't letting himself think about that.

After they crossed those two blocks,they took a turn to the right,passed some ugly painted buildings and then they needed to pass some trees that Gerard was counting because he needed to find the right passage.

Gerard found the right path and he turned to Frank and just smiled. Frank felt everything and he wondered where Gerard was taking him. He knew that this was moving way too fast and that he didn't actually trust Gerard Way.  
Gerard Way could easily be a serial killer,but Frank didn't mind because even if he was,he would just kill him and all would be gone. Frank was an extremely optimistic person as you can see and a sarcastic one.  
He could also be a creeper,wait a fucking second,he already is. It was hard for Frank to think about all of these stuff that his mom taught him. Don't talk to stranger,don't do this,don't do that. If this what Gerard was doing was just using Frank then he didn't really care. He was lonely and right now he needed someone to hold him. It wasn't like Frank was a polite flower in all of this. In certain moments he felt like he needed to stop all of this but he was really lonely and the loneliness was eating him up. Slowly.

The trees and the fricking branches were really messing with both of them and Frank felt like giving up on the special place that Gerard was taking him but after few seconds of thinking about that Gerard sighed from relief because they were finally there.

It was nothing special in a romantic way speaking. If this was a romance novel,the girl or the guy would be extremely dissapointed,but Frank was just fucking thrilled because they finally got there.

Everything around them was green. Trees and little flowers on bushes,Frank turned around to see that this meadow was actually hidden and you couldn't really get there easily. It was hidden and it was perfect.  
The meadow had a circle shape and little bumps in the ground and Gerard took him to the very middle and Gerard sat down slowly,Frank following his movement.

"Is this okay?" Gerard asked with hope in his eyes. "Did i manage to fulfill your standards?"

Frank didn't really have standards,so this was fucking perfect. He decided that nodding a few times would satisfy Gerard's needs.

"So,how are you?" Gerard asked while fixing his school uniform. Frank still couldn't believe that he put that on just so he could walk inside his school.

Frank found this question worth answering so he decided that he will. "I always find these type of questions to be stupid. They really don't make sense. People are not gonna answer truthfully,so what's the point?" Frank raised his eyebrows just to meet Gerard smiling because he knew that Gerard felt the same way.

"These questions are used maybe just like icebrakers,i suppose. I agree that they don't make sense." Gerard spread his palm while making his point. "But let's put it like this,if i did ask you how you were,what would you answer?" The wind got stronger,it messed with the branches and it created a perfect relaxing sound. The wind also messed with Gerard's hair and his strands started to stick out after they've been perfectly smoothed for the first time in his life.

Frank laid on the soft grass,looking up to meet Gerard's gaze while Gerard waited him to answer. "I would say that i am fine."

"And you would be lying."

"Would I?" Frank blinked a few times before he looked at him again. His eyes were distracted by the top of the trees an how the light went through them. His vision became blurry after not blinking for a while.

Gerard looked at him again and he laid down on his stomach next to Frank who was on his back and his hand under his head supporting it.

"There is something wrong with you,Frank." Frank's name rolled of his toungue so smoothly like he's been saying it for years.

Frank realized that this was just stating the obvious. "Well,yeah. I wouldn't be in group therapy,now would i?"

Gerard moved closer to Frank and he whispered in his ear. "There is something more than just what you're showing. There is,i know it,but i am not gonna force you to do anything or say anything before you're ready. I am not gonna be like the others. There is nothing wrong with other people,but i want to be special to you. I want you to look around and see me as something good." He finished what he was saying and he put his elbows on the ground so that he could see Frank's face clearly as they were both laying on the ground.

Silence was present,but there were so many sounds around them. Birds singing,trees humming,distant sound of cars driving in the city and their breathing.

Frank decided it was for the best if he broke the silence. The silence between them was too long. "I thought you brought me here so you could kiss me." He licked his bottom lip and he felt like the biggest fool ever while doing that,luckily Gerard didn't seem to mind.

"I did and i am still intending too. I didn't know you were this pushy." Gerard removed his elbow above the ground and touched him right were his ribs were. It was clumsy but it was cute.

"Me? Pushy? Says the guy that's wearing a school uniform of a school he's not attending." Frank giggled at the sentence he just said.

Gerard's eyes were so close to Frank,he could see the frackles in them,their noses were almost touching too. "I really love to hear you smile. You should smile more,if you're up to that."

Frank's smile was still on his face and Gerard raised his hand to Frank's arm,touching it and making circular moves with his thumb. "I guess i need more reasons to smile."

Gerard's face made a sad expression on his face but he quickly perked up so that Frank can't see it. "You know,we are breaking the rules." He smirked at the thought.

"What rules?" The question left hanging in the air because Frank really didn't know what he meant.

"In group therapy you can't date someone. That's forbidden. If something like that happens,the other person needs-"

Frank didn't let him finish. "I didn't know we were dating."

Gerard was blushing and Frank felt like he just won an award. He made Gerard Way blush. It was cute and a rear sight.

"I mean-i am not implying anything,just-just,ugh. Forget it."  
Gerard felt like his heart was about to jump out of his body.

Frank and Gerard were sitting in silence. Just looking at each other. Everyhing was so peaceful and Frank felt like this was his safe haven. The wind was still blowing and it still messed up with Gerard's hair,but he was done smoothing it. Gerard's lips parted and they looked dry and raspy and in that moment Frank just wanted to look them forever,if that was somehow possible.

The cheesiness of the moment was so evident. Everybody on this stupid Earth knew that the long silence predicted kissing. It seemed like Frank didn't mind this time. He was strongly against clichés but it didn't really matter at the moment.

Gerard sat on the floor and he straightened his back,Frank was still on the floor and his shirt was a bit up and Gerard could see bits of his lower stomach. Gerard knew that Frank has never done this before and he also goddamn knew that if this doesn't turn out special for Frank,he is going to regret it so much.  
Frank knew what was to come and he started to get up which only caused Gerard to stop him while he said. "You don't need to get up. Stay laying down. It's perfect."

Frank felt a little uncomfortable as Gerard moved his body closer to him. He didn't know what to do with his hands,so he just placed them on his stomach.  
Gerard took Frank's head and he placed it in his lap. Frank's head was dangerously close to his crotch and he needed to brace himself while Frank's beautiful eyes stared at him amazed so that nothing happened in his lower part of his body. He then placed Frank a little bit more on him,so that he feels more comfortable. Now part of Frank's upper body was on Gerard and his head which was still turned in his direction. Gerard taught about this over and over in his head.

"I know this question seems stupid now but i promised myself that much." Gerard bit his bottom lip. "Can i kiss you?"

"I don't know,may you?"

"Frank,it's not the time for teasing. We'll have plenty of time for that." Gerard rolled his eyes.

Frank licked his lips again and he just decided it was better if he just did it. No stalling. Not anymore.

"Then,yeah." Frank's voice said while trembeling.

Frank could feel Gerard's fingers on his skin,on his nose,touching his eyelids,supporting his chin. Gerard started to get down closer to Frank's lips and Frank decided to meet him halfway. Their faces were already touching,noses bumping as their forheads conected for the first time. Their hair was tickling their faces and Frank could feel Gerard's hand touching his hair,supporting his head,tangeling inside of Frank's mess he called his hair.

Their breathing synchronized and Gerard waited till Frank kissed him first. Frank took Gerard's face in his hands and then for the first time in his seventeen year old life he felt someone lips on his own.

Their lips touched and Frank was shivering under the touch even though it wasn't cold. Frank could feel the texture of Gerard's lips,they were dry and raspy as he predicted and the smell. Frank could smell the flowers again and he really didn't know how Gerard managed to smell like that. Frank decided to kiss his bottom lip and their lips parted just for a second so they could breathe again. Gerard moved his head properly so that their noses didn't bump so much while they kissed. Their heart beat was increasing every second and Frank felt like he was about to have a heart attack,Gerard was holding him so there was no danger of him falling. Gerard moved his hand to Frank's lips and he just tenderly touched them,his eyes were almost closed but he closed them all when he brought his lips again to Frank's. Frank could feel Gerard opening his mouth a bit and their tounges touching for the first time. It was warm and wet and Gerard was holding him and the stupid world seemed to stop for a bloody second and things felt okay.

Gerard kissed his bottom lip and then he left his lips,watching Frank with his eyes still closed. He panicked for a second because he didn't want to stop but then he saw Frank's neck and decided to go on from there.

Frank didn't even imagine this happening,nonetheless that someone would be kissing his lips and now his neck. It took him by suprise and he couldn't help but to escape a quiet and a shy moan out of his lips as his head was once again on Gerard'a crotch.

Gerard on the other hand was just hoping that he wouldn't get a boner because he didn't know where that would take him,so he just continued kissing and eventually bitting his neck. Frank's body was trembeling a bit and Gerard moved his lips to meet Frank's eyes.

Frank opened his eyes. Totally in awe. Gerard could swear he could see stars in Frank's eyes. He also saw himself looking at him in admiration.

He saw himself and the stars.

Frank,Gerard and the stars.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with me. Hell yes some kissing,did you see that guys,wohhoooo. Chapter 7 is gonna come soon i hope. I can't wait to see what's coming. I love ya all. Votes and comment are very welcome and remember i love you all. Xx


	7. Asexuals don't exist in the catholic church

Did it really take that much to fall in love? Of course not. Love wasn't like that. It didn't work like that and if you thought it did you've then never been in love. Actual love.

All that happened between Gerard and Frank was kissing which they both hoped would lead to something else (but they would never admit that much to each other),also a bunch of fucking teenage hormones,at least from Frank's side because he was a teenager in this thing that he and Gerard had. A thing? Frank couldn't really decide what to call it,so now it was just the thing. Frank also felt like making a deal out of it so he decided to call it The Thing. Capital letters. Two t-letters.

Frank was lost and confused because he's never experienced something like this before. How was he suppose to act? Was he suppose to act or just play it cool? Be himself? He figured it would be rather stupid to lie or fake something in front of Gerard because he could see it through. He sees things through and that was what Frank was afraid of. Right before he kissed him,he said that something was wrong with him and that made Frank concerned a lot. He knew that Gerard can't find out. Not now,not ever.

He needed to keep it a secret.

And that was the plan. Frank didn't wanted to smash his head with thinking about it,maybe Gerard just generally thought about being fucked up. They were both in group therapy,even though Gerard still didn't know what was wrong with him and that was only advantage Frank had.

The only one.

When it came to general fucked upness,Frank believed that everybody had that,at least most of the people in group therapy. They knew how things worked,they knew how everything falls apart. Most of the people that weren't fucked up also knew that,but they didn't let it consume them and that was the only difference between these type of people.

Thinking about Gerard was one of Frank's new hobbies. He was laying on his bed and all he could think about was those hazel eyes. What was it about his eyes? He didn't know he had an obsession with peoples eyes. It never occured to him that that was his fetish,but on the other hand he's never been in love with someone's eyes. This was new and it was undiscovered teritory and it was weird and it bothered Frank as much as it excited him.

After Gerard kissed Frank's lips and neck,he brought his head up and his hands were tangled in Frank's hair. They were looking at each other intensely. Frank thought that another session of making out was about too happen,but Gerard just kept looking at him. His eyes were fixated on his and he didn't even blink. They breathed in each other because they were so close. Frank was sitting on Gerard's lap and it started to get uncomfortable,but not one single muscle was moved to change that position. Gerard was still holding Frank strongly as they gazed at each other and it was even more intense than the kissing itself.

After that,Frank realized that time is a fucking bitch and that he soon needed to go back to school because third period was approaching too fast. He whispered to Gerard how he needed to go back and Gerard only slightly nodded in response so that Frank understood he got the message. Gerard started to unclutch out of the half-hug,half-holding onto each other so that Frank could stand up. He was still on the floor,sitting,just being quiet,his hair was a mess and Frank was particilarly proud that he was partly guilty because of that. He messed with his hair while making out on purpouse because the whole playing polite-christian-boy-so-i-could-sneak-into-a-school wasn't working for Frank. The wind also did their do in the process of making Gerard's hair look like he just had sex.

They stood up and Gerard was a bit confused on whatever the hell he was thinking about. It was weird to see him so confused,it sent shivers down Frank's spine. Frank asked him where was he going because he didn't make much sense what Gerard was saying. He was whispering and it looked like he was sick,although just a few seconds ago he looked fine,but maybe the reason of that was the fact that Frank wasn't touching him and vice versa.  
It was so comforting to be in his arms,so warm. It gave Frank the feeling of safety. The safety was fake,of course because Frank didn't know Gerard and Gerard didn't know Frank. They could both be serial killers when you looked at it that way. They knew they were both fucked,group therapy took care of that.

When there was a person you knew for two days,would you make out with them? Maybe yes,maybe no. Depends on the person,right?

Some people say that kissing a person like really quicky is love at first sight,but Frank didn't believe in that. There was no such thing as swooning over someone the first time you look at them,there was no such thing as saying the right words when you meet that special someone. Or that was at least what Frank thought. He saw his parents and he saw no love and that was how he saw the world.

Loveless.

If that was even a word.

After all,when it came to saying the right words,the first words that Gerard said to Frank was: 'nice to meet you,Frank'. And that only made Frank scared,to him Gerard was still a stranger who he knew little,almost nothing about.

He was willing to find more about him,though. Gerard was one of those people that needed time to open up and so was Frank.

Time is on their side after all.

-

The air stenched and Gerard sighed deeply. Sometimes when he sighed he felt like his soul is escaping his body,but he knew that was impossible. Sometimes he felt like he didn't have a soul. He would joke with his brother about not having one and then one day Mikey got really serious and said:" If more people didn't have a soul like you,the world would be a better place". Gerard wondered who raised him that way,but then he'd remember that he practicly did. But that wasn't all,that boy was a soul,like a really good person. The world didn't deserve Mikey Way,that was at least what his brother thought. Then again, Gerard knew he was acting like this, praising his brother to heaven itself only because he was being subjective and for god sake, Gerard loved that boy way too much.

No pun intended.

He figured that in no way in hell he's going to think about Frank all day and his soft lips.

The contrast was rather strange. When they started kissing, Gerard waited Frank to kiss him first. He didn't want Frank to regret his actions because he knew how that felt and he would never let anyone feel miserable as he did when he was younger.

Full of regret. Regret led to anger. Anger led to misery. Misery led to depressive thoughts. He would never want that to anyone,not even to his worst enemy, if he had one.

He was in his room, doors shut. Shirt that he wore when he saw Frank carelessly discarded on the floor. He looked at the shirt that was hiding under that dreadful uniform that Frank had to wear every single fucking day. Poor Frank, Gerard was more then willing to help him take it off.

He smacked himself across the face to prevent the thoughts from coming into his head. The thoughts needed to stop because he was intending to take it extremely slow with him... But the thoughts of Frank touching his stomach,taking his shirt off and slowly kissing his neck and going down, kissing his lower stomach and...

No! Gerard's imagination was working on full steam here and he realized he needed to stop, he was acting like a teenager. Well, he wasn't far but he thought he passed that phase of controlling himself from getting a fucking boner.

The shirt on the floor looked extremely lonely or that was just how Gerard felt at the moment,so he decided to pick it from the floor. He picked his lazy ass from the bed and with his stomach being rather cold he put his arms around himself,wrapping himself in a sort of a hug. The shirt, the stupid shirt that he'd taken off when he got home didn't smell bad at all,even thought he'd been running out of the woods after Frank was forced to leave. He let Frank go back to class,he told him that he's going to stay in the woods for a while. And he did.

He picked that certain meadow because that place was special to him. The meadow itself was in a circle and the path that leads to the meadow was hidden and that was the best part about it. When you stood in the middle of the meadow you couldn't see a way out. You could only see it if you knew it was there. That was his favourite place because nothing bad happened there. Sure, it could be that in the past, people were slaughtered there or in the worst case scenario there could be a graveyard under it that had evil ghosts that can get into your soul and control your body and make you kill all your friends, but Gerard was definitely making a digression. It was his favourite place because nothing bad happened to him there. The place wasn't polluted with evil stuff. It was also really beautiful. Gee would go there just so he can sit there and be in silence and the silence was amazing. He had a rule that he won't go there when he's angry and so far he had accomplished that.

Bringing Frank there was the best part of it all. Some people would think that he's broken his rules by bringing another person in there but to him he wasn't. He filled that space with feelings. Feelings,yes. That was how he will describe. Gerard wasn't really satisfied with filling the meadow,his special place with only feelings. He wanted to fill it with love, but he wasn't sure that Frank felt the same. Suddently,he felt his anxiety creep in and the shirt that was still laying on the floor was a real saviour for him. He started to take his things of the floor and he took his shirt off of it, Gerard put it on and he smelled that weird shampoo that Mikey constantly bought because apperantly his brother 'liked flowers, especially roses' no matter how cliché it was.

Mikey shut the door with a bang downstairs and Gerard thought how they are probably connected, brain waves and what not because he was thinking about him.

That was impossible so he just went with the good old 'Lupus in fabula'.

He could hear Mikey running upstairs and in seconds to come Mikey is going to open Gerard's bedroom door and ask him how it went.

In the following seconds, Mikey stormed in and saw Gerard laying on the bed,one hand carelessly on his stomach.

Mikey blurted out. "Are you hurt? Are you okay?" The younger brother worriedly asked his brother the question he wasn't expecting while having his eyes wide open.

"Mikey,calm down. I am totally fine." Gerard stood up,so that his brother sees he's okay. "This is not like the last time, Mikey. This is different." He keeped on convincing him.

Mikey was sweaty,probably from the running home so he could find out what happened. Gerard figured that Mikey started freaking out on his way home, so he forgot who Gerard even was after. He forgot this was Frank they were talking about. Previous experiances were a bitch.

"I am sorry, i just got so worried and i saw you laying on your bed and I-I just thought. I don't want that that thing happens again-". Mikey was starting to apologize but Gerard interupted him.

"We said that we won't talk about it." The smile that Gerard had from thinking about Frank transformed into a shy smile cause he wanted to make his broher feel better but mentioning it made him really sad.

"Okay. I am sorry,again. How did it go? Did he run away?" Mikey started to shoot out questions like a machine gun. When he was interested or curious in something, he would get really hyped about it.

Mikey glared at his brother who wasn't really providing answers. Gerard thought about how he kissed Frank and he couldn't stop the smile from comming to his lips. Mikey protested. "Judging by your smug ass smile, everything went fucking great." Gerard smiled even harder,pulling the grin almost from his ear to ear. Mikey has never seen him that happy. "So it went even better than you expected. Nice!" Mikey was shaking his head in disbelief,smiling alongside his brother.

"Did you get in the school without any problem?" Mikey asked,raising eyebrows at the item that was the school uniform that Mikey practicly stole for his brother.

"It worked like a charm. Everybody thought i was new. That's all." Gerard jumped back on his bed, his head laid back on his small but soft pillow.

"So smoochies and stuff. Right?"

"Yep. I am gonna tell you everything, just chill." Gerard made a hand motion to calm his brother.

Mikey took out a paper of sorts and Gerard was a bit confused. The last time he saw a paper like that, nothing good happened.

"I am sorry for killing the good vibes, but she-i mean they sent a letter."

Gerard knew this could bring no good. This was unexpected and too soon. He thought he had more time. Mikey streched out to Gerard and Gerard opened the letter,seeing all the cursive writting. He just whispered under his breath.

"Shit."

-

School is an institute where children go so they can murder themselves in the process. If you do survive, you get a medal (in this case you pass school) but the effects are that you have scars that will remain on your skin untill you die.

Frank was being sarcastic as always and he was only being methaphorical. This what he thought about school wasn't real (more or less).

He was buged and it felt like insects are under his skin. The thing he hated the most was that the feeling stays even when it's over. He wasn't really a fan of insects and whenever he saw one in his house, bedroom, he hurried to pick it up and throw it outside. The relationship he had with insects was weird and he didn't really understand it because he didn't like to see them but he also didn't wanna kill them.

Such a weird thing. Every other person would just kill it, make a disgusted face and go away. Frank wasn't like that. Also, other people were scared of stalkers and avoided them by any cost. Then again, Frank failed at doing that too. It was impossible to stop thinking about the head that was above his and the rays that went through his black hair as he kissed him. Gerard kissed him. He had a kiss with a boy, he actually was touched by a boy, another person. The realization hit him hard.

Gerard was hard to get. The veil of mistery around him was black and hard to see through.

The knock on the door startled him and his mother entered the room, looking all un-suspicious, un-aware of the fact that Frank kissed a boy today. If they found out, he didn't know what would happen. He will most certainly get a slap, the only problems is how far they'll go. He hoped that they would never found out, he didn't really know what he was. Being a certain sexuality all of a sudden became an issue. It wasn't an issue before because firstly, he was never interested in anyone and secondly, when you were a depressed person or just having issues you didn't think about having someone to romanticly involve with you. People can't make depression go away, they can help, but the only person who can fix those kinds of things is the person who has it. That was at least what Frank thought.

"Frankie, honey. How was school?" His mum asked with a small smile and with darker circles under her eyes. The circles were getting worse day by day.

There were two words that annoyed Frank the most and that was Frankie and honey. And his mother used it in the same sentence. How amazing is that?

His mother used it all the time and he never told her to stop using that. He was too afraid and he didn't have power to stand up and confront her. Not even on little things like this.

"It was okay mum." Frank answered bluntly and too quiet. All he could remeber was the kiss he got today, the school was a blur. He was suprised that he managed to walk somehow. Ray Toro even asked him if he's okay. That person was a ray of sunshine. Literally. He thought about befriending Ray Toro but then he changed his mind because he didn't want to drag sweet, innocent Ray into his problems. Not one person in his school knew that he went to group therapy and he intended to make it stay that way.

"Honey, you know you can say anything to me. Anything that bothers you, anything that pops in your little head of yours."

Sounds like manipulation, miss Iero.

Sounds like you want to control Frank's head.

Good job.

"Mum, everything is fine. I got an A in history class and a B in maths. Everything is fine-." Frank sweated because he didn't want his mother in his head because all she would see would be Gerard and Frank kissing on the fucking floor.

"You got a B in maths class!" His mother exclaimed angrily and all her good will vaporated into thin air.

"But the A-" Frank protested.

His mother stood up from his bed, pointing at the desk. "Go study, you need to fix that grade." She smashed the doors as she walked out.

"What the fuck?" Frank said as she walked out, putting his hand to his lips because he was scared she heard him.

He put his hand on his knee and he almost smiled to himself because cursing was the least wrong thing of all the sins he's doing.

-

"Goddammit Mikey, you really killed the good vibes." Gerard said nervously, walking across his room, making his brother nervous too. The jumpiness that Gerard felt was not from being happy, it was from being nervous.

"Okay yeah, i know. I am sorry,but i didn't want them to just come without you knowing. You know how shit went down when they came last time. The situation like that can't happen ever again." Mikey explained, catching his breath because he was seriously lacking some from all the talking.

Gerard looked straight into his brothers eyes and he saw fear. His brother was afraid and there was nothing he could do about it. Mikey was eighteen and Gerard twenty one and they were afraid. Gerard was afraid of losing Mikey and Mikey couldn't stand living without his brother. There was a bond between them that was unbreakable and that was what Gerard loved most about them.

"So what are we going to do?" Gerard asked his brother with his arms shrugging because they could do everything and it might possibly not be enough.

"The best we fucking can." Mikey said while approaching his brothers with his arms open, inviting his brother into a hug.

Mikey continued speaking. "Promise me that if they take me, you'll come to save me, like you did last time." Mikey had his eyes teary and the contacts that he's been wearing started to itch strongly, so he made them go away.

"We are not kids anymore, Mikey. We don't know where life takes us, but you are right, we will do everything to stay together." Gerard encouraged his brother while pulling out of the hug. He wasn't going to just let them take him away. He was his everything until Frank came and he isn't even sure if they are anything but he sure did hope so.

"I am ready. How bout you Mikey?"

"Fuckin ready."

The first stage was cleaning their place. Their house had two floors. Where the entrance was, there was the kitchen that was conected to the living room that they barely used. Mikey used it sometimes when his friends came over, but those people didn't make a mess so it was cool. If Gerard ever invited his friends when he was still under the influence of drugs and alcohol then the place wouldn't look so great. Upstairs, there were their bedrooms and the bathroom. The place itself was small but enough for Mikey and Gerard to live in. Probably, Gerard's favourite thing about their place was the fact that they had stairs. Stairs that led to their bathrooms. He had a minor obsession with them, it was probably because when they were little they never had stairs. Often when Mikey came home he would see Gerard drawing on those stairs and when he was messed up, he would pass out on them. It was always those fricking stairs. Mikey didn't know what was so special about them but he would let it roll. The actions his brother did that did no harm to him were none of his business. He would only intervene when Gerard was in life and death situations and he was in them more then they could both admit.

After cleaning up the place which didn't take long because they didn't have much to like get dirty, it was time for covering the house of any anti-catholic sings. If there was a thing in their house that was remotely not catholic they would consider it a mistake and Gerard really didn't want them to yell at Mikey or him because he would punch them and that would only make it worse. The 'mistakes' needed to be covered, that also inluded the Dungeon and Dragons that was on the coffee table in the living room. Mikey just looked at Gerard and they just nodded at each other because they knew they needed to move it out of their eyesight. Mikey took it and brought it to his room and put it in his wardrobe. He left his room and called Gerard to come upstairs. Gerard started to walk up the stairs, two stairs at the time, not knowing what he was trying to prove with that. His athletic abilities? Please, no.

"Mikey, what?" Gerard asked nervously and all panting because the stairs were not his best friend even though he loved them. "What now?"

"What if they find your school uniform?" Mikey raised his eyebrows. "You can't tell them that you went to a catholic school to seduce your boyfriend! We need an excuse. If they find it."

"First of all Mikey, he's not my boyfriend. No matter how much i'd want that, even though i am scared shitless because of what happened before. You know already. The thing that we are gonna say to them is that uhmmm, your friend that goes to a catholic school left it here and he's going to pick it up soon, who knows when. They really picked the day, didn't they?" Gerard sighed, sitting on the floor beside that stupid unifrom that he wore when he touched those lips.

"Why does it has to be my friend?" Mikey protested.

"Well, Mikey. Do i look like a person who has catholic friends?" Gerard exclaimed rather sharply.

"No, but you look like you could be dating one soon-"

The bell they had on their white doors sounded strange. They knew who was outside and that people that were standing in front of them disgusted them. Steps that Gerard and Mikey made while going downstairs echoed throughout the house and that made them shiver.

They stood by the door, waiting for one of them to open it. Gerard gathered his courage and grabbed the door knob.

The door swinged open and they were standing there, like the perfect couple they were.

Gerard took a sharp breath and said.

"Hello mum, hello dad."

-

Amazing grace on a flute. Amazing. Literally amazing. Last thing Frank needed to hear in his life.

That was actually the first thing he heard when he came to his high school and already then he knew he was fucked. Most of the time in class he would imagine that one day, there would just be that little bell at the beggining before an announcement was said and the speakers would just start playing to him known tunes and then Misfits would blast through the speakers and Frank would climb on his desk and play his invisible guitar, then the teacher would kick him out of the class and eventualy priniciple out of the school.

And then he would be just left with his punk rock roots, riding out in the sunsets.

What a fantasy.

Frank was no where near being that brave, he couldn't speak up at class, nonetheless to stand on his desk and play air guitar.

But it was nice to imagine.

The problem now was that he could, for real hear Amazing grace in his house and that was extremely concerning and Frank opened his bedroom door slowly and the doors of course started squicking like somebody was killing them because that was just how much luck he had.

The sound increased as he opened them completely and he could hear it completely without any trouble. At least now he knew that he wasn't crazy which helped a lot because he couldn't handle that at the moment.

The walls echoed through the house and it bounced of the walls as Frank got downstairs, now the sound was crystal clear and he could see a girl standing in his living room wearing a floral dress. She smiled at Frank and Frank didn't have time to blush because his mother was standing in front of him. Frank jerked back because she appered like a ghost in front of him.

"Honey, this is Anastasia. She plays the piano." His mother gestured towards the girl that was now smiling awkwardly at him.

Frank eyed Anastasia that was standing there awkwardly. "Uhhh, hi."

Anastasia only nodded and silence was filled with a stupid christian tune and the chatter that was heard outside. His mother intervened because Frank was constantly watching Anastasia and things were getting serioualy bad. "Frankie, Anastasia and I met at the church, she sings in the choir. Isn't that lovely?" His mother sat on the brown sofa that his father puked on when he got home drunk after a night out.

Frank was getting suspicious. Anastasia, a lovely catholic girl that plays the piano and sings in the choir. This smelled like a set-up and his mother was smiling at him like a stepford wife she pretended to be. A fucking set-up. He couldn't believe it, this was worse than when his father got drunk. He discovered another secret about his mom. She was cunning and everything she did was in complete silence so that you don't notice until it's over.

Fucking hell.

"Yeah, it's great mum." Frank turned around to see if any other girl is going to jump out of the closet, in a literal sense of the meaning.

Anastasia hasn't spoken any words and Frank was even more suspicious now because he felt like she didn't want to be here.

He didn't want to be here, it didn't really strike him that that was that odd.

"Frankie." His mother called out.

Frankie.

One day he's going to snap, but not this day.

"Why don't you show Anastasia your room?"

Anastasia and Frank looked at each other terrified. While exchanging looks Anastasia showed Frank that she wasn't going to be the one that's going to ask Frank's mother about that.

"Uhm,mum. Why?"  
Frank gestured towards Anastasia, her eyes starting to get relaxed over time.

His mother took a bowl of cookies in her hands, the one that were usually for the church, giving them to her. His mother took newspaper from the mini table they had in their living room and said: "You young people need to socialize. Go have fun, talk. But Frankie don't do anything stupid." His mother smiled with the commercial smile as Anastasia and the bowl of cookies that she held started to get closer to Frank.

"Okay, then. Come up." Frank gestured her to climb the stairs while he was still glaring at his mother because he could not believe she had the balls to do this. His mother looked up at him and smirked.

This was manipulation that went beyond any point and it sucked.

He followed Anastasia's lead and in few seconds time Frank was opening his bedroom door to a complete stranger. It didn't matter that she was a complete stranger because on his mother's list of perfect girls by her choice, Anastasia was filling her standards.

Anastasia entered his room and looked at the mess that he had created. Frank felt a little guilty about that, but that wasn't his fault.

"Sorry for the mess, but my life is also a mess, so it represents me perfectly." Frank shrugged and sat on his un-made bed.

Anastasia left the cookies on his work desk, sitting on the chair that was under his table.

"I am so sorry, Frank." Anastasia apologized with her hands on her knees.

"What for?" Frank gestured.

She answered back. "I am so sorry because i had no idea that you're coming and that this whatever this is is going to happen."

Frank exhaled and thought how he judged maybe too fast.

"Oh, okay. I am sorry too." Frank said while laying his head on the wall, being more relaxed then when he thought that this was a set-up.

"And beside, your mum thought that we would be a great couple, but that just isn't possible." She brushed it off with a smile.

"How so?" Frank squinted his eyes.

"I am not attracted to anyone. Like, i don't want to have sex with anyone." Anastasia said with her hands trembeling a little.

"You're asexual?" Frank asked with a neutral expression on his face which made her smile.

"Yeah, i guess i am. And what are you?"

Frank couldn't really come up with an answer, so they fell in silence for a few seconds. Anastasia jumped in.

"It's not like i'm going to say anything to anyone. Goddammit, church doesn't approve what i am because apperantly woman are born to get married and have children. And that sucks. Church sucks actually."

They looked at each other, almost bursting into laughter because the situation was ironic. They were kids, 'catholic' kids that their parents thought that everything is straight about them. Frank didn't know what problems Anastasia had and he knew she didn't know how messed up he really was and he wasn't intending too. Frank smiled to her and figured it would be time to say something back.

"I don't know what i am. But i think i am gonna find out soon."

-

"The house looks amazing." His mother said with her lips pouted like she was grading the house. To be honest, the Way brothers thought that the house looked like shit. Their father didn't make a comment about the house or anything at all because to him, those kinds of things were reserved for women because he still lived in the medieval time. Gerard was looking at him with disgust and they led their parents to the couch. His mother crossed her legs while she sat carefully on the small, brown couch. She sat like she was about to get stung in her fucking ass, Mikey rolled his eyes as she did so. The lack of his mother's faith concerned him. Not that he even cared about her or him.

The stiffed couple looked at them with concerned looks and fake smiles. It was awful to think how your parents hated you that much but it was where they were, there was no coming back. Not after what they did, Gerard could never forgive that or worse forget it.

"So..." Their mother started speaking, only making Gerard to widen his eyes and laying back in his sofa while Mikey had his elbows on his knees, waiting for this to be over. "How are you too?"

Gerard and Mikey snaped their heads in the same time towards their mother. Mikey who usually let Gerard to do the talk, intervened and spoke for both of them, leaving Gerard suprised.

"We were great." Mikey smirked, getting closer to his brother to get away from the people they were forced to call parents.

His father looked at Mikey and spoke for the first time today in their house. "Aha, i understand. Everything was fine until we came, is that so?"

"Actually, yeah. Everything was fucking great until you came." Gerard blurted out the words.

His father grew hotter and his cheeks were turning red out of anger. "Don't you curse in my-"

"In your? What? Were you trying to say in your house?" Gerard started to maniacally laugh at his father. Mikey nudged his brother to stop laughing so hard because he was acting mad. Well,being mad isn't such a bad thing, if you have someone to be mad with you.

His father was stubborn and it didn't take long for him to start shouting. Well, shouting was his speciality. "What? This is my house! This place belongs to me. There were just inconveniance while that thing happened. And if you think that i am just going to drop this, you're dead wrong."

Their father wasn't capable of looking into his sons eyes, so he diverted them to the window that was a little smudged at the corners because they didn't really have time to wash it and it didn't look that dirty at the moment.

"If you think you have any chance then be my guest. Too bad you can't do anything."

Gerard was mad but the sight of his brother's shaky hands calmed him down. He just wanted them to be gone. It was impossible for him to remember the times when they were good to him or to Mikey, but especially to him. He thought that they were still holding onto some hope for Mikey.

His father smashed his hand against the table like he was some sort of an angry child and Mikey got startled, and their mother and Gerard made the most disguted face they could make.

"You will not disrespect me! I am older than you and you have no right to talk to me like that. I am your father and i know you better than anyone. Better than yourself." His spightful eyes were looking at Gerard and Gerard only.

Gerard just smiled.

His father was about to explode but Gerard interrupted him with the words that will make their father go away.

"If you know me so well, then how come you didn't know i was gay?" And the question went outside the roof as the silence grew in the Way residence.

His father got quickly up on his feet, storming out of the door.

The bang of the shuting the door echoed throughout the house, leaving their mother behind, still sitting on the couch.

Gerard and Mikey looked at their mother in a 'what the fuck are you still doing here' look. And with that their mother spoke with her shaky voice.

"I mean, the real reason, your father and i came today was. I mean."

"Did you suddently forget how to speak?" Gerard snaped at her, leaving their mother wide eyed.

"We wanted to ask Michael if he wanted to live with us?"

Gerard and Mikey just looked at each other. "What the fuck do you mean by that?" Mikey snapped first this time.

His mother raised her eyebrows like that was something to expect.

"I mean, look at this house. It's a mess and i'm sure that you and Gerard don't really clean it up properly even though it looks nice now."

"I don't want to live with you."  
Mikey stood up, straighting his back so that he looked extremely tall while his mother was still positioned on the couch.

"But, Mikey. You don't want to live with your brother. He's,he's..."

"C'mon, mum. Say it. It's not that hard. What? It is hard for you, isn't it. Well, i'm going to say it for you. He's gay. So what? The world is ending. Why would you even want me to live with you?"

"We want you to live in a nomal surrounding and not with ..." His mother said with tears in her eyes.

"You know what? I am gay too."

His mother looked at Mikey terrified. "What?" Her voice was close to squicking.

"Yeah, now get the fuck out of our house."

Their mother stood up slowly, started walking out of the room , leaving Gerard confused and Mikey smiled from his ear to ear. Their mother looked at them once more before she left. Her look was mixed with dissappointmant and disgust. Everything you ever wanted from your mother.

The door shut, this time a lot quieter than when their father left the house.

Gerard started laughing. "What the fuck, Mikey. Since when are you gay?"

Mikey sat back on the sofa, this time a lot more relaxed than when they were there. "I knew what to say. Just I. You know i am extremely confused. And she doesn't even know about other sexualities, so why bother explaining."

Gerard imagined what it would be like if their parents understood. His sight went blurry for a second because his life would go in a totally different direction. He probably would've never met Frank. And that was something he would never want to change.

"Mikey, you're the best."

"I know, Gee. I know."

-

Frank heard the phone ringing.

He and Anastasia have been talking for what now seemed like hours and it hasn't even passed one hour. Frank apologised to Anastasia for the ringing and he listened to his mothers footsteps as she answered the phone. Chatter from downstairs was soon forgotten by both of them and Frank fell on the bed in a totally non-sexual way because they were just friends and Frank at least hoped that they will become because Anastasia really looked like someone you could rely on. Frank didn't really have anyone to rely on. He rolled in life like no one will notice him or help him and the fact that he now had someone to fail, scared him to death.

Anastasia looked at him with her eyebrows raised because Frank hasn't spoken anything for twenty seconds.

"What's the problem, Frank?"  
Anastasia supported herself om her elbows so she can see Frank clearly because Frank seemed to dissapear inside his bed.

Frank turned to her and looked above her, in that one spot where he smashed his lamp once because he was mad. He needed an explanation for his behaviour but he also knew that not many people would even understand how he acted. He didn't understand himself sometimes, why would other people?

"I just-just need time." Frank answered his only female friend, or what he hopped would be his friend. "I need time to figure out who i am and time to figure out what i am going to do with myself."

"Call me if you need help."

"I don't have your number."

"Don't worry. Your mum will call me. She probably already has my medical record and my dirty history already dug out and everything she needs to know. Phone number is the least she'll do." Anastasia started laughing and Frank couldn't stop giggling because damn, this person was awesome, and definitely not something he deserved.

Sometimes he could catch himself counting days, counting days of his existence. And as the clouds passed, his thoughts were rapid. Not even in this moments of happiness, he couldn't stop it. There was no way of stopping it. If you didn't feel like having true happiness then you didn't even look for it. And that was Frank's case.

Anastasia wasn't laughing anymore and she sat on Frank's bed instead of laying on it. Frank was still on his back and Anastasia looked at him with concern. "I think that your mother thinks that we are going to get married one day. Too bad she's totally missing out on the whole sexuality thing. But who cares, she doesn't need to know. Don't get bumed about it."

"I'm not going to, i promise." Frank said as his mother walced in his bedroom without knocking what wasn't weird at all. Her smile grew as she saw them on his bed. Frank couldn't really believe how see-through his mother was.

"You know what, you two look amazing. Honey, someone needs you on the phone. Someone from your class." His mother put her hand on her hip which really made Frank vomit for a bit. But that wasn't a problem at the moment because someone from his fucking class needed him on the phone. Someone from his class had his phone number. Frank was about to have a heart attack and his chest tightened as his mother looked at him like he's insane. Then again he wasn't far from going that way if he's mother didn't provide him with more details soon.

"Frankie, are you okay? You look a little pale. Well, this boy is extremely polite. We talked for a bit now. He said he needs to talk about a biology project and how you should come to his place to do it. His name is Gerald Whale or something. He's really polite."

Frank stood up , maybe too quickly. "Is he still on the line?"

"Yeah, honey. He is. He said he'll wait."

And with that Frank made his legs work so that Anastasia and his mother can't see how horribly red he was in his face.

He was practicly jumping to the phone. And he saw the black phone in front of him and he picked it up slowly because he was sure he would drop it.

"Hello?" Frank's voice was shaking just at the thought of Gerard holding his phone.

"Hello, sir. This is Gerald Whale speaking." Gerard laughed and Frank could feel his face burning up.

"Gerard, what are you doing?" Frank asked with a giggle.

"Uhmm, have you forgot, Frank. We have a biology homework to do and that requires you and me and the biology thing in my house, right away."

"Biology project."

"Whatever, Frank." Gerard groaned as Frank acted like a nerd he was.

"We need to be consistent if we are going to lie. And yeah, how the fuck do you have my home number?"

"Well, you ran off and i had no time to ask you your phone number, so it wasn't really hard to find the Iero family in the phone book." Gerard shuffled from his right to his left leg and his trousers made a sound." Phone books are awesome. So yeah, will you come to my house so we can do that biology project?"

"What do i need to bring?" Frank said while touching the edge of his shirt.

"Yourself, in something sexy. And by sexy, i mean anything you want to wear because you look sexy in everything. But if you are up to going naked to my house, i am good for that too. But i don't want you to get a cold or something outside, so clothes would be great."

Frank wanted to scream because he couldn't believe this was happening to him.

"Oh, God."

"Don't call upon God now, you'll need it later." Gerard said while smirking to himself.

And Frank's only thoughts were fuck, just fuck.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hella amazing. The character Anastasia was created by my best friend Anastasia. So herr ya go. Hope you enjoyed it. Creating some plot here. Comments and votes would be awesome. Thank you guys xx


	8. Bullies don't like raisins

If there was a time that Frank got ready to go out this fast, it was this time. He hung up the phone and almost started squiling from happiness. He knew it was temporary and all from excitement,but he decided to go with the flow.

His mother and Anastasia got downstairs and his mother glanced at her too-happy-for-doing-homework son in suspicion. She forgot how Frank looked when he smiled. That was one of the reasons she and her husband sent their son to group therapy. She figured he needed venting and venting wasn't really a thing you could do in front of her husband.

No venting in Iero house. Take it somewhere else. So they did. She thought that sending Frank to therapy was the best call her husband and she made in a long time now. And that girl Anastasia seemed like a girl that would be good for Frank.

If only she knew...

Frank looked up to Anastasia and said. "Hey, i'm soory. But a friend... From my class. Yes, my class. We need- we need to make a project. Biology and stuff. School, yeah." Needless to say Frank was a terrible liar.

"It doesn't matter. I needed to go anyway." Anastasia saved Frank without even knowing what's going on. She winked at him and he knew he had it all covered.

His mother taped Anastasia gently on her back and Frank was almost jelaous of her because she never gave any attention like that to him and he knew he shouldn't be jelaous of that but sometimes the human urges were too strong. Iero mother jumped around Anastasia as Frank put on his jacket and started to put on his only black Converse shoes that he had and that he paid himself.

Anastasia smiled at his mother as she stuffed her with cookies. Her hands were stuffed with the cookies that she just got and Frank offered to help. He got half of the things that his mother gave Anastasia and they were ready to go.

"Take care, honey."

Frank and Anastasia said 'okay' in the same time and they looked at each other because they were almost sure that his mother told that to Anastasia instead of to her one and only son.

The door shut behind them and Frank couldn't stop the smile from coming to his face and Anastasia just poked him a little because she already knew why he was laughing.

"Okay, spill it out." Anastasia said with a smile as shadows moved across her face as they were walking down the street.

Frank chuckled and looked straight into her eyes. "I can already see our wedding in the future. The invitations, the cake, everybody we love around us." His smile turned into a sad one and he imagined a wedding with Anastasia and how everything would be great to their parents and how Anastasia and he would have to fake a smile and then live a life where they needed to pretend. Their whole life. But the worst of all was the thing that he imagined Gerard standing at the bottom of the church in black clothes with a disgusted look on his face and now Frank felt like he was about to throw up.

"Are you okay, Frank. Fuck. You look sick." Anastasia grabbed his hand in a totally non-sexual manner.

"Since when do you swear? I thought you were this polite girl. Wow, so twisted." Frank set on a bench and so did Anastasia, following his actions.

Anastasia showed him a bit and smiled. She was one of those people that tried really hard around other people and you always felt like you weren't doing enough. But you still didn't back up because being in someone's complete attention was beautiful and people didn't get that much often. Frank maybe concluded this too quickly but if he was wrong there won't be much too do.

"I am okay, Ana. Can i call you Ana?" Frank asked with his eyebrows raised as he always did when he asked someone a question similiar to this. People passed by them and smiled for some fucking reason, probably the same reason why his mother smiled today because they thought they were this cute couple where the girl was taller than the boy and all those judgement things that people thought while they glanced at someone.

"Yeah, you can call me Ana. Some people think that Anastasia is too long." Ana smiled again, grinning a bit.

"You don't say."

"Yeah. Just go."

"What?"

"I know that whoever called you, made you happy. So go, run. Just before you go. Tell me. Will it be worth your time?" Ana smirked at her innuendos.

"You can bet." Frank put the cookies on the bench next to Ana and got up on his feet, fixing his jeans that were falling a bit.

"Are you okay? I mean-is your house near. I don't want someone to rob your cookies." Frank smiled and his cheeks started to hurt because he hasn't smiled like this since he saw Gerard and that felt like centuries.

"We are in front of my house."

"Oh, then okay. Nice house, by the way." Frank giggled out of discomfort.

Frank was about to turn around and start running to the place that Gerard gave him adress to when they talked over the phone when Ana called his name and threw him a box of cookies.

Frank called out to Ana that was now more distant than she was before. "What do i need this for?"  
Ana shouted across the street.  
"I don't like raisins and those cookies have them in and your dearest mother put a fuckton of them in and hey, you never know you might get hungry."

"Oh, okay. Thanks!"

Frank walked away from her house and then after a minute or so it hit him what she just said and he just smiled to himself.

The sun looked like it was about to set and he was the only one that was walking in their street. Cars were passing by and he could hear distant shouting from where he was standing.

In a minute or so, he won't be the only one in the street.

-

"Give it back!" Frank shouted really loud that he suprised himself how loud it was. A group of adolescent pricks surronded him and he was extremely worried because he could see one particulare person that bothered him. All of the guys that were now surrounding him like hienas were unknown to him. He only knew that they were going to harm him, he hoped that they won't beat him to death. It was unbelievable that he worried about his mothers Tupperware which was extremely stupid and he wanted to smack himself, but he figured that the guys that were mocking him will do just fine on that field.

"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it? Tell your mum?" The tallest of the group hissed like a wild animal that should be put down and Frank wasn't really one of those people that encouraged killing animals. At this point Frank was open to killing humans. Then again, killing anyone wasn't really what Frank would've wanted.

But these guys were as original when it came to terrifying their victims as his mom offering cookies to his dad. He cought himself thinking that actually that was terrifying and this was just shit, pure shit if that even existed.

Frank was traped and these guys looked like they weren't really giving it back or worse, letting him go away without a bruise.

Arguing with them won't help, settling something with them, like giving them money (which he didn't have) wasn't the right thing to do.

These guys were one of those people that took violence as their primary asset. They've been terrorized their whole life and now they have to take it out on others and blah, blah, blah.

Right, Frank could've been a serial killer if he thought about it like that. It wasn't like he was in a golden shell his whole life. It was no excuse and everybody knew it, yet everybody would forgive those kinds of people for their deeds because they were white teenage boys and everybody does mistakes and by 'everybody' it means privileged white teenage boys. Don't sweat it, if it was any group ever, going from women to any race that's not white, the violence would be remembered. It was a fact. There was no escaping.

The world is a cruel place.

The hienas was a perfect name for these creatures because they were far from acting like human beings. As they circulated around him, Frank thought about the fact that he could just die right here on this dirty street, bleeding out to death without anyone helping him.

In one hand he felt relieved because that would mean that God just gave up on him and let these guys just beat him up to death and he would just die, there would be darkness and he wouldn't care anymore.

Or would he?

He would be partly relieved because he was tired of going to the bus and sitting down and looking at all the people that maybe had a better chance of living. Maybe they blew it, maybe someone blew it for them. He was tired of seeing broken hearts and sad eyes and fake smiles and he understood that he just didn't want to be like them. He didn't want to grow up to be miserable, he just didn't want that. But his life certainly started to look like a big circle of misery which could only be escaped by one thing.

Death.

Has Frank ever mentioned that he's really not one of those people that looked at the future extremely brightly?

"Look at this bitch. Looking all scared and shit." The dude with a weird haircut spit out the words that sounded so poisonous. His mother is probably very proud of him.

"How about we just check out what's in the box?"

"Yeah, let's what's the faggot got here in the box?"

The two that sticked out with their wonderful personalities opened the box and saw cookies inside and just started laughing.

"The faggot is carrying cookies to his lame girlfriend!" The rest of the group laughed like it was the best joke ever without realizing the mistake the tallest of the group has made.

It was like they expected an answer with all the staring they were doing at Frank. Frank was cornered against the wall and he just murmured a quiet 'yeah, sure' while he was waiting for the punches to start raining.

"Oh, he's so cute. Carrying cookies to his girlfriend." One of the group said the sentence with a fake southern accent and it made Frank cringe. "Let me try one."

The group took one each and they started eating it in front of Frank and the things that Frank was seeing wasn't something he wanted to see. The sighting was gruesome. It was unbelievable. But the best part was that the half of them spit it out with complaining how it has raisins in it. Frank wanted to burst out laughing but he satisfied himself with a chuckle.

The next moment was a dark sky night black colour that apperead in front of Frank. Pain kicked in after a few seconds, probably because of shock the body recieved. Fists were just coming down on him and he just felt his body collapsing on the floor.

His body ached and he felt how the idiots avoided his face mostly and he was grateful that his face didn't have to suffer through the pain. Still, his stomach was in agonizing pain and it felt like all the air that ever existed just vanished. He found it hard to breathe or to get up and it felt like hours passed. The hienas were nowhere to be seen and he wondered what made them stop and go away. Maybe, someone passed through the street, maybe their mothers called them to come home for diner.

It was completely irrelevant and as he was pushing himself to get up he noticed that on the wall that was next to him there was a Tupperware with cookies in it. His cookies, actually his mothers. There was still at least ten of them left and he wanted to laugh but it was impossible at the moment.

Gerard's house was near and there was no away that he was coming home.

It still striked him that the hienas didn't take the Tupperware or at least smashed it or something. But the best thing about this was that they didn't want to eat them.

Apperantly, even bullies hate raisins.

Frank was on his weak feet and he limpsed his way through the street as he was watching the houses and the numbers they had on them in an attempt to notice the house of the guy that kissed him for the first time.

Finally, when he saw the house that had white facade and the lights that were visible inside the rooms his face formed a crooked smile as he was already on the door, ringing the bell and knocking at the same time. He couldn't take it anymore so he just collapsed on the floor, still bleeding from his bottom lip.

The door opened and a small gasp was heard.

"Frank!" Gerard was terrified as he saw the beaten up boy with Tupperware under his armpit.

Frank felt the darkness coming as his eyelids gained weight and all he could feel was the small breaze from being lifted up from the floor, being in Gerard's arms, Frank was absently touching Gerard's hair in an attempt to say his name. But it only stayed in his mind as the light in the room got brighter and his brain felt like shutting down. Frank tryed again before he fell, but nothing was coming from his lips.

Gerard.

-

Gerard knew that he should probably stop panicking and Mikey was beside him trying to make sure that Gerard also doesn't fall into coma of sorts.

"Gerard, please calm down." Mikey tried to calm his brother but the older brother's heavy breathing wasn't really helping the situation. The younger of the two Way brothers was the only person in the room that was sort of calmed and ready for whatever was to come. Gerard was holding Frank's head in an attempt to wake him up but nothing was really helping. " What do we do?" Mikey asked as his brother's eyes closed for a bit, holding Frank a little bit too strong.

" I don't know, Mikey. What if he doesn't wake up?" Gerard tried to avoid looking at Frank in his arms, beaten almost to death. He wondered how he even managed to come to his house without collapsing somewhere and also the fucking Tupperware was confusing him, because if Frank got beaten up over a fucking Tupperware he was seriously considering slaping him, but he knew that violence is never the answer so he figured that the best thing he could do was kissing him when he wakes up.

If he wakes up.

" Look, Gee. He's breathing. So that's a start. He' ll wake up, I'm sure. So this is your crush then, ha?" Mikey smiled even though the situation wasn't really appropriate for smiling as they were sitting on that fucking couch where their parents were sitting this afternoon. Mikey shifted to the other side so he could see his brother clearly. Gerard looked up from where his gaze was fixated and looked with his blurry vision to his brother. "Yeah, this is Frank."

"He's cute. I gotta give you that." Mikey made a shy smile as his brother was caresing Frank's hair, not being able to move under the weight that Frank's body created. Frank wasn't heavy at all, but the burden that Gerard was now handeling seemed heavier than ever. He didn't want Frank to be one of those people that left him too soon. It would hurt even more without making any memories with him. It would be like losing someone without having the chance to do anything.

Gerard realized that that fate was the worst thing that could happen to him. Not having a chance of making something with someone. Terrified and mortified and every single word that was a snyonym of fear wasn't cutting enough to describe how Gerard was feeling at that certain moment.

Recalling the past was the worst thing that he was just doing, the past was a one big black hole of hidden memories and screaming and his current situation just reminded him of how miserable he was when he was younger. He didn't need the pain back then and he certainly didn't need it now.

The wind outside sounded ominously and Gerard felt frightened under the sound that it created. He wondered if Frank liked the wind. If Frank dies on him before he manages to find out every single thing about him, that would kill Gerard. The past was bad enough, but repeating the past was even worse.

He figured that the past needs to stay there as long as it can because he wasn't giving anyone the pain he felt.

Mikey was staring at him as he carefully observed Frank's eyelids. He didn't know what was so fascinating about it but he just continued to watch.

" Gerard, you okay?" Mikey asked the question that he already knew the answer to, but he still asked because he wanted to get an answer out of his brother because he looked like he was in coma, but only with his eyes wide open. " I will be when he wakes up."

Mikey felt like there's not much he can do about this so he stood up, streching on his feet, making his way to the kitchen and as he was walking towards it Gerard spoke. "Get me a mop but make it wet. I'm gonna clean his face." Mikey turned around to see Frank opening his eyes for a bit, so he figured he could make Frank speak a bit. "Sure, Gee. He is a little bit short, you know?"

Gerard looked at his brother with a dissapointed look on his face as Frank spoke for the first time in the Way house with his eyes still closed. "Fuck you."

-

Happy wasn't cutting enough to describe how Gerard was feeling, Frank was in extreme pain and Mikey was curious about Frank.

Frank detached himself from Gerard and for the first time he looked at the Way house more clearly. They were all situated in the living room which was quite comfty and had a lot of space, bookshelves full of books and comics and old records. The room described Gerard in every sense of the way. No pun intended.

The walls were painted mostly white but there was one wall that was painted with a peachy colour. Frank smiled to himself, catching himself in pain as he tried to make any facial expression. His lips were burning up and he raised his hand to touch his bottom lip and he could smell and taste the blood in his mouth. The fuckers that got him in the street could've done worse but they didn't. Maybe they were saving it for later or for somebody else. Doesn't really matter now, Frank felt warm as he was still sitting on Gerard as he examined his face to make sure he was completely okay.

He figured that he's been in Gerard's arms too many times despite the time they know each other. Then again, he didn't really care. Being inside the house of the guy that kissed you and the kiss was so fucking good for a first time that Frank couldn't really believe it, he felt more than lucky but then the wave of feeling guilty or wrong washed away over Frank. He thought he didn't deserve it. Frank felt like this, whatever Gerard intended to do with him felt like a scam. But at the same time, Frank didn't feel like letting go.

Frank decided to cling on for more.

"Hey. How are you?" Gerard said as his brother threw him a wet mop that he asked just a while ago. His brother sighed because every single person in the room knew that was a stupid question. Nonetheless, Gerard concluded it was better to ask because who knows when it was the last time someone asked him that or actually cared about him that way? It was better to ask.

Frank looked up, trying to smirk a bit, but it only caused his lip to start bleeding again. His vision was okay and he was happy that the bullies didn't touch his face.

"Never better." The sarcasm filled the room as Frank made that comment with a rather raspy voice. If Gerard could jump a little at the suprise he felt after he heard his voice, he would've. Mikey resorted to only snorting and recieving a angry face that Gerard made at his younger brother.

Gerard took the mop and moved it closer to Frank's face as he started to wipe the blood off of Frank's face. The area around Frank's mouth was red and swalloved a bit, he took the mop and as he touched the area Frank snapped a little back because it burned him.

If Frank knew how to glare at Gerard he would do that, but just looking at Gerard made him go soft in all the right places.

"So what happened?" Gerard went straight to point. Well not exectly straight to the point but you know what i mean,but that wasn't important and Gerard wasn't intending to worry about that now.

Frank sighed as his vision got blurry for a second from the pain. "Some idiots attacked me as i was getting here. They just uh-ran away. No problem. I am okay. I promise." Gerard eyed him suspiciously as Frank was promising stuff that weren't true.

"I assume that you have no idea who those people were and i am not even gonna ask you about the cookies in the Tupperware, like what the fuck?" Gerard managed to laugh and he put down the mop as he cleaned even the places that weren't covered in blood on Frank's face. He laid back a little bit and so did Frank following his lead, Frank ended up putting his aching head against Gerard's shoulder. He found the perfect spot where his head wasn't in immense pain and he wanted to remain in that position as long as he could. "Appereantly, bullies don't like raisins."

"Raisins? Really? There are fucking raisins in the cookies. What the fuck? Who puts raisins in cookies. That should be considered a sin."

Mikey had his mouth ful and his speaking didn't really look like speaking as he took more of the cookies from the box. Gerard and Mikey looked at him in utter disgust as he swalloved the content that was previously in the box.

"Yeah, that should be a sin." Frank answered Gerard, practicly joining the 'No raisins club'.

"Oh come on, Gerard you like beans for fuck's sake. Who can eat that?" Mikey looked at the couple that was on the couch with a dissapointed expression on his face.

Gerard and Frank wanted to laugh but it wasn't the time or the place so they resorted to a occasional quiet giggle.

"Uh-oh. Mikey, Frank, sorry. I haven't even introduced you. Frank, this is my brother Mikey and Mikey, this is Frank, he's my-my. Uhmm."

Gerard wasn't finding any words and he wasn't most certainly calling Frank his friend, because they were far from it and Gerard didn't want Frank to be his friend. He wanted him to be his unconventional boyfriend.

"We'll go with 'um' ." Frank finished not quite for Gee as he looked at him in the eyes, still sitting on top of him.

"Ew, you guys make out or whatever. You're gross. I am gonna bail." Mikey took his phone and escaped to his room.

Gerard looked at Frank and in a second Gerard was on top of him, kissing his fresh wounds that still ached.

-

"Gerard, you okay? I am alive, you don't need to kiss me that much!" Frank exclaimed happily after Gerard sent him a thousand kisses, still not moving any further than where Frank was. Gerard needed to get some air, because when Mikey went to his room Gerard took his advice maybe too literary and Frank got more than one kiss. It was completely different than when they kissed on the meadow. These kisses where attention and worry and quick and it seemed like Gerard was apologizing with the kisses, even though he didn't really have a reason to apologize.

For now Frank has gotten two types of kisses.

1\. i-kiss-you-like-you're-a-fragile-doll-and-i-don't-want-to-break-you kisses

2.i-kiss-you-like-there's-no-tommorow-and-i'm-extremely-worried kisses

Gerard was panting a bit and Frank was still on his back and they could hear the younger Way brother shouting from his room.

"I swear to God, you're disgusting. Ew!"

Frank and Gerard laughed at each other as Gerard came to his normal breathing. Gerard realized that Frank started to bleed from his wounds again and that made him take Frank's hand and lead him to the kitchen. He placed him on one of those high chairs like they had in bars in their kitchen and it was funny watching Frank's legs as they didn't touch the floor, they weren't even near it. Gerard smirked and Frank saw it and made a frowned face because he didn't like when people mocked his height. It wasn't his fault, so people should stop it, right? The older of the two grabed the mop again which already contained some of Frank's blood and started wiping where his lips where. Gerard wondered with his hand even on the places where Frank wasn't injured, Gerard was standing above him with his back bended a little and Frank reached with his arm to his back, pulling him a little closer, and Gerard gasped silently because he was not expecting Frank to take initiate so soon. He thought he was going to need more time, regarding the fact that he's born in a catholic family and is going to a catholic school, Gerard just thought that he's going to need more time on the dating-a-man kind of thing. Also, Gerard didn't know Frank's previous experiances and he wondered what he's done before he met him. They had time and they didn't worry about it.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank and as he did so Frank lifted Gerard's shirt a bit, touching his bare skin. The shivers went down Gerard's back and Frank could feel it under his fingers, he remembered the last time someone caused him to shiver like that, but he just erased it from his memory because this was his and Frank's moment.

No past memories allowded.

Frank ached and it hurt all over his body and it was extremely uncomfortable to move so he didn't, Gerard soon realized that Frank was making grimaces on his face from the pain. He stepped back from Frank to look at him closely and Frank couldn't handle Gerard's worried gaze.

"Where does it hurt? I've seen your face. I know that your body has to be injured too. You wouldn't have passed out because someone smacked you few times in the face."

"It's not-" Frank was abruptly interrupted by Gerard's quick approach. "What are you doing?"

"We're taking your shirt off." Gerard smirked at Frank and he couldn't help himself but to smile.

The shirt that Frank was wearing was black, as usual. It had some white tiny stripes over his sleaves but it still didn't ruin the blackness of the shirt. Frank blushed and Gerard didn't notice it because Frank's face was red since he came to his house.

Gerard took the edge of the shirt and started pulling it up, nudging Frank to put his arms up so he can pull it off easier. After he took it off, he put the shirt on the counter that was painted in white but there were drawings and characters on the table, probably drawn by Gerard or, and Mikey, since Frank didn't know who had the drawing talent yet. There was so much more to learn about him and Frank would smile if he was wearing a shirt. His body was pale and he looked at Gerard as his face fell into darkness, just then Frank has realized how many bruises he had on his lower stomach and how red his skin looked like.

Gerard muttered a quiet 'shit'.

"It's not that bad, Gerard."

Gerard looked like he was about to cry and Frank reached to touch his face because he didn't know the reason to his sadness.

Yes, he was badly injured (but he'd never admit it to him) but it looked like he was sad because of something else.

Little did Frank know, how traumaticised Gerard was at the moment. The past was stubborn in not leaving him alone.

"It is bad." Gerard muttered the response that Frank didn't want to hear. Frank moved his hand from his face to touch his hand. Their fingers intertwined and Frank felt physical pain and emotional happiness. The two were conflicing but it didn't matter at all as long as he was holding his hand. Frank's hair was a mess from the pulling of the shirt, and his hair was in all the wrong places, Gerard raised his hand to his hair and Frank smiled as he was touching his hair, it was relaxing and it gave comfort to Frank.

"I'll be okay, Gerard. I promise."

"Promise?" Gerard whisepered.

"Yeah, I do." Frank whispered as Gerard got closer to his face, breathing in the smell of his skin.

The sound of footsteps approached them and a disgusted sound was heard behind their back. "Goddammit, get a room."

-

"Seriously, do i need to make a guest list already?" Mikey exclaimed, completely giving up on his brother and his boyfriend Frank. People would probably apologize and cover their eyes at the scene that he was looking at but the sight of shirtless Frank and his brother with his hands on his boyfriend chest wasn't bothering him anymore.

Mikey has definitely given up on both of them.

"List of what?" Gerard let his hands be relaxed around his body as he asked his brother about his mad rambling. Gerard's hair was in all the wrong places and Mikey just hoped that they didn't have sex because they literally just met.  
For Mikey this was the phase of meeting each other and occasional kisses and not hard core sex.

Even though he knew that his brother wasn't like that.

"Lists of the guests that you're going to invite to your wedding." Mikey laughed as he saw Frank's eyes widen in fear. He walked to the fridge to get himself something to eat, he almost starved himself by waiting in his room in an attempt to avoid his brother and his boyfriend making out but it seems that he totally missed the time. They weren't making out but Frank didn't have a shirt on, so who knows what was about to happen.

"Wedding, really, Mikey? You're that original." Gerard said maybe a little too harsh to his brother.

"Well, shirt off. Who knows what's next?" Mikey teased as he winked to Frank that was blushing beyond any mesure. Mikey giggled like a five year old, Gerard stared at him with i-will-murder-you look and Mikey picked up his ice cream and started leaving the kitchen as Gerard seriously thought about throwing a pillow or something at his brother. He would never hurt his brother, so it would be an extremely soft pillow.

Mikey was precious to Gerard and he hoped that nothing would change that.

"Just ignore him." Gerard sighed sadly because he couldn't excuse his brother for behaving the way he did. It didn't bother Gerard but he wasn't sure about Frank.

Frank was shy and it was visible on the first look. The first time Gerard saw Frank, he looked confused and a little bit outraged by his behaviour. Gerard was mostly entertained because Frank was the first person that paid attention to him outside his house, everybody else just seemed to melt with their surrounding and to Gerard those people could have easily been on mute for what he liked. Frank stood out. Even though, he thought he didn't. To Gerard, he that day stood out by thinking he didn't. Well, he also saw his medical record before he had met him, but he wouldn't have tracked him based on his physical appereance. He saw the picture and he saw the weird name and what confused him was that the record was empty.

There were no notes.

Persuading Frank was his decision after they spoke for the first time. After he more or less impressed him by his running away. When he sat next to him in the park was purely accidental. That was for real his spot where he liked to come in the morning so he can light a cigarette in peace, so he can satisfy his addiction needs.

His addiction was now replaced with smoking and every single doctor he met on his way to rehab said to him that he'll need to find another 'smaller' addiction.

Because once an addict, always an addict.

Coffee and cigarettes where his number one choice and he hoped that Frank could become his new addiction. Just thinking about him made him feel more relaxed, more calm. And as he was watching him in the eyes, actually not in his eyes, but the litttle wrinkles they made as he looked up, he realized that he can't make Frank his new addiction. He will become all needy and he didn't want that on Frank. Frank didn't really have experiance as he figured and to have a needy boyfriend for a first relationship wasn't something he wanted for him.

Gerard wondered off with his thoughts and Frank gestured to him without using any words as he was asking him if he was okay. Frank felt like he or Gerard has said it too many times today so he figured that not saying it would be cool too.

"Are you tired?" Frank asked something that he hoped won't resort to simple, short sentances because he really liked hearing him talk. He would talk and his mouth wouldn't be centered in the middle, they went a little left and he didn't look like he was about to have a stroke, it was just a way he talked. It didn't look creepy or anything, it looked cute and it made Gerard as who he was. That was a thing that you could stick out to another person when you're talking about this weird boy. Frank didn't know the reason behind that strange habit but he had a strange feeling he was going to find out sooner or later.

"I am a bit tired,but not that tired." Gerard said as he jawned quietly, trying to hide the fact that he was extremely exhausted. "No, really." This time jawning even harder that his vision got all blurry and he could barely see the masterpiece that was sitting in front of him that called out to a name Frank.

Frank extended his arm to Gerard's so he could touch the fingers that he put on the white counter. "What was actually that you wanted to do when you called me? It's not like we can actually do the biology project."

Gerard smirked a bit, looking all tired. "Well you know. The basics of how face muscles move while kissing and that sort of stuff." He looked all ashamed because that sounded chessy to both of them.

"That's really cheesy." Frank looked all too amused for how he was tired. "Well, what are we going to do now?"

Gerard straightened his back, an idea coming to his mind. He looked at him all serious and Frank wasn't smiling anymore.

"Sleep with me."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is my friend me causing some tension. I love all of you guys. Every single person that actually has taken time to read this. Even a little bit i love you all. I am tired but it's okay. Votes and comments would be rad. Also comment if there's something wrong or smth you don't like. LOVE TOO YOU ALL.
> 
> P.S. i love sassy Mikey


	9. The contrast

There was a moment where he couldn't say a word, his lips were hung open and the idea that the boy that was standing above him suggested was insane. He couldn't look up because he was still standing there, looking at him, watching his every move and breath he would take not that frequently.

Frank was terrified and what Gerard had suggested was fucking crazy and his heart was beating in the same rythm as the clock on the kitchen wall of the Way house. He finally managed to look up to the boy and he saw him smirking and making facial expression that he couldn't describe. There was silence and it wasn't comfortable, at least it wasn't comfortable for Frank. When it came to Gerard, he loved seeing Frank all flustered and upset over a simple thing.

Gerard was waiting for an answer and it seemed like he wasn't really getting one that soon.

"Frank. You should call your mom if you decide to stay the night."

Stay the night. Fucking hell.

Gerard spoke with such ease like he invited boys to sleep with him all the time. Well, who knew? Maybe he did and Frank was just maybe one of them, just another boy in the line of the boys or maybe even girls that were used by Gerard.

At the same time Frank's mind was doing scenarios like this and at the same time, he just wanted to let go and live in the moment as some people would say. Living in the moment would be great, but living in the moment wasn't something Frank could do because he sometimes didn't feel like living.

Some people would think that when Frank got home after kissing a handsome boy, he would lay on his bed and imagine how happy that made him and how his head is now clear of all the bad things his head unfortunately contains.

No.

If you think that a person can make your depression go away, you're probably wrong and if that person that you're involved with thinks that you magically healed when they showed up is wrong.

People can help,but most of the time when you are alone and when sun the sets, the only thing left is you and your thoughts.

Sleeping gets harder and recalling your mistakes when you were little and when you didn't even know you did a mistake becomes more frequent.

Fighting the thing inside you becomes harder every day until you finally perish away.

Even if you heal, you still remember the scars that were there. People can't see them but you can. And you can't forget it that easily.

You look at it every day and the scars that are now even engraved in your brain, don't pass.

So, if you thought that another person loving you will help you heal, then this is probably bad news for you.

Although, maybe people can help you to learn how to love yourself.

Frank wasn't near that stage, not even remotely close.

This thinking got him on the edge itself and Gerard was looking at him confused but no words left his mouth. He was merely just holding his hand, firstly touching his index finger and slowly taking his whole hand in his own. It felt nice but it confused Frank because he didn't know if he was doing this to persuade him to stay or was he doing this so he knows that he knows that he's not okay. Wow, what a game of words inside one sentence.

Appereantly, Gerard was doing the talking part for the both of them and he asked him again the question that was practicly hanging in the air itself.

"Will you stay the night, Frank?" He raised an eyebrow at the question, making Frank swallowed harder than ever. His fingers traced over his hand and he was doing circles with his tumb over his whole hand, and it was weird because usually people made that circles with their thumb over another person's palm, so this instantly made Frank shiver a bit and his hair on his arms lifted a little.

"I-i. Yeah, i guess so." Frank whispered to himself and if Gerard wasn't so goddamn near him he wouldn't even hear him say that. Gerard's gaze was still fixated on him and in the moments to come Gerard streched behind Frank to take something. A phone appeared in front of his face and Gerard just said. "Call your mum. Tell her that we haven't finished the project and that you'll just stay over, I mean sleep over. More or less." Gerard made a comforting smile and Frank was nervously clutching his phone and sweat showed up but he decided he needed to calm down and not have a panic attack or something worse, Gerard took care of him too much today and he didn't want that to him. When he looked at it, he realized that he was owing him and that made him extremely uncomfortable because he needed to pay him back somehow and it wasn't like Frank was a wonder child, he couldn't really provide Gerard with anything. Unless, this was how Gerard made people pay him. He shook that thought off and started typing the number, he pressed all the wrong numbers and it seemed like it took his ages too dial the right number. His mothers voice sounded different over the phone." Hello?"

"Hey, mum. It's me." Frank spurted out the words, his voice shaking a bit.

"Oh, hi, honey."

Honey, will she ever stop.

"Umm, mum. We are still doing the project so i am just letting you know that i will sleep here, at my friends and i'll come back tommorow before school to pick up my stuff." Lying was certainly the best thing you could do without taking your clothes off. But not to Frank.

"Sure thing. But don't stay up too long, both of you. Does that friend of yours have an extra tooth brush to borrow you? If not i can stop by and give you yours?" His mothers obsession with washing teeth and all of this stuff just made Frank feel like he was five years old. Frank jumped at the thought of his mother coming to Gerard's house.

"Yeah, mum he has." Frank was a terrible liar but this just made him feel exhausted.

"Okay. Have fun doing your project. Say hi to your Whale friend." His mum was quick on hanging up the phone and Frank couldn't help but to feel a little irritated at the fact that she has mistaken Gerard's surname.

"Everything okay?" Gerard shouted from the other room.

"Yeah. Everything is fine. Do you maybe have a toothbrush extra?"

A laughter was heard from both of the Way brothers and Frank couldn't stop himself from smiling too.

Frank could hear Gerard's footsteps and Gerard was actually holding an extra toothbrush. He was confused because he really didn't think that Gerard could actually posess an extra toothbrush that wasn't used by him or his brother Mikey. It was brand new and Gerard's hand was holding it so non-chalantly. Frank smiled to him, blushing a little as he reached with his hand to grab the item. The package only had one flaw, it had a small rupture at the top as if someone tried to open it and then changed his or hers mind. Frank looked up and a question that poped to his mind appeared. Gerard wanted to escape that question by any means, if it was possible but Frank didn't know what stood behind that whole story so he didn't hesistate to ask it.

"How come you have an extra? Who was suppose to get this?"

Frank asked sincerely while waiting for a normal answer that he won't get, not for a while at least.

"I-uhm. We've had like guests. Mikey and me. And i guess. Somebody needed it. I don't know anymore."  
Gerard unfortunately had to resort to lying and his heart was aching because he couldn't handle lying to Frank. Frank was standing there oblivious to the fact of the things that Gerard has done in his past and what kind of people were there in his past. Gee was barely handling his past, he wasn't going to just hand over the pain to another person.

He didn't want to destroy Frank.

But it all seemed that they were doomed from the start.

Frank was standing there, oblivious to the fact of how much he doesn't know about Gerard. He didn't want to meet him with that side of him and he decided to give him the best parts of him. The ones that he was holding in his palm, as small as they were. His attention and his admiration.  
His love and that little hope that still didn't vaporate into thin air.  
He was intending to give it all to him, no matter how fucked up they both were, Gerard was stubborn in making things okay.  
The definition of okay to him was twisted and things didn't work out for him as he wanted them to work out. Okay for him meant coping with the world. It meant going through a day without wanting to die, going through a day without hating yourself, going through a day without thinking of falling back into old habits.

He didn't want to cure Frank because Frank was a messed up kid and he doubted that he even thought that he's messed up, but he wanted them to learn each other how to cope.

Coping is what they both needed to learn and Gerard needed to learn himself and Frank how to do that.

Coping.

Such a simple word and yet so complicated to understand and grasp. For some people at least. Those people were unfortunately Frank and Gerard.

Frank didn't know his plan and he intended to let it stay that way. The plan that Gerard had in his mind was forged and nothing could stop him, not even Frank.

After he murmured out the lie, they fell into silence as he looked everywhere but in his eyes. Frank was cluthing the package that he still didn't believe that Gerard got him, his hands were trembeling a bit and he wondered if Gerard has forgotten the words he said just minutes ago. He said he wanted to sleep with him and about every single thing that was in Frank's head had perished with the words that rolled off Gerard's toungue. It was still pretty much unbelievable to even process what he wanted from him. Stuttering was something that would wildly appear when stuff like this happened and he was slightly wondering how it didn't happen this time. Maybe the answer to that was the fact that he pretty much didn't say anything. Even stuttering wasn't an option anymore. Gerard made him shut his mouth, but in a good way. Frank also led himself by his own inner moto. He didn't speak when he was uncertain about something or not enough educated on the matter. And that probably led to him not speaking at all. But no for real, when he was in school and when the teacher would ask him a question and he wasn't certain about the answer, he would never answer. Maybe it was because he didn't want to be publicly ashame in front of the people that he strongly disliked or maybe it was just that thing when he had trouble speaking in front of larger groups of people because that would lead him into another one of his panic attacks where he needed to run to the bathroom to calm himself down, counting to ten and trying to stay focused on that one spot on the door where someone smashed something out of anger. Heart would beat faster and his hands would get sweaty and it was all caused by a simple question about something they learned and about something he wasn't so sure about. Most of the time after people would forget that he didn't know the answer and that would all pass and he would figure out that the answer that he wasn't so sure about was the correct one, he wanted to smash his head into a wall or something worse. Regret and hatred towards him own self would increase every fucking day of his existence.

Gerard felt like one of those people who didn't care about how they would look in front of people and little did Frank know how wrong his thinking was.

He felt like the silence was defeaning enough and he decide to speak up and as he did so, Gerard snaped a bit at the sound of Frank's voice. "Are we gonna-"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to sleep in that or can i give you something of mine?"

Gerard interuppted Frank as he spoke, leaving Frank extremely confused. Frank thought that by sleeping he meant sleeping. He thought that Gerard thought about the other sleeping thing, yet this only proved how Frank was the teenager in the room and not Gerard.

"I thought we were gonna-" Frank was blushing and he could've kept himself quiet but he just couldn't help himself but to embarrass his own self in front of the person that he started to care about. A lot.

"You thought we were gonna? What?" Gerard said with a smile as realization hit him and he wanted to smile but Frank looked even smaller than usual out of the shame that he felt from what he thought that Gerard was saying so Gerard just resorted to being serious even though he was practicly jumping inside himself because he never thought that Frank would even consider having sex with him.

He promised to take it slow and he is going to appreciate his own deal.

For once in his lifetime, at least.

"Oh, no. I-i. I meant us in the same bed, but not that. I mean not yet..." Gerard appereantly lost the power of speaking and it was hard to make a simple sentence that sounded normal.

Frank heard the 'not yet' part so he just thought to himself: 'don't panic, not just yet'. Gerard was too good to even be around and he wanted to pray to God for giving him this opportunity even though he wasn't really that religious.

Gerard made a straight line out his lips and then he bit his bottom lip in the process. Frank just stood there, frozen in time and Gerard just placed his hand on the fence that the stairs had.

"You coming?" He spoke with some certainty in his voice. Looking back to him where Frank was standing, all stiffed and not really able to move.

-

Gerard was amazed with the fact that his fucking crush is going to stay the night. This was his dream, he always wanted someone to lay in his bed or the other person's bed without having sex, they would just touch and kiss the whole night long until they wake up in the morning, all tired of not really sleeping ( because who could sleep when you have the perfect person right beside you ) and then he would wake up a little earlier than the person that shared his bedside and he would make him breakfast or they could see the sun rising or something equally beautiful as that.

Gerard was a dreamer and it was extremely visible at this point. He was thinking of all the ways he could kiss Frank and he never wanted Frank to grow tired of him. That would probably crush him, so he wasn't letting himself to get down by thinking about that stuff.

He had enough once in his lifetime.

As they were climbing the stairs, Frank could hear Mikey play videogames and he could hear him singing slightly off tune. To Frank, Mikey didn't look like someone who sang that much but you never know. People are full of suprises. And as he thought of that, he looked up to Gerard who was holding his hand as they were entering his room.

The room had enough space and right opposite the door there was the window and with it, it could be entered to a small balcony. Out of the window, Frank could see their city and the city lights that went out as people went to sleep. Their city was a little bit foggy and the air never smelled great. The river that went through it was polluted and every once in a while, people would find a dead body in it. It was a dangerous city and Gerard and Frank were right in the middle of it. In the core. Their problems were nothing comparing to what happened to other people out there. But they were still young and Frank wasn't intending to think about horrible things that happened to other people. Selfish? Yeah, maybe it was selfish but the only problems he wanted to think about was Gerard's.

Frank looked around a little and he saw the walls painted white but it had characters on it and Frank figured out that the drawing talent belonged, after all to Gerard. The doodles on the table in the kitchen and the doodles here on the walls were similiar. The room was tidy and Frank wondered if the state of the room is like that because he knew he would come or was Gerard just a tidy person. He had a table and a stack of papers with unfinished drawings that were layed down right next to a bunch of pencils. The chair that was under the table had a lot of black clothes and Frank figured that that chair was the chair that everybody had in their room. The one where you put all your clothes that you've taken out of the closet and just put them there in case you wanted to wear it again. And then you never wear it again and the certain clothing just collects moist in your room.

His head was full of thinking about the fucking chair and he wanted to laugh but he satisfied himself with a small grin.

He turned around to face Gerard and Gerard was looking at him all wide-eyed, like he was expecting something. Frank swinged on his feet a little as he tried to come up with something to say, his arms were heavy and he almost forgot about the pain that his body was still experiencing. The truth was that Frank couldn't really move. Move at all. He needed Gerard to take his hand and put him down. Put him down on his bed. Then Frank looked at the bed and he wanted to stick out to Gerard that his bed wasn't really made for two people. But maybe that was the plan that Gerard had. Or maybe he didn't really think it through?

Frank was looking at the bed and Gerard just whispered a silent oh. They both looked at each other in the same time while waiting for one of them to say something. Gerard decided to take initiate because after all, this was his room. He looked nervously to the floor, not really meeting Frank's eyes.

"Uh, Frank. You sleep on my bed. I'll just crash on the floor. Yeah?" He finished his sentence nervously than before. This wasn't really what he wanted or how he planned this. He wanted to be beside him not under his bed, on the floor.

Frank waited for Gerard to end his sentence and he did with a small clap like he managed to solve the world's problem. He wasn't satisfied with what Gerard had suggested and he didn't picture it like that and neither did Gerard. Him sleeping on the floor while Frank slept on his bed. No fucking way. This sentence sounded wrong. No fucking Way. No puns allowed, not now, not in Frank's head as he was trying to solve his and Gerard's problem. He bit his lip and finally figured out what they'll do.

"You don't mind sleeping on the floor, right?" Frank asked the boy that was blushing in front of him. He was touching his strands again out of nervousness. It was probably a habit, Frank concluded.

"No, I don't mind." Gerard answered right away, his hand still in his hair as they were standing to far from each other.

"Then we'll both sleep on the floor." Frank blinked too many times as he said this quite a short sentence. He was wondering what Gerard had in his mind and what he intended to do during the night with him.

"You sure about that? Why don't you want to sleep on the bed?" Gerard approached Frank in two steps, now standing really close to him.

Frank swallowed hard again and Gerard could hear it because he was so close to him, making each other nervous. His toungue seemed to malfunction and he barely responded to him. "I want to be next to you."

Gerard raised his both eyebrows out of suprise, even though he shouldn't because he should've have thought that Frank wanted the same as him. He wanted to say something but Frank wasn't really letting him. He started to take all the sheets from Gerard's bed and the two pillows that were on the bed. Luckily for Frank, Gerard had two pillows so that his head isn't on the hard cold ground, but then he thought about it more and he realized that if Gee didn't have a pillow, he would just use him as a pillow. But then it was better if he had because Frank was scared he would drool on him or something else totally realistic because people totally did this kind of stuff. This wasn't a goddamn romance novel and people didn't wake up with their hair in a perfect state and they didn't wake up with make up on and they didn't wake up with their eyes wide and most of all they didn't wake up with their voice sounding like they could sing in a mother fucking opera.

People would wake up with their hair looking like a birds nest and they would wake up with little smudges under their eyes from the make up they had yesterday and they woke up with with their eyes mostly closed and most of all they woke up with their voice raw and soar.

That was everything that Frank wanted to see from Gerard and that was everything that Gerard wanted to see from Frank.

As Frank was gathering the stuff that was on Gerard's bed, Gerard was wondering if this was going to turn out the way he wanted. After all, life didn't usually work out in his favour, so he was really hoping that this would turn on right.

Frank was done and Gerard didn't really contribute to the work because Frank was goddamn fast even though he's suffered injuries just an hour or so maybe ago.

Frank sat on the floor and Gerard realized that Frank hasn't really responded to what he asked. So he decided to ask him again. "Frank, will you sleep in that, or in something else?" They looked at each other and Frank licked his lips and then made a move like he was smudging his lipstick that he didn't have.

Frank looked at Gerard and then at his skinny jeans and his probably dirty shirt and he just nodded yes to wearimh soemthing else in response.

Gerard started looking through his closet to find something soft in which Frank could sleep through the night. He found an extremely large black soft shirt that was too big even for Gerard, in this shirt Frank will look like he's in a dress.

The black shirt landed in Frank's hands and he started taking his shirt off like Gerard wasn't in the room. Gerard quickly turned around so that Frank has his privacy. He could hear Frank giggle in the background and Gerard thought it was because the shirt was extremely big but then Frank spoke up completely serious even though he was giggling just seconds ago.

"You know. You don't need to turn around. You've already seen me without a shirt." And with that Gerard turned around and he saw Frank, his Frank sitting on the bed in a large black shirt with his legs naked, smiling from his ear to ear.

Gerard was still in his daily clothes and he figured that it wouldn't be so smart for him to sleep in his skeleton onesie. He thought Frank looked fucking beautiful in his simple black shirt and wearing his usual skeleton onesie would ruin the picture. So, he almost nocked down every single piece of clothing he had until he found a similiar long shirt. The only difference was that his shirt was white and Frank's was black. They made quite the contrast.

He pulled it out of the closet and he stopped because Frank was staring at him. Frank jerked back a little as he cought himself doing it. "Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to-sorry." Frank apologised, his eyes directing to the floor.

Gerard felt bad about how fast Frank's apologizing went and he wanted to kiss that out of him, if it was possible.

"Can i watch? I mean-is it okay? Because i won't if it bothers you." Frank started again as Gerard was still holding the white shirt in his arms.

Gerard looked to the shirt that was in his hands and he just smiled. Smiling was how he's going to get through this. The insecurities that he felt and everything in between.

"I guess you can." Gerard answered as he was already half way through taking his shirt off.

Frank looked at him in admiration because he couldn't figure out why he thought so low of himself but then he remembered that everybody probably felt like that and he wanted the world to stop so he could see this until the very end of time.

His torso was pale just like the rest of his body and on this light that he had in his bedroom, his hair and his skin were making a wonderful contrast. His hair dark as the sky outside and his skin pale almost as the walls in his bedroom.

His hair was in a mess and he finally pulled his pants down, not seeing his crotch because his shirt was to the half of his thighs and he joined Frank on the floor. He kneeled down and Frank just lifted his arm to the switch so Gerard would turn of the lights.

The lights went off and they were on the floor in the middle of the room, the city lights outside were enough so that they could see each others faces. Gerard wasn't intending to shut them because the shadows that the trees casted from the outside looked perfect on Frank's face.

Frank and Gerard were laying down, heads on the pillows and they could only see half of each others faces. Gerard's bangs fell a little on his face and Frank lifted his hand to move it from his face.

Frank wanted to move his hand from his face but Gerard took his hand and placed it on his face and then as Frank's hand was relaxed, he moved his hand to his lips. Frank could feel his lips on his hand and he could see Gerard's face in the darkness, his eyes were black but Frank felt like he could still see the colour in them.

Gerard moved his hand from his lips and continued to move it further down, Frank was afraid how far will he go and luckily for Frank, Gerard stopped in the middle of his chest, placing his hand on his heart.

He could feel it beat faster than it should and he could hear his breathing getting sharpened with every second as their hands connected into a firmer clutch.

"Why are you doing this?" Frank breathed out the question that he had in his mind since they met.

"I guess some things are worth doing." Gerard answered as he saw Frank glancing between him and the wall behind him.

The whole idea behind that 'some things are worth doing' came from the fact that Gerard would currently do anything for Frank and his world was evolving around one room in this town and that room contained two confused boys that were messed up and that boys were trying to cope and they were currently lying next to each other, one having his hand on another's chest, feeling the other ones beating heart.

The world seemed to fall apart and all the pieces that were scattered around the world came closer together as they were holding onto each other as their lives were depending on it. Pieces of memories and hope they lost along the way floated around them as they weren't even trying to grab it. They were tired and life was exhausting and Frank was tired of running towards an invisible goal and Gerard was tired of thinking. In the past they desperatly tried to grab the pieces that were falling off or they were trying to glue the ones that had fallen off before and it never worked. It just didn't work out for them. So they left the pieces floating.

And it felt calming.

For the first time in his life, Frank and Gerard felt like reality seemed more real to them than before. Before they felt like shadows, they felt like blank faces that people saw in the crowd and instantly forget. Shadows or ghosts, it didn't really matter. They were here now and it seemed to both of them that that was the only thing that mattered.

Some people would think that this acknowledgement made them feel like there are no worries in the world, like everything is fine now.

It wasn't.

You couldn't really get rid of the sound in your head that said that you're worthless. It didn't go away that easily.

Sounds and screaming that filled Frank's and Gerard's head for their entire life wasn't really intending to just dissapear. They didn't know until now that they could learn how to deal with that stuff and people will always think that you got over it but you'll always know you didn't. The one thing people always fail to see is that people learn how to cope.

Their breathing synchronized and Gerard let Frank's hand go. It was already getting sweaty from all the holding and as he let go off his hand Gerard still felt it on his shirt. Frank didn't move his hand from the place where Gerard put it first.

Frank moved his legs and he was touching Gerard's legs with his cold feet. Gerard didn't mind though. Their bodies moved closer and Frank's hand wasn't so needed on his chest, his legs were touching and Frank could feel him streching his leg to his own so he could move them even closer. Their faces were now really close and the lights that were going out outside still provided enough light so they could gaze into each others eyes. Gee had his right hand under his head, supporting it a little as his left hand ended up in Frank's hair. It was soft and the feeling of touching it was ireplacable. That was maybe why that happened so often.

No words seemed to appear, even though Gerard planned to talk about the stars if he needed to with Frank. They were in silence and the silence consisted the sound of cars passing by down in the streets and the sound of honking and swearing. They could hear people fighting in their own houses and drunk people singing outside the songs they didn't know and never heard of.

The silence consisted so many sounds that it wasn't really silence anymore. Was it only because people aren't speaking? Do people consider themselves that important that they named something only because they weren't talking? Only because their mouth wasn't saying anything?

Next time you find yourself in silence, rememeber that you're not actually in it. It was a lie people created so they would feel good about themselves. Or was it? Maybe it wasn't unintentional. Gerard thought too much about the things that he couldn't explain, while on the other hand he had a mistery laying right next to him.

"Tell me something." Gerard whispered to his ear. His hand was on his back and Frank couldn't move even if he wanted to. Their eyes met again and Frank was confused by the question.

"Tell you what?" Frank answered as their lips were practicly on each others.

Gerard moved and their noses touched, leaving Frank speechless. "Tell me something about you."

Frank stared at him and he didn't know what to say, he knew that Gerard will wait for an answer as long as it takes. Anything that poped to Frank's mind seemed completely irrelevant and nothing important that would impress Gerard. Or maybe he was being to hard on himself?

They were laying on the floor and Gerard could hear Frank breathe heavily, in that moment he understood that this question was hard for him and that he didn't know what to say. Once before when Gerard was younger, somebody asked him the same question and he didn't know what to say. The feeling of worthlessness was in him and everything he could say seemed irrelevant, he thought of himself as irrelevant and therefor, irrelevant things didn't deserve to be mentioned. He thought that people like him didn't deserve to live, he thought that if he went nobody would even miss him. That person that asked the question didn't care about how he felt and that person didn't try to help him in any way.

He wasn't like that person and he wasn't glad seeing Frank so frustrated and he intended to help Frank in any way possible.

"Tell me your full name." Gerard moved his hand across Frank's arm, causing him to shiver under the covers.

Frank shifted a bit and Gerard moved as he moved under the blankets and the covers they had.  
"You know my name-"

Gerard interrupted Frank as he started to speak because he realized that he formulated the question wrong.

"No, yeah. Of course i know your name. But i thought like your middle name? I always wonder what middle name people have?" Gerard put himself on his elbow so he could see Frank completely from above, Frank turned on his back looking Gerard from down as he spoke the thing that people always hid from other people even though everybody had it.

"It's Anthony." Frank blurted out in shame as Gerard's smile grew larger as he saw Frank frowning from his reaction.

"Stop smiling, Gerard." Frank got and he folded his arms. Gerard took his arms and put them in his own as his fingers traced down and up his arm.

"Arthur."

Frank stopped frowning and made a confused face as Gerard was serious.

"What?" Frank smiled suspiciously.

Gerard layed down almost half on Frank's body as their faces got closer and closer until their foreheads connected. "That's my middle name." Gerard answered to Frank's confusion.

"Gerard Arthur Way? Oh my God. Seriously?" Frank laughed maybe too loud which resorted to Gerard putting his hand over his mouth. Frank wasn't moving and Gerard was again above him as he licked his lips from dryness.

The hand that Gerard put on Frank's mouth was moved and they couldn't really talk anymore. The tension in the room was growing but they both knew that things can't happen to soon. Not yet. It was too early for the both of them.

"Kiss me Arthur." Frank teased the boy that was now pressing him with his weight. Gerard rolled his eyes at the mention of his stupid middle name that he hated because his mother gave it to him.

He shook the thought of his stupid family off of his mind and he reminded himself that Frank was there and that he needed to respond somehow.

"I will if you don't call me ever like that again." Gerard stopped for a bit as he was slowly getting closer to Frank's lips, only stopping to say this. "Anthony."

Frank would jerk back if it was possible, but the floor was a great obstacle and Gerard pressing him with his whole body was a huge distraction also, so he decided to do what he wanted to do since he came in his house. His hand touched the back of Gerard's head and he pulled him closer until their lips touched. It deepened and Frank could smell the flowers again and he could almost depict roses from the other flowers.

"Okay, Arthur."

"You're really gambling with you luck here, Anthony."

They both smiled as the night became more dark and as the clock ticked more and more, until minutes became hours and their lips and their bodies ached from touching.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy! Guys look ninth chapter. I am so happy about this touchy feely stuff in this chapter.  
> Votes and comment would be hella great.  
> A big thanks to anyone that read this.  
> I love you all lots. Next chapter coming soon.


	10. Grab you tight

You make me feel important.

-

The light outside shined and a new day arrived. Sun was peaking and the light was gradualy entering the room. Frank was streching and it felt like his body was about to give up on him completely. He checked on his wounds and he saw the blue spots all over his lower abdomen. It was frustrating to just look at them, but at least his mother won't be able to see them, it was a miracle that his mother even let him do the project at this Whale guy. He was happy that they cut him some slack after all this year of keeping their honey safe. Frank could barely see and the walls looked different in the light sunlight that was allowing it's presence due to the open window.

He touched his face to check if his lip was bleeding from yesterday and all he could remember was Gerard kissing the exact same place over and over and over again and now it seemed pretty impossible that the wound would be bleeding. His face was pretty much intact, he was scared that those guys could get to him any time they wanted and that they could harm someone else too.

They weren't terrifying. It was just the fact that there were too many of them. The problem now was that Frank couldn't even remember their faces. Even if he wanted to go to the police, he couldn't describe them. Yeah, sure if he saw them again he would recognize them in a heart beat. And that was the reason why he would not tell a word to his parents. Because number one: they would tell him to go to the police and he couldn't because reasons and number two: they would ask him why he didn't come back home after he got beat up and he couldn't really answer 'oh yeah. Sorry. Gotta snuggle with my taughtful boyfriend.'

Not that he was his boyfriend.

And the saddest thing that came under number three: his father would probably mock him for getting beat up.

But he didn't feel so frightened when the most beautiful and taughtful boy was laying next to him.

Except he wasn't.

Frank got out of the covers and streched his back, his feet touching the cold floor that made him shiver. He looked around the room, the place looking different than last night. It was probably because of the light and dark, day and night thing. The walls looked whiter than last night and he glanced over the characters on the wall, he touched the characters and he could feel the little bumps on the wall as he did and the feeling he got from touching it was like as if he was there when Gerard was drawing it and colouring it.

It was beautiful and the feeling he got in his stomach was painful yet fullfiling.

Being with someone you like in bed the whole night after hours of touching and kissing was beautiful. It was simply beautiful and yet Frank felt like there should be another word to describe because beautiful was plain and people said that word every single fucking day. His vocabulary didn't streach that much but when he found the word or words to describe it, Gerard will definitely be the first to find out.

He glanced over the room once more and he saw the covers and their pillows, his side looked like an animal slept there from all the tossing and turning, when on the other hand Gerard's side looked untouched, the part where he slept was smoothed and where his head was supposted to be was just a straight piece of fabric.

It got him worried for a second and his mind was jumping to all sorts of conclusion. At first he thought how Gerard was a ghost or something and then he thought how stupid he was because how would he then explain Mikey? And then he thought how maybe they are two ghosts brothers that lure polite boys to their houses so they can kill them. That theory fell into water because they kind of took care of him after he showed up at their doorstep being all beaten up and shit. And then he thought how this all could be an illusion and maybe this all was just fake from the start. But the feeling was real and things around him seemed pretty solid.

Then he thought how this could all be a dream. It was a different dream from what he was used to. This wasn't a nightmare and he didn't want it to stop.

His fingers traced the wall as he got downstairs, his feet cold and without any socks on the floor. The sound that was coming from the kitchen sounded like someone was trying to open up a bottle of something and as Frank entered the kitchen he could see his illusion, his ghost or whatever he suspected Gerard to be, messing around some plastic bags. The sound was echoing throughout the house and Frank could swear that he heard every person in the entire city scowling because of the noise.

Gerard noticed Frank on the other side of the kitchen and he stopped in whatever he was doing like he got caught stealing something or doing something inappropriate. He looked up,his eyes looking tired, his shirt was standing loosely and the white shirt that he wore to bed was no longer on him. He was now wearing his black shirt that had a small logo on it, it looked like it was born to be on him. Or maybe Frank was being too subjective.

"You caught me." Gerard said with a coy smile. They were looking at each other as Frank moved closer to him, still in Gerard's black long shirt and with no shoes on him, he sat on that one big chair they got where his feet couldn't touch the floor.

"Caught you doing what exactly?" Frank asked the question while balancing himself over the counter so he could see what's in the bag. Gerard just smiled at the curiosity that Frank contained.

Gerard coughed a fake cough as an announcement of his speaking.

"Well you see this." He turned the bags so Frank could see them. "These are ingredients for a breakfast."

Frank looked up to Gerard amazed. No one wanted to make him a breakfast on their own will, his mother was forced to do that when he was little and as soon as he could make it by himself, she was free of that.

"Because i wanted to make you breakfast." Gerard said as Frank was not answering him, his eyes seemed like they were drowning in stars. "Because that's what people do when they spend the night together."

Gerard said as Frank was still not answering him and Gerard was holding his arms now folded. Frank looked like he was hypnotized but not like in a creepy-drooling way, more in a cute non-verbal way.

They were looking at each other and they both wanted to say something but no words came out. Frank's legs were hanging from the chair and for a second he forgot that he was only in his underwear and a black shirt. It didn't matter, it wasn't like someone would walk in on them, like parents or siblings. He remembered siblings and he checked the living room in a search for a certain tall, sassy and a grumpy Mikey.

"What are you looking for?" Gerard raised his eyebrows as their eye contact retrived after Frank examined the living room with his eyes. Frank glanced at the clock and all he could see is a clock that doesn't work.

"Mikey? Where's Mikey?"  
Frank gestured towards the rest of the house.

"Why do you wanna know?" Gerard pursed his lips while saying his question, leaning over the counter a little and Frank could see his iris and his eyes perfectly again.

Frank squinted his eyes out of being tired and he wanted to look conspicious as fuck because Gerard distracted him with his words and Frank would easily forget what he was intending to say so he pretended to be serious.

"I mean-he was here yesterday." Frank licked his bottom lip. This conversation thing wasn't really workin out for him. "Right?"

Gerard wasn't sure about what Frank was thinking and where did this sudden interest about his brother came from and he sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to say anything against Frank speaking because his voice sounded so raw in the morning, it was so weird hearing it and with every word that Frank said his voice got a little smoother. It felt like his voice was glading through and Gerard almost forgot that Frank asked him a question.

"Yeah, he was here." Gerard answered as he observed Frank's reaction. Frank touched the hole in the counter that was made by Mikey when he put down the bottle and by putting down, Gerard meant dropping it. That boy was sometimes so clumsy, not that Gerard was any better. After all they came from the same mother. That thought made him sad because he remembered his parents and how shitty they were. He hoped that the situation that Frank had in his home was better than the one he had when he was seventeen.

Gerard still wasn't getting what Frank was thinking about and as he was about to say something about it, Frank reached over the counter to touch his hand. Frank glanced at Gerard and he saw that he cought him off guard. Gerard bit his bottom lip and asked the obvious question. "What's this for?" Gerard intertwined his fingers with Frank, he thought that he was doing this as a 'thanks' in a phsyical way or just gratitude.

Frank said the answer that Gerard wasn't expecting. "Just checkin."

"Checking what?" Gerard said immidietely as he put Frank's hair behind his ears.

"That this is real." Frank answered after he made a pause because he was enjojing being under Gerard's touch. It meant a lot when his hands were even near him and having them on his skin felt remarkable.

Gerard swalloved as he was looking at his hope-to-be-boyfriend-someday, as he was admitting something that Gerard thought he will never hear. Frank practically admitted to having a great time yesterday and in those tiny hours in the early morning when they were both pretty close to sleeping. Their gaze was fixated on each other and Gerard was even afraid to blink.

He looked at him as he fell asleep yesterday, Frank's head fell onto the pillow and his eyelids were fighting to stay open but his whole body was resisting and unfortunately his body gave up. Gerard watched him fall asleep and it wasn't glamorous or anything like in the movies and the other person didn't look perfect as they were falling asleep. They were fucking falling asleep, that's all. But the beautiful thing about doing what Gee did was looking at Frank as his light inhaling became more and more deeper as minutes passed by. His hair fell on his face and it was hard to see anything anymore and Gerard also finally gave up. He could only remember waking up in the middle of the night, feeling cold because appereanty Frank had a habit of wrapping himself completely in the sheets. Gerard didn't mind and he just took the edge of the sheet to cover himself a little and Frank turned around in his sleep, laying on him, Gerard's chest now replacing a pillow for Frank. He felt satisfied with what he got and he wasn't cold and he could mess with Frank's hair while he was asleep.

Gerard snaped back to reality. "Yeah, of course it's real." He said to Frank that was looking at him with his gaze fixated on his neck.

"For a second, i thought this was a dream or something." Gerard raised his eyebrows yet again. "It didn't feel real for some time, but then-but then..."

"Then what?" Gerard helped Frank with words because he really wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Then you kissed me."

They were both in silence, Gerard now sitting on one of the high chairs, so they were both sitting in silence.

Words weren't appearing and it didn't matter because they were looking at each other and the sleepiness wore off after time after Gerard made himself a coffee and as Frank refused the coffee because he didn't drink it.

Gerard found it odd that he didn't drink coffee but he wasn't one of those people that convinced other people to do something they don't like.

The coffee turned into a light brown colour, Gerard was adding milk all the time more because it turned into a habit because when he was younger coffee tasted bitter and milk made it a little better. Who would know that in the future Gerard would be a coffee person or that coffee will be practically the first thing in the morning that appears in his sleepy mind. But this morning coffee wasn't the first thing that came to his mind. It was Frank and his slightly wavey hair that looked amazing while he was sleeping, Gerard could bet that Frank thought the exact opposite of himself but Gerard was the one that saw him sleeping and he juat knew.

The little spoon that he had in his cup would clack everytime he excidentely brushed the inside of the cup and with every clack Frank would pull his gaze up to him. It seemed that Frank was either ashamed of what happened or confused and Gerard found it hard to get what he was thinking, he wanted to know what was on his mind and he would kill someone for the power of reading minds, but then again reading minds isn't so fun and hearing every single thing that people say inside themselves was awful.

Reading minds or what Gerard liked to call it 'Not a good idea'.

If someone could read his mind they would hear sassy comebacks that he never said and probably some screaming and if it was the past him, it would be the desire to do something awful which he didn't wanted to even speak about.

What was on Frank's mind? What went inside that pretty head? Gerard assumed that most of the time it was something bad because Frank wasn't in group therapy for no reason.

But what was the main thing that went on?

It was music. Frank could hear music in his head day and night, it would drive him crazy sometimes, the music that played in his head was even sometimes that he hated but sometimes would be also songs that he thought he forgot and they would magically appear on the surface of his mind every once in a while.

He was doing an important test in school and all of a sudden as he was reading the question he could hear Bad Reputation by Joan Jett in his mind, he was so close to fricking out, it wasn't stopping and he sometimes wanted it to stop so he would scream in his own mind so the tune would stop and it never worked, the tune would remain and it would carry on all day long if it wanted to, the saddest part was that he had no control of it and he thought that maybe if he stops listening to music then it would stop. It didn't and it only made it worse, he almost bursted off feeling like he was going to implode.

The tune carried on and he learned how to live with it. Songs that played in his head sometimes distracted him when he was studying. His concetration was bad enough as it is but this only made it worse.

The songs carried on and he needed to do the same.

Frank wanted to snap back but appereantly new tune started to play and at least it was a pleasant one. The Clash sounded amazing in his hand and if he could he would dance but Gerard was staring at him and it would probably be weird if he started dancing while humming Straight to hell while still being in Gerard's black comfty shirt with short sleeves.

"No, but seriously. Where's Mikey?" Frank asked after moments and moments of silence.

Gerard siped his coffee and he put down the cup so he could answer Frank, this time no games. "He went to work, you know."

Frank wondered how old is Mikey since he's working.

"Where does he work?" Frank continued to be nosy even though he himself didn't know why he took sudden interest in Mikey. It was probably in human nature to be that nosy, gathering more information so you could do what? Defend yourself from the enemy? Or was it just something that people did so they would show that they have interest in the other person? Frank didn't know why he suddently showed interestin Mikey's workplace and it seemed like he isn't getting an answer anytime soon.

"He works at Barnes&Nobles. Why?"

Frank shook his head like he could really believe himself for the nosyness that he suddently felt. "I have no idea why i am asking this stuff."

"It's okay, Frank. Sometimes we do things we don't understand. I mean-it's a work day. Everybody goes to work." Gerard answered while smiling to him as he saw the panic growing in his eyes.

"Shit, Gerard." Frank practically screamed. "What time is it? I have school tommorow, shit today!" Frank was trying to find a clock somewhere as he looked up at the kitchen wall, seeing the number nine being marked by the clock, he almost had a heqrt attack if Gerard hadn't intervened.

"Frank, calm down. The clock is broken. It's not nine, it's six in the morning. Calm down."

Gerard put his hands around his waist in an attempt to hold him straight as he almost fell to the floor. Frank himself didn't know why he got so upset over being late to school, it wasn't like he liked the goddamn place, but his panic was mostly cause because people would ask where he was and he couldn't possibly lie about Gerard.

His panic was gradualy dissapearing and he was holding onto Gerard safely again, but Gerard wasn't letting him go and his hands around his waist felt so good.

Gerard's lips parted a little and it was visible that they weren't so chapped like they were before. He smelled like coffee and flowers and he had little smudges under his eyes like he was wearing eyeliner or something, he looked tired but to Frank he looked like heaven itself.

Frank touched his left cheek and traced the little smudges under his eye, it was weird but Gerard wasn't letting him go.

This felt like one of those moments where you think it's a memory,everything blurs a bit and you start to think that it's a memory. But it's not and you're experiencing it and everything feels strange and movement gets slower and heavier. Those moment happened when Frank felt happy. It was so rare because the last time he felt like that was when he was five and his aunt took him to the biggest rollercoaster he's seen in his life and when he was on the ride it felt like he was experiencing a dream and this moment felt the same.

Moments would erase themselves in the process and Frank would move on; forgetting about the thing he loved before. Loving someone seemed impossible and as he grew up love seemed to dissapear in every place he would look. His parents were a perfect example of that, he didn't know if they were lying to him about why they got married or why they even considered to have a child, he wouldn't believe a word they said because all he saw was hatred and constant loathing. All the people around him seemed like they haven't experianced what people like to call true love and to him love didn't exist.

But Gerard was holding him so tight and he could see the expression in his eyes and it looked like he actually cared about him and all the things he's done for him were an example of love? Or just affection?

There was this Russian guy that wrote a book about how love only lasts three years because the serotonin lasts that long and the hormon just dissapears after a while and the only thing that remains between the lovers is the care about their children or the fact that they can't live without each other.

He cought his mother talking to the neighbor, a woman that lived across the street and she was saying that when she got married to this dude she felt the love and she thought how everything will work out fine, and the first few years of the marriage looked pretty amazin and after a while he started to get on her nerves. They have two kids and Frank assumed that the only thing keeping them together is the kids because they don't want their kids to grow up with a single mother or a father, So now after so many years of faking it, they are 'happily married' and their grandchildren are surrounding them. Maybe it was worth the risk and time and energy but Frank always thought how he'll end up alone, he actually thought about not even trying to get to meet someone who he might like. It was giving up at already this stage, he was only seventeen and he thought about this years ago.

And the thing that shook him the most was when the lovely lady that lived across the street said that she would kill herself long ago if she didn't have children to look after. It was the moment like this that Frank just stood and reviewed his life from the very start. Somebody would say that he didn't even try but to him it didn't even look like it was good enough to even consider trying.

Gerard was looking at him and they haven't said a word since, Frank was in his own mind and Gerard didn't mind seeing Frank's eyes all lost in his own world. His eyes looked like they were drowning in the stars and galaxies seemed to emerge from his sould and Gerard couldn't stop looking.

Frank could feel Gerard's gaze and he didn't mind at all as long his hands were on his waist, also his mind was searching for the thing he heard that neighbor say and his mind clicked and he finally remembered.

She had a husband that was violent and when he got drunk he would beat her up and she never left because she couldn't, she didn't have a job, she was a housewife because her parents never supported her to continue education, the only important thing to her parents was that she gets married and have children because that's the only thing that matters im this world, right? So she stayed and she beat her up and then she would 'forgive' and that's how they rolled.

Frank didn't want that life and everything seemed to go into that direction as he was growing up. That's why he avoided people and that's why this situation with Gerard confused him. Gerard was too nice and his actions were careful and he looked like he cared and it was hard to believe that such a person existed.

He was like a beacon of light in glominess and dark ocean.

-

Mikey Way wanted to punch something but that was hard work and his had would hurt and it amde no sense in spending energy doing so. Barnes and Noble Bookstore was fucking huge and Mikey worked at the book section. It was weird to work there but the paycheck is a paycheck and it was good getting money for your effort. As he was entering the shop he saw his colleagues smoking before they started working, Mikey was early because he was afraid that he might hear his brothers and his boyfriend or whatever Frank was to Gerard making out and he wasn't keen on listening to it. He got up early and he peeked inside Gerard's room only to see the two on the floor, hugging while sleeping. It made him sick how adorable it was and Mikey was all for it because Frank acted more normal than what Gerard used to bring home and he didn't really wanted the past to happen again.

The store was still not open to other people and his boss was walking around, guys outside didn't really care about him that much and they only greeted him with slight nodding, his boss seemed swaped with whatever he was doing and Mikey couldn't give less fucks about it.

This one guy started to show up every once in a while in his section and he never bought anything, Mikey always had his eyes on him because people like to steal, even though people usually don't steal books that often but it was always possible and Mikey needed to do his job right. The guy always showed up at the end of his shift, he would look at him a few times and then he would leave. Mikey wasn't sure if he should try to strike a conversation so he just remained silent and wachted the dude as the days passed by.

His coworkers entered the shop and work time started and Mikey bored himself with putting books on shelves. The clock ticked and Mikey could feel his headache starti and it bothered him in the first place but he got used to that and now the pain was only a little problem and he would just shake it off as much as he could.

His mind was in clouds and the feeling of being watched suddently appeared and an old lady was standing beside him, watching him like he's her grandson.

"Hello, child. Could you help with these?" She offered him a stack of books with a smile and Mikey wasn't really feeling comfortable because she looked like one of those old ladies in horror movies that would eat your whole face if you didn't obey her and this particular lady looked exactly like the one from that movies The Legion and he just shook off the horrible feeling.

The lady was holding some weird books and Mikey figured out that she's the same lady that visited the shop in the afternoon shift and offer the books that weren't even in the properties of Barnes and Noble. Mikey was irritated that he had to endure this also, he was really hoping that that would just avoid him somehow but it looked like he wasn't that lucky.

He got to his boss and just said to him that he's not gonna fuck around with customers like that, his boss gave him a patronizing look and he just got his old ass off the chair so he could deal with the problem.

Mikey got back to putting books on the shelves and he figured that he actually liked what he was doing, there wasn't much contact with people and that's what Mikey liked the best. Yes, there was time when he got frustrated over customers like that old lady and he would snap sometimes, but all in all it was nice.

He heard footsteps behind him and he choose to ignore it until he felt a hand on his shoulder once again, he knew that the lady came back and he was so gonna act unproffesional but he wasn't feeling like dealing with that stuff early in the morning.  
He turned and he shouted maybe a little too loud.

"What the fuck do you want now?" Mikey turned around and regretted his action immidietely because the old lady was on her way out of the store and there was the same boy that constantly hanged around the store while never buying anything.

"Oh my God. I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else." Mikey apologised for his shouting and scowling at the wrong person.

The boy blushed and Mikey was incredibly sorry for that, he was standing there all stiffed from being shouted at.

"It's fine. I am sorry too." The boy said as he tried to make his way out of the section Mikey worked in.

Mikey didn't feel like this was the only thing this boy came for and he felt extremely bad for his shouting and he wanted to fix that.

The boy was almost out of the shop and Mikey ran to get him before he dissapear once again.

"Let me repay you somehow." Mikey blurted out, feeling completely in the moment. "Let's grab a coffee, Starbucks or something. I am gonna pay, okay?"

"Okay."

"What's your name?"

"Pete."

"I am Mikey."

"I know."

-


	11. Inhale and exhale

"So, Pete. Who are you exactly and how can i help you?"

Mikey raised his eyebrows as he picked up his coffee, the smell reaching his nostrils as he inhaled it deeply and it felt like his soul renewed. The boy beside him was awkward and Mikey didn't know what to do with him. He invited him to a coffee, but it wasn't a date? Right? Sure, he was cute but Mikey knew a lot of people that would turn out to be crazy. New Jersey was full of psychos and you could never be too safe. You couldn't really trust anyone and sometimes that even included your family and Mikey got used to it and the only person that he trusted and relied on was Gerard, but Gerard also showed in the past that he lied because he wanted Mikey to live normal, Mikey on the other hand didn't want to live without his brother but let's stay on the same road here. Pete, an unknown boy, standing next to him, burning his fingers on a not so warm coffee and Mikey was confused, he wasn't one of those people that fell in love with someone based on their looks and if he did he would be already deeply in love with this peculiar boy who he didn't know the last name to and for now it was just Pete. Pete, the boy that got accidentely shouted at because Mikey thought that that creepy lady was behind him once again. He was wrong and now he was paying it off in a literal and in a non-literal sense.

They payed off their coffees, well Mikey actually paid them and he noticed how Pete chose the cheepest coffee they had and that made him a little bit happy because he liked humble people.

They went outside and the sun was a little bit overreacting because the fucker was taking all of his energy up and shining way too much for this time of the year. There was a park across the street and Mikey followed Pete to the place he chose, a bench across a fountain, it was kind of beautiful and Mikey liked it, he also liked how Pete got relaxed when they sat there. It seemed that this was his favourite place.

"You do realize you still haven't answered my question?" Mikey laughed a little as Pete's concerned head shook a little, he never saw someone so distressed because they weren't listening carefully. Pete bit his bottom lip and tried to come up with an answer, he was getting lost with words and his head was starting to ache from not knowing what to answer to the boy he admired from the first day he saw him.

"I am sorry." Pete resorted to apologising and Mikey slided next to him, casually holding his cup. It seemed that the more relaxed one was the one who was going to guide this conversation and Mikey felt guilty because maybe if he didn't act like an asshole and shouted, maybe Pete would be more open to a conversation. "Can you repeat the question?"

Mikey felt like he was in school and Pete looked like a lost student that just moved to another school and was trying to find a place to fit in. He hoped that Pete wasn't one of those people that desperately tried to fit in, being diverse is great, but if you option to fit in just because you don't want anyone to tease you and you don't like the things that people that fit in do then don't. If you are completely happy with what people that fit in do and nobody is making you to do that, then Mikey says knock yourself out. Have fun and be yourself! This was starting to sound like one of those self help books and Mikey wanted to laugh but now wasn't really the time.

"Who are you and how can i help you?" Mikey repeated the question he asked at the very begging, hoping for a sensible answer this time. Pete looked hopeless and Mikey was in pain while looking at this boy searching for answers.

"I don't know what to answer." Pete said while shrugging and shifting a little bit further on the bench from Mikey like he was contagious.

Mikey felt a sudden wave of self confidence and he really wanted to know more about this person, so he figured he was going to be the one asking questions.

"Well answer one of the questions that i asked. We can start with that."

They were sitting down and people were passing by looking at them all confused, it was weird but Mikey didn't mind and Pete, well Pete was another story.

"I don't know how to answer." Pete resorted to simple words again and another person would get pissed about this but Mikey was too chill for that.

"How about with start with something simple." Mikey said as he laid his free hand, the one that wasn't holding the cup that contained coffee, a.k.a. the liquid that made him feel alive, on Pete's shoulder. "Why did you need me in the store, why did you come to me?"

Pete blushed and Mikey could totally see it, it wasn't a big problem for him but Pete wanted to run and yet he stayed because the dream that he's been having for weeks now came to life and by dream he meant fantasizing while laying in bed. His mouth opened a little and no sound came out as he intended to. It wasn't like he was just going to blurt out all the details of his fantasies and now he figured out that he didn't really plan out what to say, his decision was impulsive and now he wasn't really enjoying the work he did, well actually the work he didn't do.

"I-i came b-because i wanted to ask you- ugh." Pete was bad with words and stuttering was awful and it made him feel totally insecure.

Mikey found it cute that Pete got nervous around him and it made him feel more important, he didn't believe in those people that acted perfectly around someone they just met, it was fake and of course it was natural to be nervous around someone you liked.

Did Pete like Mikey?

Like like ?

Oh shit.

Mikey wanted to slap himself across the face but that wasn't an option, he would freak out Pete even more. And he wasn't signing up for that shit. He wasn't Gerard. Frank was like a damsel in distress only looking very punk and short.

"You know we should repeat this coffee, like tommorow, what do you say? You free tommorow?"

Mikey decided to jump over all obstacles that builded their way to this question, sometimes he felt like such a party breaker. He was no fun at parties.

Pete just nodded and Mikey smiled to him while the other boy blushed.

"So let's start from the beggining."

-

They were still sitting on the bench with their cups empty, holding them just for fun now, every once in a while there would be a sound that resembled to a gunshot and they would both jump at the sound, they weren't so sure if it was what they thought it was. It was broad daylight after all and it seemed unlikely that someone went shooting in the middle of the day. But this was USA so everything was possible, but they really hoped it was a firecracker.

Mikey loved the way Pete smiled and as time passed Pete got more relaxed and it was easier to answer question and to talk in general. Pete was weird but in a good way and they talked a lot about many things and it looked like Mikey just got himself a new friend and this one he liked.

A lot.

His name is Pete Wentz and he is extremely cute. Okay, scribble that last part, people didn't need to know that, he's still going to high school and he is seventeen years old, just like Frank, he's got many interests and Mikey likes every single one of them. For now, at least. It wasn't like you could get to meet someone completely in just few hours. It will take time and they got plenty.

"What are you thinking about?" Pete asked with genuine curiosity as their knees bumped for the houndred time this day. Pete, apparently wasn't one of those people that cared all too much if someone was touching him and neither did Mikey. They were gazing in each others eyes and no one minded, especially not them.

Mikey wanted to shook his head in a matter of speaking like he wasn't thinking about anything special but that was all forgotten as words found their way out. "I was just thinking a little bit about you, you know?"

Pete smiled as Mikey said truthfully the thing that was on his mind.

"Anything good, i hope?" Pete elbowed Mikey a little as he giggled his way through the sentence. To be completely honest, Pete was holding onto the hope he had inside himself that Mikey will hopefully think something positive about him.

"Nothing negative. Don't worry. I was just wondering what were your exact thoughts when you first saw me." Mikey asked as Pete reflected on the first day he saw Mikey standing there, in his uniform, going through the books he was about to put on the shelves, he remembered that Mikey traced his fingers across one specific book that he observed with such dedication. It looked like the book meant a lot to him, but it also looked like Mikey saw it for the first time. Pete wondered if he's going to look at him with that much admiration as he was looking at the book he saw for the first time. Pete couldn't really believe that he was comparing himself to a book, but to Mikey in that moment the book and himself were the same thing.

Something new.

"The first time i saw you,you were putting books on shelves."

Mikey laughed way too loud. "Nothing weird."

"Yeah, indeed. And as you were doing so, you were looking at this book and your fingers were tracing across the cover and it looked like you were admiring it, even though i think you saw it for the first time in your life."  
Pete paused as he took a sharp breath while Mikey looked at him in disbelief.

"I was wondering how much care you showed to the book and i know it sounds weird but you looked kinda amazing."

There was silence and they were both just looking at each other, Pete's expression vulnerable because he just tore a bit of his soul to a complete stranger that he hoped won't be a stranger that much in the future, Mikey was just simply confused because he wasn't really expecting this much information from Pete. He always loved to ask people about their first impression and how things went further and how things changed and also opinions. But this was more than they both bargained for.

"Wow. You actually remember what you thought. Wow, I can't actually believe." Mikey was struck and Pete was blushing in front of him, lowering his head so that Mikey can't see the obvious redness in his face.

"Was-was there anything you thought about me? Like anything, maybe?" Pete asked wondering if he sticked out in any way possible.

Mikey smiled reminding himself the first time he saw Pete. "You looked cute and young because in the book section there weren't many young people. At all actually. And you were walking there. It looked like you had no purpose. You were just walking around and you didn't buy anything. My boss warned me about you because he thought you were gonna steal something."

Pete and Mikey laughed at the same thing, only for a short time.

"Why did you observe me and the book so much?"

Pete looked up to the sky like he was trying to find the right answer. "It was a new book right?"

"Yeah, it was." Mikey answered.

"Well, i was wondering if you treat new things the same way."

Oh.

"And do I?" Mikey said with a shy smile.

"You do. Even better."

-

Their lips felt numb and Frank felt dizzy from all the action they've been doing, they weren't doing anything special but this felt like life. Gerard pulled his hand from Frank's hair and they had a little time left, Frank had to go to school and Gerard had some place he needed to be.

They were all over the place and their final destination was the sofa which Gerard looked with disgust because just yesterday miss and mister Way were sitting there, trying their best in snatching Mikey once again from him and they held strong for now, he wasn't so sure for how long but they are going to enjoy the ride until it lasts.

Gerard didn't want to lose Mikey and he for sure wasn't letting his parents ruin a thing he built for himself, he wasn't letting them take over the things he usually saw without disgust so he just chose to forget about bad memories and the sofa will for him now represent the place where he and Frank made out furiously.

They collapsed on the sofa, Gerard underneath Frank and after their lips got so chapped, they stopped and with no words between them, they were just looking at each other. Gerard could see the little spots around Frank's eyes, he found it very special but at least every other person had them and he also noticed how his hair fell in his eyes and how Frank made no effort in fixing that so Gerard raised his hand and tugged that little strands behind his ear. It was weird and Frank blushed from the affection he was receiving. School was approaching too fast and soon he had to go home to pick his stuff up after an all nighter working on their 'biology project'. The broken clock ticked it's way more and more and Frank could hear the ticks louder as silence grew in the room, it was like they were trying to be more quiet so they could hear it better. Sometimes the clock irritated Frank when he was home alone in his room, waiting for time to pass that he took the batteries out and threw them in his garden. He was irritated that much.

But now the clock represented something totally different and Frank liked it for the first time. It seemed like there was going to be a lot of first times here and he didn't mind, he didn't mind at all.

Frank was done with shutting up so he leaned in a kiss and Gerard automatically reciprocated. Their lips touched and the world got forgotten just for a second, no matter how cliché that sounded.

Gerard kissed Frank's bottom lip and Frank opened his mouth a bit and he could feel Gerards toungue touching his own and going away as quickly as he came just so he can repeat the same action all over again. Gerard was holding his head even though there was no need, they were already on top of each other and that action made no sense to both of them but Gerard continued doing so.

After a while, Gerard raised his legs so that Frank could be more comfortable with his own and now his crotch was exactly on his and Frank excidentely moaned in the process. The kissing was painfully slow and they were both afraid of something happening down there and they both knew they weren't ready and Gerard said that he'll wait. They barely knew each other, they actually knew each other for a just few days and now that Frank thought better about it, he was practiclly kissing a stranger but it felt damn good, he still didn't trust him and he found it hard that he ever fully will. Kissing someone wasn't really a matter of trusting someone anymore, it was more living in the moment kind of shit and to be completely fucking honest Frank couldn't really resist.

This felt like a message for every action he's done in his life, he was rather impulsive and he didn't think through the actions he was intending on doing, he's done so many mistakes in his life and he hoped that this was not one of then. Gerard felt too important to be a mistake. And he was a human being and human beings get hurt and hearts get shattered.

He was not paying atenttion to the fact that his heart could get shattered too. You don't need to be madly in love to have your heart broken. Sometimes the feeling of having affection and then slowly losing it can get you to a breaking point.

Their skin shivered under touch and their lips were on other places too. Frank was kissing his neck and every once in a while Gerard would exhale deeply and it started to sound like quiet moaning but Gerard didn't want Frank to get too excited because if they went that road and even if he asked him to, he would say yes no matter what and he didn't want Frank to be full of regret like he was. After you've done something like that, there was no coming back.

Gerard moved his head from his neck and saw his stargazed eyes as he was holding his head. This perfect little head felt a lot familiar even though they knew each other for only a few days.

They were gazing at each other and the clock went silent to their ears and their feelings went completely off.

Someone once said that having a person that much gets toxic after a while.

Was it true, or not?

Well, guess we'll have to find out.

-

"Frank, you do know you have to go soon?" Gerard asked the boy that was laying on top of him, doing nothing in the current moment, Gerard had to be the one who was going to have to break it down for him, the reminder killed the mood totally and Frank would be in a bad mood if Gerard said anything that could relate to school, like an eraser or something else equally stupid. Frank wanted to stay on that couch forever if it was possible any how and school seemed like the last place he wanted to be. The thought of walking among people that had no idea about you or anything that you're going through was no fun and staying at Gerard's looked like the best thing that could possibly happen.

Gerard was done with school long time ago and now he was left with existential crisis and constant craving to go back to his bad habits, which was no fun. In one hand he envied Frank for not having to think about his life and what he's going to do, but in another hand he really wasn't optioning to go back to high school. His high school was a nightmare and he had a feeling in his guts that Frank had it worse, because all of this catholic stuff. When he went to school, everybody always talked about how strict catholic school were and how all the students would become nuns or something. Whatever.

It was a lie and people liked to make things bigger than they were.

"I know." Frank answered maybe a little too late and Gerard almost forgot his statement or a question, when he said that he had no idea if he meant it as a question or a statement? But did it matter? Not really.

"Why do i have to go?" Frank groaned as he stood up to eventually sit down again next to Gerard who was still laying down on the couch, his hands on his stomach. Frank was protesting just for the kicks and he and Gerard both knew why Frank had to go. They couldn't risk him getting into some kind of trouble and Gerard didn't really know the situation Frank had at home, but he figured it was no good, he concluded that they needed to be extra careful.

"You have to go, you know that. School and shit. C'mon get your ass up." Gerard joked as he smiled sadly at him, both of them just glaring at each other.

"But i don't wanna go." Frank protested once more, suceeding in literally nothing but a one more glare from him. It bothered him that life sucked that much, and by life he didn't mean not being able to stay with Gerard, it meant that he had to hide, they had to hide.

Now, he had this secret that he had to hold in himself all the time as he walked everywhere but the places he wanted to be. This secret felt like it burned a hole in his heart and his heart felt like breaking and falling to the floor. Shattering like a broken tea cup that can't be mended.

Would the secret burn out in a while? Probably. But hoping it won't was what kept him breathing.

Gerard stood up, his legs were spread out on the sofa and his hands took Frank's hands and he just held them, examining every detail there was, from the small cracks and bruises on his fingers that he got from not fighting to his clean palms that weren't impaled by anything.

"Go to school." Gerard nudged him as he kissed him in his right shoulder, Frank shivering under his touch. The kiss in the shoulder felt so unreal and most of all extremely cute, Gerard was watching him under his black bangs, smiling his way through as his lips were still touching his shoulder.

They both had crazy bed hair and it looked like they did something they didn't do and it most certainly didn't mind to them, but perhaps if Mikey was there, there would be a shriek and a disgusted face. Gerard knew that Mikey meant well and that he actually didn't mind, it was still a mistery where Mikey's priorities layed and Gerard surely wasn't the one who was going to go into that and if that worked out for Mikey, then fine, all swell. Little did Gerard know that his brother Mikey Way himself was practically flirting with the one and only Pete Wentz. And most of all, Mikey was having a blast.

Frank streched as he stood up, his spine cracking like he hadn't moved in centuries, which wasn't true because laying there with Gerard didn't feel uncomfortable but now maybe it was and Frank just didn't feel it. After all, when you are kissing someone you like, it's not like you are going to protest against anything other than kissing that makes you uncomfortable.

Gerard sighed and threw himself back on the sofa, having no regret while checking out Frank's ass, it wasn't like he hasn't seen it before, it was just that now he had a better angle at looking at it. Frank noticed it and he pulled his pants a little bit up and he could hear Gerard giggling in the background, it made him pull a smile on his face. It didn't last long, after he saw what time it was, this time looking at the right clock.

"Give me your phone number." Gerard said from the background, behind his back. He stood up to face Frank, the height difference being totally visible as they were standing really close to each other.

"Why?" Frank asked without thinking more about it.

"Well, you know people contact with each other when they can't see each other face to face. I don't want to send smoke signals across the town so you could see, i'd probably burn down the whole town."

Frank looked him straight in the eyes, whispering a bit. "Then we'd burn together."

Then they did the biggest cliché ever, writting their phone numbers on their hands.

-

Joanna and Anastasia were best friends and other people always took them as an example of two polite girls who were best gal pals and who never fought about anything.

How perfect, right?

Little did people now that they hated each others guts.

It wasn't like that exactly, they had to tolerate each other and therefor they had to stick together.

They both went to school together, almost having every subject the fucking same. To Anastasia, Joanna was fucking retarded and with that she insulted people that were that not on purpose. It fucked with her head becuse every time she wanted to walk away as far as possible, Joanna would just fucking appear in the same place.

She really needed to find an insult fitable for Joanna because she was a special kind of a fucking idiot. Not only that, but she was also fucking mean to everyone even to the ones that she "loved", if she was even capable of doing that.

Ana was on the very fucking edge with her and if she saw her one more time on the same place where she isn't suppoused to be, she's going to flip out.

For real, this time.

There was a time when the school was going on a field trip and only drama class went to this cool theater that Ana was too hyped to see, she was also fucking delighted that Joanna couldn't be there in any way, so she was sightseeing without any burden on her soul until, un-fucking-til she saw the familiar black haired girl back against the wall, looking at her nails, whistling something unfamiliar. Anastasia resorted to running away to the bathroom, hiding until she and her whole group went away.

And when the whole tour ended (which she fucking missed) she went out just so she can bump into her "best friend" which always said the same thing when these kinds of things happened.  
"Oh, I didn't know you were here."

Joanna was a control freak and she had Anastasia on a leash, she knew too many about her and Ana felt like this was blackmailing just without actually telling that she's blackmailing her. It was visible, though. You could see it from the moon.

Ana was headed where she hoped that Joanna wouldn't be,she recieved an anonymus letter in her locker that said that she needed to go to the place that was completely unfamiliar to her and she was well aware that she could be heading to danger. She didn't care at all anymore.

The place on the message was a huge construction building place that wasn't finished. In these hours there were no people there and Ana guessed that who ever put this together was smart enough to put in a place where you could easily escape and this was also a place where people didn't go often.

She could see the smoke going and spreading somewhere in the distance. The wrist watch she had showed that it was six thirty and that whoever put the message together was supposed to be here.

She took the message again,this time reading it aloud.

Six thirty. Come if you wanna be more than you were before.  
The mountain 64-66

The first time Ana saw this note she didn't understand any of it. The note was written in cursive and Ana firmly believed that it belonged to a female person.

Well, she was on the spot. On the so called "mountain" that wasn't actually a mountain. When they were little, the whole class went to play outside the school on this little hill. It wasn't big at all. But they were small and everything was big to them at the time. The mountain was now a building in process and that explained the sixtyfour to sixtysix. The numbers were the addresses of the buildings that were already inhabitated.

She could hear footsteps behind her and she turned around in a hurry. There was a group of girls approaching and Ana couldn't really decifer who they were.

Behind her there were at least five confused girls that were holding little pieces of paper in their hands, Ana concluded they got the message too.

The main girl stopped and all the other girls stopped as she did, they looked like a small gang of dangerous teenage girls and to be completely honest, Ana was fucking terrified.

The girls behind her approached her from behind with whispers like 'note', 'did you get it to', 'what the hell are we doing here' and so on.  
The tallest of them all stepped towards them, her raven hair hiding her face a bit. The rest of the group just stood there uninterested.

"So, you all got the note." Said the extremely pretty girl with raven hair.

The girl behind Ana stepped forward, saying a little cocky. "Yeah, we did. What the hell would we be doing here in six am?"

The group behind the tallest one giggled as they looked at the floor and everywhere but the group that was stading there.

"Okay. Shut up and don't be rude. Who raised you that way?" The raven hair girl spoke up, looking at the one with spite in her eyes. Her look immedietely softened as she continued talking. "So, we gathered you all here today because we would like you to join our little group."

The glares between the girls continued as this girl stopped for a second.

"What is the groups purpose you probably wanna ask. Well, we deal with stuff and we work for certain people and get money for it." At the working for people at least three of the girls stepped back. The tallest girl spoke with a laughter. "Don't worry, we don't do anything illegal."

Nobody was smiling and everyone was pretty confused. The wind made it's way through the construction place and it made sand whirl into air.

"We find people. That's all."

Girls that got the note were still unconvienced.

"We don't even know your name?" Ana spoke up the first time.

The raven hair girl smiled at her in a i-cought-you way and Ana already knew that whatever this group did she wanted to be a part of it.

"Lindsey Ballato, nice to meet you all. Happy now?"

Later that day Ana will find out that Lindsey was that kind of person that if the section in the yearbooks existed for the biggest badass ever she would get it.

She approached them in just three steps, slowly taking something out of the pocket of her tight jeans.

"You can leave if this is not something you like. But if you stay, this is what we do. We find people and this is who you are going to have to find."

Lindsey showed them the picture and nobody left and every single girl that got the note was staring at this particular picture of a boy they had to find.

-

Frank was not happy. Not even the slightest. Walking home after a whole night of bliss is fucked up and his head won't stop showing images of them on the floor as they were laying down and touching and kissing and everything looked perfect. It was not perfect, well it wasn't like Frank knew what perfect was, this was the first time someone treated him that way. No one ever touched him the way he did and no one most certainly payed that much attention. Not his parents, not his ex friends that he didn't even consider to be his friends at any point in his life.

The walking down the street was dull and he regreted the fact that he didn't bring his cellphone and his headphones, but at the same time when he remembered that he got attacted with his attention full on, he changed his mind.

He passed the place where he got beat up, the place looked like any other, like nothing happened just yesterday. There was some blood but it was barely visible, the red spots on the dirty asphalt, he continued walking far from that place, far from the place bullies got him and far from the place that represented his weaknesses. After all, they made him who he is.

But so were all of his qualities that he overlooked all the time. Your weaknesses and your qualities, flaws made people who they are.

Never forget that.

His feet hurt and his house was dangerously approaching and it made him sick how close he was to it. The houses looked the same and everything around him made him sick to the stomach. The suburb look that this place had made him vomit and for what it seemed it really made him sick, he ran to his house and he almost made it, throwing up his insides right besides the mailbox that had Iero written on it.

His eyes were wattering and his mouth and toungue felt like they've been in acid. It wasn't a weird thing to him when he threw up. It happened quite frequent. His stomach was a gentle one and he probably threw up because he ate something wrong. But then his whole evening went in front of his eyes in a flash as he remembered that he hasn't eaten anything. He guessed? He wasn't so sure anymore.

His hands were trembling as they always did after he threw up and his mouth had an acid feeling in it. It wasn't nice and he needed to drink something firsthand. Probably not alcohol, alcohol is not the solution.

Water is fine, he needs water. But if his mother sees him all looking sick and like he's been ran over by a truck, she will make him stay at home and the last time she did that, nothing went well.

The doorknob was hard to get while his hands were shaking badly at this point, the door were unlocked and luckily he gathered the strenght to open it as he almost fell to the floor because of feeling sick.

The bathroom was the first thing he ran to and as he turned on the lights he could see his pupils shrink and his eyelids were heavy as the light was hitting him hard while he blinked too much.

The mirror showed him something he didn't want to see, his eyes red and his hair a black mess, bruises right below his cheekbone that wasn't created by Gerard. It would be better if it was, even though he wasn't really a fan of that biting shit, he always saw people doing that and he wondered how could they hurt each other in that way, but leaving hickeys seemed now like something he would totally volunteer for, but only with Gerard.

He picked up his toothbrush and put on some toothpaste before watering it. His mom told him to wash his fucking teeth before going to sleep and he totally didn't do that, he was too busy taking Gerard's hand as it was leading him to his bedroom. The toothbrush that was given to him was easily forgotten and it was left somewhere in Gerard's house, maybe in his room. His teeth felt renewed and it almost felt like he was okay. His expression was totally numb in te mirror that had a crack at the bottom right corner that was there since forever, he asked his mom where that came from and she totally lied that the mirror came like that, Frank was personally in belief that his father had done that, but no evidence could be found so he just let it slide.

He took a comb that he almost never used, he wanted to mess out the mess that his hair was now and he stopped in his action, looking at himself in the mirror as he came to realize that he never actually cared about how he looked and he wondered what changed?

Oh, yeah. Gerard showed up.  
Damn.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of Petekey a little bit of Lindsey yeah and a little bit of Frerard. man this is great, i need to continue, making some plot over there. wupwup
> 
> votes and comments would be hella rad. thannk you so much


	12. Ray and the minor explosion

The world stopped spinning for a bit and things felt okay.

Frank left the "safety" of his house which never represented safety, but it was more of a figure of speach. His house represented every shitty thing that ever happened to him and most of all, he was willing to forget most of the things and it still wouldn't be enough.

Some hatred he had overcame his own self and still he didn't have to dream his nightmares,he was living them. Luckily, he managed to avoid his parents and he was on his way to school, his legs ached and his bruises were in pain (logically) as he tried to walk faster to the hell he went to. It seemed that every single place he had to go was literal hell, except Gerard's place.

Gerard's place was a safe haven and that was a place he intended to go as often as he could. Before he was forced to go, Gerard pulled him closer in an embrace after he pressed his lips on Frank's, the kiss felt safe and he again smelled of coffee and it felt like magic. Gerard wasn't really keen on letting him go, but what was needed to do was needed. He ruffled Frank's hair as he tried to go from his embrace and another quick kiss landed on his lips. They looked at each other and the numbers on their arms were still there and the world felt hopeless and the world seemed impossible to escape from. It was so fragile and both of them knew how broken they were and how broken they can became.

He couldn't really stop thinking about Gerard and his concentration was hitting a real low now and he was extremely concerned about how he'll learn something or even listen...

His thoughts were interuppted with a small but significant hey.

"Hey, Frank. Wait up!" Frank turned around to face the person that was so keen on walking with him. A familiar polite boy with an extremely huge fro approached him with a smile as he did so, Ray was so tall, Frank was so jelaous, to him Ray felt like he was God on heaven and Frank will later find out that he wasn't so wrong.

"Ray. What are you doing here?"

Frank asked the boy sincerely, he wasn't really up to speaking with someone after he threw up his guts just a while ago and his mouth and breath probably ricked so he was on a safe distance from Ray Toro, the only polite boy he knew that actually acted like a good Christian.

If by Christian you mean a person that supported literally everyone, including homosexuals and every other sexuality there is and gender and everything that the Church is so wildly against, then yes, Ray Toro was a good Christian.

Ray perked up as he was catching up with Frank's quick pace. "You know, on my way to rob a bank or something equally fun."  
Frank raised his eyebrows in Ray's direction as he wasn't able to decifer on what the hell was Ray talking.

Ray saw his face and his position that stood for Frank as 'weirded out' and he decided to end Frank's misery with explaining that he was joking. "I am joking, Frank. Where would i be going, after all in this time?"

Ray smiled and Frank relaxed for a second as he saw the optimistic sunbeam that went by the name Ray Toro.

"I don't know. Rob a bank?" Frank joked for the first time in a long time and he emphasised the word bank maybe just a little too much. Ray was a nice person and Frank never actually tried to befriend Ray Toro. It was all his fault, of course, Frank hated the world sometimes and therefor Ray was in that world and he didn't actually hate him, he just hadn't given him the chance.

Ray Toro was too good for this world, too pure.

Ray laughed at the remark that Frank made and it caugh him by suprise, to Ray Frank wasn't really a person that joked that much and he just proved him wrong, apparently.

It was all smiles and shit like that and their smiles started to wear off as they were approaching the instituition that killed off your dreams, innocence, hope and for some people their virginity.

Their faces shared equal sadness and Frank was considering skipping but he didn't want to use that time on sitting somewhere without Gerard. Ray started to mumble some nonsense and Frank really wasn't listening.

Frank snaped out of his coma induced state because Ray Toro put his hand on his shoulder, asking him a question.

"You okay, Frank? You look a little pale." Ray's sincerity hit him hard and he couldn't stand how normal it felt even not to talk to Ray.

Ray though, didn't make him feel like Gerard did. Frank was confused and he couldn't really explain his sexuality or his state of mind. He only knew that Ray made him feel secure and like a person he could trust, a trustworthy person was hard to find these days and Ray gave the feeling of trust, Frank just really hoped that one day no one will use the goodness in Ray as people usually did.

When it came to feeling, the feelings he had for Ray and Gerard were completely different. Ray made him feel like the world is going to be okay while on the other hand Gerard made him feel like the world is okay and how immedietely after it implodes and then it rains while in the same time it's sunny and Frank just realized how complicated his feelings are and how he's not really controlling them well, his cheeks were flashing red and if Ray asks him, he could pass it as hotness in the air.

Luckilly, Ray didn't ask anything and the question that left Ray's mouth was a genuine suprise.

"Wanna skip class without getting detention?"

-

To skip the whole story of how Ray is a fucking genious, him and Ray found each other in the library, skipping class with Ray was so easy, they just slided through the crowd and they went straight to the teacher they had and explained how they needed to help the other teacher in the library. And the best thing about this all was that they had nothing to do, just chilling in the library.

There was a massive table that held a fuckton of books and Frank found a lot of comfort in them, seeing The Catcher in the Rye on the table.

It was his favourite book at the moment but as he grew, things changed and every book he read had an element that he liked, he left his soul in them and the next reader could feel the energy going through the one that read it before.

Or maybe Frankie was high as fuck when it came to books, we'll never know.

His thoughts definitely changed when he read it and he read it more than once, that's for sure, the last time he read it, he realized that fucking Holden was fucking stupid, the words that Frank found himself reading were extremely dull and the first time he read it he didn't even realize but then the words came to him and he just started laughing. Holden Caulfield didn't know where fish went when winter came, when the lakes froze and where did the birds go when they went south. He found himself in an awkward situation where he was smarter than his favourite character. The book was still great though and he would recommend it to anyone. The Catcher in the Rye would be something that Gerard would like but Frank was forgetting that Gerard probably read it when he was eleven. And that thought terrified him. He was only four years older and yet again they seemed to be worlds apart. The only time Frank felt like they aren't is when their hands were linked together or when their hands were on each other.

To conclude, Frank was a fucking nerd. More of a bookworm.

His thoughts were interuppted by no other than the god of the fro hair, Ray Toro.

"Earth to Iero." Ray said with a laugh, half-hidden behind the shelves that contained fricking Bibles. What a waste of space, the shelves could contain fricking snails and it would bring more use to it than this. Nobody read them and they only collected dust throughout the years.

One time there was this kid that got an asthma attack because he was standing too near to the shelf. Frank heard that story from some kid and he wasn't sure if it was true or not. If it was, it wouldn't be really a miracle.

"Sorry, Ray." Frank apologised after what it seemed like centuries, but only few seconds passed.

He would get caught in his own thoughts like that often.

"You do this often?" Frank asked with genuine curiosity as Ray picked up some books that were in the wrong place. Ray's hair was the only things visible in the surrounding and it was weird for Frank to ask his fro a question because he couldn't see his face exactly.

"Lately, more often." Ray answered sincerely as he finally reveled his face to Frank, going out of the bookshelves that hid his face.

"How do you do it? I mean, it was so easy for you." Frank didn't bother asking why because he didn't wanted to be asked that question so he just skiped it.

"It's completely easy when you are a good student and when all the teachers blindly believe that you love their subject." Laughter was heard from the man made out of fro. But seriously this boy was ninety percent fro and ten percent Ray.

"If you are such a good student and you made everybody believe that you love their subjects, what are you doing here then? It makes no sense to me at all. If i was you, i most definitely wouldn't be here in the library. What's your reason?" For the first time in forever, Frank asked way too many questions and he found himself intrigued by the story that this Ray dude held. He only hoped that it wouldn't take too long, his concentration was dropping low very easily and the only time it didn't was when his concentration was focused on Gerard.

"It's so quiet here, y'know." Ray's eyes looked glassy like he was going through a flashback of sorts until he continued. "It feels like, it's hard to explain, when i am around all those people, their heads think in their own way and their feelings burst too much and it was extremely hard to handle all of that sometimes."

Ray looked reliefed that he said something to someone and Frank realized that Ray seriously needed someone to talk to and that person was not a friend, he needed proffesional help and Frank would never recommend it to anyone so he satisfied himself as Ray's psychiatrist.

They both glanced at each other and Ray chuckled out of discomfort, Ray's chuckle sounded like angels singing. It was so weird to see Ray so laid back, when he was in class, his eyes would be firmly fixated on the teacher and Frank figured out that was how he isolated himself from people and their feelings and pretty much everything.

"It seems to me that you've got it up to here." And Frank gestured with his hands above his head.

Ray smiled with a sad expression on his face. When Ray Toro was sad, than the whole world seemed to shut down. He was one of those people that made a good first impression on you and then that impression stays there.

"Since we are here in a library, we might as well take a fucking nap." Ray cursed and Frank twiched from the suprise that followed from not believeing what he's hearing.

"What did you even tell the teacher? What are we suppose to do?" Frank asked out of genuine curiosity and a pinch of fear because he was the biggest coward ever.

"Oh, like a poster or something."

"On what?"

"Skipping class." Ray escaped a chuckle.

"Seriously."

-

Gerard Way had it enough.

This goddamn old grandma or whatever the fuck she was, wasn't moving in the road and he was close to flipping the shit out of her. If there was something Gerard hated, it was when people stood in the motherfucking passage where people fricking walked.

This morning was all swell until Frank was forced to leave, to go to the only place he actually didn't wanted to be. Gerard assumed that he was right, for sure.

And now he was standing here, waiting for this old lady to fucking move.

He almost wished he could punch something, but violence was not the answer and he knew that much.

The lady looked like that old lady from that awesome movie that he and Mikey watched a few years ago. Little did Gerard know that Mikey thought the exact same thing about this same lady.

Those things made them brothers. Not the fact that the same mother gave birth to them or the fact that they look alike (sometimes). It was the fact that they think the same. They would look at each other and they would totally know what the other is thinking.

That was Gerard's favourite thing about the two of them.

He was growing impatient and he decided to just pass the lady and as his back was already turned to her, he heard a voice behind him.

"You know it all ends tragic." The lady said not exactly looking at anyone. It seemed like she was talking to the sky and Gerard turned around to see if anyone was there except the two of them, he only saw two girls walking in the distance and he just responded with 'yeah sure, whatever'.

His pace grew bigger and again he heard the same voice, now yelling. "Don't tell that i didn't warn you!"

Gerard decided it was for the best if he walked faster and didn't look back.

That's what he started to do more often.

Holding tight and not looking back. It was sort of a moto.

The only time he wanted to look back was when he remembered his time with Frank and that was it. Frank was a miracle himself, he didn't know that, of course, how could he? Nobody knew that stuff about themselves unless they were pretty vain.

Gerard couldn't count on his fingers the people that thought about themselves that way.

His thoughts were rapid and extremely random but he was thinking about Frank all the time and Gerard hoped that Frank was thinking about him too.

It was miserable that he, a twenty one year old was hoping like some teenage girl in a cliché movie that the other person was thinking about him too.

He found himself not caring that he was so lovestruck and the smile on his lips grew larger as he continued thinking about Frank's skin under his fingers and his eyes as they blinked in the morning light. It was wonderful and he was truly beautiful and Gerard wasn't thinking about his appereance, he was thinking about everything that made Frank - Frank. And he giggled in the silence that surrounded him as he continued to act like a teenage straight girl. Currently the only thing different between him and some teenage girl in a movie was the fact that he was not so straight and that his life isn't so heteronormative like in the movies.

It must be so blistfull to think that everyone around you is straight and then bam! all these sexualities that people don't even know they exist start appearing and their straight life fall to pieces.

It was truly wonderful to see people reacting to someone not being straight. Confusion and sometimes some people (usually homophobes) got mad. So not-so-straight people liked to leave out those kinds of things when they first met. At least the people that he knew. And now he was totally off of the topic. His mind was a mix of wandering thoughts.

It was hard to stop them sometimes, he was lucky in this certain moment that they were happy and neutral thoughts.

He could thank Frank for that.

Buildings started to look the same and he would totally consider it depressing like a year ago but now, his thoughts were preocupied with this one little, young and cute punk under the name of Frank Iero.

He always thought that people who were fucked up in the head, couldn't possibly love and that people wouldn't possibly love them back until they learn how to love themselves.

That wasn't true.

You can be loved and you can love even though you don't have all the marbles fixed in your head.

It doesn't matter if the marbles don't come together ever in your life. The most important part is that you have the marbles inside, no matter how broken they were.

Gerard walked faster and he could feel his legs burning up and his lungs lacking air as he almost ran to the place where Mikey worked, people were looking at him weirdly as he heard himself breathing too hard. He was no sports type that's for sure and all the physical exercise he did was pulling the blankets off of him.

He ran and he stoped on the last place he wanted to be. The cementary.

The gates were opened wide and Gerard took those little steps that were needed so that he enters the cementary itself so he did.

This was not the place he wanted to be and still he felt the place calling him and driving him closer inside.

He forgot about the nightmares.

And it looked like they are coming back again.

-

"Mr. Toro."

Ray's head snaped slowly as the teacher called him out during his giggle session with Frank Iero. Frank was looking quite guilty but Ray was looking like it was no biggie.

"How about you solve this task on the board." Said the teacher that Frank was so stubborn not to remember her name because of obvious reasons. Number one: because she didn't know his name, number two: who gave a fuck anyway?

Ray stood up, pacing slowly to the board, looking like he couldn't give less fuck about, Frank started to admire him with time and he realized that they had much in common and as time passed he even stopped thinking about Gerard for a bit.

He felt guilty at some point but he was sure that Gerard wasn't thinking about him that much. Little did he know what Gerard was experiencing at the certain moment.

Ray took a chalk that the teacher was holding so pretentiously between her fingers like she was holding a cigarette which Frank wouldn't so suprised if she did smoke. This school was shit.

Ray leaned on the board and the whole class was well... suprised, he never acted that way but the little chat that him and Ray had in the library proved Frank that Ray was about to snap.

Ray was also a person that didn't hold back when it came to talking about their personal stuff and Frank was geniouinly suprised when Ray started to talk about his parents and his love status.

Did Frank look like a trustworthy person? Did Frank feel like a trustworthy person?  
Hell no.

Then why did Ray have an outburst of emotions and was talking abouy literally everything.

Who knew? Maybe it was the fact that he didn't give a fuck.

The teacher made a smirk as she glided with her look across the class until she stopped on Frank.

Frank was in his usual position, staring at his desk in a 'please-don't-ask-me-to-come-to-the-board' way and it seemed that the giggling with Ray Toro just a minute ago didn't contribute much to the not going to the board.

"You." Said the most stupid teacher ever in the entire existence. "Come to the board." And her pointy long finger that awfully reminded him of Gerard (even though it didn't look alike at all) landed right in his direction and he wanted to turn around and say "Me?" but he knew all too well that she meant him and also he knew that because he was sitting in the last row and the turning around would only lead to facing a wall. So, there was no help.

Frank bit his lip as he stood to face the task that was so goddamn easy to him, the only problem was if Ray knew how to solve it and what will the stupid class have to say of him or whatever. He just didn't wanna have a panic attack at the board. The teacher on the other fuckin hand looked so sure of herself that he will fail glamorously so he wanted to prove her wrong.

And then there was this one moment where he felt it, the sting of making himself important. He never had that before and it wa so strange for Frank to feel such a thing. Maybe something new sparkled that sting inside of him. Maybe that new thing was Gerard. Just maybe.

Ray was smiling and Frank wasn't really keen on reciprocating one smile so he just glanced once at Ray and then they started solving the task.

Ray was goofing around and Frank could swear that he drew a dick instead of number three on the board, Frank was near the end of the task and he already knew it was correct, (he solved it at home like a thousand times) he figured he should let Ray copy it or something but Ray seemed to give zero fucks today. His fro was hiding his task from anyone and people couldn't see it as Frank whispered to him.

"Are you okay?" Said Frank with a confused and concerned look on his face.

Ray looked at him, straight in the eyes. "Trust me. I am not okay."

And that was probably the first time Frank heard someone actually admitting their not-okayness. People usually just said 'fine','sure','whatever', but Ray gave zero fucks today so that didn't apply to him.

As Frank didn't know what to say to Ray and as Ray continued to goof around (no but seriously, the next thing on the goffiness scale would be Ray sticking his hand in a cupcake), he started to end his task and as he made his final movement, the bell rang and the goffy, now sas looking Ray said. "Saved by the bell."

The whole class stood up quickly as they paced around the desks to escape this one certain hell to enter another.

The teacher just glanced at Frank's correct answer and just nodded vigoriously as she also stood up from her place to see what Ray did. Ray made some doodles around the task but his procedure was correct, he only didn't write the final answer. As the teacher turned around to find Ray Toro, he was just exiting the door and vanishing in the crowd of students.

"Frank." The teacher adressed him on his first name which was one:weird, two:extremely weird because he thought that she was oblivious to his existence, three:scary because there was a question following. "What is happening with Ray?"

And that was the moment where Frank really wanted to say something but knowing himself he would never do that and so he stayed true to himself in the most unhealthy way possible with simply stuttering. "I don't, i don't know."

And Frank truly didn't know. Frank truly didn't know anything about Ray Toro.

And that could be said for the both of them.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love ya all comment if there's something wrong with this chapter and vote if you liked it..


	13. Earn your ticket to Heaven

n order to coexist you first need to exist.

-

Gerard was standing on the graveyard. The force took him there and the sadness felt like it was never going to end. He didn't know how he got there and all he could think about was the gravestone that had a full name of the person he once loved, truly, deeply and still did.

His legs didn't cooperate with him and he landed on the ground, picking up grass. It was inconsiderate to the plants and he remembered from a while ago when he was younger that he would never pick a flower because he thought that would hurt them. But this time he was older and things felt different and now the grass in his hands stood there, making his hands look green.

His grandmother was buried there and the gravestone looked nothing but sad and the fact that her bones were layed out there, underground didn't really help his situation, he was feeling shitty already.

The tombstone looked old even though it's been only a few years, his grandmothers name was written and the day she died and the day her life began and the most important thing to him.

The inscription.

He didn't know who put that there or who payed for that or even who thought of putting an inscription, when his grandmother died he thought that there will be no inscriptions because that costs a lot of money and to be competely honest, they weren't one of those people that were rolling in a bed of money, naked.

The inscription was not written by his parents that was for sure and he knew how less they cared for her. To Mikey and him, she was the world, a truly wonderful person, she inspired them to do stuff of their own, not to give up and it was beautiful to see how she never lost hope even though there were times where every single normal person would just drop it and leave but no, she didn't.

It always made him wonder what happens after you die. Do you just vanish into thin air, do you turn to dust and then God makes you a new being again, do you just go into nothingness and remain in the darkness forever?

Does it hurt? Does the pain go away? Does it makes you feel better?

In the past people belived that the afterlife is better than the life you had to live through so they didn't really make an effort in making their life extraordinary and that made him sad because all those people were waiting to die. Waiting your whole life just to die. They didn't make an effort and of course in the past people had a short life expectancy and that kind of made things go faster for them because if you were forty, you were old as a Bible.

They just made sure that they went to church and pray to God so they could earn their tickets to Heaven.

Earning your ticket to Heaven. How lovely! If only it was that easy. According to the Bible a man and a man shouldn't be together and therefore Gerard was already in hell.

Suddently he remembered all the times he read the Bible with his grandmother and he remembered what she said.

"Gerard, God loves everyone, you do understand that? God made humans flawed and he created us on his image. I am not saying that God is flawed i am just saying that it is completely okay to make mistakes."

The flashback that he got from when they were sitting at her house was so vivid it made him want to cry but he didn't, he held back the tears that were starting to choke him.

His eyes tilted as he saw a figure in the background, far away from him, standing next to someone's grave.

The person wasn't crying and it made him feel more secure about himself.

When it came to his grandma, he truly believed that she wouldn't mind what he has become. He hoped that she wouldn't mind. It was weird to see his parents being so homophobic and yet his grandma never made any mean comment in her life or as long as Gerard can remember.

It could be that Gerard and well, Mikey had a subjective point of view but still other people often said how much of a good woman she was. It was hard to thing about the deceased and about who they were when there was no coming back.

He glanced back at the tombstone and he read the words that the inscription held.

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.

There was also a little rose or some flower, it pretty much looked like a little flower at the end of the sentence.

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal? The sentence itself made Gerard extremely confused and he didn't really know what to think about it.

He didn't know if he believed in Heaven or Hell, he didn't really want to know.

But the words that the inscription on his grandmothers tombstone held gave him some comfort, he hoped that his grandma wasn't tied to only one place, like in a garden in Heaven or something and he really hoped that she could go around the world, travelling and meeting people even though they probably couldn't see her because she was dead but he hoped. That's the only thing left for him.

Suddently, he remembered Frank and how small (literally and not) and young he is, fragile and could be broken easily, it made him ache that he was so destroyed in such a young age but then he remembered that he was also begining to destroy himself at that same age.

It made him sad that a person like Frank would suffer through anything that he did, and he did, he could see it in his face he just wasn't keen on telling the thing that was obviously on his mind, every day and it was so easy to read it of his face if you payed attention.

People never payed attention, when he fell into the black hole of addiction, no one noticed, except Mikey. Mikey inherited the good gene or that was at least what Gerard thought, Mikey never thought of those things and Gerard envied that.

Frank hid something very carefully and Gerard knew that if he meant to see all of those stuff to fully understand him, he will need to open up himself. There were so many things that Frank didn't know about Gerard and vice versa, he was stubborn in making things less so, he wanted Frank to feel comfortable with him and he wanted all the tension to go away.

He just needed to find a way, a light approaching way to make things not weird and normal, as much as normal it can get.

The graveyard was far behind him as he left it, leaving the beautiful inscription that gave him hope and the grayness of the sky in the graveyard as he wanted to run, also leaving the figure that was looking at him the whole time, grasping the tombstone of their deceased, wanting nothing but,

Revenge.

-

Frank thought it would be appropriate to go and see what happened to Ray but there was this sinking feeling in his stomach that Ray didn't really want to see him, and the spiral of his thoughts untangled and he found himself walking towards the huge man with an anormous fro.

The students were keen on bumping their shoulders into Frank and Frank didn't really give a fuck but now they were really slowing him down and to be completely honest, he wanted to punch someone in the throath. He wasn't so sure why in the throath but that seemed to be a good place.

He reached his arm to Ray and Ray snaped a little at the touch, it was almost like he was in pain in that particular place in his shoulder.

"Hey, Ray, you okay?" And that was the exect moment where Frank wanted to smack himself in the face because he hated when his words fucking ryhmed when he spoke for fuck's sake, why did this stuff always had to happen to him?

It was maybe because he was an awkward little fuck but hey, who cares? Right?

Frank cares.

Ray glared at Frank and made a nervous twitch as Frank moved his hand from his shoulder, Frank was really not the type that would go around helping people but this time he had reason. One: Ray concerned him. Two: Ray is a nice person. Three: he suddently started to care about people?

He wanted to blame gerard for that basic human emotion or whatever it was but whatever Gerard ever did, he was sure that he could forgive him.

"I am fine, Frank. Don't worry." Ray said in the most not convincing voice ever made in the human history and thankfully Frank wasn't giving up so easily on Ray this time or any other time in the future, if there will be a time in the future for those kinds of things.

"I find that hard to believe." Frank said in his best lawyer voice he could manage and for the first time in his life it seemed that it worked. (Not that Frank actually used his lawyer voice in his entire life and he hoped that he never will again because that was embarrasing.)

"You don't need to worry Frank. You are not my mother. And besides, my mother is taller than you, so yeah. Don't try to act like my mother." Ray chuckled at that and Frank would be extremely pissed but jokes about his height became really boring like when he was five and those insluts or remarks really didn't make him jump anymore.

Well, when he was five he still had time to grow. It was pretty much over for him now.

"First of all, rude, Ray. But i don't care. Seriously, Ray. What's wrong?" Frank figured that a light approach would benefit him so he went with that, he didn't excpect any result because if someone asked him the same question he asked Ray, he wouldn't say a thing. But Ray was a different person, so Frank put all his hope in finding out what's wrong.

" I-" Ray stuttered out." I just can't be here anymore. This place makes me sick."

"Well, same." Frank agreed because to hell with it, who wanted to be here in the first place? "But you've come so far now and what's the point of giving up? There is only one year to go and then we are done. We are free. You can go wherever you like."

Frank was so good at this cheering-the-other-person-up and to be completely fucking honest, he was proud of himself, what was a fucking miracle because he never felt that. Also, he wasn't one of those people that cheered other people up. That wasn't his thing, only because other people didn't give two shits about him, so vice versa, so didn't he.

"Yeah i know. But Frank, you don't understand how i feel." Ray protested as Frank found it hard to believe that those actual words left Ray's mouth. He doesn't understand how he feels? What was this? Oprah? God knows that Oprah would know what to do.

This felt like a reality tv show where everything is set up and the voices sound fake and the actors are fake and nobody swears because the world is full of polite people. Yeah, right.

"Okay, Ray. What the fuck? Get your shit together. What the hell is wrong with you? There will be plenty of time to sort your shit out and now is not the time to chicken out and leave." Frank figured that the aggresive therapy might work on Ray and he knew all too well that it wouldn't work on him but yeah, he wasn't in the centre today so the spotlight was landed right on Ray.

"Frank, guess what?" Ray said with his voice as sharp as a razor and he continued."I am not the one hiding all day long around the halls and sitting in the boys room when launch break is on and i am most definitely not the one we should be talking about."

Ray was too close to his face, his face in a stern and a slightly angry tone. He came really close and Frank was weirded out by him and if this was Gerard leaning in they would be kissing already.

"How about we talk about your problems?"

Ray said in the most terrifying voice ever, his eyes were dark and the sunbeam was unexpectedly gone, the light behind his eyes was shut down by this outburst of anger because Frank tried to help.

Frank and Ray stood in the hallway like two biggest idiots in the world, mean glances exchanged while doing so, other students were looking at the two boys who were nothing but short the most politest and smartest boys in the school. Frank decided it was time to let go of this and his face relaxed as he was not holding his jaw closed completely, his teeth now free of touching each other.

Ray's facial expression smoothed too as Frank took a step back, allowing the two of them to breathe.

„I am sorry." Came the unexpected and wildly suprising answer from Ray Toro, he was standing there, feeling a little bit guilty for raging out on Frank and putting hands in his pockets out of discomfort. " I don't really know how to handle these things."

Frank was on a safe distance from Ray now and that wasn't even the problem, the problem was Ray Toro whose having his first existential crisis in his senior year, which for Frank and probably the rest of the world was quite entertaining and weird.

There's always that one person that has frequent existential crisis and then other people laugh at that person because they relate all too much.

"Which things?" Frank asked a stupid question because that's just what he did.

"Emotions. I guess."

Ray confessed silently as he bit his bottom lip.

"it will pass." Frank reassured him in something he wasn't so sure about.

"How do you know?" Ray raised his eyes to Frank's in a search for a promising answer.

"Trust me."

-

Gerard did the grocery shopping and visited Mikey for a bit in his work place after visiting the cementery, his plan was of course not to visit the cementary but he felt like it was calling for him and he spent too much time over his grandmothers grave as he contemplated his life? Space? Who knows. The only thing he knew was that Mikey and he were stable for now when it came to financial stuff.

The place where they lived wasn't theirs before, logically. The house was big and it needed maintaining. Mikey was working for Barnes and Noble and Gerard had off and on jobes in the newspaper where he sometimes drew short comics, even sometimes people would call him that he draws something on their walls after having it painted.

This one house called him to draw a red dragon all over their huge wall in the hall they had and they payed him a fuckton for that. After he received that money he took Mikey out for dinner.

It was nice and Mikey was happy and at that moment they were completely fine.

Their house belonged to their grandmother and after she died she left the house for Gerard and Mikey even though on the paper it said that only Gerard lives there, Mikey lived there too and that's why their parents would pay them a visit every once in a while. They were so insistant in taking Mikey away from him and sometimes it would get funny because they tried so hard in all the wrong ways. Also, Mikey would never leave him.

They had trouble with the papers and the house but Gerard had all the hope in the world these days, it must of been because of Frank.

Frank, that little boy, he wasn't even a man at his age (and his height, but Gerard didn't mind) he gave him a lot of hope and he was so glad that he met him when he was clean.

Gerard didn't even want to imagine what it would be like if they met at the time when he did drugs. It would lead them both to chaos and Gerard was awfully bad at the time and the things he did and with who he did it was horrible.

The only vice he had left now was smoking, when Mikey caught him almost overdosing he picked him up, literally off the floor he was lying on and took him to the hospital and after that he had to see a psychiatrist for his well-being and she said that he will have to replace his drug addiction with something else and so he did, with smoking.

Booze was gone, drugs were gone and smoking was the only thing left.

After all he could take another thing to the list of his vices and that was Frank.

Frank.

A seventeen year old boy, so flustered when he sees him and most of all, not running away anymore. Gerard figured out that Frank had issues with people and it made him more than happy that Frank decided to take time with him and most of all kiss him.

And then sudden realization hit Gerard as he thought more about it. What about after the kiss? Shit, Frank was still seventeen and something that comes after kissing was pretty much illegal due to the fact that he was twenty fucking one. It made him almost sad that he will have to wait a year or maybe less (he hoped less) to have something like that with Frank, but then again he respected his wishes and who knows? Maybe, Frank didn't want anything further than kissing. Maybe sex was too much. Well, Gerard could bash his head thinking about it and to be completely honest, Gerard wasn't one of those people that would push other people in shit, well not anymore at least.

As he was thinking about none other then sex, he felt the fabric of his jeans getting tightened.

He looked down in disbelief as he came to conclusion that he got hard off thinking about doing the do with a person he liked. His stupid tight jeans weren't helping the matter and he stopped in his actions, his groceries still on the kitchen counter, food all over the place, some in the fridge and some still on the table.

"Fuck." Gerard ran upstairs and it felt like his lungs are going to collapse as he engaged in a physical movement, he wanted to curse himself for doing this and acting like a teenager but it seemed that his dick wasn't thinking like his brain and now wasn't the time for any kind of punishing or well thinking straight or in his matter, gay, because after all, he was thinking about Frank.

The door of the bathroom was violently open by him and shut as quickly as he can get and for some fucking reason he locked them. Well, who knows? Someone could knock on the door, Mikey could get earlier from work (that was impossible but shit happens from time to time) and after all someone could totally hear him, someone next door if anyone was home, he just hoped that he wouldn't get too noisy but fuck it.

The door was locked and he considered going into the shower or just jacking off into the toilet and now he wasn't so keen on not taking his clothes. So he just started to undress really quick because this time wasn't the time for getting himself turned on, the thoughts of Frank already did that and his clothes were off and he jumped into the shower as he turned on the hot water, he looked down and saw his stupid dick acting like a teenager.

"You are a fucking idiot you know that?" Gerard glanced down as he took his hand and started stroking his dick up and down, he could feel the feeling in his stomach as he was doing the action and the feeling was kind of unfamiliar due to the fact that he was jacking off to such a person, Frank. Frank caused this, it wasn't like he could blame him (he wanted to but the only one guilty for this was himself). His hand was moving faster and faster and little moans went out of his mouth as his hand gripped tighter around his dick. The moans were getting louder every second and minute that passed and his breathing hitched as he was standing naked in a shower, jacking off to a guy that's four years younger than him. He could feel it coming and for some reason he wanted to hold himself back, he wanted to take time for a person like Frank, he wanted to show respect for a person like him even though Frank wasn't here he still felt like honoring him.

The feeling was coming and he was soon too and the moans and panting were louder and faster with every stroke until his mind went all gooey and his come went all over the shower and the hot water was turning a little bit colder as it drained alongside his come.

He felt guilty a bit and totally relaxed and again guilty, his feelings were quite mixed and it wasn't like that at all. He finally got out of the shower, turning the water off and taking a towel to wipe the water out of himself and unfortunately his hair was wet too but he could survive as his black strands sticked to his face, dripping water a little as he took his clothes and put them back on.

As silence finally came and the shower wasn't on and his loud moans weren't preoccupining him (he still was breathing heavier than usual), he heard an annoying sound coming from his room that was next to the bathroom, an annoying sound was coming from his stupid phone and he cursed Mikey out loud for putting the most annoying tune to it. He ran to the room, still wet in certain places as he picked up the phone to an unknown number.

"Hello?" Said the irritated and breathless Gerard as he struggled with his shirt that was resisting to being straight because his body was still wet.

"Hello, hi. Um, Gerard?" Said the tiny voice coming from the boy that caused this mess.

Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!

Frank literally found the worst time to call and Gerard didn't even put his pants on completely and the zip was still unzipped.

"Frank! H-Hi. What's up?" Gerard stuttered the few words out as he brushed his hand through his hair. "Weren't you suppose to be in school?" He was sweating over the fact that Frank could hear his drained out and breathless voice and he was praying to every god there is out there to save him from this awkward situation.

Frank giggled and his voice sounded so cute over the phone Gerard had to sit down on the chair next to him because of it.

"I am in school. We are just having a break, you know, kids have to eat and not die in this place, who else would attend this place if not the students, someone's gotta roast in hell."

Gerard was happy that nothing bad happened and that he was okay and that nobody attacked him and that he was on a safe place ( as much as you can call it a safe place, c'mon it's high school, bullies everywhere).

"Yeah, i get it." Gerard's voice hitched a bit and he instantly regretted the fact that he spoke those four little words.

He could hear the giggle once more coming from the other side of the line and he squinted his eyes as he waited for Frank's response.

"You know, i am gonna go now. The lunch break is almost over, so yeah."

And Gerard felt like the world was doing him a favour until.

"And yeah, Gerard, next time?" Frank made this sentence sound like a question.

"Yeah, what?" Gerard responded quickly.

"Next time i call you, you don't need to pick up instantly if you've been jacking off." Frank proceeded with his tiny giggles.

Gerard wanted to pretend otherwise but the fact was that Frank caught him and any other normal person would gather that out. "Fr-"

"Hope you were thinking about me."

And with that Frank hung up and left Gerard wide eyed as his hopefully boyfriend said those words after catching him and all he did was to lay down on his bed and burst into nothing else than laughter.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!!!! SMUT DID YOU SEE THAT. NICE. LOVE IT!NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON ALSO I AM WRITTING TWO NEW FICS. ONE IS GONNA COME (omg did i just say that) SOONER THAN THE OTHER haqhah
> 
> votes and comments would be extremely appreciated, and also if you find any mistakes comment them thank you!


	14. Sex, drugs and staying at home

Lindsey Ballato has convinced herself that she's been doing the right thing all along. No matter how sketchy that sounded she actually like working like this. Finding people and getting money for that, who wouldn't want that? It was easy as fuck and her boss, well her real boss gave her commands and she obligated. She needed to form a group and she did, these new girls are going to find this guy, whoever the fuck he was and they needed to do it fast.

She didn't know why she felt so anxious this time and her feelings were kinda changing all the time and she wasn't one of those touchy-feely types of people, so of course, this was bothering her.

This guy had a lot of cash on him, the only thing her and the girls needed to do was to find him, that's all. She didn't know what would happen to them after the person was found.

One time the request came from an old lady who was looking for her son and after they found him she was so happy. And that made Lindsey happy.

The other times were kinda hard because once after they found the guy that this other dude was looking for ended up dead and her boss convinced her that they had no connection whatsoever with the 'suicide'. The only thing that had her going was the fact that her best friend, Jamia was right by her side.

And the whole crew.

She gathered everyone around her because she felt like these girls could be happy if they had like a girl squad of sorts and that worked out pretty fine. Girls keeping other girls safe. What did Lindsey want more? Literally nothing, her life was pretty much great right now and that made her really unsure because nobody felt happy all the time and this period of time in her life was particulary- okay.

Being okay after being so bad for so long felt strange and kind of like this giant rock that is hanging above your head, waiting to fall.

She wanted to ignore the feeling but it ramained and the only feeling of security was when Jamia held her hand and she unfortunately wasn't doing that now because they were having a 'meeting' or you could call it 'new chicks bombarding the crew with a millions of questions'.

And she was there and Jamia was on the other side of the room, standing back against the wall, right in the exact spot where Lindsey pressed her against the wall. She realized she was smiling creepily as a voice shook her like it came as a sound from another room, while in fact it came from a person, sitting right next to her.

"Is she even listening?" Said the new girl with a huge grin on her face because Lindsey looked like she was in another world, her eyes glassy from thinking what she and Jamia did that night and most of all how good it felt, and that was the very first time, and she couldn't wait for more.

"i don't think she's even in this room." Jamia giggled as she ran her hand through her hair and Lindsey snapped back into reality when she heard Jamia's voice.

Lindsey smiled just a little to show everyone in the room that she was present. "Nah, i am here."

Sometimes no is to serious and nope is too jokingly so Lindsey always votes for one nah.

"Can someone just explain me what do we do?" Anastasia interuppted with her obvious question because everyone else was either scared or too busy trying to break the homosexual vibe that was going between Jamia and Lindsey.

"Okay, first of all. I gathered you all today- wow this started to sound like a sermon. Shit gotta change my tone. Well, let me start from the beginning." Lindsey jokingly said as Jamia fake coughed.

"I needed more people so we can find this dude and get money for it, second of all, you do this shit in free time, if you want to, of course, you can always walk away. " Jamia smiled at that.

"I also wanted to make a girl gang where we just hang around, playing video games and shit, also go out and have fun, because you know girls do that. And every single one of you new girls goes to school with one of these girls." And Lindsey showed her finger around the room towards the old crew. "You cought their eye and then you were invited here, that's all."

"so basically the rules are: have fun, find these people, get money for it and most of all, you've got girls backing you up"

Lindsey went with her eyes across the room to find confused eyes and mostly approving looks.

"So you in or you out?" Lindsey shouted a little to cause some affect and Jamia didn't even twich because she was pretty much used to it by now.

And the voice rang out through the room, saying things like 'hell yes', 'abso-fucking-lutely', and some short 'yep'.

"Now that we all got along. We forgot to introduce ourselves." Lindsey stood up and went behind to show at Chantal that stood there smoking a cigarette, no makeup on or any of that shit.

"This is Chantal." Lindsey said and the girls peeked to see a blonde haired girl smoking while slightly waving. "Don't fuck with her."

This looked like the most badass group ever and the new girls were slightly surprised at how much these girls were polite.

Lindsey poked her finger in the direction of a girl with a wicked hairstyle and with eyeliner on point that everyone would be jelaous of. "That's Kitty." Lindsey received a look from Kitty because Kitty didn't really approve extending the group, but she was mending a little bit at a time.

"That's Sarah and that's Christa and that my folks is all."

She showed to the last two girls and they looked like the most politest girls ever, like polite in a i-would-help-a-grandma-cross-the-road.

Sarah smiled and so did Christa and Anastasia wondered how these polite girl fit such a 'gang'.

Lindsey left the best for the end. And the girls all looked over too Jamia as Lindsey finally said with some silence between her speaking, "and that hot motherfucker over there is Jamia Nestor."

It would be easy that Jamia wasn't blushing like hell and she just responded to everyone with a simple 'hey', cursing in herself for making it so obvious that she and Lindsey were more than friends.

"And that is all. Any questions?" Lindsey raised her eyebrows as she grew tired and all she wanted was to have her house empty again and so that she and Jamia can do stuff that nobody would be delited to see.

And no questions appeared and that was completely fine with her as she practically commanded people to leave her house.

"C'mon, everybody out, my house and you can't be here all the time."

All the girls were at the door and as Jamia stood up and went to the door , Lindsey did too. Jamia was about to leave the house as she pulled Jamia back inside.

The door shut behind them and Jamia said with a blush. "You said everyone that you want everyone out of the house."

Lindsey threw a coy smile at her.

"I didn't mean you." Her lips had red lipstick on it and she knew that she won't have it soon. "We have stuff to do."

Lindsey pressed Jamia against the wall, kissing her neck and Jamia moaned out.

"oh, do we?"

And Lindsey took the edge of Jamia's shirt as she said.

"We do."

-

The problem with people is that whatever you do, they'll consider it wrong so the thing is that you can do anything and have fun because people are going to throw shit at you whatever you do.

Have fun and be yourself, said the person as the young teen went to murder someone.

That kind of thoughts run through Frank's head all the time and he wasn't surprised anymore at all. It felt like a migraine but in a good way today because today he rang his probably boyfriend and heard him being all breathless over the phone and it felt great, it felt great knowing that one day, maybe, he'll have that breath over his neck as they both get breathless over doing something that was still illegal for them. Gerard didn't know that he will be eighteen in less than a month, he never told him when he was born and to be completely honest they haven't really spend so much time together, even though they kissed but that was kind of impulsive.

Frank wasn't the impulsive type and what he did surprised him too, he was so vulnerable in his arms, laying down on that meadow and suddently he caught himself laughing because they were in a meadow and then he realized that they were like Twilight. He meant just the meadow part because Bella and Edward were on that meadow, it wasn't like Frank actually had seen the movie, it was just movies trailers, you know?

Luckily, his 'hope-to-be-boyfriend' wasn't a vampire and he wasn't houndred years old and that made him more secure because dating someone whose ninety years older than you, is just plain creepy.

It wasn't like the age difference represented a problem, the problem will disappear in a month, but Gerard still didn't know that, to Frank it was weird because four years was a huge difference because when he started school, Gerard was already in school and he learned all the stuff that just waited for him.

The example was stupid, of course, but his mind worked like that and it buged him, the four years that Gerard had ahead of him, it always seemed like Gerard had it all together and how he had the advantage.

Frank was insistent in making things different and what made him feel good was the fact that he had already done the step one to coming closer to Gerard, phoning him when he wasn't ready. Sure, Gerard could of just left the phone ringing and wait for him to catch his breath but he didn't and Frank wondered why is that.

Little did he know that Gerard was in fear of something bad happening to him.

Again.

He was home and the walls resembled the colour of puke he threw up today in the morning before all this stuff with Ray happened.

He really wanted to think about it more but the more he tried, the sleepier he got and so as he was about to throw himself against the bed he heard his stupid phone making a beep that meant he got a message.

He took his phone out of his pocket to see a familiar name.

Gerard.

The smile on his face grew as he was unlocking his phone to read the message.

Will he apologize, will he say something to out awkward the thing he caught him in?

The smile grew as he finally opened the message.

Frank, I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

Another message came in and Frank was surprised because he thought he'll need to answer before getting another one.

The message made Frank go back to his bed where he intended to go if it weren't for the messages that he was now receiving.

The screen held this letters.

Can I send nudes now? xo

Frank thought he will choke on his own saliva as he grasped that Gerard was maybe even serious.

Frank typed real quick a response that he could get out of himself.

What???

Frank could swear to all gods that exist that he heard a laughter coming from the Way house even though it was completely impossible to do so but he wanted to imagine.

Do you want nudes or not? I mean it's not like you haven't caught me in my lowest...

Frank would get angry at him if he wasn't Gerard but that was quite impossible. At his lowest? Jerking off was his lowest? What the fuck?

Your lowest you say?

Frank typed out a response that gathered all his thoughts.

Well, it wasn't a point where I would like to go back to but one of my lowest yeah..

Frank saw the message and thought about how he should answer this, Gerard considered this a low moment of his life and Frank couldn't bring joy himself as much as he did after he called him.

That wasn't a low point. And you know it.

He could hear the voices in his head telling him to stop but he just didn't care.

And I can prove it to you...

Frank was taking the matter into his own hands and for the first time in his life he felt in control.

How can you prove it to me?

Gerard sneakily answered wanting to get that out of Frank because he was suspecting this all along as they started to chat over messages,

Frank laid his head against his pillow, his shoes on the bed, not caring what his mother will say about that.

Next time you do what you did when I called you, I want to be next to you, is that okay?

Gerard received the message and his eyes were wide open as he practically saw the invitation that Frank offered, he suddenly felt extremely playful.

Are you going to watch? Or are you going to help me out?

Frank choked on that and he figured out that Gerard will always be one little step ahead.

Frank wanted to prove himself and as he typed those four little words he figured out that they were practically sexting and that made him nauseous, because he always thought that he won't be one of those guys that sent dick pics to girls but the rules were changed already as he was sexting a boy.

the sudden wave of feeling courageous came in like a bomb and he typed out.

I like to participate.

Frank wanted to scream but that would attract people and he wasn't keen on people checking him out while he was none other than horny.

Gerard was quick in his responses and it made Frank wonder if he was planning this.

So I see.

Gerard sent him those three words and Frank found himself panicking because he didn't know what to respond. He wasn't good at this and his dick was starting to misbehave and this really wasn't the time.

The time passed and Frank wondered if Gerard is maybe angry at him because he hadn't responded but Gerard was actually smiling to himself, his elbows on the kitchen counter.

Gerard sent another message and Frank twitched at the sound.

We can't do anything of that sort until we are legal to do it, you understand? So when's your birthday?

Frank found himself smirking at the impatience that he could almost feel coming from Gerard.

I am going to surprise you.

Gerard was confused and his eyebrows were raised at that message.

How the hell are you going to surprise me? I am supposed to surprise you when it's your birthday...

Frank was smirking like hell and he took far too much enjoyment in this. He typed out the response.

Well, one day, when my birthday comes I will just stop by your house and tell you that I am eighteen.

The next message came within seconds after the last one.

And you'll have to be ready.

Gerard had no words so he just typed out the last thing he wanted to say but wanted to do.

Fuck.

Frank smiled himself as he typed out the last message for today.

No, not just yet.

-

Mikey Way has never been so head over heels over something. And that thing that he was head over heels was not the boy standing next to him, it was the inanimate object hanging on the wall.

A motherfucking silver shiny bass.

He could only dream of playing it but his resources of money were kind of short and he really didn't want to pressure Gerard in telling him that he'd want that for Christmas.

He really couldn't. He just knew that Gerard would buy him colourful funky socks for Christmas because that's what Gerard was best at.

Buying socks.

Pete looked at him, curiosity in his eyes, "do you like it?"

Mikey just looked at him, wide eyed, eyebrows furrowed.

"Fuck, no." he answered as Pete stood there confused.

"What the fuck, Mikey? You are literally looking at it like you want to fuck it." Pete giggled because he could imagine Mikey being all sweaty and moaning some quiet swear words, just not with the fucking bass. With him, by any chance. Pete didn't know where Mikey stood on that field so he was examining the territory.

This felt like he was getting ready for a fight and he needed to know everything abou the enemy. But in this case it was a likeable boy with an extremely good hair and a good taste in music, at least to him.

Mikey just looked at Pete from above because he was taller and just came to his ear to whisper. "I am messing with you."

Pete could feel the hair of the back of his neck getting up because the shivers went down his spine as Mikey again, stood tall and Pete had a feeling that he couldn't even reach him.

He could reach his hand but to see each other eye in eye. Never. That was pretty much impossible because Pete was tall as much one shorter log was. It would bother him sometimes but now, he really didn't have time for that as he was graced to be in the company of Mikey Way who he like to stare at as he bought absolutely nothing at Barnes and Noble. He was acting creepy and he knew it, yet Mikey was rather really oblivious or maybe he just didn't care at all about what a major fucking creep he was.

And Pete could swear to his life that the radio that was playing music was reading his mind because the song called Creep started playing and he tried to hide a smile but Mikey saw it all.

Radiohead is awesome, to both of them, similar music taste, could Pete wish for anything more?

Mikey seemed like a decent guy, not just a decent guy, he seemed like the embodiment of heaven, an angel sent to Earth to fix its problems.

"Okay, then." Pete responded way too late as he tried to make the shivers go away and that the hair on his arms flatten to his skin.

It wasn't cold at all, it was just Mikey fucking Way.

Radiohead was still playing and Pete could swear that he saw Mikey swinging from his foot to his other foot a bit and it looked cute. He also started to hum the song and Pete thought he could join in but that would make the situation awkward for like a thousand times.

And he didn't want that. He just wanted Mikey to hold him and vice versa, he wasn't even in the i-am-imaginating-us-kissing phase. Even though just seconds prior he did think about having sex with Mikey, but to hell with it.

He found himself taking Mikey's hand and taking him outside the shop as he was still holding his hand, Mikey stuttered out a few words at Pete but he couldn't hear it.

"What was this about?" Mikey protested with a smile on his face because he didn't mind at all.

Pete turned to face Mikey and made a grin out of his face.

"You were looking at that bass so carefully, it made me feel less important." Pete joked but he wasn't actually joking, it was real and the feeling inside was weird. Jealousy? At a bass. Pete Wentz surprised himself every day.

"Oh, don't worry. You are more beautiful than the bass." Mikey said with a smile and the words that left his mouth were none other than true.

-

Frank was more than happy at some certain moments, the heavy feeling of everything collapsing was always there, of course. It could never go away and if that day comes when he won't have to worry, will probably be the day when he's dead. That was a long time ahead of him and he didn't care at this moment.

The Ray situation was weird and it got him really confused. Why did Ray suddenly thrive attention from Frank. Yes, he was always nice to him and vice versa but why now?

What changed?

Frank never took himself for one of those interesting people so what made Ray act the way he did?

Frank concluded that he sitting in his empty room won't make that answers come to life and make them evident so he jumped up from his chair that got warm already, he's been sitting on it for far too long now.

His phone was there, laying on the bed, near his pillow and he remembered all the messages he and Gerard exchanged.

He stared at his bed, smiling creepily and remembering how smoothly he ended that conversation, he wasn't good in this kind of stuff, so he was particularly proud of himself.

He stood in the centre of his room, thinking about what should he do next, there was no way that he can escape group therapy, no matter how much he wanted to.

He suddenly remembered that he and Gerard were involved and that that was a rule in group therapy that they both attended. They were both breaking the rule.

But Cassie, the woman that worked there, especially just for group therapy said that nobody can date while they are in therapy.

Frank wasn't so sure what it meant for them because they weren't dating and he wasn't also sure on whether the 'dating' is specified for just kissing or what. The rules had a lot of loopholes apperantly.

The phone was in his right palm as he figured out that maybe he should call Gerard and give him a heart attack.

So he did.

He dialed his number which he already memorized even though he didn't call him much yet, it was just that he was staring at it while in class and he glanced over it so many times that he memorised it.

The phone was on his ear and the first ring was heard and so was the second until Gerard finally picked up the phone.

"Hey, Gerard." Frank said quickly with such ease, he felt like he was in control this time.

"Frank, is everything okay?" Gerard stuttered out quickly as fast as he could while worrying sick because he was not a prepared for him to be hurt, and also the shame of what happened and then what happened later was affecting him now and he really didn't know what to do.

"Everything is fine. But Gerard I got to ask you something?" Frank took a moment of silence and he heard Gerard inhaling sharply over the phone as he did. "Can I ask you something?"

Gerard just simply answered. "Yes, you can."

Frank shifted and he even silenced his voice, almost saying it in a whisper.

"Are we like dating?" Frank bit his bottom lip and waited for Gerard to respond.

"I guess so, I mean we didn't- I didn't say anything but do you-I don't know" Gerard was like a broken record, his words fragmented and his voice cracking at times.

Frank smiled to himself because they were totally dating even though nobody said the word before.

"We can't date."

Frank cut the words out of his mouth, not sounding angry or anything and leaving Gerard confused extremely.

"Why can't we?" Gerard said in a hushed voice that either sounded like he was going to cry or do something else that would totally distract Frank.

"Because of the rules." Frank giggled and smiled way too much, his cheekbones were hurting.

"Oh my God, Frank! The group therapy rules? Fuck the rules!" Gerard was getting quite feisty over this.

"You know what, Frank? First of all, fuck you for stressing me out." Frank just laughed. " also, Frank. I am going to make it all official."

Frank flushed red as he knew what was coming or at least he suspected.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" Gerard said all proudly.

"An actual date?" Frank asked wide eyed and in genuine surprise.

"Yes, an actual date."

"Take me some place nice."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! CHAPTER DONE.
> 
> P.S. (i need to make someone have sex hah)


	15. Let's pretend

Friday, afternoon. September, fall. Everything looks surreal and Frank loves it and so does the person next to him. It is Friday which means that he needs to visit his psychiatrist, which only means that no good is coming along, which also means that he will need to talk if he wants to get out. The problem is that he doesn't know what to even talk about. He found himself very non-problematic, which was probably completely untrue, but hey, at this exact moment Frank was in an oblivious moment where he had no clue as what should he do when he gets there.

But of course, brilliant ideas were coming from the side of the one that should be more serious than him, due to being older.

"You should tell her that you have masturbation problems and that you are a sex addict!" Gerard shouted those words maybe too loud and too enthusiastically for his own well-being because shortly after he was catching his throat in an attempt to make the scratching in his throat go away.

It didn't work.

"Gerard, wow. Your suggestion are even better than something that a middle schooler would say."

Frank replied in return of the funny and not so helping advice Gerard has offered. They were sitting on their old spot in an old park that no one went to anymore, old swings swinging by themselves, now controlled only by the wind. They were sitting on the grass, on the same spot they first interacted for real. The same spot were Frank though that Gerard was stalking him and at the same time thinking he wasn't because who could follow Frank fucking Iero? No one, right? The same spot that Gerard proclaimed as "his", the same spot that Frank allegedly stole from him, the same spot where it all kind of began.

It was still confusing as hell and they both had no clue where they were and what they were and how this will go but they hoped for the best.

For someone who didn't really want to live, they sure both had a lot of hope.

They didn't find hope when they found each other or any other cliché thing that could happen, they just changed their destiny a bit. Maybe, destiny has it all planned out, maybe this was in the script all along. Maybe, not.

Gerard giggled at what Frank said and responded as he approached closer to Frank, grabbing him by his hand, slowly touching his hand with his long fingers. Frank shivered at that and slowly moved Frank's strands out of his face as he said. "I am hotter than any middle schooler there is, in this town and probably across the world."

Frank and Gerard burst into a fit of giggles as they layed down, looking at nothing but the white sky, clouds weren't there, sun was clouded by those clouds that weren't visible. The sky just looked white. It looked empty and fake, the only thing not fake was another beating heart beside him which made him feel more secure than how he felt before.

"Don't be so sure, Gerard, there are a lot of people in the world." Frank told him as they were stupidly laying on the ground, the cars honking and passing not far from them. The people in cars could see two boys laying down on the grass, some of them probably thought they were drunk or high or on drugs, some of them probably thought they were dead which wasn't weird. Nobody came to check on them because nobody cared. The bodies and the people that were killed were found months later after they disintegrated and people would freak out when they saw a corpse just floating there or being stuck on some tree that feel into the water.

It was all the same, it could not be changed. Most of the people were never identified and that didn't bother anyone.

"I may not be the hottest in the world, but I hope I am to you." Gerard replied, outsmarting Frank and leaving him smiling to himself because yes, it was true. Frank did consider him the most beautiful creature in the world and that was only because of his personality, Frank went in his life like that, he judged people based on their personality and when he saw that person, if that person was good, he would consider them beautiful too. When he saw someone he didn't like, he thought about how ugly they were.

To Frank, being ugly meant being ugly in his soul.

And that's why he saw Gerard as the most beautiful person in this world. He was subjective and he didn't care, at all. To some people Gerard was maybe ugly but he just didn't care, not this time, not at all.

"You are, Gerard." Frank replied quietly as they both stood up from the moist floor that was caused by the autumn weather and the vibe it was giving. October was coming soon and Frank couldn't be happier about it. Due to being his birthday and the fact that it's October. Come on, October rules.

"I am constantly lying to you and to myself." Gerard said with obvious sadness in his voice, it cracking a bit while he was saying it, the colour of his eyes changing in this autumn morning they were in.

"What are you saying?" Frank said quietly with his hand in Gerard's as they were walking to the place that Frank had to be and Gerard didn't need to be, he was only there for support or God knows what for.

He just knew he needed to be there for Frank, that's all.

After all, tomorrow they both had group therapy with other assholes and their stupid leader of the group, Gerard thought she wasn't even a real psychiatrist; there was something really fishy about her and Gerard had no strength to find out what it was about.

He was always this curious and sometimes it would bring him no good, the only time it brought him good was when he peeked into Frank's record, that's all. He didn't even know what will come of it, it just did and it made him happy, if he even remembered what happy felt like.

But regarding their psychiatrist, Cassie, there was something really weird about her, she wasn't like other doctors in general, she wasn't grumpy, she didn't look tired, she looked well, okay, which was weird because Gerard saw a lot of doctors in his time, "in his time", he started thinking like he is hundred years old, like he's some vampire (which wouldn't be all too bad, he was already pale, he didn't really like the whole living forever thing, who could live forever, to be honest).

He didn't really want to bother himself with thing as Cassie and the fact that that was something off with her, he had Frank beside him and that was all that mattered and everything else seemed irrelevant.

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt?

Something like that...

Hand in hand, walking towards the white building with shitty, ugly windows that looked like they were in war, the ugly doors that led inside the hospital and the section that Frank had to go to, they were holding hands in the empty street on a rainy day, Frank wouldn't agree to holding hands while people were there in the street, but now the street was empty and Gerard could touch his hand with his as much as he wanted to.

It still felt unreal to hold his hand. They both felt unreal. Gerard and Frank were walking and they stopped right in front of the door, Frank's heart beating faster due to the nervousness he was feeling.

"You okay?" Gerard asked tightening his hand as he spoke, their eyes locking once again before they made their small departure.

"I will be." Frank promised, this time not lying. "Why am I even going, I don't know." This sounded like a question and Gerard wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Tell me that everything will be okay." Frank continued leaving Gerard dumb folded as he didn't know what to say or what to promise.

"I am sorry Frank, but I can't say that." Frank looked at him with teary eyes. "I can't say that because I don't know what will happen in the future and everything is on its shaky legs and I just don't know-"

Frank pressed his lips to his to shut him up, he knew he was telling the truth but that was something that he didn't wanted to hear, not right now, not now, maybe later, when he'll be able to think straight about all of this and his life, he wasn't so sure he'll ever be able to think about it.

He moved away and Gerard's eyes were still shut closed completely.

Frank moved closer to him, his lips touching the skin on Gerard's face.

"Lie to me."

Gerard moved away from Frank and the words that he heard, he swallowed hard and wanted to say something but Frank interrupted him again.

"Let's pretend." Frank said, grabbing him by the hand and putting it on his chest, Gerard feeling his chest rising as he was breathing and his heart beating as fast as it could.

"Okay."

"Everything will be just fine."

-

The building started to look threatening and Gerard took a step back to look at it more observantly, the looks he was getting from other people were quite expected, he looked like one of those crazy people that got high and looked at buildings.

Maybe, a year or two ago, he would be high, but he wouldn't be near that hospital. He would be in some crack house, god knows where stuck, if it wasn't for Mikey he wouldn't be alive today and he was extremely grateful for that, if it wasn't for his brother, he would never meet Frank and that would be a shame.

Frank went inside with a sad and sour expression on his face, Gerard couldn't help but feel guilty, he wanted to be there for him when he was scared or stressed out and it wasn't possible now and that bothered him a lot.

Frank told him to go away but Gerard decided to stay and wait for Frank to finish with his psychiatrist.

Frank and Gerard also had to go to group therapy with other kids and now Gerard realized how messed up they truly were and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Being messed up is okay when you can handle it, and when you can't handle it, you got to find help and that's all.

Gerard was standing in front of the building, feeling almost frightened to go inside.

He wanted to laugh, but the heavy feeling in his stomach wasn't letting him to even breathe properly.

"Fuck this place." Gerard muttered to himself as he chewed on the old gum he had in his mouth for half an hour at least.

He was about to turn his back and walk away until sometime passed because Frank wasn't going to be done in five minutes as he saw a familiar figure standing there, grasping tightly on their bag.

Gerard stood behind a huge trashcan, hiding and enduring the smell which almost made him vomit.

While he was standing behind the trashcan, he couldn't help it but associate with it just a little bit.

But hey, people aren't trash, even though we can kid around how we are.

In the distance, a familiar face was standing, looking around nervously as they were probably waiting for someone.

Cassie.

The therapist.

Or whatever the fuck she was, she was suspicious to Gerard from the very start.

She was dressed all in black and was switching her position every once in a while, it was so weird seeing her without the name tag or looking like she just ate crap (because that's exactly what she looked like as she provided 'useful' advices to teenagers and young adults as they had no idea what to do).

The door swung open behind her and she jumped a little as she saw a person walking up to her, it was a man, dark hair and skin a lot darker than hers, he was also tall and she looked pretty intimidated.

Well, everything that Gerard thought was soon dismissed as the man leaned into a kiss, making Gerard feel like such a voyeur.

He wanted to look away or walk away and admit his defeat as the man started to pull something out of his huge coat, this all looked pretty suspicious and Gerard couldn't help himself but think in the worst possible way.

The man gave a packet to Cassie and Cassie looked like she was about to cry any minute. The man kissed her again and pressed his fingers against her cheekbone a little too hard.

He disappeared behind the closed door that made their way into the hospital.

Cassie was there with a sad expression in her face, she looked sad and he never saw that.

Not on her face.

He guessed that she pulled on a fake smile for the kids.

Wasn't that what all the grown-ups did?

He didn't even realize that he was walking towards her, one hand in his pocket, the other taking out the cigarette that he was aching for, for so long, he didn't want to smoke around Frank.

Cassie was about to leave as Gerard appeared right in front of her, eyebrows furrowed in suspicion.

"Gerard?" She said in a weak, petrified voice, "what are you doing here?"

Gerard put the cigarette between his lips as he tried to avoid the true answer which she wouldn't like because "I am waiting for my boyfriend to come out so I just spent time looking at you and that man and I am incredibly curious."

"I was just passing by, saw you here. Are you okay?" Gerard went straight to the matter because he had no time to waste and he really didn't want Frank to come out (no pun intended) and see him talking to Cassie, that was a no-no in every situation.

"I am fine, Gerard. Don't worry, I just need to go, that's all." She slid her hand inside her black coat and Gerard wasn't one of those people that were sneaky and he didn't really want to know what she had in there, but she looked so scared and to be completely fucking honest, he cared.

"Who was that guy?" Gerard asked in hope of getting a truthful answer. She glanced around, avoiding Gerard's stare for as long as she could.

Her eyes looked teary and Gerard couldn't just dismiss that and walk away.

"Uh, he's my- his name is Wren. He works at the hospital."

She stuttered those words out like they were a heavy burden, her eyes were still directed to the floor and that wasn't changing any time soon.

"I'll just go, uhm- bye Gerard."

And she left. Her pace quickened as she stepped more and more away from him.

Gerard couldn't believe it. Gerard didn't want to believe it. Gerard hoped so goddamn much that it wasn't true.

She was carrying a packet from this Wren guy and that packet was far too similar to him than he wanted to admit it.

The paper that was used was too familiar and he saw it too many times.

They used it for drugs.

Cassie was carrying drugs.

She is a therapist that "cures" kids with addiction.

Oh, the irony.

-

It took Frank too much time to leave the section in the hospital that belonged to the place he didn't want to be. This was getting out of hand and his thoughts were rapid.

He didn't really want to be here, why would he want to be?

There was no reason for him to be here, yet he was left there, sitting outside of the room that he was in just minutes prior.

He didn't need to be here anymore, he was just sitting there, the meeting was done long ago, he should just pick himself up and leave. He couldn't move and he knew he should.

The moment he realized that he was sitting there for far too long was when the clouds darkened and the night started to fall, the moon visible through the window and the stars barely visible due to clouds hiding them.

It was just the moon and the clouds and the darkness and Frank felt mesmerized with it, he stood up to just look at it, through the window.

It was so peaceful and it was quite the contrary from the world and his current situation.

It was beautiful and he couldn't stop staring at it.

The cars looked like they were chasing each other and different neon lights were exchanging and illuminating Frank's face in the process, the world seemed so beautiful from up here, from that one window and it all seemed mendable and okay.

It wasn't though, it wasn't all.

Frank often imagined what the world could be like and he often imagined the world as a perfect place.

He was always so wrong and he knew it, yet he never wanted to acknowledge that he was the exact same thing. Wrong.

He wanted to live in an imaginary world and as he was growing up, he started to realize that everything fell apart and that his fantasy would never come to life.

The world had the tendency to ruin everything he loved and the world was so insistent in making him less and less interested in living and trying and making him less interested in things he liked to do.

Fuck the world.

Fuck the society too.

People always used to say that people curse when they run out of arguments, but fuck it, Frank was tired and fighting the world seemed to tiring and he wasn't up for that.

The doors were closed long ago and his psychiatrist didn't provide him much useful advices and also he didn't really tell her anything (because he felt like there wasn't much to tell), Frank was wondering where Gerard was and he suddenly remembered that it was Friday and that he had a date. With Gerard, a person he liked.

He even had some complex feelings about him; it was definitely more than just liking, he didn't really want to think about it and them, he just wanted to stay forever here, as the lights moved across his face, light red and orange and shadows covering his face.

He felt safe, he felt like there was nothing to worry about and the world seemed far away.

The door behind him swung open unfortunately, and a broad voice was heard behind him, belonging to a male person.

"Will you get out? The hospital is no longer available for you or anyone else!" the person practically yelled at him and he didn't even flinch, he just looked him dead in the eye and turned his back to the guy and started leaving the hall in which he first met Gerard.

The lights passed his face and as he stepped into the elevator that only went up to ten, darkness overflew him and he felt very much alone again.

-

Gerard and Frank met halfway and the moon traced them as they walked together, Frank was inside his own head and the light, the moon and the darkness were in his head and Gerard couldn't stop looking at him, thinking that Frank was nervous about the date or maybe he was thinking about him.

He wasn't.

The sickening feeling in Frank's stomach kind of woke him up and Gerard was there, right next to him, looking at him with dreamy, concerned eyes.

"I am taking you somewhere nice, if that's what you've been wondering." Gerard smiled, trying to get a reaction out of him. It wasn't really working.

"I wasn't wondering." Frank replied seriously, without a smile or anything that would make Gerard happier or at least not worried.

They were walking for a long time and Frank saw that Gerard was dressed a little more formal than him and that was the moment when Frank started to worry about where they were going but he didn't say anything because he was tired and any interaction with other humans was well extremely, tiring.

They reached a huge building where the windows were as big as Frank and the measurement for the windows was quite huge in the window world, of course because in the real world Frank was a midget.

Gerard took his hand in his own, and they were connected and he didn't grab it, it was slow and it was beautiful to see how Gerard managed to make things a little better with gentle actions.

The building was like a hotel and music was coming from it slightly as they were entering it, the façade was a dark red colour and Frank thought about how beautiful it actually looks like.

He couldn't believe that Gerard actually thought of this place and this was the first time in the day that a smile came creepily on his face, staying there for a very long time.

Gerard let go of his hand and they were inside the building, Gerard completely fitting in with his classy yet casual clothes, whilst Frank stood up like a splatter of blood in a hospital.

He didn't mind, though, he always stood out, even just a little bit.

The room was filled with people and Gerard just made his way across the room, avoiding all the glances and the people that tried to sell him a drink or whatever they wanted to do.

They passed all the people and went through several halls and rooms again to reach their destinations.

Gerard locked the door behind them and Frank looked at the room for the first time.

He then realized why Gerard brought him here.

The room looked like the meadow where he first kissed him, it looked almost exactly the same, the room shaped in a circle, green tapestry and furniture that looked where much like they were in the woods.

The only difference was that it was a lot warmer than in the woods and the room held a couch.

"Wow, Gerard." Frank smiled as he turned to face him, approaching slowly to his boyfriend, "you really outdid yourself."  
Gerard smiled to him again, clearly satisfied with what Frank was feeling.

Today was a day where words where quite too much and Frank knew it all too well and he just grabbed his boyfriend by the waist and pulled him closer into a kiss, Gerard deepened it and they were falling together and the tides were bringing them closer and yet at the same time so far away, they fell with their backs against the wall, Frank was now against the wall and Gerard lift him up a bit so they can be at the same level, sometimes it was so funny seeing Frank trying to be taller by tiptoeing next to him.

So to get rid of that he just lifted him and their bodies were pressed against each other as Frank got his hands stuck in Gerard's hair.

He smelled like flowers again and he couldn't believe that Gerard wasn't aware of that, of the smell of roses and petunias and a lot of others that were mixed together.

It was wonderful even to be around him, to have his eyes on Frank's and to be able to kiss back.

Gerard slipped his hand under Frank's shirt and Frank shivered under the touch, Gerard quickly looked up to check if he's okay and Frank just nodded slightly in saying that he is okay and in saying that he has his permission to continue doing what he was doing.

Gerard and Frank kissed for so long their lips started to ache, their hands were all over each other and Frank was scared but he knew that Gerard would never break the promise. Gerard smirked at him like hell and Frank couldn't stop himself from blushing.

Minutes passed and Frank was really enjoying this until he realized that his pants were unzipped and that Gerard was slipping his hand over there, not quite touching his crouch or his dick for that matter, he was going down to his inner thigh and that was the moment that Frank screamed from fear of what Gerard will say.

It was too late, though.

Gerard pressed his fingers across his inner thigh and he could feel the marks, the scars.

Frank has been struggling with self-harm for more than two years and nobody knew that, expect now Gerard Way.

Gerard made a step back, his eyes wide open in disbelief or fear or something else, Frank couldn't really tell.

Frank's eyes filled with tears as he started to zip his pants back.

This wasn't something you just tell a person on the first day you meet them.

Gerard was still wide eyed and Frank couldn't believe how Gerard was right all along.

There is something wrong with you.

And he was completely right about that, from the very start.

Frank couldn't deal the expression on his face and he just picked his stuff up in an attempt to ran away, again, this time with a valid reason.

"I am so sorry." Frank muttered out through tears, his face already starting to look swollen, as he opened the door, hoping that he could find the exit on his own.

"Frank, no.Frank, listen to me. Frank!" Gerard tried to reassure Frank that everything was okay but he was already out of the door and Gerard was just left there, screaming his name into the void.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AY GUYS! DRAMA! hayhah this was so hard to write idk why (probs because it pains me to write when they are hurting or smth like that.)
> 
> i adore constructive criticism and votes and comments would be hella rad. !! thank you for readin this


	16. Broken people deserve to be loved and they can love

Life sure was great. Gerard couldn't believe how stupid he was for even letting himself be surprised in those moments. He shouldn't have let Frank go, he should've grabbed his hand, kiss him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, even though it wouldn't be, but that's what people say to other people in those kinds of situations.

People lie all the time to make other people feel better even though the other person knows that it's a lie.

Humans were unbelievable creatures; they would literally chop off someone's head and the second after sew it back and apologize because they were lonely or something else equally stupid.

Gerard was like that and so was Frank.

Gerard didn't have the courage to pick up the phone and call him and Frank was insistent on not answering anyone, anything ever.

Frank was locked up in a room, by his own will and Gerard was in his room, not locked up but he most certainly felt like it.

How do you fix something like this? How do you say that everything is going to be okay to another person when you, yourself know that absolutely nothing will be okay?

You can't even assure yourself in the lies then how the hell was Gerard supposed to comfort Frank in these situations?

He should've have known. Frank had huge scars over his thighs. A perfect place, no one would ever notice. They got carried away and Frank slipped out and so did Gerard.

Gerard traced his thigh and felt it, the deep scars in his inner thighs.

It wasn't romantic, those kinds of things were never romantic. Gerard would sell his soul to the nearest crossroad demons just so he can restart this all over again and that they are both okay, mentally healthy, Gerard not an addict and a depressed person and Frank not a person who self-harms and goes to group therapy for "no reason".

The truth was out there now and Gerard couldn't do anything but to wait for things to get better or for someone to pick the goddamn phone and make sure that everything will be at least a bit okay.

The phone rang and it would be a lie to say that Gerard didn't jump at the phone, because he did and in the process almost broke a few bones.

Physical exercise just wasn't for him.

"Hey!" the voice said cheerily over the phone.

Gerard stood frozen, remembering that he forgot to look the number that was calling him.

"Frank?"

The voice giggled and some background noises held some laugh too.

"No, you idiot. It's your brother. I don't know if you forgot but we still live together and you know talk and..."

Mikey was cut off by some giggling in the background and him shuffling to escape whatever the hell was happening at his place.

"Mikey? What do you want? I can't hear shit you are saying..."

Mikey yelled maybe a little too loud and Gerard was starting to worry whether he was drunk and if he was and someone else persuaded him, like for example according to Mikey that "sweet little dude Pete Wentz" then Gerard was ready to go, ready to murder that asshole.

"HEY! Gerard listen I can't really hear you, me and my buddy, my sweet little dude are at a beach and they have a huge rollercoaster here. It's awesome, you should come."

Mikey extended the word huge for so long Gerard wondered how he can breathe and it was all fun and games and he was glad that his brother was having fun; he just wanted him to come safe home, that's all.

"So you, coming Gerard?" Mikey asked all too happily, Pete's laugh still visible in the background.

Gerard wanted to fling his body into the sun, he felt so done but he didn't wanted to ruin fun that Mikey and Pete were having.

Gerard inhaled and exhaled, Mikey still waiting on the line. "no, Mikey, have fun, I am gonna stay at home. You have fun, take care of Pete and Pete has to take care of you, tell him that." Gerard laughed at his own sentences that were supposed to sound intimidating but he just sounded like a scared puppy.

"Pete!" mikey shouted again too loud, causing Gerard to move the phone from his ear. "sorry, gerard, this moron is tickling me all the time, I can't stop him, he's like a little bug. My mistake, he is a little bug." A moment of silence. "Did you hear that Pete, you are a little bug."

And Gerard could swear that he heard the most cliché answer ever and that was "but I am your little bug", and Gerard couldn't help but smile.

Few moments passed and Mikey was back on the line.

"Oh, come on. Gerard. You need to come." Mikey sighed like a spoiled brat that he wasn't.

"Everyone is here."

And that was the moment that Gerard stopped in his tracks.

"Who is there?" Gerard said in the most quiet and rushed tone.

"Well, all the kids that you went to school with."

Who gives a shit about them?

"Also, I think there are some guys that we were friends before. Also there's going to be a bonfire. How cool is that?"

Gerard could swear to god, Mikey sometimes behaved like a little child and that was probably the best thing about him. He was very aware of the world and yet he didn't let it corrupt him.

Or maybe that was just what Gerard saw on the outside.

"Also, the kids from the neighborhood, not that's important, a lot of young people in general, which is nice."

Gerard was biting his nails and he hated that ugly habit he had but he was too nervous and he just couldn't stop himself.

Mikey giggled to himself this time and not because he was being ticked by no other than the sweet little dude aka Pete Wentz.

"it seems that I accidentally left the best for the last." Mikey giggled once more. "I just saw Frank walk in. How come you are not together at this moment?"

Mikey continued mumbling about how they had the house to themselves and how they could've done boyfriend stuff when he's gone, not realizing what happened with Frank and Gerard. Gerard decided that it was for the best if he just didn't tell anyone. So he didn't.

Gerard was running around the house, taking his sweatpants off, looking for something to wear, he needed to talk to Frank, face to face, and they needed to sort that out. And he desperately wanted to kiss him.

"Where's the beach? I am coming."

-

 

Thankfully, the ride to the rollercoaster or the whole amusement park wasn't so far away and Gerard was shaking, his whole body was trembling under the pressure he was feeling.

How do you approach a person you like very, very much and a person you don't want to lose?

Gerard had no idea and the bus he was in was making him uncomfortable, it seemed like every single person that entered the bus looked at him. It was making him anxious and if the stop was any further away, he wouldn't have endured it.

This sudden feeling of anxiety was probably caused by the fact that he needs to find Frank and talk to him and all the things that happened on their first unsuccessful first date.

Gerard really didn't mind that Frank had scars and he also knew that he will try to make everything better. He promised himself that he'll teach Frank and himself how to cope.

So far, not so good at all.

Gerard was taking huge steps towards the park and he could see tons of little children screaming and jumping, being happy.

Now he just needed to find his brother and his boyfriend-to-be and then find Frank because that was the only reason he came here.

And as he was entering the park, stepping inside for the first time, he started to feel lost and he thought about how maybe his trip here was for nothing and maybe, just maybe Frank has already left.

Gerard wondered around for a bit, being penniless because all the money that he had was at home and the little money he did have was for the bus and he was just walking around, trying to find and emo lump called Pete Wentz and his brother dearest.

After twenty fucking minutes of just walking around, he saw his brother and Pete standing by the enter for the house of mirrors or whatever the fuck that was.

"Mikey!" Gerard almost shouted of happiness, he was wondering in this stupid amusement park for far too long for his own liking.

Mikey turned around, Pete following his movement, still holding his arm and there was some strong homosexual vibes that Gerard haven't had the guts to say or even mention it to Mikey.7

"Gerard, hey. You made it!" Pete was smiling behind Mikey and it looked like he was hiding himself from the big scary older brother Mikey was talking to.

Gerard was too tired for any of the shit the world wanted to put him through so he immediately cut to the chase. "Where's Frank?"

Pete giggled at that and Gerard just knew what this small dude was laughing at, Mikey's older brother looking for an even smaller lump called Frank.

Pete probably smiled because out of all the three people that were standing together, no one was straight.

Pete liked to laugh at stupid jokes. That's why he laughed at his life, all the time.

"You are lucky actually; I haven't seen him since I called you." Mikey answered, continuing. "He just went inside this." Mikey pointed to the house of mirrors.

Gerard looked up to see the logo that the house of mirrors had and it was all shiny and he liked it.

"Did he say anything to you?" Gerard turned to his brother to see whether he maybe mentioned him, even if that sounded completely irrational because why would Frank say something about him.

Pete and Mikey laughed in the same time it was almost creepy.

Pete responded for Mikey this time, Mikey just nodded his way through as Pete spoke.

"Dude, that dude of yours, Frank, looked like he was on some drugs. Was said hello, but he just passed right by us and he didn't even flinch. "Pete said with a shrug. "we thought that he was ignoring us but he really wasn't and he looked like he was in some kind of trans, like someone else is controlling him."

Mikey just added. "It was creepy, dude."

Mikey and Pete looked at each other with approval and Gerard started to go to the mirror house as he had the wish to go inside.

He first needed to borrow money from his brother, in any other way it would be impossible to enter.

Gerard was pretty satisfied with Pete Wentz, he seemed like a nice kid and the only wrongs that Pete will bring to Mikey will be the extensive usage of 'dude'.

 

The only thing left for Gerard was to enter the fucking mirror house and look for Frank, that was what he came for after all, didn't he?

"Okay, Mikes. I'll see you later; I am going inside to look for him." Gerard turned around to head towards the entrance of the house of mirrors when Mikey grabbed him by the shoulder and looking at him patronizing.

"What?" Gerard said while moving away slightly from Mikey, if he was intending on stopping him then he was dead wrong in his actions because Gerard wants to make things right with Frank and the world can't stop him and neither can his younger brother.

Mikey smiled while taking money out of his pocket. "Idiot, you need money to get inside and you have no pockets which mean you have no money." Gerard blushed at his irrationality and took the ten dollars that his younger brother was providing him with.

"Thanks, Mikey." Gerard whispered while hugging his brother, sometimes he couldn't believe what a good person Mikey was. He never wanted the world to ruin his younger brother.

Gerard hoped that in the future there will be a space shuttle and an inhabitable planet so that Mikey can escape this hell hole called the planet Earth.

"Where are your pockets? Why don't you have pockets?" Mikey furrowed his eyebrows at that. "I would understand if you were a girl and you didn't have pockets because that's how the industry makes money on girls because they have to buy purses and shit. But you?"

Gerard looked down at his pocket less jeans that he will discover later weren't jeans after all, they were just black fucking trousers.

"I have no idea." Gerard smiled at him while starting to walk away from his younger brother in an attempt to find his not-so-quite-boyfriend before he manages to run off. Again.

-

Frank was alone. In a literal and a non-literal sense.

The house of mirrors held a lot of fucking mirrors (which wasn't weird because it's literally called the house of mirrors or mirror house), it made him a little bit sick because his face was all around him and it was horrible to look at yourself from so many angles. It made him sick to the stomach how he looked in the mirror. He didn't like what he saw. There was no one inside and that suited him a lot. It was logical that also no one was inside, children weren't really fond of running around, looking at their faces. Maybe they did for a short time, but they would get bored.

So he was alone.

All the lights were dimmed and his clothes looked even decent even though he literally fell in a puddle of mud on his was home whilst his view was blocked by many tears he cried out due to the mistakes he thought he was doing.

Letting Gerard touch him in the places where his scars were was a mistake and he knew from the very start that that shit just aren't going to work.

What was he thinking?

That Gerard would never ask him to go further than a fucking kiss? That Gerard wouldn't touch his inner fucking thigh even though Frank was sure that when Gerard did the exact same thing he wasn't intending on having sex with him at that place where they had their first date. Well, 'had' was an understatement because running off after your hopefully-boyfriend touched your thigh wasn't really something in the description of a proper date.

He could've stopped him; he felt his hand going over to that exact place. Did he forget that his scars are there? Did he forget that that was the place that was disgusting to him and now probably to Gerard too?

Did he forget or was he just caught up in the moment?

He will never truly know.

And yet again, he remembered his eighteenth birthday coming in just few weeks. What would he do then? Have sex with Gerard without somehow showing off his thigh?

He was irrational and he knew it that this was doomed from the start, maybe that was the reason why he ran off so much in the very beginning when they first met.

The sound of someone entering the mirror house was heard and Frank couldn't see the person entering in due to the mirrors and the only thing he was able to saw was himself looking quite petrified.

Someone's shoes were stepping almost silently over the floor and Frank had to calm his breathing to hear if the person was even walking.

A 'wow shit' was heard from the beginning of the mirror house where the entrance was and Frank couldn't help but smile. The stranger said the same thing that Frank said when he entered, it was no wonder; to be honest, the lights were dimmed and they were green and blue, the room itself held a lot of shadows and the reflection it got in the mirrors was amazing.

Frank would probably enjoy if his face wasn't in the mirrors but he needed to calm himself down and this was a quiet place, far away from all the children that were screaming and beginning their mommies and daddies for another ride on some of the amusement shit this amusement park had, also he needed to get away from the horny teenagers that were only looking for someone to fuck and use just for one night and to drown their miseries out in the person they know nothing of.

Frank would be enjoying his rant of thoughts if he somehow forgot that the person wasn't inside, but it was and he couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness.

The sound of fabric shuffling was heard closer to him and he was just hoping that the person didn't come here to jerk off because that would be just awkward.

Just imagine the person jerking off in a room where there are hundreds of mirrors, showing them from all the fucking angels and then also imagine Frank running past that person whilst jerking off.

Awkward? Yeah, pretty much.

Frank couldn't move and this felt wasn't the time to freeze in place but he just couldn't help it. His mind was screaming 'RUN!' and all he did was stop in place, hands in his pockets to stop the shaking his hands were so stubborn in doing.

The place seemed so small when the person came from behind him, the little tap on the shoulder totally unnecessary because the fucking mirrors were literally everywhere and he saw the person behind him clearly.

The look of concern on his face was showing and Frank turned to face the person he wanted to and at the same time didn't want to see.

All the mirrors showed them multiple times and Gerard's hand was still on his shoulder.

Frank didn't know what to say and Gerard was in the same situation as Frank was.

Frank looked down, his shoes covered in dirt and then he looked in one of the mirrors and he saw himself looking like he came out of a trashcan and he also saw Gerard holding his now with his both hands by his shoulders and the look on his face, it was painful to see him in any amount of pain and he didn't want to cause that beautiful face to have so much sorrows in it.

It was almost like looking at him, at Gerard with another pair of eyes, seeing this situation from this angle, seeing the both of them from their heads to their toes.

Frank dismissed everything he thought about, he wanted to forget about all the bad things that happened to him and he knew that forgetting wasn't the key but he needed it and when he needed something he usually didn't get it, but this time he really hoped that it would turn out the way he wanted.

His eyes were teary and he didn't care that he would burst into crying, this time he felt comfortable enough to do that, he was still uncomfortable about a lot of other stuff but he hoped that he will get there some time in his life.

A tear, a first tear slipped from Frank's left eye and Gerard raised his hand to wipe it from his face.

They were so cliché and Frank and Gerard just shared a moment of smiling because they didn't belong in a goddamn romance novel but it all seemed that they didn't care at all anymore.

Frank cried some more and so did Gerard.

They shared one of the most comfortable silences in their whole life and truly no words were needed at the moment.

There was some more wiping tears and trying not to cry anymore. They took some time and when they finally stopped crying; Gerard smiled and leaned into a kiss that Frank accepted it with no complaint.

Gerard shuffled closer and bent down a little to get to Frank.

Okay, he wasn't that short but still Gerard was taller.

Frank grabbed his back so their bodies were completely touching.

This wasn't a sexual moment; this was a moment of drowning your sorrows in a kiss with a person you love, yes love. This was love even though probably one of them will never admit it to themselves and to the other half.

It was kind of tragic to love the other person and not let yourself admit it.

The reason why one of them will never admit it was because they didn't see love firsthand when they were just a kid.

Seeing your parents not love each other would probably be the reason of not believing in love.

Tragic, right?

Frank wanted to stop thinking and remembering and Gerard was helping him in just that.

Gerard deepened the kiss and it felt like the world was collapsing and fixing itself at the same time.

Their tongues only touched once and it seemed like it wasn't necessary to make out heavily like they did on their so called date.

This was tender, gentle and their eyes were shut tight and there was no need in showing off (in Gerard's case at least because Frank was experiencing his firsts with Gerard).

There were no tongues colliding for dominance because that shit didn't actually happen in real life, maybe it did but no one actually described it as 'their tongues fighting for dominance'.

They separated and Gerard probably already developed a habit or something because he tucked a strand of Frank's hair behind his ear and Frank just smiled and he wondered if he would ever get tired of that, of that little piece of affection that Gerard always did.

They were close but they weren't kissing anymore and Gerard decided to break the silence even if it wasn't awkward and he knew they weren't alone.

He needed to confess something to Frank and he decided that this was the place for it.

"Okay, listen to me." Gerard said almost inaudible with a deep sigh at the end of the sentence.

Frank just nodded the both of them sat on the clean floor, Frank making a mental note to himself to thank God for somehow not letting people inside this place and for that having the floor clean.

Gerard coughed like this was an essay that he had to read in front of the class.

"So, what happened on our date is already in the past. You could say even forgotten. Especially the part when you ran off which I don't blame you for that; I would probably do the same. The thing is that I understand why you did it and I want you to know that I understand you, even though I haven't been through the same thing you did and I also want you to know that I won't tell you what to do because I know how smart you are and I also know that you know what's best for you. The thing is now, I understand that maybe you though I hate you or something for not telling me what problems you have and it isn't weird because you don't go up to a person the first time you meet them and tell them all of your problems."

Gerard took a deep breath. It was more difficult than he expected.

"There are times in your life when you need to give yourself to people and I think this is one of those times. I am not talking about you at this moment, I am talking from my perspective, and I know this is the time in my life when I confide to someone and that someone is you, it may seem lame but it's a big deal for me after all this years of being with some bad people I actually find someone who respects me, it's a big deal, okay? I also want to tell you that even if we broke up one day or just stop talking I still want to you know that I will be there for you and that I want to keep that promise. Cross my heart, hope to die. I also want you to know that I will try my hardest to make you feel happy and I will also promise you that I will occasionally remind you how much you make me happy and I will try not to bring up the mistakes that we both made. I love you and I don't care if you don't say it back because I am not one of those people, a simple 'are you okay?' shows me how much you actually feel love and I believe that people can express those three little words in different ways. I want you to remember this because I am not doing this to cure you by saying I love you because that's not how it works. The last thing I am going to say is that even though we are broken we deserve love and people that have problems like we do deserve to be loved and they can love."

Gerard ended his whole huge monologue and Frank couldn't stop the tears from coming out of his eyes and he didn't really care this time. This was the longest thing he heard someone talk, especially about their feelings towards another person. Frank finally understood everything and he smiled to himself because one liners that people said in books and movies weren't true and a huge fucking monologue suited him all too well.

Frank pulled Gerard into a huge and everything seemed like it was going to fix itself somehow.

The lights were still dimmed and they change from time to time, green changing the blue and then blue changing green.

There was something they didn't see and that was a person in the corner, in the shadows almost invisible, standing and not moving, quieter than anyone and anything, just watching and waiting, not liking what he's seeing.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> votes and comments would be really rad,i love you guys so much!!!


	17. Putting people down

"I am disgusting. How are you not disgusted by me? Look at me Gerard and tell me that you don't feel even the slightest disgust towards me."

"You look at me now and recall just what i said to you. Okay. Remember everything i said before and know that i meant it. I am gonna stay here with you for as long i can and for as long as you want me here. And we are going to learn how to cope. Together."

Frank's mind flashed back to what happened yesterday and he was having a hard time believing that Gerard was okay with this, well he wasn't okay with this but he was supporting and ready to help and that was more than a lot of people got throughout their whole life.

Gerard offered something ridicilous and Frank wanted to laugh it off but he realized that Gerard wasn't joking. He offered to leave group therapy. Frank was confused and startled at first but then he realized what it was and Gerard confirmed his thoughts with long explanations that weren't really necessary.

Gerard will leave group therapy for the sake of their relationship and there was also something in Gerard's eyes, fear or something similiar that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Was it regarding their relationship or something else, he really didn't know.

Also they were breaking the rules of dating in group therapy but that wasn't something to be worried about when you had a counselor that was dealing drugs.

Frank was astounded because Gerard was so understanding and he found it really weird even though it was nothing out of the ordinary because they both went to stupid group therapy and it was perfectly clear that they would understand each other.

But Frank liked to act like an edgy dark person sometimes and his moto was almost always "nobody understands me".

Even though a lot of people didn't understand, Gerard did and Frank wondered how he deserved this beautiful, wonderful person.

Frank was picking one piece of his shirt and it seemed like it was driving him insane but it wasn't, it was just there, that one piece of the shirt that looked like it didn't belong there. At that moment he realized that he felt like the tee shirt, dammit, he knew he was the dispensable part of tee shirt, it was always like that, the feeling of not fitting in and the more he thought about it the more he felt pathetic because let's admit it, he sounded like an emo poem published on MySpace.

It didn't bother him when he was with Gerard, he sometimes forgot how it felt to be the trash that people threw out of their windows when they drove on a highway, forgetting that they just threw something out.

Gerard made him feel like the world had place for trash like him. He made him feel like the world actually cared.

The world didn't care but it was comforting to think that it did.

Gerard soothed him and made him relax after they were in the mirror house, looking in his eyes and finding some glimpses of hope that Frank barely managed to find in his soul, Gerard was satisfied to see that Frank wasn't pushing him off and that made him feel more secure in his plan (the plan consisted of coping and trying to fix things, even though Frank had no clue about the plan).

Frank figured out that Gerard just knows how to manage things and that made him upset and jealous, yes, he was broken but he seemed to have some strength to pull this shit out.

If there was someone who was going to pull out of this alive, it was Gerard.

Mikey was such a nice brother to Gerard and it made Frank feel like he was missing a sibling in his life, it made him sick to the stomach that Gerard and Mikey got along so well, it was weird and unnatural, siblings got into fights and cursed each other and yet Mikey and Gerard did all the opposite.

Gerard left Frank after he walked him home, Frank not letting him to go inside the house because he was afraid that his parents might react in the way he didn't want them to. The last thing he wanted was for them to find out he was dating a guy, they were crossing their fingers for Anastasia, they desperately wanted for the two of them to date and they didn't know that Ana was asexual and that Frank was in a gay relationship.

All of a sudden he started to think about sexualities and how he was in a confusing place. Gerard was gay (he guessed at least, he wasn't straight that was for sure) and Frank never really liked anyone before he met Gerard.

There were more sexualities than heterosexual, homosexual and heterosexual with an exception.

After making his head hurt over what he was, he decided to stop and proclaim himself confused. That was the best thing he could do and it didn't really matter what he was if he was with Gerard.

Frank knew that if someone found out, the both of them would be called faggots and many other horrible slurs.

He wanted to wait until he gets to college so that he can do what he wants and act how he likes.

Only a year left then.

Only a year.

-

The phone rang and the people in the room jumped at the sound of it, they knew it was important and that's why they had all been on their toes.

The closest of them picked it up and waited for instructions.

For a second it looked like someone was fucking around with them because there was no sound on the other side of the line.

Everybody tapped their legs on the floor or they were fidgeting or they silently bit their nails, they were all nervous and the usual bad habits that they forced themselves not to do were failing miserably this time.

The phone started to give some sound and the girl that picked up the phone was waiting and a minute later she had the name written on a paper with some little doodles below them, that they weren't sure if they were made before or if it was made right now.

Lindsey was walking across the room, making everyone else even more nervous than they were before. Her long black hair was making drastic flips as she came to one end of the room and another and Jamia started to pray for her sanity because if there's one more nervous movement or a stupid comment, she was going to kill them all. The girl that picked up the phone and ended the call was no other than Anastasia, she stepped back, her hand shaking and going through her brown hair.

Lindsey was the one to break the silence because no one else had the guts to do so, also she was the one leading this goddamn crew or whatever they called themselves.

She remembered the reason why she decided to form this group and nobody knew the reason why, not even Jamia and Jamia was her right hand.

Everybody thought that the reason was the reason they were there. To be intimidating and to find people and get money for that.

That was the truth but not the whole truth.

It was a cold winter morning. It was a bloody Sunday. The worst day in the entire fucking week. The day when Christians rest and get ready for another week of work. Luckily, Lindsey is not religious.

Her window in her boring, pink painted bedroom showed the street outside. It showed girls playing outside from all generations, from the smallest ones to teenagers talking on the bench, probably about boys or something similiar to that.

She didn't like the idea of talking about boys, it wasn't like she hated boys, it was just the fact that she didn't like boys in that way like other girls did. She tried desperatly to find some attraction towards them but it wasn't working out.

Her male friends were great and she had so much fun talking to them or going to parties. It was just great. But the problem would start when the certain male friend would start having feelings or some of them just wanted to fuck her.

It wasn't really better with girls either because she would start developing feelings on them and she never wanted unrequieted love.

So she started her own group. It was actually quite easy. The best part was when she found Jamia. Actually Jamia found her. And no matter how cheesy that sounds, it was the truth. Jamia approached them when she already had four members in the group. She was new in the neighbourhood and she saw them talking and she just came to them. Lindsey was amazed with her bravery and in no time Jamia was a part of the group too.

The only reason why she started the group was because she had no friends and she was lonely. All these girls looked up to her and she was honoured and afraid at the same time.

They all thought she was this badass girl when actually all of them were more badass than her.

Back to the present.

Lindsey frowned at Ana and waited for her to carry out information.

Ana stood in the centre of the room and everybody was anxiously waiting on her response.

"And?" Lindsey asked with a face more scared than she was willing to admit.

Ana looked at everyone in the room, looking if one of them might know how to avoid this all.

"The voice, i mean, i think it was a male voice. I am not sure, i am sorry." She apologised while everybody just nodded in a way that meant that it doesn't matter.

Lindsey just concluded everyone's thoughts while saying, "doesn't matter. Go on", while biting her nails.

When it came to being scared, Lindsey was the one that was scared the most. She was afraid because if someone out of her group gets even slightly injured, she would go crazy and probably kill the whole town. So, it was probably the best if that didn't happen.

"Well, the voice. I think it was even recorded, said the name of the guy that we're searching."  
Ana said anxiously.

Everyone was relieved, some of them even sighed really loud, their job was already half done then.

Lindsey didn't even move. She was just watching Ana. Everyone was expecting something like that they won't get money or something similiar to that. Now everybody was relieved and everyone was talking again.

Lindsey was still watching Ana. Ana didn't move.

"What else?" Lindsey said even furiously, she was getting angry for no reason.

Ana swallowed hard. It felt like her throat is shrinking with every word she said.

"They or whoever gave the address, but the address is from one lady that i know from church. This must be wrong. The name on the paper doesn't live there." Ana said while rubbing her eye until it got so red that it looked like she was crying.

Lindsey was conviced that that wasn't all, Ana looked so stressed, she was wondering how the other girls didn't notice. She guessed that was the reason she was the leader.

"What else?"

The chatter in the room died out and Ana was back again in the spotlight.

"Uh, i don't know if this is real or not. I mean they could be wrong-"

"They are never wrong.' Lindsey interrupted her.

Ana smiled nervously even though that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"They said something about sending a gun."

In that moment every single person in the room was looking at Ana and then at Lindsey in utter shock. These moments were often called breaking points and Lindsey wasn't really proud to say that she had a lot of them. This was really bad.

"And they said something about putting this person down."

There was a long moment of swearing and disbelief. Nobody actually believed the thing they heard. This changed everything. No one in the group ever thought that they would have to do something like this, they knew that murder wasn't acceptable, but there was something holding them down, maybe fear? Fear of not knowing what will happen to all of them if they deny.

Lindsey should've known that mendling in this was a huge mistake, because getting a letter from a strange person that represented a company was shady enough and yet she accepted. She was desperate, okay? Do people do that stuff all the time? Of course, they do. She wasn't any different from other people.

Jamia was the first one to speak up, as always being the one that had more guts than all of them together.

"What the fuck, guys? Are you all actually considering it? Fuck you all. What is wrong with you?" Jamia was shouting and it wasn't pleasant, she turned to Lindsey right after that, making Lindsey shiver only because her eyes looked like they had lighting inside. "And what are you doing? You are just standing there." Jamia waved her hands dramatically. "You brought us all together. You are the one that leads us. C'mon Lynz, it wasn't suppose to be like this."

Jamia stood there, pretty much exhausted, looking defeated.

The wind outside sounded sad as it hurled under the lower branches of the trees outside Lindsey's house. It almost added to the dramatic effect all of them were experiencing in the moment.

The silence prolonged itself. Nobody said a word. It was weird because usually this whole place was like an ongoing party. There was music and chatter and all what Lindsey ever wanted them to do.

Lindsey had this all planned out. Having a girl squad that won't fight over irrelevant things such as who wore that skirt before or who stole someone's boyfriend or whatever. They had so much fun together and when they would get bored, they would look for someone. It was always interesting. Lindsey made sure that it was like that.

Now it was all doomed if Lindsey makes a wrong decision.

Jamia was piercing two holes in the back of Lindsey's head and she could feel it all too well.

She also knew that if they decide to put down this person for the sake of their own lives, it would damage them for the rest of their lives.

"Everybody just hold up." Lindsey poutes slightly.

She made those few steps towards Jamia and she lifted her chin with her index finger so they were looking at each other.

"It was never even a possibility, it never even came into consideration that we would kill this person." Lindsey lied and Jamia looked reliefed and Lindsey remembered that she didn't really give a fuck as she landed a quick kiss on Jamia's lips while everyone just stared in disbelief. Nobody really knew that they were together and it came as a suprise. The look of suprises died out really soon because it didn't really matter at the moment, but Jamia's face was beaming with happiness and it was so visisble that she was blushing. Jamia was so adorable at the moment, Lindsey wanted to stop everything from happening and just stare at her.

"Guys, we are most definitely not killing anyone."

There was a murmur of approval going around the room, even though they already heard her telling Jamia that they are not even considering it.

"We have a name and an address that doesn't belong to the person on the address." Lindsey pointed at Ana, "but we are still going to that address."

"But-" Anastasia wanted to complain that it wasn't necessary but Lindsey cut her off. "No but, we are going."

"So, the plan goes like this. We go to the address and gather as much information we can." Lindsey went around the room so that the girls could hear her more properly, Ana was stilll in the centre of the room.

"Considering the fact that we don't know who we are now fighting against, we will need to be more cunning than we were ever before. This is an extreme situation."

Christa spilled out a chain of profanities which she usually always avoided, everyone was weirded out by her sudden outburst of feelings, it was obvious that she was stressed and this was the result of it.

Lindsey rolled her eyes even though she wasn't irritated.

"The voice said that we need to put the person down and as we are obviously not doing that, we need to evaluate the situation ourselves."

Christa filled in instead of Lindsey, almost reading her mind.

"We need to find out as much as we can about the person and then we also need to find the reason why this person has to be put down. The next thing we do is if the person has done some heavy stuff, we go to the police."

Everyone's eyes kind of popped out. The police? What the hell?

"What if the person hasn't done anything worth going to the police? We will just leave them be, but what if the dudes that we worked for kill them or something." Alicia asked the right quiestion.

Lindsey thought about it but there was nothing she could do for now.

"We will cross that bridge when we get to it."

They didn't even realize how many time has passed since they were at Lindsey's house. It was already seven pm and Lindsey figured out that time passes quicker when you have things to discuss about. It was already very dark outside and the trees looked very omnious just being there in the garden.

lindsey felt like someone might be spying on them, looking at them as they were settling what they will do, she just shook the feeling off of her and let it go. But not in an Else way because that movie is fucking stupid to her.

"Ana?" Lindsey called out from the window, her back turned from the group.

"Yeah?" Ana still looked so stressed.

"The name? What's the name?" Lindsey breathed out, leaving her hot breath on the window.

Ana gulped and said, "the name is Gerard Way, we need to kill Gerard Way."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS i am sorry this took so long to update i've been feeling depressed and unfortunately suicidal.,
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did please comment and vote.
> 
> i love you guys


	18. Why not?

Everything began with a drunk phonecall.

Nobody ever said that every drunk phone call is bad.

Especially if the drunk phone call held the words "now", "your house", "blowjob", "why not?"

Frank was drunk like he's never been before and his ass barely got off the couch, his eyes fixated on the one spot of his ceiling and at some moments it felt like it was going to collapse on him, luckily he was just drunk and not high and this wasn't one of those times where he just forgot who he was.

This time, it was different. He saw everything and he felt like everything saw him too, he nodded like he was talking to the bloody ceiling and it felt like it understood him. That fucking ceiling in his room saw more misery than he was willing to admit and this time he kind of sympathized with it.

The ceiling saw all of his miseries and breakdown and his helpless crying that would last long into the night.

All of a sudden, he felt sadder than he ever felt before.

It's not like he hadn't been feeling sad for like four years.

As he thought about it more, he realized that the celling had a worse time than him.

Of course the ceiling was just a symbol for other people.

It wasn't like he actually considered the ceiling to be his friend.

Or did he?

It didn't matter at the moment and he realized that other people who see him aching and suffering have it worse than him, even when they don't know what state he's in.

They are completely oblivious.

Oblivious people are the best when it comes to Frank; he knows you can't hurt them when they don't know. That's why he held the truth from Gerard. Or maybe he was just afraid to come with the terms of accepting his body as it is and he found that very hard as he always did.

This time, right now Gerard knows and he's supportive but Frank has that feeling of something in the back of his head, there is something wrong, Frank just doesn't know.

He has a feeling that it doesn't even has to do with him, it has to do with Gerard and even though now that Frank has spilled all his secrets (at least the ones that he considered important), he's left waiting for Gerard to open up, even though he seems like a person who is outgoing and just open about things, there's just something that just keeps laying there and Frank is afraid to go into the dark once again, he wants someone to hold his hand while he steps inside that dark forest, he wants someone to whisper in his ear how everything is going to be okay and that there's nothing to worry about, even if it's a lie, it didn't matter, he wanted comfort, he wanted safety, he wanted a functioning family, he wanted people to stop lying, he wanted Gerard to tell him what's that thing that just keeps bothering him.

He also just wanted to step inside Gerard's place and hug him and make out with him and just sleep with him.

But his teenage horny body was thinking otherwise and he just wanted to fucking have sex with Gerard, was that too much to ask.

He promised Gerard that he will surprise him on his birthday.

His birthday was in two days, Halloween was in two days.

His body was trembling and he couldn't comprehend how excited he was.

It wasn't really the getting-to-lose-his-virginity kind of excited, it was just that he wanted to feel Gerard beside him and the warmth of Gerard's body in the same bed and he wanted to kiss him while they fell asleep.

Wow, so many wishes.

This time felt like the right time to have those wishes.

He finally had a chance to be with someone, he finally had a chance to make something work.

The only thing that was constantly bothering him was the fact that he had scars on his inner thighs and he wanted to forget them completely, just forget that they exist, but they weren't going away not now, not soon.

The presence of them made him feel insecure and in that moment he felt like he was already sober.

He stood up just to fall down on his bed again.

He wasn't sober.

But that didn't stop him from doing stupid things.

He put on some goddamn pants that didn't even look like pants, was that piece of fabric even jeans or was it a blue blanket? He didn't really care and he proceeded with his actions just to look himself in the mirror and see what mess he's become, he didn't feel alright, he wanted someone to fix that for him.

The only person that came even close and that came into consideration was the one with the pointy nose and small, cute teeth, the one that kissed him back and touched him like he was going to break but then again holding him so firmly like he was made out of the toughest material ever made.

Gerard was the only person that came close to knowing how to handle Frank, he didn't know how he just knew, he just did and it wasn't something spectacular nor was Gerard a wizard because to be completely honest if Gerard was a wizard that would be funny, or maybe even sexy? Who knows?

The shirt that he put on had a hole in the right bottom of it, right on the part where he stretched it once, he didn't even realize that he made it. It wasn't like his mother would notice the hole, she didn't pay attention to him whatsoever and she didn't stitch his shirts or pants or socks nor did she washed it, he did all of that himself and sometimes he felt very grateful that she didn't do that because it made him feel a lot more responsible than he was.

The drunken call almost evaporated into thin air and for a second there he forgot why he was putting on his clothes and then he got a text message.

"When are you coming?"

Frank looked at it oddly confused, forgetting where he needed to go and a second after a nex text message arrived.

"It's Gerard, by the way."

Frank smiled at the screen that had a little mark on it when the piece of shit of his cell phone fell from his bed one night.

He tiptoed to his closet and found some old perfume that he left from like when he was eight or something and he got it for his birthday from his aunt.

The perfume said "Only for heroes" and then he realized that Batman was on it.

He liked his eight year old self a bit more after he saw that.

He opened it up and the smell brought so many memories back.

People always say that a smell stays with a person forever and even if you think you forgot that smell when the smell appears again you will be reminded of everything connected to it.

He hoped that the smell of coffee and roses would stay with him forever and ever, the scent of the beautiful boy that he wanted to love so deeply but was afraid of saying it.

Frank took his phone and typed back.

"Get ready."

Frank waited for a response a few seconds later and then it came and Frank cringed so hard at what Gerard sent.

"What for? : ) ?"

The smiley face made Frank want to launch him into the space and far away because goddammit that boy sometimes acted like he was straight.

Frank didn't want to play this game like this so he thought about warming it up a bit.

"I don't want to see any pants on you when I get there."

Frank smiled at himself and at the text he sent and he knew that what he was doing was sexting of sorts and he wanted to stop himself but he was too hazy from everything to really care about consequences.

Frank threw the phone on his bed as he looked in the mirror, trying to fix his hair somehow when in the matter of seconds his phone buzzed once again, this time the last one today, at least and it said.

"It's a deal."

Frank giggled at that and grabbed the keys that were hanging on a nail that was in the wall, he didn't know who even put it there, it was just there, he was having a hard time remembering where all the things that were around him belonged but he didn't care.

He ran down the stairs and wanted to wave his mom and dad goodbye when all of a sudden his mom and dad shouted "Frank!" at the same time.

He froze in place and came back from the hall to the room where they stayed.

He smiled maybe too happily at them and they looked at him with surprise because Frank never did that and it was obvious that he wasn't himself at the moment.

They were so oblivious but they didn't care, Frank never really cared about them.

"Frank, where are you going?" his dad asked too harshly like he always used to do, this time Frank wasn't afraid, he didn't care what would happen.

"I am going out as you can see." He showed his clothes to them, it didn't really look like he was going out, his clothes were dirty and it looked like he was going to sleep. He waved with his hand like he was trying to sell them the clothes he had and his parents looked at him like he was the craziest person alive.

"We can see that." His mom said with her eyes wide open like she was looking at a freak and not her son. "But where are you going?"

Frank giggled at that and thought about saying how he's going to suck his boyfriends dick but then he resorted to just saying that he's going to a friend's house, on which they looked at him like he was crazy because he didn't have friends.

"A study buddy" Said Frank with a smile.

His parents where still looking at him like he was a mad man.

"A study buddy?" his father asked with raised eyebrows. "Why can't you just study alone?"

Frank pouted his lips and broke into a fit of giggles, it was weird that they didn't even notice how his eyes were red and how drunk he was from the wine he found somewhere. Yeah okay, mock all you want, but Frank got drunk from wine and that's only because he isn't a fan of puking, so he isn't very experienced on that field.

"Well, dad. I am so smart that I help other people out. You know, because I am smart." Frank answered quickly that he almost stumbled over his own tongue; it was so weird to talk to them without any fear. Maybe he should drink more. Well, that was a stupid idea, even to think about it was stupid.

Frank waited for a solid response and he didn't get any so he just turned around on his heel and left the house.

It felt so liberating.

He just wanted to make his way towards Gerard's house without falling in some creek.

And get sober before he gets there.

-

The knock on the door was not needed when Frank realized that the door was open. He started to open the door slightly and he brushed it with his fingertips.

The house was quiet and Frank felt the chill of the cold air inside. The hallway was empty and he decided that it was better to maybe just look inside the living room and the kitchen.

He turned around the room to see a paper lying on the kitchen counter.

He took it and he realized that his hands were sweating.

The paper held a neat cursive writing.

"Follow the trail."

Frank was utterly confused and he couldn't believe that Gerard came up with this, or maybe it wasn't Gerard Way but some serial killer who likes to kill people before blowjobs, but then again Frank didn't really care.

The trail could be anything and as he mindlessly wondered around the kitchen he soon saw a little piece of fabric near the staircase which he picked up and he didn't really know what it belonged too but then he came closer to the steps and at the top of the steps he saw a fucking shirt wrapped around the fence that the staircase just needed to have.

He climbed up and he saw another piece of clothing, this time black skinny jeans and he concluded that this was definitely Gerard and not some serial killer.

He picked up the jeans and the shirt and when he did so, he was closer to the door that led to Gerard's room.

He wanted to turn the door knob when he realized that fucking boxers were wrapped around it.

"Holy shit," was all Frank managed to mutter out, his heart was beating so fast and he didn't what to expect.

He took the boxers off the knob and took a deep breath before he entered the room.

The clothes he had in his hands were dropped on the chair that always stood there with a massive amount of clothes on it and Frank knew that everyone always had that one chair that held a fuckton of clothes that needed to be washed or ironed or just thrown to the wash.

Frank was confused again; there was no one in the room.

The room held so much light and all the specks of dust were visible in the morning light, Gerard's bed was tidy and made and all of a sudden Frank felt like this all was a scam and maybe Gerard tricked him into thinking that he actually liked him and the feeling of betrayal was burst when he felt two cold hands covering his eyes.

"You have three times to guess." Gerard whispered softly into Frank's ear which he then nibbled just once and Frank could feel his smile growing larger every second as he was holding his breath.

Gerard pressed his stomach against Frank's back and butt and Frank took another deep breath. This was going to be so much fun.

Frank's eyes were still covered with Gerard's cold hands and Frank smirked because Gerard was desperately trying to press his dick against Frank's body but that was almost impossible due to the fact that his hands couldn't get to Frank's stomach so that he could press him even more towards himself. Frank chuckled and Gerard hushed him immediately.

"C'mon, frank. Three times to guess. I am not letting you go until you say my name." He said while taking his right hand off of Frank's face, Gerard's left hand still on Frank's eyes and his right hand wondering towards the hem of Frank's shirt that he lifted.

Frank moved back into Gerard because the feeling of his hold hand came as a surprise even though he knew that it was going there.

He continued lifting his shirt and going with his hand over Frank's body in slow motion, Frank shivered under the touch and he needed time to accustom to the cold that Gerard's hand provided.

Soon after Gerard whispered again.

"You still didn't say my name."

Frank smiled once more and he moved into a quick motion, facing Gerard but his eyes still closed, he came closer their lips touching and he whispered Gerard.

The next moment made Frank gasp and he felt his back against the wall and then he felt his eyes opening for the first time, Gerard blinked way too many times and he could see the little smirk that Gerard just loved to make.

If in that moment Frank wasn't in this room and was somewhere else he would be seriously fucked because his dick was getting hard and he finally managed to mutter out a few words.

"You still have clothes on." Frank said like it was the most important thing ever and Gerard raised his right eyebrow while smirking at him.

"I thought you would be naked." Said Frank while stating the obvious truth.

Gerard kissed his neck and Frank felt like he was in heaven, he also felt like he didn't deserve it but at this exact certain moment he wasn't even able to complain because moans were kind of stopping him from doing that.

"No, you were hoping I would be naked." Gerard said while he took his lips off Frank's skin and continued sucking on it and causing a fucking boner in Frank's pants.

Frank breaths were quicker and he felt so ashamed when gasps and moans escaped his mouths, he felt like he wasn't supposed to be doing that but Gerard was very persuasive and very hot and he didn't care at the moment.

"And also I didn't want to rob you of taking my clothes off." Gerard gasped out after kissing Frank's neck for far too long. "Believe me, it's much better that way."

Frank pushed Gerard just a bit from him and stopped him from what he was doing. Gerard looked at him confused and Frank smiled, his eyes making small crinkles as they did so and he felt so happy at the moment, maybe the happiest he's been in a long time.

"I want you." Frank said while exhaling like this was the hardest thing he's ever said.

Gerard cupped his face and moved it closer to his.

"It's obvious, you idiot." The both of them smiled at that.

Frank wanted to say something meaningful but nothing popped in his mind and he remembered that not all moments needed to have something perfect said at the exact moment. Life was not a movie after all.

Gerard grabbed his hand and led him to his bed, Frank basically collapsed on the comfy bed that Gerard owned and they couldn't wait much longer.

He grabbed the hem of Frank's shirt and Frank tumbled out of it, taking in the expression that Gerard had on his face when he saw the naked half of his body.

Gerard didn't wait too long and he kissed his stomach and he started moving down and down until he reached Frank's jeans that needed to be taken down as soon as possible.

Gerard sat on his crotch and Frank felt pain and he sighed annoyed because he was torturing him on purpose.

He smiled like a goddamn villain because he just knew what he was doing to him and he wanted to rip that smile off his face but it was too divine to look at it and Frank could only breathe really hard and beg for Gerard to undone his pants and do what he came here for.

Gerard understood the message and without any words he started to unzip Frank's pants in swift motions, Frank swallowed hard and as Gerard took his boxers alongside Frank's pants, he raised one eyebrow at what he saw.

Frank blushed because he knew that he didn't really have a small dick and Gerard giggled at the redness of Frank's face.

Gerard didn't jump right into it. Frank was moaning already because this felt so good, he couldn't really believe that this was happening to him.

Gerard dragged his tongue across Frank's naked torso and down to his stomach, right after that he made Frank moan the loudest so far.

He dragged his tongue across the base and swirled his tongue around the tip. Frank threw his head against the pillow that was beneath his head the whole time. Gerard's fingers first traced the outline of Frank's body, over his hip, over his nipples, his stomach and pelvis but then he dug a little more into his skin, leaving red little stripes that would soon fade away.

Gerard held eye contact with frank the whole time and Frank couldn't really hold on for so long and his eyes fixated constantly on other things, he tried so hard not to throw his head against the pillow so much but with every swirl of Gerard's tongue Gerard sent him back to the same place.

He kissed his shaft and frank was taking in deep breath, he really didn't want to come so soon, he was a major virgin but he saw that Gerard wanted to make this special so he needed to hold on for as long as possible.

Frank felt Gerard gripping his hips and lifting it a bit, he stroked the base of his cock and all the moments he made were so elegant that Frank wondered how good he is at that.

Gerard once more wrapped his lips around the shaft and that motion sent Frank back into moans and heavy panting. He stopped for a second and he came up to face Frank and Frank opened his eyes and saw Gerard right above him, his clothes still on, the boy that he loved but was afraid to admit it swallowed hard and Frank didn't wait long and he stripped Gerard off his clothes, he didn't do it elegantly and he did it too fast but he had an excuse because his dick was in pain and he needed to be sucked off right there and then. Gerard's naked body turned him on even more and he pushed Gerard slightly down to which Gerard only squinted his eyes and smirked while saying: "Needy."

Frank tangled his hands in Gerard's hair and he felt his warm lips around the tip of his dick that started to slide over his length. Gerard didn't just use his mouth, he licked it and he constantly made eye contact which made Frank both happy and ashamed, mostly ashamed because he felt like a slut even though there was no reason to cause people did this kind of things every day.

His hands went through his soft hair and Frank could feel Gerard's nails raking down his chest and it hurt but it felt amazing.

Frank couldn't really hold on for too long and Gerard saw that coming.

"Try to hold on." Gerard said in between sucking and licking and Frank really wanted to stick to it but it felt too amazing and he couldn't hold on for some long.

Frank's moans grew louder with every second and he felt that feeling in his stomach when he knew that he wasn't so far from coming and his toe fingers already started to curl.

"I-I can't. Gerard!"

All of his come went spilling over and Gerard took in his mouth, Frank didn't really expect Gerard too swallow it but he did and he wasn't really satisfied with the fact that Gerard did that for him.

He knew that come was bitter; he knew that, of course not from personal experience.

Gerard moved away, his lips open a bit and he came up to Frank's face and kissed him deeply, his tongue going over Frank's teeth and touching his less warm tongue with warmer tongue and stealing another moan from Frank.

Gerard brushed Frank's hair off his face, looking at him like he's only thing on the world left and then he asked: " Do you want to return the favor?"

To which Frank licked his lips and kissed him in return to mark the yes as an answer.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Votes and comments would be great


	19. Gay catholic runs away from answering about his queerness

There was nothing more beautiful than waking up to a warm bed and feeling the hand of the one you spent the night with, wrapped around you.

There was literally nothing Frank could compare this feeling to, this was one of the best nights in his life and now how he's woken up he smiles to himself, thinking how he doesn't really deserves this and how everything that happened lately was something that he never though would've happen to him. It was surreal.

Gerard was taking deep and synchronized breaths and Frank knew that Gerard was still very much asleep, he read somewhere that when a person is breathing like this, they are one hundred percent asleep and that a canon wouldn't manage to wake them up.

Probably not a canon, but still, deep sleep.

Frank moved the covers off him slightly so he can wiggle out but then Gerard moved and pulled him closer to himself and now Frank wasn't able to move. He made a furious face but then he relaxed again because Gerard wasn't able to see his face.

Frank moved closer to Gerard and even though he needed to pee desperately, he stayed trapped in the mess of sheets that he and Gerard created yesterday.

Gerard's hair was over his face and the strands were on his eyelids and near his nose, every once in a while, he would wiggle his nose and scratch it, still not removing the strands.

Sleeping Gerard was as equally beautiful like when he was awake and Frank had to admit that he was jealous, it wasn't really fair, and he probably looked like shit like he always does when he wakes up and he could feel his eyelids and lashes being a little glued to each other and that was the most uncomfortable thing in the whole world. He wanted to stand up but Gerard's arm was still around his waist and if he moved he would probably cause Gerard waking up and he didn't want to do that. Gerard looked so peaceful when he was sleeping and the way that his hair moved slightly from his face as he inhaled was beautiful.

He was beautiful.

There are certain things in life that people should just cherish, maybe moments like this, when the other person is just sleeping, in a world of their own and you know when they wake up that they will be there for you.

That didn't happen every day.

Frank took a breath and he raised his hand to Gerard's face and he needed to extend his hand a little bit more to move the hair that cause Gerard to wiggle all the time. Frank carefully moved the hair and tucked it behind his ear, Gerard moved slightly and Frank hoped that he hadn't woken him up. Luckily, Gerard finally turned around and Frank's waist was finally free. It wasn't like he was complaining, he just really needed to pee, but now that some time has passed he didn't even feel like going to the bathroom.

Suddenly, he felt like he had a heart attack as he heard the obnoxiously loud ringtone of his cellphone and he dropped to the floor quickly than he could possibly imagine and ran to the sound, he didn't really know where his phone was because of the stripping yesterday and he was hoping and praying that somehow Gerard won't hear this.

He checked his jeans pockets and his phone wasn't there, the stupid random ringtone was still playing and he was cringing inside.

He finally found his phone and pressed the button to answer the fucking phone. He didn't even look who was calling him, he just answered and he turned around to see Gerard still sleeping and thanking god for tiring the boy out.

Maybe he shouldn't be thanking god.

He ran out of the room and took the phone in his hand and finally muttered a quiet, "hello?"

His voice echoed and he felt like dying, the sound was too loud and he totally forgot about how he got drunk before he got sucked off and before he gave a blowjob to Gerard in return.

"Hey, Frank. I need to talk to you."

The voice was so familiar but Frank's sleepy head was hangover and he couldn't place the voice to the face.

Frank almost laughed, he had no idea what to do so he just said, "yeah, sure. What's up?"

The voice made a small giggle and coughed nervously before they continued talking, Frank was more nervous than he was before, he couldn't wrap his head around who this person is and moving away his head from the phone wasn't really a smart idea, so he decided to just wait and hope that he remembers or that the person just says it themselves.

"Okay, Frank. You called me yesterday."

Frank froze in spot. He did what? He only called Gerard yesterday, or so he thought?

And then it hit him, the voice belonged to Ray Toro.

Fucking Ray Toro. What could have Frank possibly tell him? He was drunk; he probably spilt every single secret he has.

Ray coughed once more and Frank already started to wander if he had given him a cold somehow, it was probably just because he had said some weird fucking shit.

"I did?" Frank answered, already regretting what he has possibly said to Ray over the phone; Frank leaned on the wall that was next to Gerard's room and sighed while covering the half off his face and then rubbing his eyes.

"yeah, you did and Frank, I know this may sound weird or something, but-" Frank inhaled too sharply waiting for the inevitable, "why did you ask me to suck your dick?"

Frank didn't know what to do, he felt like throwing up or just ending the conversation.

He didn't say anything for a good minute.

Ray probably thought he hung up on him.

"Frank, are you there?" Ray asked weirded out, still trying to figure out what hell was Frank thinking.

Frank just started laughing. He wasn't even holding himself back, he was just laughing.

Ray started to laugh too and Gerard opened up the door, Frank turning around to see him, Gerard only wearing sweatpants and his naked torso being exposed.

Not that Frank was complaining.

Gerard made a question make with his hand in the air and Frank bit the inside of his cheek and answered Ray. "I am sorry, Ray. I was drunk."

Ray sighed in I've been there tone and Frank was about to hang up when Ray suddenly dropped the bomb, "Frank are you gay?"

Frank froze in spot, his phone still attached to his ear, he felt Gerard sitting next to him and putting his hand on his thigh and going up and down with his hand.

Frank took a sharp breath and swallowed hard.

"What?"

Ray coughed once again and Frank was starting to get really annoyed by this coughing.

"I mean, when you called me yesterday, it didn't seem like you were talking to a girl." Ray said apologetically.

"Oh." Frank muttered out.

"Oh indeed." Ray confirmed after Frank fucked up. Frank couldn't believe what a major fuck up he was.

Frank turned to face Gerard and Gerard raised his hand to Frank's face, moving his hair just like Frank did some time ago and Frank didn't know what to answer and he was still a little bit hangover and he didn't feel like solving this now.

"Ray, I got to go."

Ray just made a confirming voice to which he probably translated to "Gay catholic runs away from answering about his queerness, rainbows shooting out of his ass, he can't hide anywhere."

Frank hanged up and laughed a little more to himself than anything else.

Gerard moved his hand from his thigh and said, "Who was it?"

Frank made a face like he was about to explode into million giggles.

"It was the guy that I accidently offered to come and suck my dick." Frank answered while taking another deep breath to which Gerard just shrugged.

Gerard just shrugged.

"Wait, did you just shrug at what I did?"

Gerard but his bottom lip, smiling a little.

"Gerard what did I do?" Frank answered his eyes widening.

Gerard started grinning a bit and said, "You might have also suggested sucking my brother's dick."

Frank stood up, taking his head in his hands and if he could he would rip it and throw it outer space.

"I did what?" Frank almost screamed out the question.

Gerard wasn't capable of talking anymore, he just lay there on the floor, laughing so hard he had to stop every once in a while so he could take some breath.

Minutes passed and Frank and Gerard were laid out on the floor, not speaking, just breathing heavily, this time out of the aftermath of laughing so hard.

"So, basically, I phoned everyone to suck my dick but you?"

"Basically." Gerard answered, turning to Frank and laying a quick kiss on Frank's lips.

"I hate you." Frank replied while still having a smile on his face, this kind of stuff usually would make him upset, but being with Gerard made him feel like everything will be okay and that there's nothing to worry about.

"You know you don't" Gerard replied within an instant and grabbed Frank's hand, their fingers intertwining as Frank didn't say anything back, because hating Gerard was just impossible.


	20. Shut your eyes

Mikey woke up with his hands over his ears and his whole body was in agonizing pain which made him feel like a monster truck has hit him multiple times during the night. His hands had that tingly feeling all over them like he had them under his head or something but this time the feeling came from falling asleep with his hands pressed to his ear. It wasn't his fault, of course that he had to have his ears pressed to his ears to stop the noise.

Some people just have to be too loud when they are getting a blowjob.

Needless to say, it wasn't fun to hear Frank and Gerard moaning almost the whole night. Mikey regretted being in their house for the first time and that was really something. He considered going to Pete's but he didn't want to bother him.

Mikey was up and finally there was some silence in the house, the kitchen smelled of coffee that he made for himself and he convinced himself not to make Gerard and Frank coffee but yet again there he was making the three of them some morning coffee.

Footsteps were heard from the floor above and Mikey could almost count the seconds when Frank and Gerard will come to the kitchen.

It took them exactly twenty eight seconds to the kitchen and Mikey was surprised (even though there was no reason to be) when he saw Frank and Gerard kissing each other, Gerard pulling Frank closer and Mikey just fake coughed really loudly and the both of them were startled.

"Mikes?" Gerard spoke, leaving Frank's mouth alone, probably for the first time in many hours.

Mikey just smiled, his teeth showing and Frank couldn't help but prevent the blush on his face.

Mikey stood up, made those two little steps that were dividing them and offered them coffee, Gerard practically grabbed it and Frank looked to the side, avoiding Mikey's eyes.

"So," Mikey broke the silence, "did you have fun last night?" he was still grinning and it wasn't even a comfortable grin, he pushed it on his face and it wasn't really getting off.

Mikey sipped his coffee in a but that's none of my business kind of type and Gerard cocked his eyebrow at that, on the other hand Frank couldn't stop fucking blushing.

"Yeah, we did, Mikey?" Gerard took a first sip of his hot coffee then flinching because it was too hot.

Mikey nodded, his lips pouted in the most innocent way.

"That's good because I would be surprised if you didn't while you made all that noise."

Frank froze in place and Gerard's jaw dropped to the floor, Gerard thought that Mikey wasn't at home at the time.

Frank opened his mouth, this time looking at Mikey, his blush probably expanding to his whole body, he finally managed to stutter out, "you heard us?"

Mikey clicked his tongue, "yeah, I did."

He just stood up, leaving both Frank and Gerard embarrassed and blown by the fact that their many moans and groans were heard by Gerard's little brother.

"You should consider toning it down a little bit next time."

Mikey shut the door barely dressed in something decent as he made his way to Pete's house, he knew for sure that this will be something that Pete will laugh about forever and so will he.

-

"Oh my god!" Pete said while throwing his arms in the air like he achieved something.

Mikey was laughing just because Pete was laughing, it was truly wonderful to see Pete having a grin plastered all over his face, it was obvious just how much Mikey was loving the way Pete smiled, it looked like thousand galaxies erupting and then piecing themselves back together.

Pete was beautiful.

Mikey wasn't even trying to deny himself the pleasure of acknowledging how much he liked Pete, how much he liked Pete more than a friend. Pete was one of those people that could be easily sad inside but they would still wear a happy mask on their face, he wanted Pete to be happy, he just wanted Pete to be happy with him.

He wasn't going to deny it, he was never one of those people that would let another person go just because they are happier with someone else. Mikey knew that was selfish, yet he never did a thing to change that, that was also the reason why he held Gerard so close to himself, that was the reason why he moved in with him in their grandma's house. There were just these certain things that made him feel like an awful person and he knew that he should at least try to overcome the selfish need he always developed over people.

As he grew up, people would always say how he is better than Gerard and he knew that wasn't the truth.

He hated himself because he lied all the time, nothing actually serious, but lying to people, your friends and family about who you actually are is a big deal.

He wasn't what he represented himself to be.

He was a liar.

People loved him anyways.

He lied about the one thing that made some identity as they are.

False impresions, right?

It was easy to act, easier than he thought originally.

When he first realized how much he can get away with, he just continued doing shit. All those tiny lies destroyed him and as much as he was still he, Mikey Way, a brother and a son, those fundamental things about him were just false.

Everythign about him was false.

And that was why he hated himself so much.

He never told anyone that, of course, because if he did, who would love him? Who would take care of him? Who would talk to him? Who would be there to make him feel like he's not as alone as he felt? Who? No one.

Or that was what Mikey thought.

He wondered if Pete would be the person that would meet the real him. Was Mikey even ready to show that to someone, especially to Pete, who he really liked?

All those thoughts rambled around in his head as Pete was still laughing his ass off, rolling on his bed in his bedroom and then on the floor.

This guy really didn't have any limits.

Maybe that was why Mikey liked Pete so much.

Pete was still smiling but his giggled were much quiter now and he was just looking at Mikey with the smallest smile. It was incredible to even witness it, the small smile on his face, as an aftermath of laughing so hard after Mikey told him about his unfortune.

A really small smile.

That was all that Mikey needed.

„Mikey, are you okay?" Pete questioned more as a rethorical question that an actual question, he was about to move closer but then Mikey inhaled deeply and sat down, right next to Pete, Pete watching his every move as Mikey shuffled a little bit uncomfortably, Mikey's hand hovering Pete's. Pete made a little gasp, it was almost unaudible, and his eyes widended with suprise.

There was a moment of silence shared between them and Pete didn't know what to do, he liked talking and Mikey was just looking at him, being all perfect as always.

Pete couldn't really stand it and the next thing Mikey saw was Pete bloody Wenty throwing himself on him and pushing him down on his bed, tickling him. Mikey always kept that a secret but when he felt Pete's hands going over his stomach and practically everywhere, he couldn't help but scream and laugh and giggle.

He was incredibly ticklish and when Pete saw how much it effected him, he just continued.

It took them a good 10 minutes to calm down completely and after all of that they were just laying on Pete's bed, not even touching, just staring at the ceiling.

Mikey was amazed how Pete tickled people, he was totally gentle and not like some other people who would hurt you in the process of tickling. Mikey felt no pain, just his body relaxing as the started to breathe normally.

He looked back at Pete and Pete was too infatueted with the ceiling, looking at it like it's the best thing in the world.

"Mikey Way?" Pete said without taking his view from the ceiling and not even blinking.

Mikey turned on his stomach and rolled a little closer to Pete, supporting himself with his elbows, his chin on his hands.

Pete looked back at him and Mikey waited for a question that Pete seemed to prolong for some reason.

Pete winked at Mikey and they both smiled at the same time. Pete stood up abruptly, almost knocking him of his hands and onto the bed.

"Mikey, I want to do something." Pete said while grabbing Mikey's hands.

All the sheets on Pete's bed were messed up and the once made bed was now like ten people slept in it and not just two boys cuddling and tickling each other.

Mikey raised his eyebrows, his lips in a straight line as Pete sat straight on his bed right opposite to him.

Pete smiled, his eyes scanning Mikey and his look diverting from Mikey's right eye to his left eye.

It was hard to decide which eye you look at when someone doesn't have a fringe; it was easy with Pete because he always had that little fringe over his right eye. Even when he tried to move it away (which was rare), the hair would just flop back to where it was.

The only perks of being slightly emo.

Pete reached out to Mikey's shoulder and pulled Mikey close to him, their knees bumping to each other and their legs almost intertwined, there was still enough place and Mikey loved that about Pete, he always gave space to people even when they didn't need it.

Pete smiled once more and Mikey furrowed his eyebrows and his lips twitched in a smile that lasted shortly, he was too busy trying to figure out what were Pete's plans.

Pete reached out once more, this time moving Mikey's hair from his face, he just let him do it, and it wasn't like he was doing any damage.

Mikey smiled more and Pete left his hand on his face, the two just looked at each other, the yellow light coming through the window, shining on their faces, leaving the yellow streaks on their face.

Pete moved his hand and Mikey didn't really want it gone so he took his hand and he intertwined their fingers, his fingers were longer so Pete's fingers felt so small even though there wasn't much of a difference.

Pete licked his lips and Mikey felt his heart racing faster and faster.

"Can i?" Pete swallowed hard, not saying what he was trying to say to the end.

Mikey licked his bottom lip in an attempt to calm himself, that was what he always did when he was nervous.

"Can you do what?" Mikey asked rather nervously.

Pete was sweating all over and his hands were trembling a bit, Mikey could feel it and he wasn't sure if it was Pete's hands that were shaking or his. The both of them were terribly confused and clumsy and just not prepared for anything that was too come.

Pete inhaled and looked at Mikey for the last time before he closed them and before he muttered out the words that he wanted to say all along.

"Can I kiss you?" Pete said, his eyes closed and Mikey sitting there in complete silence, shock evident on his face.

Mikey swallowed and it was too audible that even Pete flinched a little bit back.

There was another minute that passed where Mikey was just freaking the fuck out and Pete just waiting with his eyes closed.

"C'mon, Mikey, just say something." Pete was about to open his eyes when Mikey leaned in, his nose touching Pete's cheek. "Mikey-"

Pete was cut off by Mikey connecting their lips together, he was startled at first but soon after he regained some control and their fingers weren't intertwined anymore, their lips were on each other and Mikey could feel Pete slightly biting on his bottom lip. He was so gentle and caring and Mikey couldn't really believe that a person like him deserved anything remotely good as this.

Mikey didn't answer anything back when Pete asked him about kissing because he wasn't able to speak that much at all.

Pete pushed Mikey on the bed, not violently, not at all, they were actually moving agonizingly slow, Pete's body on Mikey's, their lips still on each other, no tongue touching, just lips to lips, inhaling each other.

Pete let go of Mikey and he looked at him from the above.

"So, I guess that's a yes."

Mikey just smiled because that's what he felt right now, he just felt happy.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have ahuge bruise on my eye i was dancing and i fell to the floor it wasn't fun
> 
> i am so clumsy and my head hurts like fucking hell
> 
> votes and comments would be really rad!!


	21. i am tired

There was a knock on the door.

Half a second later, there was another one.

The knocks weren't coming from a petrified person or from a lovely neighbor. They were determined and someone might say that they were even sharp.

Two girls were standing outside of Frank's house and with every second spent there, the tension grew larger.

Lindsey was exhaling too loudly and Anastasia was about to blow her brains out if she heard her do it one more time. Lindsey was annoyed because of the situation they were in and Anastasia was annoyed because Lindsey was annoyed of the situation they were in.

Lindsey was about to knock one more time when the doors opened in full swing.

"Hello, how can I help you?" Frank's mom directed it to Lindsey because she was the first one she caught with her eye.

"Hello, Ms. Iero." Anastasia greeted too cheerily to which Lindsey just frowned.

"Oh, hello, Anastasia. I didn't see you there. How are you?" Ms. Iero asked as Lindsey rolled her eyes and stomped with her foot on the ground.

Lindsey pursed her lips while looking at the light that was right above them. She didn't want to wait any longer so she just barged in with a question.

"Can we come in?"

Ms. Iero looked at Anastasia rather terrified and Ana tried to give her a comforting smile just to make it look like Lindsey was some polite catholic girl.

"Who is this lovely girl with you?" Ms. Iero pointed at to her unknown girl.

Anastasia grabbed Lindsey by her arms and turned Lindsey to face Ms. Iero completely.

"This is Lindsey, she wants to join the church choir and she is new in town so I thought we might show her some songs and stuff like that." Anastasia gave another of her fake smiles to comfort Ms.iero because to be completely honest who wouldn't be scared of Lindsey. Literally, anyone would and if you think you wouldn't, you're wrong.

Ms. Iero just murmured a quiet 'oh' as she opened the door for them.

Lindsey had her combat boots on her and she was already half way to the living room when she noticed that Anastasia was still standing at the door.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Lindsey hissed at Ana, waiting for some reasonable answer. She was already nervous enough because of the fact that they had to kill someone and also because she wasn't really up to investigation at this point.

Anastasia shot her a mean glance as Lindsey noticed that she had no shoes on.

"Why the fuck are your shoes off?" Lindsey spat once more at Ana and this time Ana didn't flinch.

Anastasia approached closer to Lindsey while giving her a death glare. If Lindsey wasn't so bad ass and all she would be afraid but this was Ana we were talking about, she is like a marshmallow.

"There are things called manners and Ms. Iero respects people with manners. Learn them." Ana stepped back and headed towards the living room where Ms. Iero was taking some cookies out of the ugly pink cabinets that were in Iero's living room.

Lindsey scoffed once more before taking her boots off. She had to sit on the floor to take them off. It was complicated to be punk rock and practical.

She joined them in the living room and her eyes were scanning over the walls and over the pictures that were put on the TV and behind those little angel statues that every other suburban mom had to have. Lindsey noticed a bunch of pictures of a young boy and she just pointed at the picture.

"Ms. Iero, is that your son?" Lindsey smiled really fake and you could see Ms. Iero even widening her eyes for a second.

"Yes, that's my son Frank. He's a really nice boy." Ms. Iero turned her head towards Anastasia. "Ana seems to get along with him just fine. You two are perfectly made for each other."

Lindsey looked at Ana with a mocking expression on her face but a second after when Ms. Iero looked at Lindsey for approval and Lindsey just vigorously nodded as she turned her head back to Ana who was smiling in a I'm-ace-please-leave-me-the-fuck-alone way.

"So, choir? Lindsey when did you start singing?" Ms. Iero asked way too politely for anyone's liking.

Lindsey stopped dead in her tracks. This is not what she was used to, by being used to, she meant lying. She was trying to concoct a serious statement in her head but nothing was coming to her. She couldn't sing for shit. Well, she always wanted to sing but the irrational fear of being judged based on talent was something Lindsey couldn't handle and she refused to.

"Well, I can't even remember." Lindsey most obviously lied with her cheeks puffed red and her eyes going glassy, not from tears just from the torment she was experiencing.

"Oh, that's great. I am really grateful for all the young girls who wanted to sing in our choir. We really need more young people there and not like those girls who go around trashing places." Lindsey looked at Ana while Ms. Iero practically told all the bad things about people who were just like them.

"Lindsey, how old are you?" Ms. Iero asked out of pure curiosity and it was the first question that wasn't put under the magnifier and she was grateful for that.

"I am 19." Lindsey answered this time with a truthful smile on her face.

When she looked at it, this woman wasn't so bad; Lindsey just constantly frowned upon religious people because they would reject her any second if they knew she had a girlfriend.

Actually it was quite fucking ironic. An asexual and a lesbian in a living room of a catholic lady who thinks they are most definitely straight and totally up for church choir.

Lindsey chuckled at that.

Ana was eating cookies while Lindsey was still looking at the pictures. The boy on the pictures had to be the lead to whoever they had to find to resolve all of this.

Ana pucked her lips and then she coughed slightly. Lindsey knew that was a sign and she waited like the plan told them too.

"Ms. Iero I'll just go to the bathroom upstairs." Lindsey looked at her significantly and Ms. Iero would be blind if she didn't see that.

Ms. Iero didn't even need to say anything, Ana just stood up and walked off.

The atmosphere in the living room changed significantly as Ana walked off and Ms. Iero was shooting Lindsey with the biggest death glare she has ever witnessed. Maybe Lindsey was right about this woman.

Lindsey just smiled awkwardly and tried to ignore the mean looks she was getting from Ms. Iero.

Meanwhile, Ana was upstairs investigating anything that would remotely show her signs of this Gerard Way who they needed to find.

She tiptoed to Frank's room and opened it without a creak which she was insanely grateful due to having her bedroom doors creaking all the time.

She took a look at the room and she noticed that no one slept there. Frank wasn't at home. Fuck! He was her only shot at trying to figure out who the fuck is Gerard Way.

Ana didn't know how long she needed to stall Ms. Iero with stupid things until Frank came home. This was really a fucked up situation and Ana didn't want to go down for a second.

Lindsey will be pissed. She will be more pissed than Lindsey.

This situation has taken them to nowhere and Ana was regretting the fact that she joined this group.

She was about to exit his room when she heard a slight scratch on the window of Frank's bedroom, Ana turned around real quick and saw no one else than Frank who was trying to enter his room by climbing up the tree and opening the window, well, at least trying to open the window because he wasn't really good at doing that.

Ana could hear him grunting from the outside and she stood there bewildered by the fact that Frank was trying to open the fucking window when he could just go through his front door.

She couldn't stand hearing him panting and swearing at the window so she ran up to the bloody window and opened it up with all the force she had, she crouched down to look at scared and surprised Frank.

"What are you doing here?" Frank almost shouted at Ana while smiling like he was drunk.

Ana sighed exasperated because she really didn't have time for Frank to be drunk.

"We need to talk." Ana said too seriously, glaring at Frank who was giggling at her like he was a twelve year old who tricked him mom into thinking that he was asleep when he was actually playing games on his phone.

"Okay, Captain serious." Frank said jokingly while his eyes were wide and he was smiling too big. Ana stood there and she breathed in because she didn't want to ruin his day like this but there was nothing she could do.

"I need to get Lynz and we need to speak with you. Okay?" Ana said and the expression on his face drastically changed in a matter of seconds.

He stepped closer to Ana and he grabbed her by the sleeve. "What's going on?"

Ana thought about what was she going to say to him but nothing was coming to her head, she shook her head slightly and puckered her lips in anger because this was something she didn't need and didn't want to do.

But what was supposed to be done was supposed to be done.

"You are going to get outside and call your mom like nothing happened and say that you are at a friends' house, still studying. You are going to get out the same way you got in. Now go."

Frank was confused and now his eyes were wide because of the stress he was feeling, he just thought that he will come home and go to sleep or say hi to his mom or clean the fucking house.

Something mundane.

And now he was getting orders from an usually quiet girl and to completely frank he was terrified at the moment and will probably continue being terrified for a while or so.

Ana looked at him angrily and shoved him towards the window and as he was already one foot outside of the house he heard Ana whisper harshly. "Wait for us at our place."

Frank was confused for a bit but then he figured out that the place was probably where he and Ana sat right before he headed to Gerard that one time when he got beat up.

That seemed ages ago.

Frank shook the nostalgic thoughts away and he stepped further into the street where there was no shade and the stupid sun was shining too hard.

He just hoped that Ana and that Lynz girl had a reason for doing this.

-

Ana pulled a fake smile on her lips as she approached Ms. Iero and Lindsay, she made a suggestive look at Lindsey who shook her head for a millisecond in disbelief while she slowly began to stand up just to check her clock and say, "oh my, look at how late we are. Ana, why didn't you tell me that it's already time to go away?"

Ana raised her hand and whispered the shortest sorry ever. Ms. Iero stood up holding her hands like she was praying.

"It was so lovely to see you Lindsay. I am looking forward on seeing you in the choir next Sunday."

Ana grabbed Lindsey too tightly and started dragging her towards the entrance, Lindsay flinched a bit but she saw the urgency in Ana's eyes so she smiled to Ms. Iero and continued to talk about how she was glad to meet her and about how God's love helped her through bad times.

She couldn't believe what crap she was telling Ms. Iero and she just continued smiling like that was gonna fix it.

Lindsey couldn't even sing.

Or that's what people said to her.

Ms. Iero wanted to give them cookies to take home but they gladly refused.

They were outside and Lindsey took a sharp breath like she wasn't breathing inside the house. Maybe she thought that Christianity was able to get inside of you through air.

"Ana, what the hell? Did you get the information?" Lindsey straightened her top tank and looked at her while expecting a quick answer and not getting more information out of a boy who was standing few houses away waiting for something that he didn't even know about.

Ana just took her by her right hand and started dragging her towards the place where Frank was, Lindsey wasn't even resisting because she had way too much hope in Ana and the rest of the crew.

They needed to infiltrate into the Iero household and the only way to do that was to get to Frank and get information from him about this Gerard Way that nobody knew anything about.

Frank was on the place where Ana told him to and Lynz scanned him with her eyes, he was fucking short but all in all he seemed decent.

She knew that she was being too shallow and concluding something out of someone's looks and that was wrong but she had not time for morals.

Lindsay approached to Frank too fast and he jerked back from her in an attempt to have more space because she was seriously invading his personal space.

"Hello." Frank said in the most petrified voice ever and then swallowing a lump that formed in his throat.

It would be amazing and surreal if he wasn't afraid of Lindsay.

But he was.

And nobody could blame him for that.

"We need information on Gerard Way." Lindsay moved away, her face emotionless even though she was going through every single emotion at the time. "Now." Lindsay repeated and the look in Frank's eyes showed her that he knew this Gerard guy.

"Ana." Frank whispered. "What's going in?" he turned his face to her but Ana had her arms wrapped around herself and it was visible that she was angry and anxious at the same time.

The cars passed by them and if someone looked at them it would look like they were trying to rob Frank, which was actually totally normal there in New Jersey. Nobody gave a fuck if you got robbed and nobody would help you if you were in the middle of the fight.

Ruthless, ha? Damn straight.

But that was how the world worked here in New Jersey.

Ana stepped in, clasping her hands together so they don't shake. "We need information on Gerard Way and this is the only clue we've got. Please. You are the only clue we've got."

Frank blinked rapidly. Gerard? Why did they need information on Gerard? Who were even they? He barely knew Ana and Lindsay was a complete stranger. What was this all about? He was bombarded with question and he was petrified and it didn't seem like it was going to stop being like that soon if he didn't do something.

"Shut the fuck up!" Frank screamed from the top of his lungs while looking at the two girls who were almost running laps around him and he couldn't even decipher what they were saying and it all seemed like some sort of a loud nightmare.

"We need to know if you know where Gerard Way is." Lindsay said finally and Frank's hands just shook. They just started shaking. What was this all about? He didn't want them to know about him and Gerard.

Why was this all happening?

"Do we tell him?" Ana said with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Do we have to?" Lindsay apologetically glanced at Frank and then back at Ana.

Ana looked furiously at Frank and now Frank was wondering if maybe he needs to escape because this was all scary as shit and he couldn't believe that he was petrified of two girls.

Two terrifying girls, but then again all girls were terrifying and all boys. To be completely honest, to Frank everyone was terrifying.

Except Gerard, he was the only exception that confirmed the rule.

"If we don't tell him, he won't say shit." Ana replied to Lindsay without even glancing anywhere around. It certainly irritated Frank but he was in no position to object.

"we've been told that Gerard Way is in danger and that we need to put him down. We are not doing that but..."

Frank heard Lindsay's voice trailing away in the distance even though she was just a few centimeters away. He couldn't believe what he just heard. Gerard in danger? Gerard to be put down? Gerard just what?

He didn't want to believe his ears and he was breathing sharply now, his inhales and exhaled sounded desperate. It sounded like he was choking but for real he had enough oxygen and it was all too much.

Lindsey and Ana seemed to have converted to another stage and that was fighting over what they will do with Frank and Frank's vision was blurry but he wasn't crying, not yet at least.

Frank tried to form a plan in his head but it was hard when he couldn't really breathe properly.

He looked up to the both of them and his hearing was probably off because he could see the two of them opening their mouths really wide and then staring at him in shock and then again going back to whatever they were shouting to each other.

It was the perfect timing to run away. He looked up and saw his opportunity and he seized it because in three seconds time he was far away from them and his feet burned with every step, his shoes that had holes in them really weren't helping his situation but there was nothing he could do so he just kept running.

Frank heard the screams of Lindsay and Ana but he didn't want to turn back in fear that he would slow down or see them too close to him so he kept on running.

His breath was starting to hitch and he couldn't believe that he even managed to run this fast and this much.

He was already outside the house and he barged inside without any knocking and he looked all around but Gerard was nowhere to be found.

The fear creeped inside and it dragged its long nails over Frank's petrified soul.

This was a situation where he really needed Gerard and he wasn't there.

The worst of all was that it was his birthday.

It was that special day and Gerard wasn't there.

Frank wasn't even in the position to lie to himself.

He was fucking scared.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyye i finally updated this
> 
> comments and votes would be rad


	22. White dots on an endless timeline

It's Halloween.

October 31 in the early morning while children are still preparing for trick and treating.

Frank is standing in the middle of the Way household, trying to catch his breath and calm himself down. The either of the two is not working. He can feel his heart beating rapidly and if collapses on the floor, no one will be there to help him. The house is ghostly empty and he can catch glimpses of activity from probably hours ago.

He still hasn't calmed down from what Lindsey and Ana told him and he wanted to believe that it wasn't true but something was bothering him and it was the fact that he didn't know much about Gerard's past.

The anxious feeling overflowed his entire being and the shakiness that his hands produced in that moment could resemble to something looking like a panic attack. But no, he wasn't experiencing a panic attack, he was just shaken that's all.

He found himself in a brown sofa that smelled kind of weird and he ignored the blank space in his brain that should show him how he got to the sofa.

He was miserable.

He didn't know what to do.

And then he remembered something.

He just walked in without having to knock. The front door was open.

Not one single American left their house unlocked when they went out. To hell with it, some Americans locked their doors even when they were home. Especially Frank's mom. She locked the front door a few times, just in case.

Frank managed to breathe again properly.

He stood up rather abruptly and he could see tiny white dots flowing around the air which were the cause of this action. The stairs felt so far away and his steps were uncoordinated as he marched towards them so he can get to the second floor of the Way house.

The house was still dead silent and Frank carefully turned the door knobs like he was afraid what he was going to see. Frank had to be honest with himself, at least for a second, because yes, he was afraid of what he was going to see because yet again, he didn't really want to see Gerard dead.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like without him.

He couldn't imagine how he would cope with the world after Gerard was gone.

He hoped that that never happens.

The smallest of creaks were heard from Mikeys room and as Frank was about to open the door, the door swung open and showed a tired Mikey Way standing in front of Frank.

Mikey rubbed his right eye and as he was processing on what the hell was going on, he managed to stutter out, "Frank, what the hell are you doing here?" , he rubbed the other eye quickly and blinked a few times to see properly.

"Where's Gerard?" Frank didn't have time to explain and he quickly gazed over Mikey and his Star Wars pajama which made Frank smile but he didn't because this wasn't time to smile. He was worried and these little distractions that usually made him smile didn't work this time.

Mikey furrowed his face and Frank could see the lines that the bed made when you slept like a canon on his face as he turned around to look for something invisible.

"He's not here, I guess." Mikey said, adding a slightly confused tone to his voice.

Frank bit his inner cheek. He wasn't here. Where the fuck was Gerard? Even Mikey didn't know.

"I went to the store yesterday." Mikey said non-chalantly.

Frank was confused but his anger also turned into motion as Mikey said this totally absurd sentence.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Frank questioned Mikey, his face making a grimace as he asked him about this nonsense.

Mikey sighed sadly and tiredly. "If I was shopping for groceries yesterday, that means he is shopping for groceries today."

Frank raised his hand to the doorway, clutching onto it tightly as bits of fear left his body but still the concern remained.

Yeah, sure he woukd take it. Maybe Gerard was shopping for groceries and there wasn't anything horrible to worry about.

Mikey smiled awkwardly.

"Still, Frank, what are you doing here?"

Frank caught his breath, thinking rapidly what lie he could concoct in his mind that would sound believable.

He said while exhaling deeply, "it's my birthday".

Mikey rolled his eyes and made a grunting noise that turned into laughing. Frank just stared at him in disbelief. What the hell was this dude on?

"Oh, I see. You ran your ass as fast as you could to this house because it's your birthday."

Mikey scratched his neck while still grinning at him.

"I- I am not following..." Frank admitted shyly. Mikey's grinning made him feel really uncomfortable and standing in this hallway started to feel a little bit pressuring.

Mikey pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his face to wake himself up a bit more.

"It's your birthday, Frank. You are eighteen now. So you two can do whatever you want."

The memories flooded back in and Frank's breath stopped again.

Fuck, he totally forgot that he promised Gerard to surprise himwith his birthday one day. He only did it in the beginning because he wanted to keep Gerard on distance and he didn't want him to count the days till they can fuck.

Mikey's grinning turned into small giggling and he just waved his hand.

"Don't sweat it, Frank. I am sure he's ready." Mikey moved past Frank, heading towards the bathroom. "Also don't worry, because I won't be in the house when he comes back."

Frank looked scared and he glanced back in Mikey's direction, "where will you go?"

Mikey shut the bathroom door and a second later Frank heard, "I'm gonna head to Pete's."

Frank put his hand on the door and he felt the small cracks under his fingertips. The door itself were very much like him, on the first glance solid and firm and not in a bad condition but when you had Frank under your fingertips you could feel the cracks.

-

Gerard whistled an unknown tune as he opened the front door. He felt extremely relaxed and so content with himself; it was almost unbelievable how okay he felt.

The doors were shut behind him and he dumped the bags on the floor, watching carefully to put down the one with eggs slowly so they don't break.

He looked up and saw his brother grinning at him and running over to pick up the groceries.

"What are you happy about? You look like you just woke up. You should be cranky." Gerard objectified while also smiling because Mikey's smile was contagious and he was more than happy to see his brother smiling, especially this early in the morning.

Mikey just took the bags off the floor and took them to the kitchen while Gerard stayed a little bit behind him, still wondering what happened that made Mikey smile.

Gerard fixed his hair a bit after having it blown off by the stupid wind and then in his peripheral vision he saw a figure. He turned around to see Frank at the top of stairs.

"Hi." Gerard said confused, Frank was supposed to be at home and not here. They were supposed to be keeping this a secret to Frank's parents because they could never know what Frank was doing in his free time.

Mikey stormed past Gerard and Gerard took Mikey by the hand, "where are you going?"

Mikey just waved his hand, "at Pete's."

Frank couldn't see Mikey anymore and Gerard was utterly confused by what was Mikey signaling him as he shut the door and the confusion that was created vanished as Mikey went out.

Gerard could swear that he heard Mikey yelling have fun but that was irrelevant now that he saw Frank still standing at the top of the stairs, looking more anxious than usual.

"What's the matter?" He approached carefully, taking one step by step even though he usually took two steps at the time just to prove God that he can.

They were facing each other and Gerard could see a glint of happiness inside Frank's eyes. He couldn't really decipher the reason behind the sudden change of emotion. Frank's face went from utterly scared to shyly joyous in seconds.

Gerard took Frank by the hand and lifted it to his lips and as cliché as it was he kissed the back of his hand.

Frank blushed at the action and Gerard grabbed him by the sided and pulled him into a kiss. Frank didn't hesitate to reciprocate the kiss and as their saliva mixed, Frank thought about the reason why he came here at all.

Is it even smart to tell him that someone wants to kill him?

Frank was weighting the advantages and disadvantages and he soon came up with the solution of not telling Gerard because they were on a safe place and it was also his birthday. He had waited far too long for this.

"It's just, uh, it's my birthday." Frank admitted, his blush growing stronger and the feeling of heat crippling everywhere. He could swear that he almost felt it in his toes. He averted his gaze from Gerard's eyes to his shoes. Frank felt ashamed and he didn't know the reason behind it. Gerard let out a small exhale like he was holding his breath and Frank didn't want to look up to see Gerard's face expression.

Who knows? Maybe Gerard changed his mind and he doesn't want to have sex with a person who self-harmed?

Frank felt his chin being raised so that they can look inside each other's eyes.

"Do you want to?" Gerard asked like it was an invitation to go to the cinema. "Because we have all the time in the world."

Frank swallowed a lump that formed in his throat and made a grimace, his eyebrows were furrowed and he tried desperately not to cry.

They don't have all the time in the world if what Ana and Lindsey said was true.

Frank looked up to the ceiling and he could feel Gerard shuffling awkwardly on his feet. He was nervous and Frank was just beyond sad.

If they have sex now, Frank would be using him. He processed the matter in his mind a hundred times over and he couldn't help himself but thinking that yes, he wants to do it, but no, he feels like he is taking advantage of Gerard.

Frank thought to himself, to hell with it.

Frank took him by the hand and lead him to his room. The door shut behind him and he leaned against the door. Gerard's pupils looked larger even though they haven't done anything yet.

Frank parted his mouth and waited for Gerard to come to him. Gerard looks frozen in place and he just looks over Frank, up and down, looking him while he absorbs every single thing about him.

Frank grows impatient because Gerard is not fucking moving and he is standing a meter away from him. He shuts his mouth and takes a deep shaky breath while he steps closer to Gerard, grabbing him more forcefully than he intended by the collar of his black shirt.

Gerard gasps and before he could say anything, Frank presses their mouths loudly and Gerard groans against Frank's lips. Their bodies are vibrating and the both of them can't figure out the cause of it.

Gerard wraps his arms around Frank's waist and every inch of skin is covered but it still feels like they aren't close enough.

Frank grabs the hem of Gerard's shirt and pulls it off of Gerard as he tries to fumble out of it. They go back to the kiss and Frank doesn't really have time to look over Gerard's naked chest and enjoy the view.

They break the kiss and their noses are still pressed together, their breath muffled against each other's skin. Gerard jerks his head up and moves it back slightly so he can look Frank in the eyes. "You are fucking beautiful." Gerard admits and the small smile remains on his face as Frank's eyes glint with happiness.

Frank wasn't going to say no to that; he wasn't going to object to that.

He will let himself be happy for once.

Gerard was about to say something else when Frank pulled him closer once more and kissed him open mouthed, his tongue sliding over Gerard's tongue. The warmth their mouths provided was equal to what they were both feeling all over their bodies.

Frank can feel his cock objectifying to what was happening and he can't handle it anymore so he unzips Gerard's pants quickly, pulling it down to his mid-thigh. Gerard's hands are shaking and he goes to unzip Frank's pants too but he is so shaky all over that he can't even pull it off. Frank grabs his hands and helps Gerard pull his pants down.

Frank is scared. That is true but he can't wait for this to happen and he kind of regrets rethinking this just a few minutes ago.

Gerard wraps his fingers around Frank's cock and Frank rocks back into it without thinking it through. He pants heavily against the crook of Gerard's neck.

Gerard cups his balls, feeling Frank's hotness all over and Frank tries to suppress a groan that unfortunately still comes out of his mouth, sounding extremely desperate. Frank could feel Gerard's hand moving over his length and he is probably making all sorts of weird facial expressions right now but he doesn't care.

Gerard feels their cocks brushing against each other and then Frank's head banging a little bit against the door.

"Oh my god." Frank whispers against Gerard's neck and he could feel Gerard's grin even though he can't see it.

"Don't call upon him now." They both smile for a second and then their mouths are all over each other again.

They undress completely as Gerard guides Frank to his bed and they fall over together on the bed, almost knocking out the stuff on the bedside table. Gerard looks over Frank in a hungry way and Frank doesn't have time to analyze how he looks because he thinks he is ugly but the look in Gerard's eyes is trying to prove him otherwise.

The mattress creaks under them due to their weight and as they move it creaks even more but it all sounds like deafening noise to the both of them. This mattress wasn't meant for two people after all.

Their skin is against each other and it feels like the temperature in the room grew even hotter. The air is too hot to breathe and their bodies are responding to the lack of clothes that they have.

To Frank this all seems so surreal and the ceiling seems to spin and everything is blurry. His vision is totally fucked and he wants to make the vision go back to normal, but he doesn't actually want to when he feels Gerard's lips going over his neck and putting wet kisses down his chest and going down...

Gerard swallows loudly and turns back to Frank, his mouth hanging open, inhaling and exhaling sharply.

"Do you want to? Uh..." Gerard trailed off looking very embarrassed and confused.

Frank was having none of it and he just nodded that he is staying where he is.

Gerard moved to the bedside table and pulled out the lube and a condom. He trashes the other stuff that surrounded it and he puts the rest of the things on the floor or wherever because it's really not time to clean up.

Gerard puts some of the lube on his palm and he thinks about it for a second and then he puts some more.

Frank really has too much faith in Gerard. He is laying there all exposed and vulnerable and he is just waiting for Gerard to take him. That's a lot to process.

Gerard kisses Frank's lips softly and he looks him in the eyes while making a questioning face.

Frank just nods because no words are needed. He tries to relax but it's hard when things like this are happening.

Gerard finds his hole and presses a finger against it; Frank squirms under the touch and takes a deep breath.

He pushes one finger inside him and Frank groans in pain. Gerard's fingers moved tentatively in and out of him, adjusting Frank from one movement to another.

Gerard adds another finger and Frank's eyebrows become more knitted and the expression on his face more concentrated. His lips are dry and Gerard moves closer so he could kiss him.

Frank lets out a huge amount of profanities that are muffled as Gerard's fingers move in and out of him, making him tremble in the process. His head is twisting back in the pillow and his groaning is sounding unbelievably desperate with every second.

"I think-"Frank is cut off by another gasp as he was trying to say something. "I think I am ready now."

Gerard licks his lips and pulls out his fingers, Frank shivers underneath him and tries to compose himself for what is about to come.

Gerard opens the condom and pulls it on himself then he takes hold of Frank's wrist slightly pinning him to his bed. "Don't move, okay?"

Frank doesn't even nod; he just waits there as Gerard puts lube on, all over his length.

Gerard looks ready even though he is probably not, but Frank can't really decipher so he fist the back of Gerard's hair and pulls him closer, wrapping his legs around his waist and putting small pressure to the place right above his ass.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

Gerard pushes inside Frank and he can't help but moan extremely loudly. Luckily there is no one in the house except from them.

His back arches as Gerard pushes inside him deeper than the first time, making Frank moan once more. Gerard is staring at Frank, his expression hungry and pupils blown so much like Frank has never seen before.

Frank feels so many things at once and this feeling is something that can't be compared to anything he ever experienced before.

He can't help but wonder if Gerard will hit his prostate and as much as he wants it to happen he would totally understand if it doesn't happen. This alone is perfectly fine to him.

Gerard is panting hard against Frank's lips and he smacks their lips together and tugs on Frank's bottom lip.

It all feels so unreal, Frank is looking at Gerard and Gerard is looking at Frank. It looks like nothing can make them break eye contact.

Frank meets Gerard's thrusts and Gerard slides so deep inside him that Frank can't make any sound whatsoever.

The headboard is banging against the wall and their panting grows with every second, Frank becoming more louder with every seconds as it passes. Frank is leaking against them and Gerard knows that they are both close.

He is not a big expert in this but at least he had sex before and he tries to hit the spot, he just wants to see Frank squirm, gasp and moan louder until he can't hear anything until only static remains-

Frank's body suddenly jolts and Gerard knows he did it. His body wants to escape the amount of pleasure it's been given but he remains still as Gerard's hands are pinning him by the wrists again.

"Fuck-"Frank practically screams as Gerard continues to rub the spot over and over again, hitting the spot constantly.

Gerard lets go off Frank's wrist and Frank fists the sheets so he can hold still as he is coming rapidly to the edge.

"Fuck, fuck,fuck,fuck, just go." Frank groans hurriedly as he is growing impatient.

The feeling grows inside their chest and the temperature in the room seems to be impossibly hot, the room spins a bit as the only thing that stays in focus are the two of them and the sounds-

Frank comes with a groan and his eyes roll to the back of his head, his muscles contracting all at once, Gerard feeling them all and enjoying the moment.

Sweat is dripping down his back and his comes with force, his mind seems completely blank and he can't think properly as the sensation takes over. They are both surrounded by haze and everything feels so preternatural.

The white sticky substance is all over them and Gerard rides out the aftermath of his climax, his toes still curled because of the feeling.

Frank is looking at him like a miracle and he wipes the sweat off Gerard's forehead, making his strands even more sticked then they were before.

Gerard pulls out and Frank's body naturally winces, his legs unwrap from Gerard's hips and they are lying on top of each other, stomach to stomach, still breathing heavily.

"You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me." Gerard admits, his heart feeling heavily for some reason.

Frank looks up to him and bites his bottom lip, still breathing deeply.

"And I am not afraid to admit it." Gerard continues, stopping to watch Frank's reaction.

Frank slides a little bit under him and Gerard feels scared for the first time in this day. Was he going to leave? All sorts of emotions mixes up inside his head as Frank picks up the duvet that fell to the floor and pulls it back on their naked bodies that were starting to gather the cold that the room held.

He pulls him back down, their hands tracing unknown patterns across their bodies.

"Thank you for giving me anything but ordinary love."

Gerard looks softly at Frank and tries to process it inside his head.

It seems that this is better than any 'I love you' ever heard.

They both gaze into each other's eyes and they snuggle closer, their eyes closing and blinking a few times before the white dots remain in the darkness like on an endless timeline.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> votes and comments would be rad!!
> 
> thank you for reading this


	23. Awful memories of the past

Gerard felt his legs skipping down the street and it was almost improbable that he was this happy.

He was happy after a long time being a sad fuck.

Well, he did fuck and maybe that was the reason behind his happiness.

Frank was, hopefully, happily wrapped in his sheets and Gerard went to the place where they first met.

The bloody hospital.

Of course, the design wasn't bloody but the interior sometimes was.

There was this silent agreement between Frank and Gerard and Gerard was about to go and fulfill that promise.

He needed to do that for himself and for Frank. He wasn't keen on repeating the same mistakes.

Not this time, not now. This was and is important. Frank is something different and his stupid heart skips a beat when he thinks about the things he can do with Frank, going from making him breakfast to tangling his hands in Frank's hair. It was perfect just to think about it. Gerard found himself wondering why he even liked Frank in the first place. Was it because they both had similar issues and they leaned on each other in support? Maybe. Who knows? But at the same time, who cares? They don't, that's for sure.

Gerard needed to go to the hospital so he could see his favorite drug dealer/therapist in the world.

Cassie.

He phoned her so he could tell her that he was on his way and she was surprised that Gerard was on the other side of the line. Gerard found himself ignoring therapy because he felt fine and if he didn't feel fine then he would just go and see another therapist. It was quite easy when he thought about it. But in real life, making appointments and going to those white bricked buildings wasn't as fun.

Frank and Gerard were together now and the therapy policy was that no one can be in a relationship in the same therapy group.

So, the plan was that Gerard leaves therapy and Frank stays in the same group. Frank wanted to be the one who was going to leave the group but Gerard didn't let him; Frank was still living with his parents (who didn't check up on him lately which was totally a weird thing) who took care of him , or well tried to take care of him.

Gerard pressed his hand against the door that leads inside the hospital; he looked up to see a gray stained day that was in no way depressive. Or maybe the day was depressive, he just felt fine.

His fingertips brushed against the ugly door and he passed them and went inside. The second floor was not far away and in no time he was in front of Cassie's door.

He scrambled around his thoughts whether he should knock or just barge in like some peasant. Common sense got to him and as he was about to knock, the door swung open and there she was, Cassie smiling from ear to ear.

She looked high.

There was a high possibility that she was stoned.

Her pupils were dilated and she was holding a muffin in her hand and then she started munching on it like it was her last meal in her life.

Some seconds passed before Cassie spoke up.

"Gerard!" she said with a high pitched scream. "C'mon in. I was waiting for you."

Gerard laughed nervously and speed walked to the white couch. Everything was so sterile in this room except Gerard's grey shirt and black pants and well, something looking like puke on Cassie's shirt. Gerard didn't want to stare more, because it was practically on her boob.

Gerard diverted his gaze to somewhere else and he decided that the best place to stare is at the book shelf. The particular shelf he was looking at was with books about Sigmund Freud.

Great.

If there was one scientist that Gerard hated it was Freud.

Want to know why? Because Freud literally wanted to explain everything through sex. Woman act stressed out? It's because of lack of sex. Woman acts stressed out once again. It's because of too much sex.

Go fuck yourself Sigmund, Gerard said to himself.

Cassie had crumbs in the corners of her lips and Gerard wasn't in the mood to point it out or even laugh about it.

His previously cheerful tone has been replaced with a tired one and he was just waiting to leave.

"So, what can I do for you Gerard?" Cassie emphasized every word in the sentence that she said and Gerard was just amazed with how she managed to do that. It was unbelievable to hear.

Gerard snapped out of his staring contest with his jaw slacked open as he tried to remember the reason why he got here at all.

"Oh, yeah. I can't go to therapy anymore." Gerard spoke sincerely and Cassie just gave him a weird look.

"And why is that?" She said with a cocked eyebrow. She could really transform from looking like she was high to an i-am-judging-you way. Gerard smirked to himself.

"I started dating someone from the group." Gerard fake coughed to distract Cassie from what he said. "So, I can't go to therapy anymore."

Cassie just had her mouth open in a little o shape and her death glare was in full motion now that Gerard looked at her.

"How so and with whom?" she grabbed a pen from the table and lifted a paper that was on the floor.

What the hell was that paper doing on the floor?

Gerard just smiled. There was no way he would ever tell her anything about Frank. This wasn't a session.

This was him leaving for good.

They were glaring, staring and smiling at each other. It was so creepy to be in that situation and Gerard could feel his posture breaking, so he quickly decided to say something that would kick her out of the loop.

"I'll tell you if you stop dealing drugs." Gerard moved his head to the side, smiling knowingly as Cassie's face turned red like a fucking tomato.

"Okay, deal." Cassie spoke with decisiveness.

Gerard flinched. He wasn't expecting this.

"I'll tell you when you stop taking drugs." Gerard said in a threatening voice, even though this wasn't a threat at all. He was just trying to avoid any questions that would put Frank in an uncomfortable position.

He didn't want to make his life miserable.

Cassie just shook her head and Gerard had a little celebration inside himself.

Wow, he didn't really think that he would get away with it.

Cassie stood up and so did Gerard.

She glanced over the door and Gerard figured out the message.

He stepped outside and as Cassie was about to close the door, he decided to leave them in good terms.

"See you Cassie; I hope everything turns out okay for you."

He smiled faintly and she nodded.

"Better watch out Gerard." She said warily. "Don't fuck up like you did the last time you were in a relationship."

Gerard jerked back. Nobody ever mentioned what happened before. What happened before was before and he was trying to forget about it.

"Yeah, you take care of your boyfriend. Wren was it?" Gerard furrowed his eyebrows while he started to remember what Cassie's boyfriend even looks like.

"See you Gerard." Cassie said cheerfully. It was a fake one and it burned Gerard's skin to the bone. He was frustrated because Cassie knew a lot of personal stuff he went through and giving that to a person who should be responsible wasn't the best of ideas.

Gerard left the hall and paced quickly in the direction of his house.

"Hopefully not" Gerard murmured to himself.

Little did Gerard know that the balance of the world wasn't weighting in his advance. The scale was dangerously swaying as the wind blew and his part of the scale was close to the ground.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was like a filler chapter because i needed to explain all of these
> 
> it has only 1.2 k words
> 
> i am pathetic and tired,
> 
> at least i did some art today
> 
> votes and comments would be the radest shit


	24. We like to pretend we are heroes

There are certain moments in life when everything just fucking falls apart. And this was that moment.

Frank was standing by the bookshelf and Gerard was trying to catch his breath after receiving the news. The news was something that he didn’t expect in a million years or so.

Gerard clutched his chest in an attempt to calm himself down. “Someone is trying to kill me?”

Frank just nodded, tears in his eyes pricking and threating to fall out and dissolve when they hit the ground.

“Where did you hear that?” he repeats the question that’s been rolling in his head like tumbleweed.

Frank moves closer to Gerard but stops, unsure of what to do and he says quietly, “Lynz and Ana told me that.”

Gerard stared dangerously at Frank and Frank flinched back instinctively. That look that Gerard was giving him wasn’t pleasant at all and Frank couldn’t help but feel like his life was on the stake here.

“So you trust these people?” Gerard emphasized every word angrily. “You trust these people that you only just practically met? Is that what you are saying?”

Frank nodded slowly.

Gerard just slouched back against the cushions on the couch.

His shoulders started to shake and his hands were shaking. Frank stepped closer and his eyes widened at the scene.

Gerard was crying.

His shoulders went up and down in these short periods of time as he tried to swallow tears back.

Frank paced quickly towards Gerard.

Gerard could feel Frank’s warmth right by his side and then Frank’s arms wrapping around his hips.

He leaned into Frank and then a sudden realization dawned upon him.

“Since when did you know this?” Gerard blinked rapidly and stared at Frank’s face that was merely a few inches away from his. “Frank, answer me.”

Frank swallowed a lump in his throat.

The both of them were on the brick of existing in this moment and Frank couldn’t help but hold onto Gerard even though Gerard was trying to move away.

“Since when, Frank?” Gerard said once more, this time louder than any time before.

Frank cleared his throat and looked at the opposite wall.

“Yesterday, I found about it yesterday.”

Gerard felt like someone punched him in the stomach, very hard and repeatedly.

The room was filled with silence and with occasional quiet sounds that Frank made as his shifted in position.

The silence was broken by a heart wrenching voice that came from Gerard.

“Did you just use me?”

Frank’s eyes widened at the ludicrous question.

Gerard couldn’t help but laugh, but it wasn’t a pleasant laugh, it was a hysterical one.

“Did you just use me for sex?” Gerard repeated this time making it clearer.

Frank just closed his eyes, because that wasn’t true. It was partly true though, he wanted to use every good moment with Gerard and if that came under using then yeah, he did use him.

“No.” Frank said simply, ignoring the stare that Gerard was giving him the whole time.

Gerard sniffled and wiped his tear stained face with his sleeve. He just stood up and walked off to the kitchen.

Frank turned around, pain radiating in his neck as he flinched too hard.

“Look, I didn’t want to tell you because I knew…” frank was cut off by Gerard.

“Because I wouldn’t have sex with you and you wanted to use all the time you had with me because who knows? I might be dead soon.”

The words Gerard said were so bitter that they made Frank cry. He sniffled and his hands flew to his face as he tried to prevent that from happening and to prevent Gerard from seeing something he considered a weakness.

Gerard inhaled and exhaled really quickly when he came to his senses and when he figured out what damage he made when he said this.

He literally went running towards Frank and he wrapped his hands around him. It looked like something that came from a teen movie and Frank was trying to resist him and move him away but Gerard was holding onto Frank so tightly, there was no way of escaping the hug that Gerard forced Frank into.

“I am sorry, okay? I didn’t want to say that.” Gerard apologized, his words muffled as he talked in the crook of Frank’s neck.

They both just stayed in silence for a good minute until Gerard’s grip loosened around Frank and he stepped back to give Gerard some space.

“It isn’t like someone wants to kill you every day.” Gerard laughed and Frank looked up to see the broken shell of a boy who was standing with one foot in his grave.

If the information that he got were true.

“I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Frank said through his gritted teeth, he was still fighting his tears and he needed to get it off his chest but the constant reminder of being weak stuck in his head and Frank breathed hard to fight it.

A few tears slipped away nonetheless.

“I kind of did use you and I am sorry for that but I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Frank admitted, his fists clenching in misery that he was experiencing.

“If what you said was true, then I am glad you used me.” Gerard smiled and Frank couldn’t help but smile too.

Gerard’s tiny teeth showed and Frank wanted to kiss him forever but this wasn’t the time and they were both scared and broken and they were, in fact, falling apart.

“What do we do?” Frank asked while his tone rose as the question progressed.

Gerard felt lost for words because he didn’t know what he or they were supposed to do. Someone was trying to kill him and the fear he felt was crippling inside him and it was making him stop in his tracks. He wasn’t able to move or to think properly because he didn’t know what the matter was at all.

“Do you even know who might be behind this?” Frank questioned as he placed his hands on Gerard’s shoulders.

Gerard just resulted in shaking his head.

Frank’s hands are shaking because Gerard’s whole body is shaking and he could feel that Gerard is on the very end of freaking the fuck out.

Gerard griped out of Frank’s hands and ran to the door to lock it. He rummages through the stuff on the shelf near the couch and finds a key that he then places it on the table and runs to the window and closes it with a bang.

Mikey comes down the stairs to see his brother shaking and Frank looking like they both had a fight but there is something else going on and Mikey could feel it.

He just made the nod with his head towards Frank that somehow signaled “Hey, what the hell is going on?”

Frank came closer to Mikey and when he was about to say what was happening, Gerard was the one who stopped him.

“No, don’t you dare say anything.” Gerard warned Frank and Frank just stood there silently while he picked the hem of his shirt.

Mikey was dumb folded and he stared at his brother in a search for an answer.

Gerard just smiled like this was the most ordinary situation ever.

“Mikey, everything is fine. Just go upstairs in your room.”

Frank wanted to shout but ratting out Gerard won’t hurt Mikey in any way. It might hurt Gerard but his life was hanging on a thin line and he had the audacity to lie to his brother.

“Somebody is trying to kill your fucking brother.” Frank shouted and Mikey’s glance fell to Gerard.

Gerard clicked his tongue furiously at Frank.

Mikey paced down the stairs as quickly as he could.

“What the hell, Gerard? Why wouldn’t you tell me this?” Mikey shouted at Gerard and Gerard’s eyes were wide and his pupils blown in anger.

Frank was falling apart because all of this was just too fucking much for him.

Everything was falling apart right in front of him and the feeling was unbearable.

Mikey puckered his lips in anger. “Is it him?”

Gerard looked up and glances between Mikey and Frank.

Mikey looked confused and broken while the confusion ruled over frank.

“Who is he, Gerard? You told me you didn’t know who was after you.” Frank shouted and whispered as he tried to calm himself down but it was obvious that he was doing a crappy job at that.

Gerard raised his hands in defense. “I might know who is behind this and this might not even be true. What do we know…”

Mikey was startled from the sound that came from the front of the apartment.

There was a loud knock on the door and the three of them could hear someone talking outside the door.

Mikey was already turning the knob when Gerard wanted to shout to tell Mikey to stop in his tracks but it was too late and at proximately ten people ran inside the Way house.

Luckily, the people who ran in were girls.

In this case Lynz, Ana, Jamia, Christa, Alicia and a few other girls stormed in to see three confused and scared boys standing in the living room.

Lindsey was the one who stepped out and saw Frank literally shaking.

“Lock the goddamn door.”

Jamia picked up the key that was on the table and tossed it to Ana who, somehow miraculously caught it and locked it.

“Gerard Way.” Christa said, her tone coming out rather creepy.

“We’ve been looking for you.” Ana finished off as her glance trailed off to Frank who was now, sitting on the cold tile that was a step on the staircase.

Gerard stepped in front of Mikey and Frank in a protective manner. “Did he hire you to kill me?”

Lindsey snorted at that and looked at Frank instead of Gerard.

“We were supposed to but the Christian spirit is still alive in all of us, so we decided against it.”

Gerard smiled in this miserable time as he felt like everything was collapsing right in front of him.

Frank stood up, his butt turned cold and he scanned over the girls. “So what are you doing here then?”

Alicia clicked her tongue and said, “Every once in a while, we like to pretend we are heroes and save people and pretentious, impossible shit like that.”

Mikey looked up to her, hope visible in his eyes.

“Have you ever managed to do that?”

Alicia just smiled sadly at Mikey and whispered, “No, we didn’t.”

Mikey’s glance fell to the floor and the whole room went silent. He felt scared and Gerard felt so distant at the moment. Frank on the other hand, was vibrating with fear.

These girls stood tall but all of them never actually encountered anything serious as this.

Lindsey and Jamia were the ones who were standing tall and being brave for the rest of the group and the only one who was sending sympathetic glances towards Frank was Anastasia.

“So who’s trying to kill ya?” Christa said in fake chirpy voice.

Gerard just looked around the room, his glance scanning over the windows.

“I am not sure.”

All of the girls rolled their eyes at that, Lindsey being the one who did it way more dramatically then she intended.

“Cut the fucking bullshit.” Ana was the first to snap, all of the people glancing at her in shock and disbelief. Ana was usually the one that was always calm or at least a pacifist who never insulted people or used swear words that much.

Frank swallowed a lump in his throat. “Maybe this is all a big joke and no one is actually after anyone.”

Everyone just looked at Frank in a ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ way and he muttered a quiet ‘sorry’ as the room began to be more heated with people who were pacing up and down.

Gerard felt like this was a moment when he needed to speak before everyone loses their minds.

“I think it’s someone I didn’t even knew that well.”

All the girls turned around and faced Gerard.

There was a sound at door and it was the bell this time.

No one was supposed to visit them and all the girls who were there with the Lindsey were there.

No one who Mikey and Gerard knew was supposed to come, especially not this early.

Ana wanted to peek in the peephole when they all heard a loud bang from the front door.

And in those short seconds, someone kicked in the door and the room was filled with unknown people.

The only thing that was on Frank’s mind was, no more, no less than ‘Fuck’.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this stupid fic is almost done
> 
> this chapter has 2k words
> 
> votes and comments would be rad
> 
> tag yourself as stupid things in this chapter


	25. Then blame me

Imagine sounds of choking and screaming encompassed in few seconds.

Did you?

Okay, let’s move on.

Now, imagine a room filled with people who are carrying guns and knives and are, in fact, ready to kill?

Did you?

No doubt you did, it probably wasn't very hard when we are talking about America.

Now, final thing, imagine someone’s hands around your throat, squeezing the life out of you as your legs are trying to push the person who is doing that to you.

Did you?

I hope you did.

Now that you did all that, you can imagine the situation in the Way house. There were unknown people tossing things around, smashing everything in their way and the girls who came into the Way house were fucking terrified and not really helpful. It wasn’t their fault though, anyone who found themselves in a situation like this would be frozen and wouldn’t move or anything like that.

It wasn’t their fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

Mikey was screaming and so was Frank but Mikey wasn’t moving and his frantic breathing wasn’t good for him or for anyone in this room who wasn’t intending to kill someone.

But on the other hand, the ones that did were probably enjoying his screams like it was music to their ears.

People can always go around blaming others for things they’ve done wrong, but this time, no one, literally no one was to blame.

As in every cliché story ever made, this one is also like that.

You may ask why? Sure you can. The answer is that this is nothing but a huge misunderstanding.

Something like when you whisper in somebody’s ear and they get it all wrong.

Yeah, something like that…

You may also ask yourself, what the hell is going on? Who is being murdered? Who is choking who? Why is this all happening? Why is Mikey frozen in place? Why is Frank trying to claw out the person who is holding Gerard by the throat?

The answers lie in what Gerard has feared from the beginning.

It all started in therapy sessions, long ago-

“Please, stop, no, I didn’t do anything wrong, please don’t.” Gerard struggled to pronounce the words as the hands of an unknown person squeezed tighter around his throat.

Frank grabbed a vase and smashed it against the attacker’s head.

The attacker slouched down with a loud thump on the floor and the words coming out of his mouth were pretty unintelligible.

Every single person that came in with the attacker froze in place and all of them just looked around each other. Their faces painted a confused picture and none of them were moving or attacking.

Lynz stepped out in front of them, her face red with anger. “What the hell?” She shouted angrily.

“What are you all just standing there for?" Lindsey waved her hands frantically, “why don’t you attack or something?”, her face was the shade of a firefighter vehicle. “C’mon!” she shouted once again at which the people, the boys around them flinched back.

The bravest of them stepped up little closer.

“This is not our fight to fight.”

And the whole bunch of these people left the room without looking back.

Every single person was almost out and then the last one turned around and sadly whispered, “just don’t kill him, okay?”

Lindsey and her girls and Mikey, Frank and a barely breathing Gerard nodded to which the boy answered, “he is just blinded with revenge.”

Gerard slouched down on the floor next to the unknown man while his breathing was coming to its normal pace as Frank laid his hand on Gerard’s shoulder in order to soothe him.

Lynz paced around the room as all of the people tried to calm themselves down for a second.

“Okay, Gerard. Who the fuck is this?” Mikey said exasperated with his tone being slightly quieter than usual.

Gerard looked around the room in a search of an answer he didn’t have. “Trust me on this one. I really don’t know.”

Frank swallowed a lump in his throat and helped Gerard to stand up. His hand trailed down Gerard’s back and he could feel Gerard leaning into him for emotional and physical support.

“What the hell is going on?” Frank whispered in Gerard’s ear to which Gerard squirmed immensely.

They were all standing around, shifting from feet to feet, looking at each other uncomfortably as their gaze fell on the man who was lying on the floor, sprawled out in a shape of a star.

Gerard looked around to see all of them looking petrified. This minor incident where he almost got choked was nothing to him but it seemed like everyone else was having a fit over it.

It was a serious fit, though, he had to admit that.

Frank clutched his side and as he did that they all heard moaning coming from the man on the floor.

Gerard came down to his side, looking worried as heck as he flipped the man on his back.

Frank looked at Gerard warily because, to hell with it, he would never help a dude that just attacked him, not even for a second, never.

The man started to wake up from his short unconsciousness and as his eyes opened up, the first thing he saw was Gerard and his pupils widened and his eyebrows knitted.

“Get the fuck off of me.” The man spat out angrily as he pushed Gerard to the side with what was left out of his strength.

Gerard looked at Frank for some comfort but Frank’s eyes seemed cold and distant and that hurt Gerard, that hurt Gerard a lot.

He turned his glance back to the man that was also on the floor as he was and he tried to give him a sympathetic look but Gerard was failing miserably.

“Who the hell are you?” Gerard questioned firmly in an attempt to cause some fear in this man that caused him more fear than he ever caused someone else fear.

The man squirmed uncomfortably as his mouth was shut. It was quite obvious that he wasn’t planning on speaking.

Ana approached from the back and she was holding a wallet in her hands.

“Is this yours?” She said innocently with a coy smile.

The man squirmed on the floor as he shot dirty looks over at Ana.

Ana started to slowly open the wallet and she saw that there was some money in it but that wasn’t what she was going for.

She pulled out the ID and looked at Gerard.

“His name is Joe.” Ana stated, her eyebrows furrowing at the last name. “Do you know any Joe, Gerard?”

Gerard just shook his head.

“Maybe all of this is just a big misunderstanding. “Frank stated to which the guy just snorted and Frank couldn’t resist punching him with his leg, so he did and a small sound of pain escaped the man’s mouth as he tried to control the pain caused by Frank’s leg.

“Maybe everybody got everything wrong.” Gerard said hopefully to which he was interrupted by Ana speaking again.

“His last name is McCracken.” Ana said almost matter of-factly, almost happily because she didn’t know what lay behind that last name.

Gerard’s face went from happiness to a sour and a sad expression in seconds and Frank caught that sudden change and he felt like his whole world just tumbled down because he thought that Gerard told him everything crucial about himself and his past.

But guess that wasn’t the truth.

“Oh, look at that sour face.” Joe spoke up for the first time. “How lovely is to see all your hopes falling into water.”

Everybody was glancing between Joe and Gerard like it was a tennis match and no one had the guts to speak so Frank decided that it was his turn to have some balls and actually speak up.

“What happened?” Frank questioned rather indirectly but everyone knew what he was hinting at.

Gerard bit his bottom lip and looked at Frank because Frank was the one who deserved an explanation not Joe nor anyone else.

“Uhm, this is hard to explain but shit…” Gerard covered his eyes because they were on the verge of crying and the tears were threating to fall because what happened was important and it mattered to him.

“Okay.” Gerard took a sharp inhale. “A few years ago I was dating this guy, this one guy I met in therapy.”

Frank swallowed a lump in his throat because of that.

“And he wasn’t stable and neither was I. We had that in common.” Gerard licked his lips while everyone was waiting desperately in anticipation.

“The two of us dated for a long time back then and it was all perfectly fine. We went to therapy even though it was against the rules. You know the rules, Frank. I wasn’t intending on making the same mistake twice.” Gerard raised his look from the floor to Frank again as Frank’s eyes were dangerously watering. Gerard shook his head lightly and continued. “As I said, we’ve been dating and I considered him to be my first love. Or that was what I thought, I really relied on him and he did on me but I think I was more in need of relying than he needed relying.”

Joe snorted while still sitting on the floor and he once again got kicked by Lynz, this time in the stomach.

“So, yeah, well, that wasn’t the problem. That wasn’t the problem, he didn’t mind me and he didn’t mind that I was so attached to him. I wasn’t bothering him.” Gerard looked up to the ceiling in order to prevent the tears from falling but one tear slipped down his cheek.

“The problem was that when I started to get better, I didn’t ask for a lot of attention and I was detaching myself.” Gerard sniffled as the room was in bitter silence. “We went to therapy one day, I can’t even remember what day it was, or what month and it’s just all such a blur now.”

Frank shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he glanced back at Mikey who was staring at the floor and wiping his eyes as he pretended on not listening to Gerard.

“The therapy sessions are always intense. There are people who always react badly and that was nothing weird to all of us. What can we fucking say, we are fucking sensitive.” He laughed a hoarse laugh as everybody stared at him in the room sadly except Joe who was shooting death glares.

“I- this one person who I can’t even remember the name of was talking about their day and their experiences and after a while that person said how they could never do drugs and that didn’t set me off because I knew that was someone speaking generally. Unfortunately, it set Bert off.” Gerard and Joe flinched at the mention of his name.

“Bert thought that the person directed that to me and he launched himself at that person and there was a massive fight, fists flew around and I couldn’t stop Bert from beating the shit out of that kid.” Gerard stopped once again to breathe because this story was fucking hard for him to tell.

“When the fight stopped, everybody cooled down and I thought everything was fine. The therapy session ended and we all went home. I kissed Bert goodbye and he said he was sorry for overreacting. I-well, yelled at him for the overreaction even though I wasn’t that mad. I was just surprised at his behavior because he did suffer from many illnesses and that aggression was usually hidden by medication. This time the meds weren’t enough and the aggression resurfaced.”

Frank stopped and looked at Joe. “What happened then?”

Gerard exhaled after holding his breath for far too long and continued, “Bert never came home.”

Frank stopped in his tracks and turned around, his face painting a shocked picture. Everyone else was probably shocked too but Frank couldn’t concentrate on anyone else but Gerard and occasionally Joe.

“How, I mean why?” Frank asked as he turned around to face Joe who was crying for two minutes now and nobody gave a fuck because the story was revealing too many things that were under the question mark for so long.

“The kid that Bert beat up had a group of friends who weren’t as peaceful as him and they waited for him in one street that no one passes and they beat him up real bad.” Gerard was now full on sobbing and all the girls looked so uncomfortable. “They beat him up real bad, okay? He was bleeding on that street for so long until someone saw him and tried to drive him to the hospital but it was too late. It was too fucking late. Fucking late, it was too late and I wasn’t there to help him.”

Frank practically ran to Gerard and his arms embraced the sobbing mess that was once Gerard and the both of them were shaking, Gerard with pain in his chest and Frank with pain all over his body over seeing his boyfriend falling to pieces.

Everybody looked at Joe and his eyes were red and puffy like he was crying since Bert died.

Well, maybe he was.

Gerard started to breathe properly as Frank instructed him to and he looked at Joe who looked like a bigger mess that Gerard and said, “whatever you were trying to do to me won’t bring your brother back and you know it.” Joe looked away with a grimace on his face and with a first expression the face has before crying.

“Nothing can bring him back. Joe, do you hear me? Revenge won’t help in any way, I am sorry but it won’t.” Gerard finished as he slid down on the floor next to Frank’s shoes.

Joe looked like he wanted to claw his face off and it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Everybody looked so distressed and even Lindsey, the tough girl that lead a girl gang shed a tear.

“I am sorry.” Joe apologized really quietly. “I am so fucking sorry; I always thought you were the one that killed him. I thought it was you, I am sorry.”

Gerard looked disappointed and distressed because he couldn’t believe that someone could actually believe that he’d kill his first love.

“I know you still think it’s my fault but nothing can change what happened.” Gerard finished, his hand running through his hair as he tried to calm himself down completely.

“I still want to blame someone.” Joe said bitterly.

Gerard looked back to Frank who was looking like he might fall apart every second.

“Then blame me.”

And with that Joe’s eyes lit up a little more and Gerard’s soul felt a little bit more at peace and the girls looked a lot less tense and everything seemed okay.

As okay it can get.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are only three chapters to go i am a bit anxious.
> 
> this fic altogether has around 90k words and i think when i finish it's gonna have 100k words
> 
> fuck man that's a lot
> 
> votes and comments are rad
> 
> also comment what you think might happen in the end of this fic


	26. Wipe that smile off your face

"Hold this." The flower was in their hands as they were both waiting for something to happen. It seemed oddly peculiar to stand on a roof in the middle of the night while holding a normal flower, a rose to be precise as they were looking up to the sky which was funny enough, completely absent of clouds. That was a comforting feeling, especially when you live in New Jersey which is a city which never fails to have the same fucking weather all over again, every day, every month, all the time, the same.

It's horrible.

But this night was different, there was something different about it and Frank could feel his muscles getting more relaxed as Gerard's hands were more on him than on the flower or the roof. There was a serious danger of falling down but if they fall down, they fall together.

"Let me hold it, oh my god, you are just finding excuses to hold my hand." Frank whined while slightly smirking at Gerard who was no more, no less then totally holding his hand out of that reason.

"I don't need an excuse to hold your hand." Gerard replied, his lips forming a small 'o' after saying the sentence with which he tried to lace the sentence and his expression with sarcasm but it wasn't working.

Frank wasn't buying it for a second.

The flower was in between their left hands and their right hands were intertwined together.

It was so cliché and whoever saw them probably puked because it was gross to see the love in their eyes.

Luckily, they were on a roof and Mikey was at Pete's and the girls were at Lynz's house. The only person that could see them was some alien that had really good binoculars which could see all the way from wherever they were to earth.

So, if there was an alien, they probably were puking right now.

They sat on the roof, their backs in an uncomfortable position as they were lying on the red bricked roof, their eyes fixated on the sky, their hands intertwined and the flower laid right beside Gerard.

Frank exhaled and Gerard's head tipped closer to Frank as he looked somewhere at the corner of his mouth. He wasn't doing it on purpose, of course he wasn't, and it just turned out to be that way.

"Why are you looking at my mouth?" Frank giggled softly at what Gerard couldn't help but blush immensely.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose." Gerard stated the truth, his eyebrows knitted as he contemplated if what he was doing was really true.

"Sure, you aren't." Frank replied disbelievingly, his head turning to Gerard's.

Their faces were inches away and Frank was trying to move slightly closer so he could cover the distance between them.

Frank's lips hovered over Gerard's and he looked at him one more time before pressing his lips to the soft surface of Gerard's lips. Their bodies moved closer to each other and even if they were still afraid of falling, they still moved slowly so they could get more of each other in their hands. Frank could feel Gerard's warmth and his mouth made this stupid smacking noise when they kissed but it didn't matter, it didn't matter at all, especially not in those moments when fucking, stupid, annoying little insects called butterflies roamed around in Frank's stomach, then it was worth it all. It was worth it all.

Gerard placed his hand on Frank's hip and their crotches were dangerously close to each other.

They weren't intending on doing it on the roof, they weren't insane, maybe later in the safety of Gerard's bed.

Frank was enjoying himself, to be completely honest, he lied to his mom about being at friend's house for a project and a sleepover and his mom bought it (even though Frank was reluctant in leaving his house because his mother was acting real friendly and letting him do these late night projects which were actually hot make out sessions with Gerard).

Frank could feel Gerard's tongue sliding over his own and that sent shivers down his spine, he immediately reciprocated and they were stuck there on the roof, their hands barely containing themselves on one spot but flowing all over their bodies.

Gerard moved away slightly, his lips travelling down Frank's neck, his mouth leaving soft, warm and wet kisses until Frank felt a little pain on his collarbone because Gerard was giving him a stupid hickey.

It didn't matter, it was on his collarbone and even if he wanted to hide it, there was makeup and at least he knew how to apply fucking makeup.

Gerard was on his elbows and his stomach and even in the darkness Frank could see how red Gerard's lips were and how swollen they looked like. He raised his hands to Gerard's lips so he could feel them and his fingers were tracing the lines that Gerard's mouth created in the process. Gerard kissed Frank's fingertips and to conclude his fingertip quest, Frank swiped Gerard's bottom lip and left his face alone.

Gerard couldn't help but approach Frank even more, so he threw himself, literally, threw himself on Frank who in the effect of that action, stopped breathing for a second. His head sank between Frank's shoulder and head and he comfortably settled himself even though he knew for a fact that Frank wasn't in the most of comfortable positions. Frank could feel Gerard nuzzling in the crook of his neck and it was tickling him, all those stray strands of Gerard's hair were getting there and he couldn't help but squirm.

"Get off of me." Frank said jokingly as he couldn't stop laughing when Gerard started to put his sharp edges all over Frank's body where it wasn't covered in clothes and that was mostly his neck and it was tickling him way too much, he couldn't handle it.

Gerard smiled broadly, his teeth showing and the crinkles around his eyes appearing from smiling too much.

"Are you ticklish?" Gerard laughed way too loud in a part of the town where everyone was securely cuddled in their bedrooms, sleeping, because it was three am.

Frank put his hand over Gerard's mouth but it couldn't stay there for long because he felt Gerard biting on the inside of his palm.

"That was disgusting, don't do that." Frank replied, his palm swiping over Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard looked at him with the most pathetically, in love facial expression ever and said, "I would never do anything to you without your permission."  
Frank just nodded, because he knew what Gerard said was true and he didn't even mean to start a discussion on it.

It was weird for Frank to lay here with a boy who he barely knew and yet he felt like there's no secret that maybe he should know.

Frank felt like that now after this incident with Joe went okay, there will be no more skeletons in Gerard's closet, but he was probably wrong as he was usually.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked Gerard, Gerard's mouth hanging open as he tried to sort out a sentence in his head.

The both of them knew that this question was to do about what happened with Joe and what secrets Gerard tried to bury, but they were not his to bury.

"I think I am okay." Gerard replied while giving Frank his best sympathetic smile.

Frank wondered more about the things that he doesn't know about Gerard and he could feel a question coming to his mind and as always his tongue was faster than his brain.

"Do you have any other skeletons in the closet?" Frank caught himself saying that and his hand flew to his mouth, but it was too late to prevent the question.

Gerard eyed Frank suspiciously like he's never eyed someone like that before saying, "not really, all the things that I tried to put away were about Bert and I did that. Well, most of it, at least." Gerard spoke trutfully and Frank was there to absorb every word he said.

"What are your skeletons in the closet?" Gerard pouted while smirking to himself because whatever Frank had as a skeleton in his closet was probably mild and not dangerous at all.

Frank blushed real fucking hard and he couldn't help but feel all the redness.

"Uh, he's blushing, everybody." Gerard jokingly directed the sentence at no one in particular.

"I... Fuck it." Frank swallowed a little lump in his throat that wasn't a problem but he was being pretty dramatic for his standards or that was at least what Gerard thought.

"I had a crush on a priest."

Gerard's jaw fell down and he couldn't stop himself from giggling like a maniac that he totally wasn't.

"No way!" Gerard made sure that he makes that pun every day.

"Yes, way." Frank replied, his face a little bit sulked and a little tired, a perfect combination of both.

"Before you say anything, let me finish, he was a young hot priest with black hair and now that I look at it, he looks a bit like you, not that that matters but he was cool and also weird, he hanged out with this bunch of dudes who worked at a tattoo shop which was the weirdest and the coolest thing I've seen."

Gerard intently listened to Frank and he concentrated on the words coming out of his mouth and not the mouth itself.

"And then one day, he just disappeared. Some people say that he left the priesthood and how he married some chick, other people say that he is with a guy but all in all, I am glad that his doing whatever he's doing."

Gerard's face was totally serious and Frank was so surprised to see his face in a neutral expression and then in a few milliseconds, Gerard started to laugh so fucking loud, his lungs were threatening to burst.

He threw his head back and Frank's hand flew to his mouth because that laugh was way too loud for this time of the night.

Gerard stopped laughing eventually and his smile faltered on his lips.

He looked back to Frank who was content with Gerard's lack of laughing and his eyes were fixed on the night sky.

Gerard couldn't help but stare at him; he couldn't help but stare because this moment was completely beautiful in its entire essence. Every detail, every inhale they took was perfect. Even if they couldn't be considered beautiful, this moment was somehow managing to make it perfect.

Gerard hated the word 'perfect' and so did Frank, it was a thing that no one used to compliment them and it was something that they never even wanted to use.

They knew that they would never use that word because it didn't mean much. It was subjective and their hearts were too big and their souls too pure to think like that.

Thinking outside the box was fun and nobody knew that besides them. You can pass through your life and people gave each other pieces of them so they think they knew much, when in reality they maybe know ten percent of that person's life.

Frank and Gerard were giving each other pieces of each other more and more, every day slowly, with every smile, with every touch, with every brush of skin and a whisper against their skin.

And it was perfect.

-

The anger subsided and he was left alone in his room, his eyes puffy from crying after realizing he's been hunting the wrong person. He wasted six months of his life on chasing this person who did nothing to his brother. But they did do something, they were there at that moment and Bert was the one who tried to run away and he was so intoxicated with this person that it got him dead.

If he didn't try to protect Gerard's honor, none of this would've happen and his brother would be alive and well, and maybe even mentally stable and sitting next to him as they played poker or some sibling shit like that. Or maybe he would just be alive and that would be good too. That would be the best thing ever.

But that wasn't the reality and he needed someone to blame and Gerard offered to blame him. His soul was more relaxed with the knowledge that Gerard felt guilty too because damn well, everybody knew deep down that it was his fault.

And Joe couldn't help but feel mad.

So he picked up the phone and typed out the number he memorized a thousand times now.

The bell rang as it did every time and he felt more vengeful than ever, even more than when he wrapped his fingers around Gerard's throat.

And the person finally picked up.

"Hello?" the female voice said cheerfully and Joe felt more disgusted with the fact that he would make that smile on the woman's face disappear with just few words.

"Hello, Ms. Iero?" Joe said, his vengeful smile appearing on his lips.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahhh peeps, hello there is only one chapter left of this and ugh i am really sorry for the next chapter when it comes.
> 
> thank you for reading this chapter.
> 
> votes an comments would be super cool rad and also what do you think will happen in the last chapter?


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